One of the things that Mr Peony and I like so much about our venue is that they include so many things in their package. While brides who want total control over every last detail of her wedding may find this disagreeable, we saw it as a time and money saver. For example, we do not need to rent tables, chairs, dinnerware, or linens. We don’t even need to seek out a bakery because a wedding cake is included in the package too.
However, they also include menus, seating cards, and direction cards. The samples they showed us were not bad at all, but very plain. I told myself that I will make my own because I wanted to add the additional personalization.
Fast forward three months. Mr Peony and I are now at that time in the wedding planning process when a lot of the major things are done. We are at that period where the smaller, less fun things like booking transportation are on our to-do list. In addition, between increased responsibilities at work for both of us and buying the condo, wedding planning just doesn’t seem as important anymore. And I almost feel like I’m doing something horrible by writing this on Weddingbee. 
So with this in mind, lately I’ve been contemplating not making our own menus, seating cards/chart, and direction cards. And doing away with bathroom baskets, newsletters, and tissue packets. I haven’t made any decisions yet and everything is still up in the air.
My question to everyone is: does it really matter? Do people really notice these things? Whenever I’m at a wedding and I see something personalized and cute I think to myself, “that’s nice” but I never think less of the wedding or the bride and groom’s tastes if they don’t have much special touches. What do you think?
Miss Peony, you are awesome for vocalizing this. Being detail oriented, I do notice those things if they are there, but don’t really pay any attention if they are not. If they are included, go with them! Not only does it save time, but it will save money.
If you do decide to DIY some of it, in my mind it would make the most sense to DIY the menu cards- doing the placecards seems like it could take forever, and I’m not sure how much directions can really be personalized.
What matters is that you are happy, healthy, and well rested on your wedding day. Extras are just that — extra!
Of everything on your list, not sure you can skip some kind of seating cards/chart, unless there’s a lot of extra seating available at your venue. We hand-wrote ours (calligraphy pen, best handwriting) on purchased Crane’s cards — super easy, and once the guests were assigned to tables, writing them up took 15 minutes the day before, no biggie.
If it helps you feel better to skip some of the other stuff: People do their own online maps and have them in the car. They’ll eat what’s put in front of them, menu or no. Tissue packets would be the absolute last thing I would worry about; plus it seems a little presumptous to suggest that they should be emotional and crying and therefore need a whole thing of tissues, and not just any tissues, but personalized bride-approved tissues. Most people do carry their own, not to worry!
Simplify your life. Set yourself free!
I think people won’t really care, and only a small fraction will even notice. That being said, I’d probably make my own menu cards because I’d want them to coordinate with the centerpieces, and it’s not like they need to be individually personalized like seating cards, so they’re easier.
As for directions cards, I wouldn’t bother. People are just going to Mapquest the address anyway.
And I wouldn’t bother with the bathroom basket (at least not decorating one, I might put a box of safety pins and band-aids out just in case), tissue packets, or newsletters. Especially newsletters; if people want to know about your wedding, they’ll ask, and you can tell them in person. 
blach–i’m burnt out on wedding stuff myself.
I think crazy wedding obsessed people like me will notice 
but of course, I bet this will account for 1% of your wedding invitees. So dont create more stress for yourself if you dont have the time to diy!
I’ve had these same thoughts as well. And this is what I remind myself of: I’m not inviting 150 knotties/bees to my wedding. I’m inviting 150 people who don’t reguarly read bridal blogs and magazines.
I think DIY is great, in fact, I definitely plan on including some personal items in my own wedding! But I think it’s more b/c I will be happy to see it there, and happy to see photos of it afterwards, but not b/c I know that guests will notice it. Guests remember the “feeling” at a wedding.
And don’t feel bad, you’re not alone. I’ve definitely had moments similar to yours too!
Maybe you could prioritize what you’d like to personalize. I’d personally say menus first, placecards second and directions last. People definitely noticed the personal touches at my wedding but for something that sits in the car during the event, such as directions– it’s probably not necessary to go the extra mile. See what you have time for and just do what you can.
agreed! i think only brides or soon to be brides will pick up on the DIY details, but the average person may not even notice. so relax.. you’re normal to not care about bathroom baskets and seating cards.
If it’s there I notice, if it’s not I don’t. Then again I’m usually too engrossed in chatting it up with friends, dancing, and of course planning my second round of attack on the wedding cake. I think if your agenda is to have your wedding published in MS weddings, then by all means get crackin. But I definetly won’t think less of a friend for not have a bathroom basket (sorry but the thought of a bathroom basket sounds silly!!!)
I think people notice the things you mentioned when they are there. They are nice little touches. I don’t think anyone notices that they aren’t there. That’s why I call them “extras.” I have a list of these “extras” that I’d like to be able to provide for my guests if I have the time to make them. If I don’t, I don’t think they’ll cry over it (plus, they wouldn’t have any special tissues to wipe their tears with )
I’m rewinding through past weddings, and I don’t recall ever saying “Hmph. Plain, mass-produced escort cards.” But I don’t recall fancy DIY escort cards, either (and as a scrapbooker, I’d probably still have them somewhere if they existed), so they must have had plain cards.
And I left the bathroom baskets in another state accidentally, and no one came running up to report they were missing.
Do what’s important to you. Things will drop off the bottom of the list of what’s important as you get closer to the big day. Let them. They weren’t that important.
I agree with above posts….if it’s there I think “oh that’s nice” but I almost NEVER notice if it is absent. And somtimes I think it kind of backfires…like if there are too many of those little details I think “man she went overboard” or “they really shouldn’t have spent the money on this little thing.” And there are some details I’m just not into at all…like “tears of joy” packets. Everytime I see them I roll my eyes…but I know others may love it.
I say pick one or two things and do them well then let the others slide.
I don’t notice things when they’re missing! but i do notice if things are unorganized. i think most people don’t really notice that stuff and they’re just ‘nice to have.’
I were to choose some things to personalize, it would be the items that guests will be looking at the longest. for example, the wedding programs, since guests will be arriving at the ceremony a bit early and waiting around.
anyway, you are soooooooo lucky to have a venue with so much included!! that’s awesome!
A wedding is personalized by your ceremony, your dance, your presence. Each wedding I’ve been to was so different whethered DIYed or not. Having said that, we got married last month - our DIYed slipper basket and our very basic bathroom basket were a hit - but a lot of our guests were foreign and had never seen either at a wedding. The most important thing in relation to what we DIYed (menus, programs, escort cards, candy bags) was that it was easy, inexpensive and I had time. Key thing - do what will make both the wedding and the time leading up to it enjoyable.
At the core, people only care about whether the bride and groom are happy and whether they have great friends who support them. If the couple looks happy and like they’re having a good time, the guests will too.
You could have a $150,000 wedding tons of details, but if the couple looks stressed or unsure of themselves, non of that will matter.
Jen put it best! These people aren’t judging your day with a score card (favors…check!, menus….check!). And the only prize to be won is your marriage. I saw do what you like and leave out things that are going to add stress.
I put an invitation together without an rsvp or direction card. If they were coming, they’d call or email. If they needed to know how to get there, they can mapquest.
Miss Eggplant also has a great point…make what you have organized.
i love what jen said, “i’m not inviting 150 knotties/bees to my wedding”. i totally have to keep that in mind because i’m driving myself nuts over the small stuff!
I was having a similar problem deciding about whether or not to letterpress menus, make fan programs, etc. The price DIFFERENCE was over $1000. At some point I realized that unless I plan to have my wedding in a magazine, it’s not that big a deal.
an easy alternative to bathroom baskets is a set of nice handsoap/lotions - even if only in the girls room! quick to buy (Victoria Secret, Bath & Body Works) and check off your list, and a nice little touch for the girls that do notice those kind of things.
i think bathroom baskets are another one of those things that got added as a wedding “necessity” when only a short time ago it was an “extra.” when i go to a wedding i expect the bathrooms to be just regular ol’ public bathrooms…bathroom baskets are just full of nice freebies =).
you could also skip the tissue packets. i’ve never been to a wedding where the majority of people teared up, no matter how touching the event was!
if the venue provides things that mean less work for you, that’s great! i’d use ‘em =).
maybe i’m just overly practical…
I just have to quote my favorite wedding philosopher, Sulla: “If you want to make your wedding better, make it richer in FEELING, not stuff!”
Stuff is nice. But the heart of the wedding will be the meaningful ceremony and the joy that your friends and family feel from celebrating it with you!
As someone who can be directionally challenged (especially somewhere unfamiliar to me), I always appreciate it when people take the time to write out clear, concise directions from a been-there-done-that point of view. Sometimes Mapquest really sucks! So for me, that would be my priority for DIY - just for the directionally-challenged like me! =)
I think it’s important to consider whether you would enjoy doing those projects. One thing your guests will notice is how much you’re enjoying your day and that joy rubs off. If you’re stressing about this, then I say skip it. But if doing a project like that would be theraputic or something you could look forward to (in small steps maybe), then maybe you want to go through the extra effort.
This planning stuff can be overwhelming, especially as I see what everyone else is doing. I just want to make sure that the fun is still in it the whole way through.
I agree, don’t sweat the small stuff - they are much more to remember the food and feel of the wedding than any unnecessary extras!
I say do what is most important to you. Put things in perspective… Is the project really worth the added time and stress? If it is, then go for it. If it’s not, then forget about it. Honestly… I like to think that guests most remember about the wedding is the feel of the event overall, and the happiness and love shared… that’s the most important thing, after all!
With regards to the projects you mentioned… instead of individual menus or a menu per table, why not just type up the menu on some pretty paper and put it in a frame near the escort cards? Much simpler and less stressful. For bathroom baskets… literally just get a basket and throw a few odds and ends in it… band-aids, clear nail polish, that sort of thing. Nothing fancy is needed. Direction cards are always appreciated, I think, depending on your guest list. If you’re having many people in from out of town or guests that aren’t as internet savvy (such as elderly relatives), they could be helpful. There’s nothing wrong with using anything your reception facility has to offer… don’t stress over it so much! Just remember that planning is supposed to be fun, and will you really care 20 years from now if you had tissue packets?? Good luck!!!
i think seating cards are the only REALLY important item on your list, especially if you’re having a served dinner. everything else is a bonus and i don’t think people would notice if it wasn’t there.
Great advice and ideas here! You’re right, it’s hard to balance everything when you have a career, a new home, and a relationship to foster. As for the details, I can share this: my folks went to a wedding of a friend’s daughter this summer. It was in Rhode Island (we live in Boston) so they booked a room at the hotel (that’s an important detail if you have non-local guests - but hopefully it’s an easy set of phone calls.) Anyway, the hotel room had OOT bags. My mum thought it was cute, but she never even would have known about the idea of them if it wasn’t there! And if she and my dad needed water or a hard candy or whatever, they would have found a place to go, and never would have thought “the newlyweds should have taken care of this” Bottom line - the package/inclusions from your venue sound convenient and time-tested. Seems like they will work just fine! Thanks for the good post
just got married earlier this month and i did the whole shebang (except for tears of joy packets). people kept telling me that no one would miss the details b/c if they didn’t know it was there in the first place, they won’t be expecting it.
the happiest moments of that day were seeing how happy everyone was for us and how many came all the way to celebrate with us. it wasn’t the best day ever b/c of the little things.
part of my happiness was also seeing how happy everyone else was with how much we did do. they definitely noticed the details that were there, esp since we tried to give everything the personal touch. what was probably the easiest thing we had done and that has gotten the most compliments, was handing out cookies and bottled water after the ceremony since it was a 40 minute drive to the reception.
so those things aren’t necessarly important, but our guests definitely did notice them, b/c we were aiming to make them feel comfortable and “at home”. i def stressed myself out more than i should have, but i’m really happy with the outcome. just know that those little things, though, won’t be what is most important to you on the day of.
I agree with Jen….Our wedding was almost a month ago, and we did a bunch of those details…lemonade served after the ceremony so people would stay a while and enjoy the view, fan programs, gift boxes for the children, bathroom baskets, etc. Everyone RAVED about the details, which added tremendously to my happiness about how the day turned out. They all said they have never been to a more enjoyable wedding, and that our details really stood out that we really CARED that our guests had a good time.
You still have time. There will be ups and downs in the wedding planning process. Sometimes lots to do, sometimes nothing. I took advantage of those down times to get projects accomplished that I could.
good luck, and DON’T stress yourself out.
after looking through bridal magazine after bridal magazine and seeing amazing detail-oriented ideas, i decided that some of the ideas i liked weren’t really worth it to do and wouldn’t matter go guests if they were there (e.g. the candy buffet, which i still don’t totally understand, and bathroom baskets). i did, however, include details that people would notice and would make the wedding more personal.
Mrs. Peony, New York
Age and Occupation: 27, Marketing Coordinator
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, QA Engineer
Engagement Date: June 28, 2007
Wedding Date: April 18, 2008
Venue: The Fountainhead
Blogging Since: August 7, 2007
About Me: Both Mr. Peony and I are huge computer nerds, and our conversations usually consist of the latest gadgets, programming languages, and video games. At the same time, I can also be very girly with an obsession with handbags, makeup, and high heels. And art! I've studied studio art extensively, almost majored in art history, and freelance as a web and graphics designer. Mr. Peony and I are having a ball of a time planning a wedding for 250(!) guests, doing our best to infuse our personalities (geeky chic) with the wishes of our very traditional Asian parents.
I went to my cousin’s wedding July. She didn’t provide tissue packets, newsletters, bathroom baskets, and barely anything was personalized. While those things might be “nice” to have, like you said, I really don’t think people will miss them if they’re not there. Hopefully people will focus on enjoying the company of others around them and celebrate with the couple getting married…that’s what I did and I had a great time without all the personalized details that go into many weddings.