Wedding Blog

The Proposal: PartOne

I was so grateful that Mr. Jasmine made sure to propose privately. Even though that kind of proposal isn’t really part of our South Asian culture, he knew that it was an important part of my American culture. Like most women brought up in the United States, I’d been dreaming of my proposal my whole life!

But we also wanted to honor our parents’ and our South Asian backgrounds by having a more traditional engagement ceremony, called a mangni. At the mangni, the groom’s father formally asks the bride’s father permission for his son to marry his daughter. After the bride’s father agrees, gifts are exchanged and sweets are eaten! It’s a very joyous and festive occasion, and I was excited to take part, but also very nervous. This was the first time our parents were meeting and I had no idea what to expect. Also, no one else in my family had opted for a mangni in addition to a private proposal. I had never seen a mangni before, so I was playing it by ear.

Mr. Jasmine’s family arranged to fly out to California for the weekend to meet with my parents and have the mangni. On Friday night, Mr. Jasmine’s parents came to my parents’ home in a suburb of Los Angeles, California. After some chit-chat, Mr. Jasmine’s father formally asked my father permission for his son to marry me. Of course, it was a bit of a formality at that point, but out of respect for our family’s traditions, we wanted to make sure that it was done. My dad happily agreed and then we all went out to Ruth’s Chris for a fabulous celebration dinner. It was delicious and happily enough, the families really seemed to get along. I did manage to spill water all over the table at one point, but I’m slowly getting over the embarrassment of that (any day now!)

The following day was the formal mangni. Mr. Jasmine’s family was there, along with my family and some members of my extended family. Per tradition, Mr. Jasmine’s mother provided a beautiful shalwar kameez for me to wear, which is a three-piece outfit made up of a long blouse, baggy pants, and a dupatta, which is a long shawl that can be worn several different ways. Mr. Jasmine and I sat together and as is customary, his mom placed the ring on my finger (I had given it back to Mr. Jasmine before our trip to California). Then various members of our family fed us Indian sweets (for a sweet, auspicious beginning) and my parents gave Mr. Jasmine a gift: a handsome Coach briefcase. We spent the rest of the evening enjoying a great Indian dinner and spending time with family and friends.

Initially, I thought I was just doing the mangni for our parents; I was satisfied with my more American proposal in Millennium Park. But after the mangni was over, I was really glad that we did it. It was a sweet, poignant moment and it meant a lot to us to share such a special moment in our lives with our families.

Did any of you have any special engagement traditions or customs?