I was so grateful that Mr. Jasmine made sure to propose privately. Even though that kind of proposal isn’t really part of our South Asian culture, he knew that it was an important part of my American culture. Like most women brought up in the United States, I’d been dreaming of my proposal my whole life!
But we also wanted to honor our parents’ and our South Asian backgrounds by having a more traditional engagement ceremony, called a mangni. At the mangni, the groom’s father formally asks the bride’s father permission for his son to marry his daughter. After the bride’s father agrees, gifts are exchanged and sweets are eaten! It’s a very joyous and festive occasion, and I was excited to take part, but also very nervous. This was the first time our parents were meeting and I had no idea what to expect. Also, no one else in my family had opted for a mangni in addition to a private proposal. I had never seen a mangni before, so I was playing it by ear.
Mr. Jasmine’s family arranged to fly out to California for the weekend to meet with my parents and have the mangni. On Friday night, Mr. Jasmine’s parents came to my parents’ home in a suburb of Los Angeles, California. After some chit-chat, Mr. Jasmine’s father formally asked my father permission for his son to marry me. Of course, it was a bit of a formality at that point, but out of respect for our family’s traditions, we wanted to make sure that it was done. My dad happily agreed and then we all went out to Ruth’s Chris for a fabulous celebration dinner. It was delicious and happily enough, the families really seemed to get along. I did manage to spill water all over the table at one point, but I’m slowly getting over the embarrassment of that (any day now!) 
The following day was the formal mangni. Mr. Jasmine’s family was there, along with my family and some members of my extended family. Per tradition, Mr. Jasmine’s mother provided a beautiful shalwar kameez for me to wear, which is a three-piece outfit made up of a long blouse, baggy pants, and a dupatta, which is a long shawl that can be worn several different ways. Mr. Jasmine and I sat together and as is customary, his mom placed the ring on my finger (I had given it back to Mr. Jasmine before our trip to California). Then various members of our family fed us Indian sweets (for a sweet, auspicious beginning) and my parents gave Mr. Jasmine a gift: a handsome Coach briefcase. We spent the rest of the evening enjoying a great Indian dinner and spending time with family and friends.
Initially, I thought I was just doing the mangni for our parents; I was satisfied with my more American proposal in Millennium Park. But after the mangni was over, I was really glad that we did it. It was a sweet, poignant moment and it meant a lot to us to share such a special moment in our lives with our families.
Did any of you have any special engagement traditions or customs?
Thank you for the kind words, ChicagoSarah! Yup, that’s the shalwar kameez from my FMIL. It’s the white blouse, white trousers, and a bright pink dupatta, which you can see draped around my arms.
I love hearing about other traditions! Thanks for posting this.
The only thing I wanted him to do was formally ask permission. I guess that would be something to ask the girl’s father, but my mom raised me, so he had to ask her.
The night he planned on asking her, they decided (on a whim) to visit my grandma….a few states over. He told me later that he panicked and had to ask her on the phone.
She still gives him a hard time about that!
Great post! My husband really wanted to ask my mom’s permission (dad’s passed away), but she cannot keep a secret to save her life so he opted not to. It would’ve been nice if he had but I’m glad he hadn’t so my proposal was a complete surprise.
A few of my closest friends are of South Asian descent so I’ve been lucky to have been included in the planning of a few South Asian weddings (christian, hindu and muslim). I’m so happy there is finally a South Asian wedding bee blogger for future ideas.
In general do you have a similar style sense to your FMIL? I’ve seen before where friends did not like the style of sari/ghagra/shalwar, etc. that their FMIL had picked especially for them for certain pre-wedding events. One friend who wore a western style gown for the ceremony had to add spaghetti straps b/c FMIL didn’t approve of strapless.
Luckily for me, I think my FMIL has great taste and we’re generally on the same page. But I think even if I hated the outfit she chose for me, she would never know! I would just shut my mouth, smile, and wear it
Mrs. Jasmine, Chicago/LA
Age and Occupation: 25, Attorney
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Attorney
Engagement Date: March 24, 2007
Wedding Date: June 7, 2008
Blogging Since: September 20, 2007
Venue: Hotel on the westside of Los Angeles
About Me: I'm a happy-go-lucky, imaginative spirit trapped in the body of a lawyer. I love reading, shopping, dining out, and exploring my beloved adopted city of Chicago with my fiance. We're planning the wedding of our dreams in my hometown of Los Angeles and we're excited to incorporate our cherished Indian/Pakistani customs and traditions.
No special customs for us, but thank you for sharing the fascinating details of your mangni! It’s so interesting to learn about all of these different cultural traditions related to marriage - and I think it’s really neat that some modern couples are keeping them alive. You look beautiful in that picture - I assume you’re wearing the shalwar kameez you mentioned? I’ve read several books set in India over the past year and I’ve been wondering exactly what that was - perhaps Wikipedia could have told me, but I never got around to looking it up, so thanks for explaining!