Wove… True Wove!

September 27th, 2007 @ 1:30 pm by Mrs. Caramel

These past few days have been hectic, spent doing last minute wedding details. One of the most difficult things is organizing the seating. I had completed 18 tables of 10, when I found out we can’t fit more than 15 tables in the ballroom! 12 people per table! That sounds a bit squishy but I suppose that might be more fun? whateva Does anyone have any experiences when they felt too squashed at a wedding table?

With only days until the wedding, I feel as though I’m trying to mentally prepare myself for marriage. Sure, it’s going to be great being honeymooners and getting used to living with a man who can lift heavy things for you (haha). But what happens after 5, 10, 50 years? How do you make things work, make the romance last, make 2 completely different people live under the roof for as long as they both shall live? I don’t think of myself as an pessimist, I think I’m an optimist actually but I’m realistic too. Honestly I do get depressed hearing story after story of the greatest marriages gone terribly wrong.

We live in a world where divorce is just a part of everyday life, and gossiping about celebrities’ horrible love lives can be the most entertaining conversation we have during our day.

One question was brought up the other day regarding dating vs. marriage. In casual dating, I do sort of believe in leaving some “mystery” in the relationship to keep the guy interested and constantly wondering about getting to know you. Especially with some types of guys, it seems that you have to hold yourself back to protect yourself in case things don’t work out. You never know right?

However, in marriage - I don’t believe in that at all. First of all, everything will eventually come out someday, right? It’s also almost like signing a prenup - making sure that you’re safe just in case you end up divorcing. Just like sweet Charlotte of SATC says: “We’re not even married and we’re already talking about divorce!” If I were to hold back on my husband, to play games and not act like my real self, I see it as being doubtful and scared that he would not love you entirely. Plus, I would imagine that it would be exhausting doing that everyday!

Sadly, I hear that women still somehow believe in “playing games” in their marriage. I guess can see their concerns, (ie: keeping him entertained so he won’t cheat, etc). But I feel by holding back and playing games, you’re not trusting your husband and giving him the benefit of the doubt. Besides, wouldn’t we want our husbands to be entirely themselves to us, and not play games with us?

As independent and brave as women are these days, maybe the hardest thing for us to do is let our guards down, and really believe in true committed love.

What are some differences that you hear in terms of dating vs marriage? Do you agree or disagree with them?

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8 Responses to “Wove… True Wove!”

Member

stargazerlily (message) 946 posts, Busy bee

I personally love being “squashed” at tables, but I have been fortunate enough to sit with good friends at all the weddings I’ve attended…I hate when theyres too much space between people, cause then your conversation is limited to the people immediately to your sides…the more the merrier! Our reception tables only seat 6, I’m so bummed, it just meant I had to buy that many more centerpieces.

9/27/07 @ 1:37 pm (reply)

Guest

Shannon

12 at a table sounds like it might not work. Check the width of your chairs. If the chairs are too wide, people might not be able to pull them up to the table. The chairs we have are pretty wide, and we can only fit 8 at a table. No way we could fit 12.

9/27/07 @ 1:50 pm (reply)

Guest

Angel

I got to have elbow room, but being close to people I like is fun too. Maybe offer some chairs here and there for people who want a break from all that love?

I was determined to keep the whole shopping mystery alive. When I’d go to the mall, I’d see the gal dragging the guy around for clothes. The guy wasn’t having any fun. And at some point I’m sure his brain was in danger melting (judging by facial expression). So when I met my guy, I had a solid “you’re not going clothes shopping with me” rule. In this, I thought, he would see the end product and not all the agonizing that went with it.

Turns out he’s a different sort of guy. He likes to see my try on clothes and as my best friend, I value his non-female opinion. (He’ll tell me if my butt looks great in those jeans because he’ll be staring at them!)

So, that rule kind of went out the window. I put up a good fight though. For about a year I told him he didn’t have to go with me blah blah. Ah well.

As for keeping the romance alive, we love to go out on dates. There have been times were life gets on a schedule too much. You know…work, appointments, meetings, pick up this, drop off that. After a while, I start to twitch. I need spontaneity. So we’ll get all dolled up and just be random. Occasionally we’ll plan a long getaway weekend.

Oh, and if you ever need inspiration to spend some time together, go visit some of the mom blogs out there.

9/27/07 @ 2:32 pm (reply)

Member

styleish (message) 96 posts, Worker bee

I totally agree with you on the “playing games” thing. I think it’s silly. Actually, my FI and I talk about it all the time that the reason that we worked is from the start, there was no game playing. It was one of our first relationships where everything was just “real” and there was never any “oh I’m not going to call him back until tomorrow” kind of thing. I think that both of us realized that we were perfect for each other and didn’t have to try and impress or make the other jealous.

I just feel that your husband should be the one person where you can fully be yourself. That’s why he married you right?

9/27/07 @ 3:15 pm (reply)

Member

shimmerplanet (message) 27 posts, Newbee

In regards to squashed tables…squishy can be fun as long as you enjoy the people you’re sitting with! But the last wedding I was at was WAY too squished and because of it, I vowed to never have a similar situation myself - it SUCKED! It was so hard to eat because not all of the chairs could fit around the table very well, so I had to sit about a foot away from the table. And the whole room had too many tables in it, too. I unforunately was sitting right in the path of the bridal party entrances, and never have I felt more conspicous and in the way! But there was not enough room for me to move anyplace else - my chair was doomed to trip someone! I hate to say it, but we left that wedding early because we just couldn’t take the clausterphobia any more. That wedding also made me decide to assign tables for my guests because the late-comers had literally no place to sit! There were too many tables and chairs for the space in the room, but also not enough for all the people who attended…
Just another perspective…

9/27/07 @ 3:47 pm (reply)

Guest

J-Love

Regarding table dilemma, I’ll be having the same issue. We will be inviting 200 for a max 200 room. My coordinator suggested renting a few bigger round tables to accomodate the 12.

9/27/07 @ 4:35 pm (reply)

Guest

beanchar

The absolute BEST piece of advice I ever got about nurturing your marriage was to have weekly “state-of-the-relationship” meetings.

This advice was given by a therapist advising a good friend and her spouse, and she luckily passed it on to me. Though a bit skeptical at first, I’ve found this to be a really GREAT tool.

Once a week you sit down and talk about what is making you happy and what is making you unhappy in the relationship. It doesn’t have to be the same time every week (though it can help if it is when you are first getting started), but you should set the date/time at least a couple of days in advance.

Because you know that you will have a guaranteed opportunity every week to address any issues, it avoids the problem of trying to find a “good time” to bring something up and the dreaded-by-all-men phrase “WE NEED TO TALK.”

You should take turns “opening” the meeting. Even if you are ready to strangle your mate and let vultures peck at his deservedly mangled corpse, TRY to start with something positive when it is your turn. “I really appreciate that you didn’t drink straight out of the milk jug this week! It reminds me why I truly love you and I’m happy that you will have strong bones and teeth and my coffee won’t taste like whatever random snack food made you thirsty in the first place. What I am not so happy about is….”

Then the other person shares his/her happy stuff/grievances.

Try to hear your spouse out completely before responding and remember that this is something you’ve agreed to do together, so no whining or avoiding when a topic is brought up.

We’ve really found that this neutral, pre-determined time removes the possibility
of gripes/anger/resentment brewing to a boiling point b/c the release valve is always only a few days away. And it usually makes sense to “save it for the meeting” rather than picking a fight at midnight on your way home from the in-laws.

Sometimes life gets hectic and we skip for a couple of weeks, and suddenly we notice that we are bickering and being pissy and then the a-ha moment… “Hey, we need to have a meeting ASAP!”

Sorry this is so long, but I swear this is relationship magic– and you can start, like we did, BEFORE you are married and be that much better off when you become Mr. & Mrs.

9/27/07 @ 10:12 pm (reply)

Guest

Lizzy

my friend just had her wedding and she had 13 people for each table. Instead of the round table, she got the long ones which worked out fine……. Asian people are skinny anywaz. haha. I can’t wait to see your wedding pixs. Good Luck with everything!

9/28/07 @ 11:49 am (reply)