Wedding Blog
Mr. Jasmine and I never seriously discussed signing a prenuptial agreement. We definitely joked around about it, particularly since we’re both lawyers and Mr. Jasmine even practices family law. As lawyers, it’s something we would advise our clients to consider, particularly clients who have amassed considerable pre-marriage wealth and/or have children. But (maybe hypocritically), we just didn’t see it as necessary for us. We’re entering into our marriage with a fairly clean financial slate and a prenuptial agreement seemed unnecessary. Additionally, it would certainly be frowned upon from a cultural prespective. While divorce is becoming more and more acceptable in South Asian culture, it is still strongly looked down upon (except in cases of abuse or fraud). It woud be certainly considered inappropriate, not to mention inauspicious, to be contemplating the consequences of divorce before we were even married.
Do you agree? Do you think prenups are the death knell to romance or a must-have in our divorce-happy society?
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my fiance and i have been debating this for a while. though neither of us is wealthy or have any children, we’re considering worst case scenario. if anything did happen, it would be easier to just have a document that said we leave with what we came in with… but i know it’s unromantic. it is practical. not to say that it’s a fall-back plan of any kind… but just as we create living wills, i think pre-nups are just what they are… preventative. nobody goes into marriage knowing it will end in divorce (i hope!)
I guess it’s a case-by-case situation, but we didn’t sign one. We didn’t have much of anything to start with and we didn’t feel lopsided, so there was no pressure from family. I think it’s a very gloomy subject, but I wonder if there are certain circumstances where it would be better to have one. Any out there?
I will say that I find his cooking skills more valuable than his collection of tools. 
Here’s a trivia nugget: For Catholic weddings, a pre-nup is considered to be in bad faith and almost guarantees, in the event of divorce, a religious declaration of nullity (Catholic annulment).
I just wanted to say your subject line made me spit out my coffee Funny!
It seems so un-romantic to me… but yes, we are both getting pre-nups. I think mostly it was for our families so “in case of”… but I can’t imagine my life with anyone so for me, it’s just a piece of paper we’ll have stashed away forever.
No, we’re not. I’ve owned my own condo for 6 years, so I’m bringing more to the table than he is, but a prenup just isn’t something I want to be a part of our marriage.
We are definetly signing one. As unromantic as it is, we realize that anything can happen.
We have nothing of value lol, Everything we will buy (car,house, etc) will be bought after we are married.
Perhaps if one came in with a large amount of money beforehand but otherwise no– after you get married there should be no his/hers. It should all be ours or why else be married? If you want his/hers just live together or stay single. Plus in situations where a wife or husband stays home and does all the child rearing, housekeeping, and supporting to make someone successful their contributions are not ackowleged in the divorce.
I too have been debating this. I do come into this marriage with a few more assets than J. It is of slight concern, but he and I keep talking about it, and we reach the conclusion that God-forbid, should anything happen, would we really be back-stabbing to each other and clean the other out? No. Is it a good precaution? Sure, in some cases. Do we need to, want to? No.
It is definitely weird to be planning and preparing for a wonderful marriage, and in the back of our heads, in precaution of everything that comes from doubt or anything untrustworthy/unfaithful, decide to write up something that protects those assets. To me, it’s more than unromantic, it’s somehow entering into a pact/promise/covenant/partnership/life without fully handing over the whole package of me and who I am, not of my wealth/worth, but of my trust, loyalty, and belief that my long search for my pair who shares those attributes was worthy. Is it risky? Absolutely. But for me, only on a personal level, I am entering this, because J and I, as fully as we CAN (are able to) promise to each other, we only want to be with each other. For life. Otherwise, I would not marry him, period.
[May my optimism and sheer faith never come back to bite me in the butt. : ) ]
We’re definitely getting one. In fact, my dad won’t shut up about it. No one gets married expecting to be divorced, so even though we can’t imagine it now, who knows what the future will hold? I would hate to come out of the marriage mourning not only my broken heart, but also my loss of the ability to retire at age 65.
I agree with Angel it is a case by case situation. We didnt sign one for the same reasons others look like they are not, we really dont have a lot either of us are bringing to the table. We have talked about the worst case happening and I think our worse case still wouldnt be as bad as some peoples.
We have one. Some people would probably call it unneccessary, since we also keep seperate finances, but we wanted the extra protection of having it in writing. In our case, it’s not so much about protecting what we’d walk away with if something happened to our marriage, as it is about protecting each other during it. My mom was a stay-at-home parent when my dad’s business went under, and she ended up socked with a hefty bill, plus penalties, for taxes he hadn’t gotten around to paying (and ultimately, couldn’t). If something unforseen happens, say a car accident, and one of us is held liable, I feel better having the security that we won’t BOTH lose everything - like we could if we held all of our assets in common.
The ‘When Harry Met Sally’ prenup:
Harry Burns: “Right now everything is great, everyone is happy, everyone is in love and that is wonderful. But you gotta know that sooner or later you’re gonna be screaming at each other about who’s gonna get this dish. This eight dollar dish will cost you a thousand dollars in phone calls to the legal firm of That’s Mine, This Is Yours.”
Marie: “Harry”
Harry Burns: “Please, Jess, Marie. Do me a favor, for your own good, put your name in your books right now before they get mixed up and you won’t know whose is whose. ‘Cause someday, believe it or not, you’ll go 15 rounds over who’s gonna get this coffee table. This stupid, wagon wheel, Roy Rogers, garage sale COFFEE TABLE.”
Jess: “I thought you liked it?”
Harry Burns: “I was being nice.”
Angel: I LOVE that scene in WHMS!
A prenup is a great way to have conversations about how you really will manage your money and how you view money. Money is one of the most contentious topics for couples, and one of the most difficult or uncomfortable for them to discuss. A prenup is a way to say, “We’ve discussed how money is going to work in our marriage, and we’ve even agreed on some important principles and written it all down.”
If you don’t get a prenup and you do get a divorce, your assets will be divided according to the laws of the state you live in, with adjustments made for whose aggressive laywer is able to negotiate any extras. The one with the best laywer wins. Or, rather, the best lawyer wins and takes your money. Not worth it.
The things you can agree on NOW when you’re in love and able to work together productively should be documented. There’s no harm in writing them down so that later when you do have a disagreement (even if it’s not a divorce) you can point to your shared understanding and what you both agreed to.
My Fiance and I decided a long time ago that we would be signing a pre-nup, I am an attorney and he is a finance guy, and since we live in a “one-pot” state, we thought it would jsut make sense to get all this money stuff out of the way early on. Funny how I never even look at it as worrying about divorce even before getting married, we both just see it as a practical thing that should be done. When we bought our house (before getting engaged) we entered into a contract since he put up 100% of the down payment money. I just prefer to keep things clear, anything that you came into before marriage, debts, inheritance, savings, should be your own little nest egg or liability and everything you work towards and earn together should be joint. I don’t know it makes sense to me!
i think it’s something that should be HIGHLY recommended to couples. it’s like life insurance, fire insurance, car insurance - God forbid one of you dies, or your house catches on fire, or you wreck your car and kill someone while doing it - by considering worse-case scenarios like that and protecting yourself from them, you may save yourself a lot of hardship.
the act of simply buying these types of insurance does not mean you are jinxing yourself to the horrible situations you’re protecting yourself from. i see the prenup the same way. it’s a piece of paper that will only surface when it needs to.
I think whatever works for your relationship is what you should do. If it feels right then do the prenup.
I’ve always wondered about individuals who find prenups unromantic. Last time I checked marriage isn’t really all that romantic when you think about it. Yes, you are making a commitment but you are sharing a home, sharing finances, etc. In other words, there is a lot more to marriage than just love which why I think that prenups are very practical and precaution just in case something happens.
I’m not a fan of prenups and will not have one (despite being a law student)! At the very least, right now neither of us have much of anything (did I mention student status)! We’ve discussed finances and have a financial plan (I was in finance before law school), so a prenup definitely isn’t necessary for that end. I just don’t feel that a pre-nup is a necessity for us.
Everyone’s relationship is different and everyone’s marriage is different. Therefore, I’m not going to say that everyone should have one or nobody should have one and I don’t think anyone else should either.
Hmm, I already owned a townhouse myself which was then sold. We also bought a house together and although we don’t have joint accounts, our finances are mixed. This is all before we even got engaged! I never considered prenup but now that somebody mentioned protecting ourselves in case one of us is liable for something, I would consider it.
For me the toughest part about the prenup would be the 2 kittens we have raised together … they are like children for both of us. Money and finances can always be “regenerated”.
so what happens if you agree to do a prenup but can’t agree on what you term “fair”? FI is part of family business and we are taking the prenup route to protect that (the business) but the terms his family is coming up with are really unfair and my lawyer is recommending I don’t sign. I want to marry FI but I don’t want to put myself in a position where, if things do go south, i am SOL. should i just suck it up and sign it and assume that won’t happen? should i stick to my guns and not sign and not get married? i could really use some third-party feedback please.
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Mrs. Jasmine, Chicago/LA
Age and Occupation: 25, Attorney
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Attorney
Engagement Date: March 24, 2007
Wedding Date: June 7, 2008
Blogging Since: September 20, 2007
Venue: Hotel on the westside of Los Angeles
About Me: I'm a happy-go-lucky, imaginative spirit trapped in the body of a lawyer. I love reading, shopping, dining out, and exploring my beloved adopted city of Chicago with my fiance. We're planning the wedding of our dreams in my hometown of Los Angeles and we're excited to incorporate our cherished Indian/Pakistani customs and traditions.
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