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In Miss CB’s more recent post she mentioned she was nervous about being a “good wife,” which got me thinking — what does it mean to be a “good wife” or “good husband” for that matter?
The Good Wife’s Guide from Housekeeping Monthly (May 13, 1955) has been floating around the web and has made appearances on many blogs, flickr accounts, etc.
Among the really antiquated points of being a “good wife” [read: house wife] are:
2) Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking.
3) During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
4) Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours. (this one killed me)!
5) Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner or even if he stays out all night.
6) Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
7) Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity.
Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
9) A good wife always knows her place.
I can’t help but think of the “Donna Reed Show.”
Photo from: www.donnareed.org
OK, so granted, many of these things are VERY out dated, but what does it mean to you to be a “good wife?” And what are your expectations of your fiance or husband that make him a “good husband?”
I’d expect the same things from a “good husband” as I’d offer as a “good wife.” For me, being a “good wife” means being loving, kind, caring, loyal, and honest. I also know that we will be parents (something that is very important to both of us and discussed way before he proposed), so also being a loving parent who supports and challenges their children is important. I will do my best not to let the flame die but turn into the hottest of coals. Many people are so happy and excited to be young and in love they forget life is complicated. Being supportive in bad times (career ups and downs, health issues, parents ageing etc.) is just as important as being the cheering section in the good times. It is a HUGE commitment to make — “til death do us part!”
One of my favorite qualities about Mr. Onion is that he is loyal. When he committed himself to me I had no question in my mind — he would be mine forever. Being that sure of someone is very important when deciding to get married.
So now I want to know — what does being a good wife or good husband mean to you?!
Oh my! Could you believe that people actually followed these guidelines. Thats too funny. 
Good thing we don’t live in 1955 anymore!
I really like this post. I think I agree with you that being a good husband or good wife to me means being a good partner in life: caring for each other in emotional, financial, and practical ways.
WOW, I think I’m still in shock by what the article said. This is what was preached to some of our grandmothers! That is just so amazing!
I think all your points are good about being a good wife! It’s so true about support during all times even when they are bad.
Just maintaining a mutual respect for each other is key!
Although I think times are much harder than they were back in 1955. Most people both have to work and it seems like kids have so many activities now it’s hard to maintain a family unit. Sitting down to eat every night together it not always an option!
I know my bf and I will both work because we want to. Although we both want kids too. It will definitely be a challenge to be a “good couple” but I know that the foundation we are creating now will help us through the years to come!
WOW! Some of those would NOT fly in our house!
Yay for 2007!
Haha. WOW. What were they thinking back then?!?!
I got a kick out of it though. Can you imagine not saying anything when your hubby stays out all night? Yeah right! =)
Ha, I thought of this article, too, when I read the Miss Cherry Blossom post.
i just read through the points, and all i gotta say is AWWWWWWW heck No! hahah.
We’re in this together, partnership baby. I like fair, if I’m good to him, he better be good to me too. * wink *
I was a suspicious of this since some of the statements are a tad bit too outrageous– 1955 was post-voting-rights, post-Rosie-the-Riveter, after all. Looks like it is probably a fabrication:
http://www.snopes.com/language/document/goodwife.asp
Though snopes does point out that the attitude is very 50’s, just an exaggeration of the norms back then.
I thought about “good wife” and “good husband” and then decided on “good spouse”.
I can’t really think of anything that’s really gender specific when it comes to good qualities….communication, patience, love, understanding etc. We both love back rubs, we both like to be acknowledged when we get home (read not staring at a computer when we come through the door), we like to cook together, and be surprised. So I guess a good spouse is someone who values their partner as much as they love to be valued and shows it.
Or who buys ice cream 
i’m speechless. i agree w/rzblna, it seems too exaggerated and outrageous to be real. the last part “a good wife always knows her place” cracked me up. imagine a guy saying that to his wife or gf these days. he’d probably get his ass whopped.
I saw the link to urban legend/snopes but also read how even though it’s an exaggeration it does still point out some truths.
I think it’s also important to remember the context of those truths. Many of us would find doing those things outrageous, and many women back then probably did, too, but I bet there were women who saw those things as their ways in that time to show their love also.
For example, my grandmother used to wait for my grandfather to get home from work and then he would sit in his favorite rocking chair and she would take off his shoes (as per #6 above) and she would bring him a cigar. Perhaps on the inside she felt differently about this, but I must say that from the outside, she always seemed to do this with the utmost love and affection. Since she didn’t work outside the house, perhaps that was her way of showing affection? I never once heard her complain about it or say an ill word of it. Who knows, within each marriage, what each person does to make the other happy, right?
My fiancee and I talk about this all the time - in our opinion, a good husband or wife consistently helps you to make yourself a better person. This is achieved through love, support, trust and honesty.
Angel- right on! I agree. It’s all about being a “good spouse”. I have to say my mom has advocated point 2 but to a lesser degree…. I think its great when both make an effort to look good for one another. I’m guilty of touching up the make up or dabbing a little perfume before he gets home… I always get home from work before he does. Now it’s just habit I guess (Well after 7 yrs). Anyway, the author of this article must have been a man….:)
I’ve seen that before, mostly I just think its funny and hopefully meant as a joke.
Miss Petunia - that is so cute about your grandparents!! # 6 worked for them and that’s fantastic. I think we all do little things for our significant others / FI / spouse that an outsider may think is “not right”, but that may be per their view. While I don’t agree with the outline of the 50’s Guide to Good Wifery, I also won’t rule out making my hubby a drink when he gets home from a hard day at work or doing something nice to him when he needs the pick me up or special attention. To each their own and just as long as both equal parties in the relationship are happy, yay!
In order to prepare for marriage, I’m reading John Gottman’s Seven Principles for making Marriage Work and have realized that there are a lot of things that we do now as a couple that are really good. The struggle is to keep doing them 5, 10, 15 years (and longer!) down the road as we change and evolve as people.
Fundamentally, I want my husband to be my best friend. When I have a problem or a decision to make, I want to be able to have a dialogue about it and talk through it with him. I want to be involved in each other’s lives, our joys as well as our sadnesses.
To me, a good spouse is one who thinks of the other partner in the little things: remembering he doesn’t like mushrooms, him bringing home my favorite ice cream when I’ve had a bad day, fixing the hole in his pants because he doesn’t know how to sew, him offering to do the dishes when I’ve cooked dinner.
i’ve seen this before… i think on ebaum’s?
Ok, I’ll have been married 25 years next month. Honestly the best advice for me to give is…be forgiving.
Its not worth fighting every fight just to be right. Do you want to be married, or do you want to be right? (Dr. Phil). I’m not saying not to hold your ground, but realize you can agree to disagree. Also if its about the kind of toothpaste you want in the house, buy both kinds…the end result you want is getting the teeth brushed.
Also, there is humor in everything…maybe not in the exact moment its happening, but sooner or later, find the funny moment, look in his eyes, and LAUGH!
If anyone wants to find out more on how marriages and wives were ragarded, try reading “All Dressed in White” by Carol McD. Wallace. Chapter two is called “This Getting Married is no Trifle!” and dabbles in what was expected of a wife in the late 1800’s.
It’s a great read, and it will have you saying “thank goodness for 2007″ in no time.
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Miss Onion, NYC/Burlington, VT Age and Occupation: 27, PR & Marketing and Jazz Singer Fiance's Age and Occupation: 28, Data Analyst Engagement Date: April 2, 2006 Wedding Date: September 2007 Blogging Since: July 11, 2007 Venue: Restaurant in Burlington About Me: I didn't think I'd be "that girl," but I am having so much fun planning our wedding (mostly by myself). I'm a PR and Marketing Director for a major jazz festival and camp by day, and by night, a romantic jazz singer and bride-to-be! I hope all my research can help other brides in their planning.
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