Wedding Blog
This weekend comes the dreaded “Meet and Greet”. Our parents have met once, at my brother’s U.S. wedding reception, but the siblings have never met my parents or any other member of my family - not counting one run-in at Rocky Cola Cafe.
For some weird reason, I’m nervous. Although my family isn’t made up of circus folk, and we try not to actively embarrass ourselves in public, I still worry that the families won’t get along. More than that, I worry that people won’t have anyone to talk to. For instance, my cousin Ashley is coming, she’s going to be 20 this year. That’s an odd age around us semi-grownups and actual grownups. There won’t be anyone in her age group to hang out with, and I fear her being left-out. Kind of in the same vein, Ashley’s sister Christina is 12 years old, right smack in the middle of the 4/6 year olds and her older sister. There will be no one in HER age group, either. Should I try to stick with them through the day, or just let everyone fend for themselves?
Something else that may surprise my future in-laws is the race thing. My mom’s side is half-black. It’s surprising to some people - while baby-sitting Ashley and Christina, I was asked if they were adopted. It’s just confusing sometimes, I guess. I’m sure the in-laws would never say anything rude or condescending, so I think I’m just making myself fret about nothing. 
Most of all, I just wonder how the dynamic is going to go. A few members of my family tend to get very excited and drink a lot. They probably won’t do it there, but I know they’re planning on doing it at the wedding, so what’s the difference? I’ve tried talking to them about this before, and all I hear back is a, “I’m your elder, and I can do what I want.” Oooo-kay. My mom also smokes - the only one in the family to do this. I think it’s disgusting, and she knows it. There will be kids there, and also when she smokes, she just reeks! So, a little obsessive and bossy it may seem, but I’m going to tell her there is no smoking at all while she’s there. And perhaps she could refrain while she’s wearing her “meeting” clothes beforehand. 
Of course, this all boils down to: my family is an extension of ME. How they see them is kind of how they see me. And should they say something not kind, I would hate to have to be upset with my in-laws. How about you? How did you make the meet and greet go smoothly?
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We didn’t have access to a car when we first started dating and Mr. Hummingbird was still in school and lived at home, so our parents kind of crossed paths during pick up-drop off periods and have since become friends. In fact a few times now, my parents have had dinner with Mr. Hummingbird’s mom or Mr. Hummingbird’s Dad and Stepmum without us, which is weird but good.
Most of Mr. Bluebell’s family speaks very limited English so we coasted through the family meetings with people making simple small talk and repeating things like “you like the food?” “the food is good!” a lot. I was also nervous though, that someone would say something awkward or that one side or the other would just give up on trying to talk and ignore the other. But…it all worked out well, and I’m sure yours will too! Don’t let it get you too stressed!
Looks like my Dadw on’t meet my future in-laws until the day before the wedding! Well, we are in NZ and my family are in the UK!
Don’t stress out too much about it… family is family. The running joke with my FILs is “are you sure you want to be a part of this dysfunctional family?” I just say, wait until you meet the rest of mine :).
My parents live in another state and my parents met his when FI’s parents invited us all to dinner at their home. I was a little nervous also because his family is really down to earth and my dad can be a little “much” at times :).
But everything worked out. FMIL and my mom get along wonderfully and my mom has become an official “sister” of hers. I was nervous too, but it all worked out!
don’t let this stress you out!
i know its natural to feel like that but trust me, you’re worrying yourself for nothing. you are putting yourself in charge of everyone’s behavior and the truth is- they’re adults. they’ve had conversations with strangers before and they’ll be fine.
i’m speaking from experience. i almost feel like i wrote that post myself! you’ve got enough on your plate, you can’t concern yourself with other people’s conversations. they dont expect you to hold their hand while they’re talking, so dont expect yourself to need to.
i’m really not trying to be rude, i just really feel for you. i did this to myself when i brought my guy home for the first time - but he’s a grown man and my family are all grown ups (even tho they act crazy around me!) and they handled themselves very well. so please, don’t worry.
and the girls you’re worried about- can they bring a friend? im letting my BM’s (future sisters in law) bring friends so they wont feel so awkward and will have more fun at the wedding. maybe they could invite somebody.
good luck!
What Sarahdoo said. I understand your nervousness - I have a tendency to feel that exact way whenever I throw a party at my house and invite guests who don’t all know each other. But at the end of the day, you cannot control other people. I know you’re just wanting everything to go well, but whether they like each other or not is simply out of your hands. Even if they DON’T like each other for some reason, they are civil adults and will not be rude to each other.
Relax
It will never be as bad as you think it will be!
Our parents met for the first time two weekends ago. With the wedding in 9 months, and them on opposite ends of Canada…I just didn’t feel comfortable having them meet for the first time at the actual wedding!
The key to success for us - we took them to a museum where they could walk around together and look at ’stuff’ without feeling forced to really talk.
Then we plied them with great food and fantastic wine.
It was actually a lot of fun (and entirely stressful until the end 
i have the same thoughts running through my head about introducing the bf to my extended family. aye.
even with my hesitance, i’m sure you’ll be fine. just kick back and enjoy the day.
Don’t Fret! I bet it will be nothing short of fabulous!
I think our parents meeting wasn’t truly planned. It was about 8 mths into it I believe. His parents live in VT, and mine here in NH. His parents were down for a weekend, and we were going for lunch..we invited my parents along. It was impromptu… hell it was the 99.. haha. If you can’t get along at the 99– there’s no hope! Our parents don’t even need FI and I there any more. We wouldn’t get a word in edgewise anyway.
Good luck! I can’t wait to hear how it goes!
I’m 20 with a little sister in that age group as well. I think they’ll be just fine on their own. Chances are the 12 year old will love playing with the munchkins (who will probably adore her for giving them attention anyway) and the 20 year old will probably either supervise or will have the opportunity to talk with the adults. 20 is an odd time (ie making the transition between teen and adult) so don’t stress about it and let them choose what they want. Either way, they’ll live.
No need to worry - worrying won’t help anything, trust me! My situation was interesting as well. I was raised a farmgirl outside a town of 600 people in Minnesota, and my husband is from Pakistan originally (though he and his family are Christian, which definitely helped them all understand each other a little better). We both had relocated separately to California a few years ago.
My family = conservative, sheltered, don’t get “out” much, VERY LITTLE experience around any kind of minority/other culture. His family = kind, considerate, also conservative, and used to being around people from multiple cultures.
I have a couple family members who I would even consider narrow-minded and somewhat prejudiced (I found out later that one was convinced our marriage wouldn’t work purely because my husband is from Pakistan - actually thought he might be a terrorist and all that). So, I was not just worried, but SCARED! And to make it harder, because my family are all farmers and from MN, and we got married literally 8 months after we met, they all didn’t get to meet for the first time until the day before the wedding.
What did we do? We planned a huge family barbecue. And it was a smashing success. The cultural gap was bridged amazingly, the one skeptical relative actually cried on the wedding day and apologized for being wrong about my husband and his wonderful, sweet (his words) family!
And all my worrying did was stress me out unnecessarily. Honestly, even though our families may be a reflection of us, they aren’t actually us. And the only actions and words you have any control over are your own. So just go with the flow, and let them mingle and learn about each other!
One additional note - they all absolutely love each other now. And wish they could spend more time together. But because of the distance, there’s a good chance they will never all be together again, sadly.
Thank you for posting this. I thought I was being so weird about having our families meet. And not just two sets of parents, but four. Ack!
On the outside I was joking with people…”well, when you meet them, you’ll understand how I got to be this way”. But on the inside I was nervous.
Turns out that I was so busy getting things done at the rehearsal and then getting married on the day that I didn’t even notice how they interacted or didn’t interact. They’re grown-ups (well most of them), and they’ve been meeting people all of their lives. They got it covered.
And after we were married and I realized that I wasn’t worried about it anymore, I treated it more like a science experiment. What reaction do we get when we mix family member A with family member XY? It was a lot more fun that way.
Don’t be nervous! Just be relaxed and things will be fine! When our families met, both my fiance and I just made an effort to warn each other’s families of things that each other’s families were sensitive about. This way no one would say anything that would unintentionally hurt each other’s feelings. This helped SOOOO much! My dad sometimes has the tendency to joke about things without realizing that it hurts other’s feelings, so because I warned him, he made sure to be careful what he said. Just remember to have fun and try not to be overly sensitive because sometimes people say things without even thinking because of nerves or they just aren’t sure what to say. If you and your fiance are relaxed, everyone else will feel more relaxed! =D
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Mrs. Kiwi, Los Angeles
Age and Occupation in 06: 27, Bookkeeper
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, P.E. Teach/Coach @ private schools in LA
Engagement Date: March 31, 2006
Wedding Date: November 3, 2007
Venue: Radisson Hotel
About Me: I'm a bookkeeper who failed high school algebra. I'm currently living in Los Angeles, literally a street over from where I grew up with Mr. Kiwi, my honey of three years. We have a jumbo mini-dachshund (seriously, he's huuuuge), and we're planning an autumn themed wedding on a shoestring, paid for by ourselves. The wedding date is my late grandma's birthday, I needed her there somehow, and that seemed like the best way for us. I can't believe I'm a Bee! I couldn't be more proud!
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