Mrs. Jasmine, Chicago/LA
Age and Occupation: 25, Attorney
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Attorney
Engagement Date: March 24, 2007
Wedding Date: June 7, 2008
Blogging Since: September 20, 2007
Venue: Hotel on the westside of Los Angeles
About Me: I'm a happy-go-lucky, imaginative spirit trapped in the body of a lawyer. I love reading, shopping, dining out, and exploring my beloved adopted city of Chicago with my fiance. We're planning the wedding of our dreams in my hometown of Los Angeles and we're excited to incorporate our cherished Indian/Pakistani customs and traditions.
Father (and Mother!) Know Best
October 4th, 2007 @ 2:12 pm by Mrs. Jasmine
Would you ever let your parents choose your wedding gown for you?
That is exactly what I’m doing. In early December, my parents are going to India for 6 weeks. It’s a trip most Indian families take when their son or daughter gets engaged. Indian clothing, jewelry, and textiles tend to be cheaper in India and the selection is often much better than you would find in the United States. It’s also customary for the bride’s family to outfit members of the family with clothing for the wedding. So my parents are going there to buy special saris for my mom and aunts, salwar kameez and lehngas for my cousins; a sherwani for my brother; specialty fabrics for our favor pouches (more on that later)… and my bridal outfits and bridal jewelry. Since I don’t have enough vacation time to join them on the trip, my parents will be choosing it all without me.
Most people have remarked on my decision with a mixture of disbelief and horror. I’m a tiny bit afraid that they will come back with something hideous (I’ve already warned my mom in terms of colors– no “hot” anything, no bizarro color combinations!). And I’ve provided some pictures as guidelines of what to look for. I’m really close to my parents and I trust their taste– I feel pretty certain that they will choose something I like. Also, I have to admit that it’s really freeing to totally relinquish control on one aspect of wedding planning.
Images courtesy of Nirali Magazine and Ritu Beri
So what do you ladies think? Would you ever let someone else choose your wedding gown for you?
32 Responses to “Father (and Mother!) Know Best”
I’m wary of letting my mom choose my dress because her opinion of a “nice” dress is COMPLETELY different from mine. I showed her pictures of what I liked and she said that it was too plain…
I might have been willing to let her choose my cultural dress, however I don’t want big old honking phoenixes and dragons all over my dress, which is a constant fear.
More than likely not, but thats because my family doesn’t typically have the same taste that I do. And I’d definitely never let my fiance’s family pick something for me. But if you trust your parents/mom’s taste I say GO FOR IT! I’m ready to get rid of a few projects myself!
those are beautiful! i’m sure if you are a little wear, you can have them e-mail a picture back to you before the final purchase!
i meant a little weary… 
A friend? Yes. My mother? Absolutely not. My mother got married in what very much resembles a prudish nightgown. The two times I had to take her dress shopping with me were nightmares — she suggested everything I hated, and hated everything I liked. When we finally settled on a dress, she threw a fit that I should only get it in gold or ivory, not in the diamond white that I wanted. Personally, I associate ivory or gold dresses with getting married at an older age or a second marriage (I’m 24, first marriage). It took one of my friends, my friend’s mother, and the owner of the bridal salon to shut up my mother and convince her that the white looked great on me (it does). It really disgusts me that she created such a giant scene - a moment I will regret forever. In other words, you couldn’t pay me enough to trust her to pick out my dress.
I think I would be a tad bit nervous if my mom was picking out my traditional white wedding gown…but I would trust her w/ picking out my Korean “hanbok”(traditional dress)… I just saw an episode of “Platinum Weddings” and the bride was Miss India Globe - Shareena? She had the most beautiful Indian wedding gown (sorry..i dont know what it’s called..i know it’s not a “wedding sari” right?) she opted to have a sheer dark red veil and it was so beautiful! here is a link for pics!
http://www.wetv.com/shows/PlatinumWeddings/episodes/
I think I would let my mom choose for me if I had to. First of all she has great taste, and she knows me so well, my taste, my personality etc.
Actually, when I was choosing my dress, I was conflicted between two gowns and ultimately went with the one that she liked better.
kp: I have that episode saved on my tivo! She really did look beautiful. She was wearing a “lehnga” which consists of a blouse (also called a choli), a skirt, and a dupatta (a long, wide scarf that she used as a veil). Some women choose to wear saris for their wedding, which are the toga looking, draped outfits.
Those pictures are beautiful and should give them a good idea of what you want.
My mom’s tastes runs a little different than mine. Um..okay a lot. Generally, if she doesn’t like, I will. But I don’t think that’s any kind of good guideline to go dress shopping by.
You on the other hand sound like you’ve got it covered. Yes, there’s a chance they could come back with something you don’t like, but it sounds like you’re doing as much preparing as possible and that you’re parents understand your tastes. You might want to send them with a “do not play” list though.
AND….what a great story this will be to go with the outfit!
I trust my mom hands down- more so than any friend. If I go shopping with her and try something on she is always honest with me. She has impeccable taste:) I woulden’t be worried at all; it looks like you gave her great guidelines to follow and it sounds like you both have a meeting of minds when it comes to style.
I think that for a traditional wedding dress - I wouldn’t let anyone choose it for me… but I would be okay with it with the lehngas, saris, et al b/c the designs are all so gorgeous and ultimately the dress will be made to order once it’s brought back to the States (so it will still be a custom-fit).
I would have said no prior to my own experience. And I would have worried about my mom picking mine. But she died from cancer when I was 22, so a couple good friends went shopping with me. Everything I picked out, that I THOUGHT would look good on me, didn’t. And the dress that I did pick was handed to me by my friend to try. She said she thought it would be just beautiful - I said I didn’t like it but I’d try it anyway. It’s the only one that made me cry once I had it on. Sometimes others know better what will look good on us than we do ourselves!
i’d definitely trust my mom and dad–they are surprisingly hip indian parents! but indian vendors? not so sure about that… i’ve just come across too many shady ones! but i’m assuming your parents are going to buy material or a ready made outfit that you’d then have tailored here in the states, right? because the only thing i’d really be worried about would be them screwing up my measurements if they did it back in india without me! i’ve done it before and had clothes shipped here that were too small or the wrong neckline or something!
I would be fine relinquishing control of this decision if it was someone I trusted. I hope they make some good choices
I love those pictures! My parents might not pick exactly what I would, but I know they would pick something beautiful and special.
That said, I think you’re very brave to leave it in your parents’ hands! I can’t wait to see what you end up with!
I’d definitely trust my mom to pick out my gown, if I had to. She’s got great taste in what ‘kids today’ are wearing 
She still surprises me with super-cute clothes and outfits on occasion, just because…and they’re always fantastic! She absolutely loved my actual wedding gown, and I know that if the decision had been up to her she would’ve picked the same one.
My friends, though…not so much. Funny how that’s the total opposite of what most people here are saying!
i chose my own dress, but just wanted to say i’m really excited to see what they come back with for you! and i can’t wait to see how your wedding turns out! i love indian and cambodian weddings so much!
For cultural wedding gowns, I would have no problem letting someone else get it for me (especially if I had given them photos of the types I liked) since they are usually made to fit all types of bodies, but for a western style dress, where most dresses don’t look good on all body types, I wouldn’t let people choose it for me.
Kudos to you for relinquishing control. Sometimes it can be really hard in the midst of wedding planning.
I never thought I would let my mom choose my dress. Our taste in everything differs dramatically. However, my mom found a dress that was absolutely perfect for me. On the day of my wedding, people could not stop complimenting me on my mother’s choice. Having said that, I agree that sometimes parents really do know best.
i’d trust my mom. she has pretty good taste and has a pretty good idea of what i like anyway. she buys me clothes every now and then that i’ve liked so sure. i’ll probably ask her to pick out my hanbok for me.
I had a really type-A friend whose future MIL did the dress-shopping for her, for exactly the same reason. The selection of Indian bridal attire in the US is never, ever going to match the selection in India, and even she had to admit that.
I have to laugh. I let a co-worker pick out my e-ring and my mom did pick out my wedding dress! I used to work in an art museum and the curator was ding an exhibit of local jewelers and she had one artist who submitted a wedding set. She broguht it into my office and said I found your engagement ring (she new FH and I had been together forever). I put it on and fell in love with it right away! 2 years later, we had mine made by the same jeweler. Fast forward, I get engaged and my mom (who isn’t usually pushey..seriously) emails me a picture of a dress and lists the stores in my area that carry the designer. I resisted a bit…but once I put it on, I knew. Mom was right! Now that I think about it, someone picked out my FH for me to! Jeeze, you’d think I never made a decision for myself! 
that guy in your first row of pics is HOT.
with that said, all i’m gonna say is, i wish i was indian. i’m korean and though i love our traditions, etc, i am head over heels in love with the indian culture, language, FOOD, and clothing…
keep posting pics and all the lil details. very excited for your wedding! =)
I would probably let my mom pick out my dress, although I like simpler things and she likes it a bit more fancy. But she’s picked out a lot of things for me in the past (just because, or Christmas, or just because!!), and I almost always love everything. She knows what I like, even if she doesn’t love it. With Indian material, I think it’s hard to go TOO wrong, unless it’s “hot” like you said. Hot pink? A bit much.
But as everyone else seems to think…. LOVE Indian culture, clothing, food…. I’m sure you’ll look AMAZING.
no way jose. I love my mom but our tastes are COMPLETELY different!
Hi Miss Jasmine! Are you sending your mom with measurements to have the dress custom made or is she buying something off the rack? If she’s buying it custom, I would definitely give her the measurements for how long you want the choli to be (and how high/low you want the bustliine), how sheer/opaque you’d like your dupatta, and how long you’d like the sleeves.
Otherwise, as long as she knows the color and the amount of ornamentation you’d like, I’m sure she’ll find something gorgeous for you!
I should note, I’m not an Indian bride (though I do have Indian ancestry), so I’m definitely not an expert. I just know that if I was having my mom choose a lehnga for me, those would be the things I’d worry about.
I can’t wait to read about your Henna! (I’m looking for ideas…)
I trust my mom as much as I trust myself. She’s really awesome… and half of my wardrobe is stuff she picked out and bought for me. (She always brings out some new sweater or shirt and asks me if I like it… whenever I’m home)
But I think wedding dresses need to be tried on. Things look so different when they’re on the rack… plus they’re not as predictable as regular clothing. Frankly, I wouldn’t even trust myself to buy a dress without trying it on… so it would definitely be a difficult thing for her to do as well. But if it really came down to it, and if I were in your shoes, I’d trust my mom. She’d do a better job of it than any of my friends.
What a delightful story!
It has been featured at SareeDreams.com
I can’t wait to see your parent’s selection of clothes not just for you but also for the rest of the family.
[…] I’ve accepted my decision. I’m just too much of a comparison shopper! I’m excited to see what my parents bring back from India, where the selection is vast. And on the off chance they don’t find anything, I can always check […]
My mom picked up my lengha in India since she could take a long vacation and I had to work. I just picked out the color at a fabric store and she got it made. I really liked it since I love her taste. By the way, my wedding photographer is the same one that you have pics from on your site, Andrena Photo…good luck on your wedding!
My mom actually went to Bangladesh and bought me a wedding gown, and its design is better than most I have seen here. I am satisfied, but I wish I could have been there instead of my cousins. My mom does have good taste, and she usually choses Desi wear for me most of the time. I think the reason for this is because I have a darker complexion and she knows what colors look nice on me.
I trusted my mum to go to india and choose my wedding outfit, but she did have my sister and friend with her….when they came back with my outfit i was amazed, it was fab….i haven’t seen anything like it in magazines….love you mum x
