Mr. Peony and I had a discussion about mother-in-laws the other day and ended up questioning when exactly it became the norm to not get along with your (future) mother-in-law. Was it always this way? Did cavewomen butt heads with their MILs too?
After spending time with my mother every day for the last 9 months, Mr. Peony now loves her despite the language barrier (she speaks very little English). She in turn loves him back and treats him like the son she never had: cooking for him, cleaning up after him, giving him gifts, and even taking his side when we argue.
I, on the other hand, never really spent too much time with Mr. Peony’s mother because his parents live in Hong Kong. We’re friendly to one another but I wouldn’t call us friends. Whenever I do see her, I turn into a stone version of Miss Peony. I get super nervous, and the thought that I’m the girl who’s taking away her first born son away from her is always at the back of my mind. In addition, she doesn’t speak much English either…trying to converse with your FMIL when you both already speak the same language is hard enough! She’s never been nothing but nice to me, but I’m so bad at small talk and those awkward silences just kill me.
I know there are women out there who get along wonderfully with their (F)MILs, who even become best friends! I wish I could form that kind of relationship, but I’ve always had trouble opening up to new people. The fact that I’m scared sh*tless of her doesn’t help matters much.
Maybe one day, we can become good friends. But for now, we’re just two women who have one man in common. I guess it’s a lot better than some of the horror stories I’ve heard.
Do you get along with your (F)MIL?
Ditto Davis2b - My FMIL is a very special and unique person and we have very similar personalities, more than that she is JUST LIKE MY MOTHER! and since my mommy lives far away I find it very comforting to be around someone that is so similar to her, also she always tells me she loves me. I love that! But I can totally understand how some people would not get along with the MIL’s, especially if they are nosy and always want to give their 2 cents
We get along really well…she always writes “love mom” - keep in mind we’ve had over 7 years to get to know one another…it just takes TIME…lots of time 
I totally feel you!! Mr. E’s mom doesn’t speak much English either! We interact on a weekly basis, but conversing is difficult. Its just a few sentences here and there, and I feel it will be difficult to have an actual “friendship” with her per se. But she has always been very nice to me, so I’m grateful for that at least!
I find mine scary - she’s the total opposite to my Mum, we’re both very quiet and shy and my FMIL is anything but! But we get on OK - I lived with her for a couple of months!
We are too similar to get along. (Yes my FI is definitely marrying his mother.) 
She’s in our business more than I would like and until I came into his life, did most things for my FI in terms of finances, insurance, etc. That makes my blood boil.
She makes snide comments about the way I do things (for example, not dry cleaning his shirts). I basically just don’t tell her anything about our lives, because the minute I do I get an opinion.
This may be normal for some people, but I was raised by parents who trust me and don’t give their opinions unless asked or is absolutely necessary.
We get along, but she is DEFINITELY different from my mom. My FMIL tends to stay with us for weeks at a time and sometimes right after staying with us. Unlike my mom, she is very nosy, so I tend to close up quite a bit. I know people that get along great with their FMILs too, and I just keep wondering if I just need to change my attitude and lifestyle for her.
Meeting family is hard enough without a language barrier…I hope it gets easier for you.
The first time we met, I called her short and she smacked me on the rump. It’s been a great time ever since.
Between us we have four moms, so I was definitely concerned there was going to be some friction somewhere.
my family is local, his is not (on the other side of the country, in fact). mine speaks English well, his…so-so. i don’t know if it’s me, but while she is nice to me, i just have this gut feeling that she wishes i was of the same ethnic background…which bothers the crap out of me and further adds to my fear of his family.
even though his family can speak enough English to communicate with others…when I come around, they still speak in their native language, and my fiance just translates everything for me. what the heck is up with that?
our families have already met, which is one less thing to worry about, but we have so many more obstacles concerning the issue…
for now, my mentality is…i don’t need his mom to love me, but i don’t want her to hate me either. why can’t we all just get along?
My FMIL is a very neat person, liked her from the first time I met her (before FI and I were even really serious about each other!). I sent her a thank you note for lunch and that turned in to regular letters between us. My FMIL is my penpal!! I’m very blessed to be joining their family and will have a wonderful MIL.
Not. at. all. When your future mother in law talks smack about your own mother, all bets are off.
Neither me nor my fiance get along with our FMILs. And we all speak the same language.
My mom doesn’t like him, doesn’t think he’s the sort of man I should marry, wishes I’d not marry him and instead get involved with a man she’d approve of.
His mom is controlling and crazy and over-dependent. I wish she’d give back the thousands she owes him and stop pestering him about computer problems.
Thankfully, both of our parents live 1000 miles away. And while they’re both thinking of moving closer (at least parts of the year), as long as they live farther than 2 hours from where we live, we should all be okay.
I just don’t know how we’re all going to make it through the wedding and the week leading up to it. I’m pretty sure that as soon as we put my mom and his mom in the same room, there’s going to be a volatile chemical combination leading to large explosions.
Maybe I should try to catch it on video . . . .
I can’t stand either of his parents, but I get along with them out of necessity. They live 2 1/2 hours away thankfully, so I view my three or four times a year visits to see them as the price to pay for marrying their son and that gets me through, because he is wonderful. His parents just have very different values, lifestyle, and personalities from both of us, and just like Miss Peony we are just people who share one man in common. I have nothing else in common with them and don’t like them, but we are civil and polite to each other. I know we will never be close. The one thing that worries me is having to increase the frequency of our visits to see them once we have kids.
I have never met my FMIL because my fiance is estranged from her. I figure it’s all for the best considering some of the stuff she’s done plus my family would not be very friendly to her anyway during the wedding anyway especially the women. I do however get along with my FFIL. He’s great!
My FMIL picked me to date her son. Little did she know that we would end up getting married. I worked with her for 6 mos. before she hooked me up with her son. She only has boys, so she babies them a little. We get along great. I confide in her, especially about my own mother. My mom and fiance’s mom still work together, even though I have moved on. I think even if I hadn’t known her before we would still get along.
Neither Fi or I get along with his step mother. She is a crazy, screaming, childish person. She shouldn’t talk smack about ur fi to you in ur house! I’m scared for my wonderful normal parents to meet his father and step mother.
my mother-in-law is really great, in fact, all my in laws are awesome. i feel blessed just to be a part of their family. unfortunately, i am really shy around my asian elders, so it’s harder for me to be myself. plus, we only see each other occasionally because they live far away. i hope we’ll get closer, even if it’s just little by little!
same here! my fmil doesn’t speak much english and is quite unfriendly. my fiance is the ONLY son and youngest child in the family…so obviously she is super protective. we aren’t close at all, and im not sure we ever will be. the least i can do now is try not to piss her off. =P
p.s. you’re one of my favorite weddingbee bloggers miss peony!! i love all your posts.
I don’t like my FMIL even though we speak the same language . they are super selfish and they are the most unfriendly people i ever seen (espeically his dad). His mom pretended to be nice all the time, but she is really fake and she thinks that im stealing her son away from her or something. She cried when my FI bought me a ring and asked him where is hers. She even told him that she wants 3ct when she turns 60. She likes to show off in front of my family but pretends to be super broke in front of her son so she can get money from him. Then she goes freaking Taiwan for first class and she said she is poor. His dad just a prick. i never seen him treat anyone nice (except the mom and the two sons). He does even say Hi when I go to his house. Don’t get me wrong. They actually “like” me but they are just not nice people……. They even wanted to live with us. i told my FI over my dead body.
I had the language barrier with my MIL also. She’s Japanese and it was very difficult in the beginning. Luckily she speaks enough English to get by. I live 3 hours from any of my family, so she has become a second mom over the past 4 years. It was difficult at first, but with time she has become one of my favorite people to talk to!
we get along out of necessity. over the first few times we met, she would ask me over and over again to play the piano. my repertoire consists of chopsticks. she lectured my parents when she first met them. said our wedding was wasteful. and lectured me over and over again about spending money on our wedding. (my parents paid for 1/2 of our wedding and my hubby and i paid for the other 1/2)
she’s different from any mom i know. my MIL is seriously difficult.
Mrs. Peony, New York
Age and Occupation: 27, Marketing Coordinator
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, QA Engineer
Engagement Date: June 28, 2007
Wedding Date: April 18, 2008
Venue: The Fountainhead
Blogging Since: August 7, 2007
About Me: Both Mr. Peony and I are huge computer nerds, and our conversations usually consist of the latest gadgets, programming languages, and video games. At the same time, I can also be very girly with an obsession with handbags, makeup, and high heels. And art! I've studied studio art extensively, almost majored in art history, and freelance as a web and graphics designer. Mr. Peony and I are having a ball of a time planning a wedding for 250(!) guests, doing our best to infuse our personalities (geeky chic) with the wishes of our very traditional Asian parents.
I am happy to say that I do get along with my FMIL. She’s always careful not to “get in our business,” and she’s easy to talk to - really down to earth. I’m really lucky, because some MILs aren’t so nice!