Wedding Blog
I’m not a very affectionate person. I don’t coo at babies. I feel uncomfortable when people stand or sit too close to me. I have trouble saying “I love you” even to my family. And I don’t like cuddling.
Yes, that’s right. I’m a girl and I don’t like cuddling. Because I need my own space when I sleep, dammit.
This causes a bit of a problem because Mr. Peony is a cuddler. In fact, he loves to cuddle. He’s always begging and whining for me to cuddle with him.
Being the dutiful fiancee that I am, (ha - that sounds funny even to me) I oblige most of the time. If he is lucky and he catches me when I’m mucho tired, I will fall asleep in this position. But when I wake up, I’m on the opposite side of the bed. See, even in my sleep I don’t like cuddling.
I guess I can see how most girls like to cuddle. You want to stay close to those you love. Or you need some tenderness after having crazy animal sex.
My typical cuddling cycle:
Cuddle starts: Mmm. This is nice.
After 2 minutes: I start getting bored and restless. I fidget. Mr. Peony holds me tighter so I can’t escape.
After 5 minutes: My arm (the bottom one) starts to fall asleep. I start squirming. I finally break loose of his kung fu grip.
To all the women out there - what do you do with the other arm? The one on the bottom? Guys don’t understand this because they’re lying on their backs, as comfortable as they can be. Girls, on the other hand, have to lie on one side, with one arm below their bodies. You can’t put it in front of you, because the guy is there. You can’t put it behind you, because that’s just ridiculous.
It must be one of those mysteries of life. Like why we keep our mouthes open when applying mascara.
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You have to kind of have the arm on the bottom out front a little rather than right under you - imagine sleeping on your side. Personally, I have to fall asleep on my back, so I usually break free after FI has gone to sleep. 
But until then, I find that not having my arm directly under me keeps it from losing circulation and getting tingly.
haha I totally agree. My bottom arm just stays there until there’s no more feeling. Then I break away and go back to my corner of the bed.
Hahahaha… have you ever seen the Kevin Smith movie Mallrats? Two of the main male characters have a discussion about where they put the other arm when they are cuddling with their girlfriends and it ends up being a metaphor for a relationship.
Hahaha, they were JUST talking about this on the View today about cuddling! Sometimes, I’ll adjust and move my arm OVER his shoulder and lean my head on my hand. (You would think we’re talking about the kama sutra or something) I try to put it behind me but that doesn’t last long. Sometimes I’ll just literally lay right on top of his chest bc it’s just more comfy for me. Then he’ll begin to suffocate from my dead weight on his lungs and move me off and FREEDOOOOOMM I am excused to sleep on my own!!!
We cuddle for a while me turn towards him and then normally afterwards I end up sleeping on his arm like a pillow and facing outwards so that I don’t have to risk my arm falling asleep and aching. That way I’m still in his “arms” and when he wakes up, he just rolls over from his back and he’s cuddling me from behind and throws his other arm and sometimes leg over me. 
I was thinking the exact same thing bunnybride!
I tried to find the quote, but alas it’s not as popular as I would have thought.
My guy and I found the perfect cuddling position once. Yep, just once…and we haven’t been able to recreate it since. So yeah, something always falls asleep.
Of course you could put the burden of numb limbs on him and lay on your back with him cuddled up to your side. I usually like to put my legs over his if he’s in a ‘Z’ position. I hope I’m giving off the right visual here.
I totally need the space when sleeping too, I am not a cuddler. Cannot be touching when sleeping. But if cuddling together, then we spoon each other and there aren’t any numb arms.
I actually feel bad for HIS arm, since his arm is the one I’m laying on! He said it doesn’t matter if he’s on his side or back, since I’m killing the blood flow by laying on it. I have no trouble with sleepy arms since I just kind of “bear hug” the arm that’s around me- all the while hurting his elbow. Usually we both fall asleep like that and then break apart mutually. It’s perfect.
I’ve joked before that I wish we could cut a whole in the mattress for my arm to go down. That would be so much better. But I’m with you Miss Peony- my maximum cuddle time is about 4 minutes and then I want my side of the bed back!
Mallrats
Brodie: You know how when someone lays with their back to you…And you lay behind them really close and you throw one arm over them ?
TS: It’s called spooning.
Brodie: Yeah, but you gotta put the other arm
somewhere. You can either lay on it or shove it between your bodies. The only other option is to stretch it above your head.
But sometimes my arm pops out of socket when I’m sleeping like that. So I was constantly searching for someplace to keep my arm while still laying close to her.
TS: And?
Brodie: What do you mean, “and?”. That’s like a metaphor for our whole relationship.
Girl at register: I know exactly how he feels. Excuse me. [ Crying ]
I always sleep on my side, so my lower arm just tucks underneath my pillow.
haha… ya i dont like how my arm starts to feel uncomfortable… so i kinda cuddle with my legs.
i lay on my back and then just sprawl my legs over his… plus my feet are cold and he is a warm body so it’s a win win for both of us.. unless my feet are super cold..
haha, i’m like miss kiwi, i’m usually laying on my bf’s arm as a pillow. since i’m typically on my side, i just pull my bottom out a little bit in front of me like sara said. i can usually manipulate my arm into some comfortable fashion from there [i'm a side sleeper so it's no biggie]. we’ll fall asleep all cuddled up but somewhere during the night we’ll separate and be about our own business but we’ll always wake up somewhat close to each other
that’s why I like spooning…. hm, now to think about it, we don’t cuddle much. on the couch we do, but not in bed.
I’m mainly in agreement with you about the whole topic, Miss Peony, although I generally like to cuddle at other times away from sleeping. I cannot fall asleep trying to spoon or hold on to FH. When we do cuddle on the couch, it usually only lasts for a minute b/c I too get fidgety and uncomfortable. If I’m in a compromising mood, I may move “the other arm” up and around FH’s head or something. But, as much as I love the warmth of him around me and love how it feels to cuddle, it never works out right.
Oh Miss Peony, I hate cuddling, too! I like a good hug once and awhile and I’m not unaffectionate, but I HATE cuddling and especially when we sleep. My fiance is a big cuddler like yours (maybe they should just cuddle each other, lol), though, so I oblige once and awhile. Usually I fold my bottom arm in and place my hand under his shoulder…. for about five minutes, then I get claustrophobic and have to scoot away. But this helps keep the feeling in my arm while I’m being a nice fiance. 
Add me to the growing list of women who hate cuddling. I cannot be touching anything or anyone when I sleep. FI says I make a “starshape” in bed since I have to fall asleep lying on my back with my arms and legs fully spread out!
This is such an interesting topic ’cause typically the media portrays women as always wanting to cuddle and such so I never really thought many people had this same problem. What usually happened between us is his arm eventually falls asleep since I’m cutting off circulation and he removes it himself to avoid further pain. This allows me space to sleep ’cause I too am not a very affectionate person, but will succumb from time to time for him.
This is such a funny post! I love to cudde while watching TV, but I’m with you on the sleeping thing. Need my space at nighttime. Sometimes he tries to cuddle me in the middle of the night when I’m asleep and apparently I push him away and moan grumpily at him to get off me. I wouldn’t know though, I’m not really awake!!
Mine lays barely just in front of me and I usually end up bending at the elbow and “hugging” my own waist - that is until he turns into a furnace and we have to retreat to our own corners to cool down.
I like to cuddle and hug so much that just last night I asked my hubby if it annoyed him - he claims no
On the couch I just curl into him and fall asleep. He’s facing the TV and I’m facing him - I don’t know what I do with my arms - I think one is curled under my head and the other is wrapped around him.
At the beginning we used to fall asleep in each other’s arms in bed - now I just like lying close enough that we’re touching - even if his back is to me. He keeps me warm and the contact just makes me feel close to him and smile. Plus we can both fall asleep! I love in the middle of the night when I half wake up cause he’s snuggling close to me
i slide my other arm under his pillow but not directly under his head. it’s the only way my arm doesn’t fall asleep before i do.
hhah, this totally cracked me up! i love to cuddle actually, but crap, i’ve never figured out what to do with my arm either! i made this awful mistake one time a few years ago when a boyfriend was mad at me, so i spooned him all night long, while on my arm on my side. my shoulder has never been the same ever since!
now, i stay in that position for as long as i can stand it then i just roll back over on my back where i’m comfy. but i do plop my leg on top of his for that bit of contact with each other. i find it comforting to do that. now, when we roll over to get comfy, we both look for each others legs to intertwine.
Hmmmm - We have found some random puzzle type way of cuddling that works for us, and I’m not sure if I’m capable of describing it…
somehow my “other” arm slips under his neck. He holds me on his back of course and his arms are around me, and my under arm goes over his shoulder and under his neck and we are both comfortable. I’m sure that it is not making sense, but it works, and looks natural
we spoon so it’s his arm’s circulation that i’m killing, but i often get fidgety and carve out my own space once he’s fast asleep.
on a related topic: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21091112/
I was nodding my head the entire time I was reading your entry! I’m not too much of a cuddler either, while for my boyfriend, it’s his fave pastime. We usually deal with the ‘other arm’ issue in a few ways - one, I tuck it under and in between our bodies (though this doesn’t last long before I’m wriggling to get free); two, I lay atop of his arm and my arms can lay where they want (this also doesn’t last long because I feel guilty about cutting his blood flow); three, like most other ladies here have been saying, we spoon. I may not like cuddling, but I can do the ‘cutlery cuddling’ all night long!
lol at the mascara comment! so true!
i’m a spooner and so is fi, so it works out well. even with that, it only lasts about 5 minutes because we both sleep on our backs. sometimes i’ll wake up and he’s holding my hand, but we’re both still laying on our backs. weird, but cute.
If he’s the cuddler (like my fiance) then why aren’t you the one lying on your back and he’s the one snuggled on his side at your side figuring out “the other arm”? That’s what usually happens with us. I like cuddling but I sleep on my back - he wants to be as close as possible at all moments so he’s the one in what I consider the odd position. It’s freekin hot here and it’s too warm to last more than 15 or 20 minutes cuddled - so we usually end up with our ankles intertwined or holding hands or with one arm over the other. Spooning is cozy but we’re just about the same height and I hate feeling like he’s staring at the back of my neck. I can see that spooning with a 6 footer would be a different story.
I never was a cuddler (with anyone) until I met my FI…now, I’m SO cuddly with him. He’s not much of a cuddler either…which is how we met - with neither one of us cuddling…now its different. He’s probably wondering what happened to me. I converted
I stay with either my arm bent in front of me or with it somewhat under the pillow between the nook in his neck. Or I rest my head on his shoulder/chest and just kinda sleep on my belly.
Great question though and interesting responses!
Ahh–I’m not alone!! I’m exactly like you, Miss P. I’m totally not into cuddling (or at least not more than 30 seconds!) and also have problems hugging people and saying I love you to my family! And, my husband (as of 3 weeks!) LOVES to cuddle!
I don’t know if we’ve yet come up with a compromise yet. He’s been good learning that instead of one long 30 mn cuddle, I’m better off giving little hugs/cuddles throughout the day.
there’s a gap bt the bed and da guys back. i usually positing my arm there. it’s a small enough blank space to rest my arm. but ur not, not necessarily the most comfie for the women.
So let’s say he’s lying on his back with his left arm extended so I can put my head on it. His right arm is around me on the top, and my left arm is around him on the top. My right arm is bent at the elbow and comes up between our bodies, around my left side. Then he holds my right hand with his left hand. Pretzel-like, but it helps prevent my arm from falling asleep!
We mostly use each other as pillows. MrKit will sleep on his back and then I’ll put my head on his shoulder while also lying on my back. This works well for me and he’s never complained about his arm being out a little.
If spooning, I’m always the spooner, not the spoonee. It makes me feel claustrophobic. So I’ll snuggle up behind him but i’m up high enough where I can stick my arm under his neck. Since his head is up on the pillow, his neck is elevated enough where my arm won’t fall asleep.
Other times, we’ll just curl up and use various body parts as pillows… stomachs, sides, legs, whatever.
I don’t know if anyone else is a fidgeter like we both are, but if anyone has tips on how to keep the blanket from getting crammed in between would very helpful!
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Mrs. Peony, New York
Age and Occupation: 27, Marketing Coordinator
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, QA Engineer
Engagement Date: June 28, 2007
Wedding Date: April 18, 2008
Venue: The Fountainhead
Blogging Since: August 7, 2007
About Me: Both Mr. Peony and I are huge computer nerds, and our conversations usually consist of the latest gadgets, programming languages, and video games. At the same time, I can also be very girly with an obsession with handbags, makeup, and high heels. And art! I've studied studio art extensively, almost majored in art history, and freelance as a web and graphics designer. Mr. Peony and I are having a ball of a time planning a wedding for 250(!) guests, doing our best to infuse our personalities (geeky chic) with the wishes of our very traditional Asian parents.
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