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I was recently watching an episode of Oprah (please don’t judge!) and the episode featured the stars of the new Tyler Perry movie, “Why Did I Get Married?”
Oprah intervewed several real-life couples to find out why they got married. The answers were fascinating and truly eye-opening. One couple got married because of an unanticipated pregnancy and they wanted to do what was right for the baby. Another woman in her fifties found herself alone and wanted the companionship and security of a husband. Another said it just seemed like the natural next step after dating. One husband said he never thought about why he was getting married until the Oprah producers asked him!
I asked Mr. Jasmine why he was getting married and he replied, “I finally surrendered.” Very funny, Mr. Jasmine! After some thought, I decided I’m getting married because I love Mr. Jasmine with my whole heart and I’m ready to commit my life to him and become a family. It occurred to me that we could have that without being married and I decided that the legal benefits of marriage were also important.
Why are you getting married? How much thought did you give as to why you’re getting married?
Very good question indeed… i thought about it, and marriage even though I am not a very religious person is important to me, especially before I start my family.
Its to me, the foundation of our future life together. Also coming from a re-constructed family, (my parents got separated since I was 5 - oh and were never married) I want to offer my children something I didn’t have. Not that my parents didn’t do it right, but having married parents, i dunno is so much more meaningful (but the love factor is important too- don’t get me wrong 
What comes to mind is marriage vs. being together without marrying. I have a friend who is in a long-term relationship with her guy but they’ve decided not to marry. They are a married couple in every sense except the wedding day and the certificate. We have fun arguments about this and this is the best I can come up with: marriage is the outside of your heart representation to family and friends that you are going to be together forever and that you love each other deeply. It’s a celebration of a life moment that brings people together that satisfies the cultural and generational connection. You get declare your love to each other in front of everyone. So, I guess in other words…it’s one big approved public display of affection. 
But, for me who decided I was never going to get married, I did it because I love him and we wanted to go through all life has to offer together: marriage, children, growing old.
Anyone else?
One of the reasons I want to marry my FI is because I want to us to be recognized as a family. I’ve lived with him for over 5 years, and because I’m young when I introduce him as my boyfriend, I feel that some people just don’t recognize that we are in a serious relationship, “boyfriend” sounds like we are just dating and not living as a family, even though we are common-law. Being husband and wife makes it a lot clearer on what type of relationship you are in, which is important especially when you start thinking about kids.
Of course there are other reasons, we love each other, we plan to be together for the long haul and want to formally announce it to the world
I agree with the others who have said it’s a public sign of your commitment.
I’m getting married to celebrate the fact that we’ve decided to commit our lives to each other and become a family. It’s a big party for us - and for all of our family and close friends to kick off the beginning of our new life.
Sure, we could do it without it - but why not celebrate it?
There’s something so concrete and forever about getting married. I had become pretty cynical about romance before dating my FI, and didn’t think I would ever get married (at least not for a long, long time). He really changed my desire to get married. Both of our parents have stayed together and I think we both have similar thoughts on marriage!
i’m with KatyStardust. i’ve waited to find my perfect man, had many trials and errors. and although he nor i are perfect, we are so fitting and perfect for each other. i can’t imagine living my life without him now and i love that we’re sharing our love with our family and friends. it’s a celebration!
thanks for this post. in the midst of heavy duty crunch time wedding work (i’m 18 days away!) it’s a really good reminder of why i’m sacrificing my sanity and my fingers are sore with blisters. it’s because i want a wonderful celebration of our love!
Susan Serandon’s (sp?) character has a quote towards the end of “Shall We Dance”. It is my perfect answer to this question. I don’t remember it word for word, so I’ll paraphrase: “Marriage is committing to being a witness to someone’s life and of them baring witness to yours. It is saying, ‘your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it’”.
She says it with such heartfelt sincerity and vulnerability that I cry every time (3). I want to bare witness to his life, and he to mine.
My friend, who got married after only 8 weeks of dating a guy, and is in one of the most stable relationships I know, said that she got married because she wanted to be stuck - she had been in so many unstable relationships, and she knew he was the one, and she wanted to be stuck and it kept them from breaking up.
She doesn’t really recommend that strategy though :).
I am getting married because I have found the man who makes me whole and keeps me in check while i keep him in check. Getting married is the true commitment to each other and basically our promise in front of others to show them how much we mean to each other and that we intend to be in this together forever.
When I got engaged my mother asked me that question ( she has been happily married to my father for a good 30 or so years so she didn’t mean it in a nasty way). But that really did make me think.
And I realized as I grew up I have always thought that of course everyone meets someone that they love and want to share their life with. And as I grown older (I’m now soon to be 30) and I’m the first in my circle of friends to get married. I realise that NO, not everyone meets someone that they love and wants to spend their life with. It’s for sure that will happen. You see them everywhere, people who never found anyone that loved and respected who did the same to them.
So the reason for me to get married is to celebrate that I have found someone that I love and respect, who feels the same for me that I would like to spend my life with
When we were talking about getting engaged, I told my sweetie I wanted to get married so “we will be a family. Your family will be my family” and vice versa. Since we eloped (the church wedding is next year), I gained a dear husband and an entire extended family. I”m thrilled, but I found much more than I expected. Even living together, I always had alternate plans for my future spinning through my head, just in case things didn’t work out. Now, we make longterm plans together, and the sense of teamwork and security our marriage brings is invaluable. He is my soft place to fall.
I love oprah! I also watched this show and asked my Fi why we decided to marry. We both think we decided to marry because we want to grow old together and enjoy lifes adventures together. We have a 4yr old son which made us a family but we wanted to make sure we were not getting married because we had a child.
We have plenty of flippant answers to this (his mother forced us, we need the health insurance benefits, etc), but I think an honest and serious answer is we’ve found such great partners, why wouldn’t we get married?
I’m getting married for religious reasons. We don’t live together, nor would I want to live with him unless we were married. For me, having our relationship blessed by God in front of our friends and family is the most important part of getting married. I don’t know if I would do it otherwise, except for maybe the social justification of, “this is my husband.”
I am getting married because I have never met someone quite like him and I could never imagine my life without him. I know I want to have children with him and to raise them with him. He’s just an amazing person.
I also agree with the others who have said it’s a public sign of your commitment. And i love my h2b and i want to grow old with him and can’t imagine what life would be like without him now that he has been in it for 4 years. I love him soooo much.
I’m late to comment, but this is an important question to me, because I know the reason my sweetie is marrying me is because I demanded it. We had many discussions about why I had to have it, how marriage is different from a commitment to be together. His argument mainly centered around the fact that marriage is hardly permanent. Marriages fall apart all the time. People get married for stupid reasons, because they were drunk, or because it was time to do it, and the other person was handy. There is nothing, apparently, which makes it more stable than committed cohabitation. My answer to that is this: yes, people get married for all kinds of reasons, many stupid, many doomed to divorce. But people DO NOT get married for only one reason. A couple who is committed and plans to stay together long-term without getting married has decided to do so. People might get married without thinking, but they do not stay unmarried without thinking. It’s something one or the other or both of them have decided to do. And the only reason to NOT get married is because you want to keep your options open. You want to have other plans for your future. You want the illusion of freedom, even if it is not a fact. And quite honestly, I was not interested in a relationship where either or both of us was keeping his/her options open. In the end, he shrugged and admitted that, since he intended to spend the rest of his life with me, it didn’t really matter to him if we were married or we weren’t.
I know that this is a little bit of a late response, but I felt that I needed to add my two cents worth to this conversation. I am marrying my fiance because he is the first person who I have felt comfortable enough with to fall asleep in front of. I know it sounds odd, but it’s true. When I was younger, I would get teased ALOT at sleepovers because I snore (quite loud when I am sick) and talk in my sleep. Then I discovered that, if I went to sleep last and got up first, I wouldn’t get teased. This habit continued into adulthood despite my best efforts to get rid of it. The first time I dozed in front of my fiance, it never occured to me NOT to drift off. I trusted him enough to go to sleep. That’s when I knew that we were going to be either the best of friends or married within a year. Six months later and I have never been happier. I am marrying him on Saturday and am looking forward to falling asleep next to him every night for the rest of our lives.
Mrs. Jasmine, Chicago/LA
Age and Occupation: 25, Attorney
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Attorney
Engagement Date: March 24, 2007
Wedding Date: June 7, 2008
Blogging Since: September 20, 2007
Venue: Hotel on the westside of Los Angeles
About Me: I'm a happy-go-lucky, imaginative spirit trapped in the body of a lawyer. I love reading, shopping, dining out, and exploring my beloved adopted city of Chicago with my fiance. We're planning the wedding of our dreams in my hometown of Los Angeles and we're excited to incorporate our cherished Indian/Pakistani customs and traditions.
This is such a good question. I’ve asked myself that and my answer is that I’ve found the person I see myself growing old with. From the first week we met I knew he was the one, and over the course of the last 3 years I’ve become more certain that he’s it for me.