image courtesy of allposters.com
On a recent trip to Houston for a friend’s wedding, I distractedly made my way through a stack of wedding magazines. As I flipped past the advertisements, a recurring theme caught my eye. An advertisement for teeth whitening. Another advertisement for a bridal boot camp. A yearlong wedding day beauty timeline. Each magazine reiterated the message that it’s a bride’s responsibility to be the most beautiful version of herself on her wedding day.
Why is there so much pressure for us to look perfect on our wedding day? We managed to snag the loves of our lives just as we are, flaws and all. And I suspect that if we showed up to the altar with a little extra weight, a pimple, or less than groomed brows, those men would love us just the same.
Furthermore, the goal feels unattainable. I suspect many women, like myself, have days where they feel fabulous and sexy and other days where they feel like putting a bag over their head. It’s almost masochistic to choose a day twelve months in the future and plan, hope, and pray that it it will be not only a “pretty day”, but “the prettiest day.” Since when did the joyous glow of being in love become not enough?
That’s not to say that I’m against the traditional beautifying rituals of special hair and makeup. But planning a wedding is stressful enough without the added pressure of teeth whitening/weight loss/extensions/acrylics/facials etc. What do you think? How have you resisted/given in to wedding day beauty pressure?
Wow- I completely agree. I felt so much pressure to be the “most beautiful me” on my wedding day. It caused me so much stress and many sleepless nights, but why? My fiance as well as everyone else invited knew what I looked like on a daily basis, and still loved me. Would they think less of me because my teeth were a normal color and not that of a movie star- probably not.
I think it is so easy to get caught up in all this and forget the most important thing during the planning process- I am lucky enough to marry the man of my dreams and have wonderful friends and family support me. Why doesn’t the wedding industry focus on that more?
“I am lucky enough to marry the man of my dreams and have wonderful friends and family support me. Why doesn’t the wedding industry focus on that more?”
Because that doesn’t make them any money. 
Hmmm, good question! I thought about getting a series of facials, but ultimately its money better spent elsewhere. My skin isn’t 100% perfect, but no one’s really is without makeup anyway (at least not that I’ve seen!).
I’ll probably do the teeth whitening thing, like kleverkira–by going to the drugstore and getting some Whitestrips.
Though I must admit I feel the need to tone up, I am too lazy to take much initiative right now–though I have changed my diet a lot to try and slim down a little (no more sodas, more fresh veg/fruits, bringing my own lunches, etc).
It is exactly as you described… some days I feel amazingly sexy (thanks FH!), and others I wish I could just hide under a blanket. x.x;
I felt like I was in a tug of war with the whole thing. In the previous response to the “Nails or Legs” post I said I freaked out at all the options. I definitely felt the pressure. I think it felt worse because I don’t even wear makeup, so I felt completely lost in the world of wedding primping. I even looked into laser hair removal which wasn’t even something I wanted to do. All in the name of trying to look flawless. Thank goodness my guy and our budget brought me back to reality. He’d marry me if I were dressed in a paper sack. 
And there were a lot of things I couldn’t afford.
I knew the cardinal rule though…don’t try any new beauty treatments close to your wedding. So with that in mind, I chose to just get my eyebrows and nails done.
And no matter what beauty treatments you do for your wedding day, you’re going to look fabulous. It just can’t be helped. You’ll have the glow that you only get when you marry the love of your life. That was the best beauty treatment of all.
I found the wedding a good excuse to get back in the gym to lose some weight. I look better, feel better, and eat healthier. Its a bummer that it took a wedding to make me really get back on the ball, but its improved my health and made me take care of things I have been neglecting, like my skin and my weight. I also get monthly facials now, before getting engaged I would only do them every 2 months. Its a treat, and I love it!
…the true test is whether it keeps up after the wedding!
Too funny. I remember my now hubby talking about buying teeth whitening stuff for the wedding. I just looked at him and laughed because he is ’sooooo’ not metrosexual. He’s the type of guy that only owns free t-shirts. He didn’t really follow through with the plan, but just that he thought about it was crazy
I’ve always had a theory that you are beautiful on your wedding day no matter what. I have never seen a wedding picture of a friend where she wasn’t looking absolutely amazing. I always though it was because everyone glows on their wedding day - it’s impossible not to look stunning. Maybe it’s a combination of that and all the extra effort ($$) that’s spent to make us look our best.
PS - Whenever I’m a bridesmaid I always order the smaller size when buying the dress - saying I’ll lose 5 lbs. And I’m always MISERABLE at the wedding cause I didn’t lose 5 lbs! So for my wedding dress - I bought the size I’d be comfortable in as is - and didn’t care about those 5 extra lbs
Thanks, Miss Jasmine!
On my wedding day, I was sweaty, broken out and a little heavy after all the pre-wedding parties. The hubs was sweaty, too (it was 99 degrees, with no AC in the church… everybody was too hot), but what showed in the photos was how stinking happy we were.
1.5 years later, We’re both thinner (thanks to more home-cooked meals), my skin looks better (no more wedding-planning stress) and I definitely have better hair than I did on my wedding day… and that’s great. I was happy with the way I looked on the Big Day (I’ll confess - I had great makeup), and I’m happy with how I look (and feel) now, but I think taking care of our health on a long-term basis is more important than crash-dieting toward one day.
oh man, i totally feel this post. my teeth are currently hurting from the hyper sensitivity caused by the tooth whitening treatments! and my nails have become so brittle due to stress. so of course, i’m stressing over them not being nice and long enough for the wedding in 2.5 weeks! i’m sure that doesn’t help…
I made beauty choices I was comfortable with — opting for a slight indulgence but with a more personal style rather than worrying about conforming to a particular type of “bridal” style. I felt more confident that way, rather than trying to fit into a mold of someone I wasn’t.
Also, I read a book early on about wedding rituals around the world and noted a mention of pre-wedding bathing rituals (which varied in details but were similar in concept) which were intended to prepare a bride for her married life and mark a separation from her single life. So, with that in mind, a bridesmaid and I went to the communal baths the day before the wedding and spent 3 hours relaxing –steam room, sauna, hot and cold tubs, a nice salt scrub, and just general de-stressing. It made me feel more relaxed and beautiful than any more fancy treatment could have.
I resisted. I did use Whitestrips, but that’s as far as it went for me. I knew my DH loved me for who I was, and frankly, his was the only opinion that mattered anyway!!! I was even going to do my own makeup on the big day, because I think it’s absolutely ridiculous to spend a huge amount on a professional makeup artist. You can’t really tell in the pics whether you did it yourself or spent a ton of money on it anyway. However, the sweet woman who did my hair used to be a Hollywood makeup artist, and insisted on doing my makeup as well, for free!!
I definitely was one to resist marketing as much as possible. We had a very small budget, as we had only 5 months to plan, no time to save, and paid for it ourselves. And because of that, the entire wedding had my personal touches (and the handiwork of a lot of helpful friends).
And I was still glowing!!
Thank you for this post! Wedding planning is stressful enough; we shouldn’t have to feel like we’re “not good enough” right now, so we need to completely change our lifestyles just for one day.
I LOVE THAT!!
I always wanted to spend a little on girlie things, like massages and facials and cosmetics… But I always felt guolty about it… Now that I have a goal, not only I`m doing stuff I always wanted to do and on top of that I`m on a diet. And for the first time ever I am sticking to it, because I wanna look my best on my wedding day, when all the attention is on me. I just don`t see how is it wrong to encourage women to be the better version of their selves.
Luisa: I’m definitely not discouraging women from those activities or from being “better” versions of themselves. I enjoy getting massages, facials, mani/pedis as much as the next girl. I would hate for someone to read my post and feel guilty for that type of stuff.
All I’m saying is that it makes me sad that there is so much pressure for women to look perfect on their wedding day– it’s a lot for women to look up to and a lot of women end up feeling insecure and stressed out. The idea that I need to lose ten pounds, get my teeth whitened, start a series of facials and hair treatments, etc. makes me feel exhausted!
If you enjoy doing those type of things, great! Lots of women, including myself, do. But it’s a shame that many women feel obligated to engage in these activities, not because they would otherwise, but because they feel obligated because it’s their wedding and they have to look perfect no matter what.
Ha! I love this, because it’s true. However, I’m getting stuff done because when am I going to have a better excuse to indulge myself? I’m going all out with a hair and makeup artist coming to me, and I’m getting my brows done. BUT I’m not losing weight. I don’t need to be skinny - I battle my body constantly for my health, and just being in remission is good enough for me.
Miss Jasmine — I liked your post. All of this stuff really is stirred up by all of the companies who pay to advertise that you “need” this stuff. I’m less worried about how I look now when I am young and in good shape and more worried about what I’ll look like after a couple of kids and a busy working life. So I’m setting my goals on my long-term health and wearing a lot of sunblock.
Great post! I totally agree with you except for the fact that I wanted to look nicely polished in the photos. What I mean is that I didn’t do any of the crazy pre-wedding prep (except whitestrips) and even gained a bit of weight as the wedding approached, and was totally fine with that. BUT I wanted pretty makeup and hair because I wanted to be the prettiest version of MYSELF on that day….not prettier than I really am by doing all sorts of crazy treatments that stop me looking like myself, but just that I wanted to not look back at the pictures and think I look sloppy. That’s about all it was for me, although I agree the wedding industry pressure is craaazyyyy!!
Good post! I got so annoyed when people kept asking me if I was running to lose weight for the wedding. Um, no, I was training for a half marathon.
probably because you get lots of photos taken, and those photos are going to be around for the rest of your life!
ms. jasmine! you’re awesome! i always love your posts and i love how they address wedding stuff but go even deeper than that. =)
i have been trying to ’say no’ too. one of my friends recommended i get a tan since i’m so pale (i didnt want to look too white in a whit dress) but then i strongly said ‘NO! why do i have to change myself when i can be simply who i am?’ and my mom recommended a manicure when i answered, ‘No! why do i need one now when i never cared about that before?’
i’m trying to remind myself that as much as the world emphasizes glamour, in the end what’s more beautiful is whether i am confident in who i am, and that’s all that matters!
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Mrs. Jasmine, Chicago/LA
Age and Occupation: 25, Attorney
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Attorney
Engagement Date: March 24, 2007
Wedding Date: June 7, 2008
Blogging Since: September 20, 2007
Venue: Hotel on the westside of Los Angeles
About Me: I'm a happy-go-lucky, imaginative spirit trapped in the body of a lawyer. I love reading, shopping, dining out, and exploring my beloved adopted city of Chicago with my fiance. We're planning the wedding of our dreams in my hometown of Los Angeles and we're excited to incorporate our cherished Indian/Pakistani customs and traditions.
Yes and no. If anything, the “wedding day goal” has made me take some action, especially with weight. I’m not heavy, but I did need to change the way I was eating and I’ve subsequently lost a few pounds.
I guess there’s a big part of me that wants everyone to go, “Wow, doesn’t she look amazing?” Plus the picture aspect. I’ll be looking back at these pictures for the rest of my life.
As for teeth-whitening, I may or may not do it. If I do it’ll be the White Strips or something I can get at the drugstore. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I will probably have a pimple on my wedding day because that’s just how my skin is, especially if I’m stressed at all. I’ll probably just have a really great make-up artist to cover it up!