Determining The Order Of Your Bridal Party

It tends to go unspoken or just mentioned in jest. However, having attended several weddings and been a bridesmaid myself, I have observed one small potential area of tension: the order the couple chooses to arrange its bridesmaids and groomsmen. While the bridal party for the most part either seems to understand or doesn’t seem to care, I have noticed in some cases where some BMs/GMs feel slightly hurt that their names are at the bottom of the list or that they stand at the outermost end of the line.

Because the bridal party is often arranged in some kind of order of their relationship to the bride/groom, I have just noticed a few cases where a BM/GM is just a little bit hurt. But they usually don’t make a big deal out of it, since after all, it is the couple’s day and they should be able to arrange it the way they choose!

It’s a non-issue for many couples, but for others, it can sometimes get to be a big deal, especially if you have an extremely tight-knit group of friends! That has been the case for us…in fact, we have an extremely large wedding party with multiple MOHs and best men because each of these particular friends are so important to us and in no way do we want to suggest they are a lesser friend than anyone else. Among other couples I have talked to, we’ve observed a few ways that some brides/grooms have gone around this issue. To avoid this, some have arranged their wedding party as follows: :

  • By height
  • By alphabetical order
  • By how long you have known them w/o regard to how close you are
  • By age
  • Or leaving the decision up to the wedding coordinator and having nothing to do with it!

What I most likely will do is arrange my bridesmaids in chronological order in terms of when we became friends. However, I thought these questions might make for some interesting discussion…

Have any of you given this subject some thought? Was it even a concern at all? And for those of you who have already done this, how did you decide to arrange the order of your bridal party?

BLOGGER

Mrs. Daffodil

Location:
Los Angeles
Wedding Date:
May 2014

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  1. Guest Icon Guest
    Carrie, Guest @ 11:21 am

    I literally played eenie-meenie-miney-mo. that’s how I chose. Stupid, but effective!

  2. Guest Icon Guest
    Kristin, Guest @ 11:23 am

    My bridesmaids were arranged by how long I had know them (sister, high school friend, college friend, husband’s sister). This worked well since my sister was also my MOH.

    The groomsmen were arranged more out of consideration to the bridesmaids. First was our Best Man, then groomsman from college, then groomsman from middle school, then my brother.

    We did this b/c my friend from college is good friends with his groomsman from middle school. Though this groomsman had been known the longest by my husband, I don’t think the guys cared much. It made the girls feel better.

  3. Member
    christigpa 169 posts, Blushing bee @ 11:27 am

    After the MOH, by height matched with groomsmen (by height) – it’s the easiest…

  4. Guest Icon Guest
    sarah, Guest @ 11:31 am

    I was in a similar predicament. We chose not to have a MOH or BM. Instead, we just lined up both sides by length of time we have known them. That kept any “politics” out of it. Well, except for one bridesmaid who was upset with this order bc it meant she wouldn’t be matched up with her boyfriend on the other side! Geesh! She dealt, but she drove me nuts about it for a week!

  5. Guest Icon Guest
    a, Guest @ 11:31 am

    Same as christigpa!

  6. Member
    toucan 1326 posts, Bumble bee @ 11:34 am

    same as christigpa, order by height also looks best IMHO.

  7. Guest Icon Guest
    alison, Guest @ 11:38 am

    I did my sisters alpha, then friends alpha. Then I height matched the groomsmen to them :)

  8. Member
    Joanne 270 posts, Helper bee @ 11:39 am

    I have 7 and are placing them in an order that makes the most sense.
    2nd sister (MOH)
    oldest sister
    Fi’s younger sister (junior bm)
    childhood friend
    college friend
    college friend
    college friend (bridesman)

    2 of the college friends are good friends while the other is just an acquaintaince. so put her as #5 and the other two together at the end with the bridesman at the end who’ll walk down by himself. since we have 7 on each side, one of fi’s groomsmen will walk down with his grandmother.

  9. Guest Icon Guest
    JoJo, Guest @ 11:41 am

    My friends and I have all been in each other’s weddings, and we are all very close. To avoid any drama, I will be doing the same thing my friends have – lining everyone up by height (after my MOH). It’s easy, it looks nice, and no one gets their feelings hurt!

  10. Guest Icon Guest
    Kelly, Guest @ 11:52 am

    Ooh, interesting subject. I definitely did it the least politically correct way (oh, well) but it’s what I felt most comfortable with. My sister (Maid OH) and best friend (Matron OH), were 1-2, then my close college friend, childhood friend, and high school friend. None of them seemed to care, but I did hear that the high school friend made a comment about her being “the last one in every wedding.” Oh well. You’ll never make everyone happy!

  11. Guest Icon Guest
    Mrs. S, Guest @ 11:54 am

    By height!

  12. Member
    franola 41 posts, Newbee @ 11:57 am

    oo good topic. i was a bridesmaid for my friend who arranged us by order of when we met, but the bridesmaid behind me thought she should have been in front of me. i think she was technically correct, but she and the bride didn’t actually become real friends until much later. she said it in jest but i did feel kind of strange about it.

  13. Guest Icon Guest
    davis2b, Guest @ 12:06 pm

    I’ve always been to weddings where it was done by height, which does seem to be the easiest – and no one’s feelings get hurt!

    But it is the Bride & Groom’s day and they should be able to arrange it how they want.

  14. Guest Icon Guest
    BaghdadBride, Guest @ 12:14 pm

    i think etiquette wise it’s by height but I’m not 100% sure on that. We’ll do it by what ever way looks most visually pleasing.

    Honestly, I’ve never known anyone to have an issue with this and if one of my bridesmaids did I’d think it was kind of stupid.

  15. Guest Icon Guest
    Helene, Guest @ 12:34 pm

    Doing it by height worked for me, as it also happened to correspond to family.. MOH (my cousin) and SIL were equally tall, and my 2 other friends a bit shorter. So I just did it that way.

    On the groomsmen side, they were all pretty equal height, so we sort of paired them with whoever we thought would get along best… ie, the rambunctious friend of the groom with my spunkiest friend; my goofy yet conservative brother with my goofy yet conservative friend.

    Unfortunately it meant his (twin) sister was paired with one of his high school friends who didn’t always get along… I believe at one point there was a protest of ‘but he made my sister cry once.. will that be ok??’ Haha. Luckily all those issues were pretty ancient history so there was no drama, and I think everything worked out ok :)

  16. Guest Icon Guest
    katie the lady, Guest @ 12:43 pm

    I have to admit I was a little offended at my brother’s wedding recently. First, I was not asked to be in the wedding at all until 5 months before (they had been planning for over a year) and then I was placed at the end of the line (despite being the shortest). I really felt like an afterthought, even though I was the groom’s only sibling! I was obviously the “guilt bridesmaid”, which was more insulting that anything!

  17. Guest Icon Guest
    JessicaMayBe, Guest @ 12:49 pm

    We definitely did it by height; my girls were 5’2″, 5’7″, and 6’0″. The guys were around 5’9″, 6’0″ and 6’4″. We had the arranged on different levels as well: one on the main platform, one on a step, and one of the ground. That way all the girls looked cute and petit, since my taller bridemaid does NOT love being “the tall girl” all the time.

  18. Guest Icon Guest
    kris, Guest @ 12:52 pm

    As a bridesmaid, I had never even had this experience or even thought about it actually. I have always been the first one to walk because I am a shorty and am always the shortest bridesmaid in the group, I thought this is how it always done! I think arranging the bridal party in an objective order is very reasonable way to do it. I mean seriously, bridal parties are already a pain to decide and choose amongst your friends, but then to on top of that categorize them in the favorites of the favorites is a bit much, sorry if I offend anyone, that’s just my honest opinion.

  19. Guest Icon Guest
    Tea, Guest @ 1:17 pm

    as a bridesmaid i never really knew either since both times i was in the middle. the first wedding i was in was kind of random and just this past one we did it by height after the moh and best man.

  20. Member
    cherryblossom 727 posts, Busy bee @ 1:22 pm

    By height =)

  21. Guest Icon Guest
    norcalbruin, Guest @ 1:42 pm

    Thank goodness for blood and height. I plan on having my bridal party in order of height while my maid of honor will be my sister (once again there is a reason behind my Mother’s madness). No harm and no foul. Come to think of it, none of my friends are that petty to even care. They’re just happy that I’m getting married and to participate in the festivities.

  22. Guest Icon Guest
    AMK, Guest @ 1:43 pm

    People seriously get hurt about this stuff? Honestly!

  23. Member
    rzblna 303 posts, Helper bee @ 2:14 pm

    Yeah, I was a little hurt at being the end of the line. I know it’s stupid, but there it is.

    That’s why I plan to organize my bridal party by height.

  24. Guest Icon Guest
    Sarah, Guest @ 2:31 pm

    We did it by how long we knew them, so my side went high school friend (MOH) – college friend – work friend, and his went brother (BM) – undergrad friend – grad school friend. Come to think of it, all my attendants were 5’2″ and all his were 5’8″. With us, the towering behemoths in the middle! Rowr!

  25. Guest Icon Guest
    wsukarebear, Guest @ 2:51 pm

    I totally agree–I was surprised when a friend of mine told her about another wedding she was in, and how honored she was to be right after the MOH. In that case, the bride was ranking them in closeness, I guess.

    I did mine strictly in descending height order, so when one BM was like “oh…I’m on the end?” I just explained it was a height thing. When it comes down to it, I picked the five people whom I am closest to, and I was really concerned she thought it was about ranking, when I don’t know I could have ranked them in any way! ;-)

  26. Member
    Sar 3 posts, Wannabee @ 3:04 pm

    We arranged the groomsmen in order of best relationship to the groom (brother,BF,2ndBF,then my brother) and Bridesmaids in order of current involvement in my life (Sister, BF, Friend since Univ, Friend since highschool) It also turned out that I am closer to the people that stood “closer” to me

  27. Guest Icon Guest
    One Year Ago… » Weddingbee » The Wedding Blog, Guest @ 1:58 am

    [...] Determining the Order of Your Bridal Party by Miss Daffodil [...]

  28. Guest Icon Guest
    ALISON, Guest @ 11:00 am

    what is the difference between a maid of honor and chief bridesmaid.

  29. Guest Icon Guest
    listas vip otto, Guest @ 6:44 pm

    Unquestionably believe that which you said. Your favourite justification seemed to be at the internet the easiest thing to be mindful of. I say to you, I certainly get irked at the same time as other people think about worries that they just don’t realize about. You controlled to hit the nail upon the highest and also outlined out the whole thing with no need side effect , folks could take a signal. Will probably be back to get more. Thanks

  30. Guest Icon Guest
    Hayley, Guest @ 2:55 pm

    Its easy for me because my Friends are engaged or married to my partners friends so we chose, partners
    expect for one

    My Best friend(since school)- My partners Brother
    My Friend — His friend (from UnI)
    My Sister– His Friend
    My New Friend– His friend
    My Friend from work — His new Friend

  31. Guest Icon Guest
    Hayley, Guest @ 2:56 pm

    My sister and his friend are not together. sorry didnt add it in

  32. Guest Icon Guest
    Laura, Guest @ 3:02 am

    My sister put me at the end of the line behind girls that did not even include her in their own wedding partys. I was hurt by that, maybe our 20 something years together did’t mean much to her. Now I have the painful task of how to order my own Bridesmaids!

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