Wedding Blog
It tends to go unspoken or just mentioned in jest. However, having attended several weddings and been a bridesmaid myself, I have observed one small potential area of tension: the order the couple chooses to arrange its bridesmaids and groomsmen. While the bridal party for the most part either seems to understand or doesn’t seem to care, I have noticed in some cases where some BMs/GMs feel slightly hurt that their names are at the bottom of the list or that they stand at the outermost end of the line.
Because the bridal party is often arranged in some kind of order of their relationship to the bride/groom, I have just noticed a few cases where a BM/GM is just a little bit hurt. But they usually don’t make a big deal out of it, since after all, it is the couple’s day and they should be able to arrange it the way they choose!
It’s a non-issue for many couples, but for others, it can sometimes get to be a big deal, especially if you have an extremely tight-knit group of friends! That has been the case for us…in fact, we have an extremely large wedding party with multiple MOHs and best men because each of these particular friends are so important to us and in no way do we want to suggest they are a lesser friend than anyone else. Among other couples I have talked to, we’ve observed a few ways that some brides/grooms have gone around this issue. To avoid this, some have arranged their wedding party as follows: :
What I most likely will do is arrange my bridesmaids in chronological order in terms of when we became friends. However, I thought these questions might make for some interesting discussion…
Have any of you given this subject some thought? Was it even a concern at all? And for those of you who have already done this, how did you decide to arrange the order of your bridal party?
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I literally played eenie-meenie-miney-mo. that’s how I chose. Stupid, but effective!
My bridesmaids were arranged by how long I had know them (sister, high school friend, college friend, husband’s sister). This worked well since my sister was also my MOH.
The groomsmen were arranged more out of consideration to the bridesmaids. First was our Best Man, then groomsman from college, then groomsman from middle school, then my brother.
We did this b/c my friend from college is good friends with his groomsman from middle school. Though this groomsman had been known the longest by my husband, I don’t think the guys cared much. It made the girls feel better.
After the MOH, by height matched with groomsmen (by height) - it’s the easiest…
I was in a similar predicament. We chose not to have a MOH or BM. Instead, we just lined up both sides by length of time we have known them. That kept any “politics” out of it. Well, except for one bridesmaid who was upset with this order bc it meant she wouldn’t be matched up with her boyfriend on the other side! Geesh! She dealt, but she drove me nuts about it for a week!
Same as christigpa!
I did my sisters alpha, then friends alpha. Then I height matched the groomsmen to them 
I have 7 and are placing them in an order that makes the most sense.
2nd sister (MOH)
oldest sister
Fi’s younger sister (junior bm)
childhood friend
college friend
college friend
college friend (bridesman)
2 of the college friends are good friends while the other is just an acquaintaince. so put her as #5 and the other two together at the end with the bridesman at the end who’ll walk down by himself. since we have 7 on each side, one of fi’s groomsmen will walk down with his grandmother.
My friends and I have all been in each other’s weddings, and we are all very close. To avoid any drama, I will be doing the same thing my friends have - lining everyone up by height (after my MOH). It’s easy, it looks nice, and no one gets their feelings hurt!
Ooh, interesting subject. I definitely did it the least politically correct way (oh, well) but it’s what I felt most comfortable with. My sister (Maid OH) and best friend (Matron OH), were 1-2, then my close college friend, childhood friend, and high school friend. None of them seemed to care, but I did hear that the high school friend made a comment about her being “the last one in every wedding.” Oh well. You’ll never make everyone happy!
By height!
oo good topic. i was a bridesmaid for my friend who arranged us by order of when we met, but the bridesmaid behind me thought she should have been in front of me. i think she was technically correct, but she and the bride didn’t actually become real friends until much later. she said it in jest but i did feel kind of strange about it.
I’ve always been to weddings where it was done by height, which does seem to be the easiest - and no one’s feelings get hurt!
But it is the Bride & Groom’s day and they should be able to arrange it how they want.
i think etiquette wise it’s by height but I’m not 100% sure on that. We’ll do it by what ever way looks most visually pleasing.
Honestly, I’ve never known anyone to have an issue with this and if one of my bridesmaids did I’d think it was kind of stupid.
Doing it by height worked for me, as it also happened to correspond to family.. MOH (my cousin) and SIL were equally tall, and my 2 other friends a bit shorter. So I just did it that way.
On the groomsmen side, they were all pretty equal height, so we sort of paired them with whoever we thought would get along best… ie, the rambunctious friend of the groom with my spunkiest friend; my goofy yet conservative brother with my goofy yet conservative friend.
Unfortunately it meant his (twin) sister was paired with one of his high school friends who didn’t always get along… I believe at one point there was a protest of ‘but he made my sister cry once.. will that be ok??’ Haha. Luckily all those issues were pretty ancient history so there was no drama, and I think everything worked out ok
I have to admit I was a little offended at my brother’s wedding recently. First, I was not asked to be in the wedding at all until 5 months before (they had been planning for over a year) and then I was placed at the end of the line (despite being the shortest). I really felt like an afterthought, even though I was the groom’s only sibling! I was obviously the “guilt bridesmaid”, which was more insulting that anything!
We definitely did it by height; my girls were 5′2″, 5′7″, and 6′0″. The guys were around 5′9″, 6′0″ and 6′4″. We had the arranged on different levels as well: one on the main platform, one on a step, and one of the ground. That way all the girls looked cute and petit, since my taller bridemaid does NOT love being “the tall girl” all the time.
As a bridesmaid, I had never even had this experience or even thought about it actually. I have always been the first one to walk because I am a shorty and am always the shortest bridesmaid in the group, I thought this is how it always done! I think arranging the bridal party in an objective order is very reasonable way to do it. I mean seriously, bridal parties are already a pain to decide and choose amongst your friends, but then to on top of that categorize them in the favorites of the favorites is a bit much, sorry if I offend anyone, that’s just my honest opinion.
as a bridesmaid i never really knew either since both times i was in the middle. the first wedding i was in was kind of random and just this past one we did it by height after the moh and best man.
Thank goodness for blood and height. I plan on having my bridal party in order of height while my maid of honor will be my sister (once again there is a reason behind my Mother’s madness). No harm and no foul. Come to think of it, none of my friends are that petty to even care. They’re just happy that I’m getting married and to participate in the festivities.
People seriously get hurt about this stuff? Honestly!
Yeah, I was a little hurt at being the end of the line. I know it’s stupid, but there it is.
That’s why I plan to organize my bridal party by height.
We did it by how long we knew them, so my side went high school friend (MOH) - college friend - work friend, and his went brother (BM) - undergrad friend - grad school friend. Come to think of it, all my attendants were 5′2″ and all his were 5′8″. With us, the towering behemoths in the middle! Rowr!
I totally agree–I was surprised when a friend of mine told her about another wedding she was in, and how honored she was to be right after the MOH. In that case, the bride was ranking them in closeness, I guess.
I did mine strictly in descending height order, so when one BM was like “oh…I’m on the end?” I just explained it was a height thing. When it comes down to it, I picked the five people whom I am closest to, and I was really concerned she thought it was about ranking, when I don’t know I could have ranked them in any way! 
We arranged the groomsmen in order of best relationship to the groom (brother,BF,2ndBF,then my brother) and Bridesmaids in order of current involvement in my life (Sister, BF, Friend since Univ, Friend since highschool) It also turned out that I am closer to the people that stood “closer” to me
[...] Determining the Order of Your Bridal Party by Miss Daffodil [...]
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Mrs. Daffodil, San Francisco/Los Angeles
Age and Occupation: 26, Nonprofit Strategy Consultant
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Resident Physician
Engagement Date: December 29, 2006
Wedding Date: May, 2008
Blogging Since: August, 2007
Venue: Church w/ floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the Valley; Westin in downtown LA
About Me: I moved around a lot growing up, but consider myself a Southerner at heart. I love scrapbooking, dancing, doggies, and diet coke. I am all about personalizing everything and hence, I'm a DIY bride who is just loving the entire wedding planning process! Mr. Daffodil and I met in our college fellowship group and were "just friends" for three years before we started dating. We've been together for four years now and can't wait to get married in sunny SoCal, Mr. Daffodil's hometown.
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