PTWS

I think my wife has PTWS. Before you try looking this up somewhere (where you won’t find it, cause I’m the official discoverer of this rare disease), let me give you some back story first on how I came to find out about this disease.

I am a peaceful man – therefore I would want my bathroom to be the same. Normally, I like reading the Wall Street Journal or some gaming magazine or one of those employee recommended books I picked up from Barnes and Noble (Mark’s suggestions are always the best – doesn’t matter which Mark, if there’s a Mark working at your local B&N, ask him for suggestions)…but lately I noticed something about the literature in my bathroom.

Granted – being married I expected a few ‘girly’ magazines…such as In Style, and In Touch, and In something magazine…but using my training I received from reading the back of Highlights magazines where they always trained you in “What does not belong?” exercises, I saw a magazine that didn’t belong. First it didn’t start with “in” next – it said “WEDDING” somewhere in there.

WTH?~! Why is there a wedding magazine in my bathroom??! I could’ve sworn I spent the last 14 months planning a wedding and from the photos hanging on my walls, I could swear we actually had a wedding a month ago…and I’m pretty sure I was hallucinating, and last time I poked Miss Monkey’s skull, it sure felt real. So… why the heck are these magazines still around? Just to make sure – yes, the date on the magazine said “November 2007″ it wasn’t an old magazine – that’s right, somehow wife gets advanced copies – that’s how you know your wife is DEEP in the wedding cartel.

And then it dawned on me – all the signs were there, I just wasn’t being a good husband and noticing these things.

My wife has POST TRAUMATIC WEDDDING SYNDROME

That’s right folks – this is serious. For 14 straight months she was a planning machine – making spreadsheets of guests, binders of wedding related clippings, color swatches for themes, calling, gluing, creating… I just never realized it hasn’t left her system.

Just so you know the symptoms for PTWS, here they are:

  • She’ll say during the honeymoon, “I have this urge to plan something…doesn’t it feel like we have something to do right now?”
  • Wedding magazines will continue to come to your house…like hundreds of them
  • She’ll encourage all her friends to get married, just so she can “hand down” all the binders of wedding stuff
  • She’ll be first to volunteer to help out ANY wedding even though you recall during your own that she said “I WILL NEVER DO THIS AGAIN, I CAN NOT WAIT TIL IT’S OVER”
  • You’ll see wedding shows from TLC recorded on your DVR
  • She’ll have many dreams of how she either A) missed her own wedding. B) was rushing to her own wedding and realizing that she didn’t prepare at all. C) walked down the aisle and noticed it wasn’t you standing up there. D) the wedding was a complete disaster
  • Although she vowed to donate her wedding dress or sell it on ebay, for some reason it still lingers in your house like a ghost. LIKE A GHOST.
  • She’ll create 50 photobooks of the wedding – using the same pictures

There are only a few treatments that I’ve discovered

  • slowly rip out pages from the magazines – cleanly so that they don’t notice
  • visit http://www.weddingbee.com so they can overdose and get it out of their system
  • go to your local walgreens and get the Wedding Patch CQ
  • when she falls asleep whisper “the wedding is over, the wedding is over, the wedding is over” like 1000x times

Ok folks – that’s it…so be aware of PTWS and don’t let it happen to you.

BLOGGER

Mr. Monkey

Location:
New York
Wedding Date:
September 2007

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  1. Guest Icon Guest
    thistleorchid, Guest @ 4:00 pm

    Sigh, I admit it – I too am a sufferer of PTWS. It’s been 3 months and 5 days since my wedding. If only there were such a patch….!

  2. Member
    jasmine 1170 posts, Bumble bee @ 4:01 pm

    Hilarious post!!!!!! I’m not getting married until next June, but I’m totally bookmarking this post for Mr. Jasmine. I think he’s going to find a lot of comfort in it next July ;)

  3. Guest Icon Guest
    AKS, Guest @ 4:02 pm

    i heart chris choi and his blog entries…good to see you at weddingbee!

  4. Member
    stargazerlily 943 posts, Busy bee @ 4:06 pm

    I fear the PTWS. I hope my wedding day never comes…

  5. Guest Icon Guest
    Angel, Guest @ 4:11 pm

    Hahahaha….PTWS. I know of this disorder; we’re good friends.

  6. Guest Icon Guest
    Shannon, Guest @ 4:11 pm

    That is hilarious! I’ve been married for well over a month now and I’m showing some signs of PTWS. You should write a self-help book “10 Steps to a PTWS-Free Life” and dedicate it to all of us brides who are longing for the chaos once again.

  7. Member
    tanya2s 412 posts, Helper bee @ 4:20 pm

    Absolutely true. This could’ve been written by my husband of 2 months…

    Except I NEVER agreed to sell my wedding dress! I’m going to wear that baby for years!!!

  8. Guest Icon Guest
    nt, Guest @ 4:22 pm

    just be glad you haven’t found parenthood in your bathroom, yet. puhahaha

  9. Member
    amysue 1492 posts, Bumble bee @ 4:24 pm

    ha ha. “like a ghost!” i love it.

  10. Member
    cherryblossom 727 posts, Busy bee @ 4:25 pm

    NO doubt, I will have it.

  11. Member
    daffodil 598 posts, Busy bee @ 4:33 pm

    TOO FUNNY! i know so many newlywed brides who have this hahahaaa…even up to three years afterward! ;-)

  12. Member
    bonniebelle101 366 posts, Helper bee @ 4:36 pm

    I already told my DF that we’re going to be thowing some VERY FANCY dinner parties after the wedding because I will HAVE to have something to plan!

  13. Guest Icon Guest
    Sara, Guest @ 4:37 pm

    This is so funny!

  14. Guest Icon Guest
    acklesgrl, Guest @ 4:56 pm

    i love your posts mr. monkey!!!! you crack me up, and i’m in total need of laughter right now :)

  15. Member
    snowpea 469 posts, Helper bee @ 5:43 pm

    All the above are absolutely true. I was so sick of weddings near the end, I didn’t want to see single TLC show or Whose Weddings is it Anyway? But as soon as I heard someone was engaged, I am the first to volunteer to do their STD’s, calligraphy or bake cupcakes! I am glad it’s over and yet I miss it.

  16. Guest Icon Guest
    kCk, Guest @ 5:52 pm

    First off, you are a superbly sarcastic and witty writer, Mr. Monkey.

    Secondly, my husband would probably sob reading this article since his wife is suffering from such illness. She is already planning their 1st anniversary party…1 month after the wedding.

  17. Guest Icon Guest
    ocicats, Guest @ 7:14 pm

    LOL I too have PTWS. I watch every wedding show on TV – Platinum Weddings, Bridezillas, the Fabulous Life of Weddings, etc. I read weddingbee 50x a day. And I keep on nitpicking on what I would’ve done differently.

  18. Guest Icon Guest
    Anna L., Guest @ 8:54 pm

    HAHA! I loved the “LIKE A GHOST” line. I busted out laughing so hard at work… everyone in my office gave me weird looks. :)

  19. Guest Icon Guest
    Lauren, Guest @ 9:11 pm

    Love it! I too had wedding nightmares after the wedding! I swear they were worse than the ones I had before. :-)

  20. Guest Icon Guest
    Yasmin, Guest @ 9:47 pm

    Mr. Monkey — I love your posts. It’s a wonderful dose of reality…a much needed rational voice in the neurosis that is “wedding”

  21. Guest Icon Guest
    currystrumpet, Guest @ 2:07 am

    major props to mr. monkey for this hilarious post!

    my wedding is in two months, but i can already feel the warning symptoms of pwts… i am already planning our new home and the housewarming party we’re going to throw!

  22. Guest Icon Guest
    Tiffany, Guest @ 3:18 am

    Uh oh, I’m afraid my fiance will have to put up with some PTWS after ours. I am kind of warning him though.. I keep saying, “I gonna miss all this wedding stuff once it’s done.”

  23. Guest Icon Guest
    kbok, Guest @ 4:46 am

    BWAHAHAH. fortunately, that won’t happen to me, because i loathe the wedding planning process!

    you know, you can suggest to your wife the treatment they offer to patients with PTSD- such as behavioral therapy and if that doesn’t work, medication. HA. jk. =)

  24. Guest Icon Guest
    Jilian, Guest @ 8:29 am

    Funny. I was sitting on the couch catching up on the weddingbee posts from the day while my husband was watching monday night football. He had just leaned over and commented ‘You’re addicted to that site’. Then I read this post!! :) :) We’ll be celebrating 6 months this Sunday :)

    My only ‘wish I would have done differently’ is wishing I had found this site before my wedding!!

    He did ask why I didn’t post about our wedding :)

  25. Guest Icon Guest
    Jilian, Guest @ 8:31 am

    Too Funny. I was sitting on the couch catching up on the weddingbee posts from the day while my husband was watching monday night football. He had just leaned over and commented ‘You’re addicted to that site’. Then I read this post!! :) :) We’ll be celebrating 6 months this Sunday :)

    My only ‘wish I would have done differently’ is wishing I had found this site before my wedding!!

    He did ask why I didn’t post about our wedding :)

  26. Guest Icon Guest
    Angel, Guest @ 11:51 am

    I read this to my guy last night. His response…

    “So they do have a name for it” :)

  27. Guest Icon Guest
    Laura, Guest @ 9:15 pm

    Hahah! That was just awesome!! I’m getting married in July and, unfortunately, I know I will also suffer from PTSD. It’s just too much fun! …but then, ask me in 8 months how I feel, then we’ll see!

  28. Guest Icon Guest
    anaj95, Guest @ 3:32 pm

    I so have this!!! I just sent this to my hubby and he’ll get a kick out of it as well.

    You forgot one syndrome: during the honeymoon, she’ll moon over all of the destination weddings happening at your resort and start reliving your day all over again with things she should have done (or done differently).

  29. Guest Icon Guest
    Angeline, Guest @ 1:51 am

    omg. i believe i am afflicted with the same condition. :(

  30. Guest Icon Guest
    Weddingbee » Blog Archive » Weddingbee Post Wedding, Guest @ 3:12 pm

    [...] more into weddingbee after they’re married than before.  Maybe it’s just PTWS, but I wonder when you totally get weddings out of your [...]

  31. Guest Icon Guest
    Vivian, Guest @ 3:56 pm

    Mr. Monkey.. I love your posts! I’m still 9 1/2 months away (and hoping to be a bee) and I can already imagine having PTWS!

    Mrs. Bee! Maybe you can start “marriedbee” and “babybee” for those expecting on the way! I know we would all love the home renovations, decorating, entertaining, and baby blogs! They’d be great segues!

    And Anna L. I burst out laughing reading your post at work and having my mgr turn around and give me a weird look too! :)

  32. Guest Icon Guest
    Weddingbee » Blog Archive » I’ve Been Kissing High School Boys, Guest @ 4:20 pm

    [...] had PTWS (just like Mr. Monkey’s description) and had Mr. GB go into the garage and paint our placeholder [...]

  33. Guest Icon Guest
    Weddingbee » Blog Archive » The Five Signs, Guest @ 12:35 pm

    [...] If you are experiencing one or more of the above signs, consult your doctor immediately. If not treated, this may lead to Mr. Monkey’s diagnosis of PTWS. [...]

  34. Guest Icon Guest
    Farewell to My Weddingbee » Weddingbee » The Wedding Blog, Guest @ 1:22 pm

    [...] My friends, the time has come. Our wedding is over, the recaps have been posted, and it is time to bid a fond adieu to Weddingbee. Though it’s sad to leave such a vibrant, intelligent, and supportive community, I recently discovered something that instantly makes weddings a thing of the past (a.k.a, the ultimate cure for PTWS): [...]

  35. Member
    ohnaka 13 posts, Newbee @ 1:07 pm

    Too funny, I find it can happpen at any time be
    warned. 11 years into my own happy union and I
    am swept away into helping plan my cousins
    wedding and I am getting my fix :) Just being
    careful keep day her view.

  36. Guest Icon Guest
    Wedding Dreams and Nightmares « Parenthetical Thoughts, Guest @ 2:26 pm

    [...] heard it jokingly referred to as Post Wedding Traumatic Syndrome – and while I don’t mean to compare planning a wedding to an ACTUAL traumatic event, I feel [...]

  37. Guest Icon Guest
    I’ve jumped on the bandwagon… « Bean’s Getting Married!, Guest @ 11:31 pm

    [...] do some kind of wedding recap. Then perhaps a few more wedding related things to help me deal with PWTS and show off my wonderful husband. Or if I am feeling [...]

  38. Guest Icon Guest
    One Year Ago… » Weddingbee » The Wedding Blog, Guest @ 11:26 am

    [...] PTWS by Mr. Monkey [...]

  39. Guest Icon Guest
    That Wedding: Bridesmaid Party! » Weddingbee » The Wedding Blog, Guest @ 3:19 pm

    [...] There is only way to start wedding recaps, IMHO, and that’s at the beginning. With all 3000 of our wedding weekend pictures organized and sufficiently drooled over it is time for me to indulge in the pleasure that we formally call wedding recaps, but this is really just a way for me to experience the wedding all over again in the midst of my “post traumatic wedding syndrome.” [...]

  40. Guest Icon Guest
    Farewell to My Weddingbee | Two Wishes, Guest @ 2:34 am

    [...] My friends, the time has come.  Our wedding is over, the recaps have been posted, and it is time to bid a fond adieu to Weddingbee….  Though it’s sad to leave such a vibrant, intelligent, and supportive community, I recently discovered something that instantly makes weddings a thing of the past (a/k/a, the ultimate cure for PTWS): [...]

  41. Member
    dancinglola 1062 posts, Bumble bee @ 5:18 pm

    omg love this!!!!!!!!!

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