The Two-Week Test Period
October 22nd, 2007 @ 3:03 pm by Mrs. Kiwi
Last night, after picking up his suit, Mr. Kiwi and I got into a big fight. It was the biggest fight we’ve had in a long time, and it took a little bit of yelling and crying to really get into the real issue below. From what I’ve heard from my “super fantastic friendly non-formal” poll, the final two weeks before your wedding are the most stressful you’ll have.
It seems like it’s the test drive before the wedding. As in, so… you just fought over the color of ivory versus cream. Do you REALLY want to spend the rest of your life fighting about stupid crap? If not, now is the time to get out. If you still love him despite all the tear-jerking arguments you’ve had lately, you’re all set.
Then again, as Mr. Kiwi said to me last night, things don’t get easier. They get HARDER. Though I agree with him about this, hopefully we’ll never get put under such pressure. Planning a wedding is hard- it’s time consuming, nerve-wracking, and causes you to doubt everything you’ve ever been sure of, even the groom! When you’re crumbling under pressure, and your groom doesn’t see it and help you out- it makes you doubt every feeling you’ve had. Will he be there to help me when I need him most? Why can’t he see I need help? Like I learned last night, since he doesn’t have x-ray glasses to see inside your soul, you have to tell him you’re falling apart.
After the dragged out fight last night, I realized something: I love Mr. Kiwi more than I love ivory instead of cream. Hopefully, this test-drive will end in the purchase of a brand-new Mrs. Kiwi.
How about you? What has been the most stressful period so far? Did you learn anything from it?
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13 Responses to “The Two-Week Test Period”
Awww I remember the stress days!! Don’t worry, you’ll definitely get through it and actually be HAPPY on the actual wedding day!!! And while there will quite definitely be more difficult issues in your future together than ivory vs. cream, the crazy “THIS IS IT” stress will be gone so you can hopefully face those as a team. Hang in there!!!
I’m not yet married, but I do recall that me moving into my SOs apartment caused a lot of stress and that period of settling in has been the most challenging. We fought over where to put the sofa!!
I’m sure things will be just fine with you and that both of you will look back and laugh about it once you’re married!
We got all of our fighting out early on. Things like color and venue, so stupid!!! Who cares, really? Our last months of planning were peaceful. It is so normal to fight over this stuff luckily you realize how silly it is and how much you love each other!
Ah the tears 
I remember the last month well. Our biggest issue was that we had our own list of priorities. He was stressed about finishing the bathroom remodel before everyone was at our house for the rehearsal dinner. I was focused on the wedding details which had an earlier deadline. He wasn’t really listening when I had my “I’m not going to care about the bathroom for the next week because I have more important wedding issues to deal with conversation” - which cause him to get really frustrated with me. I was like to you not hear what I told you the other evening. Apparently he had - but he hadn’t agreed with it - and hadn’t voiced that! It was fun
Even though we were still looking forward to the wedding in the last few weeks - we were soooo ready for it to be over with and to be on our honeymoon!!!!
I think it’s all a matter of how you both deal with stress together. I think while planning a wedding it’s tough because it’ll be the first times to really see how you interact when you’re very stressed out. We had already experienced stressful situations when my husband was studying for the bar and when I was studying for the MCATs. It’s not fun… but it really helped us when it came to plan the wedding.
However, remember, once the wedding’s over, you will be challenged again, with even more serious situations- ie finances, first home purchase, babies, etc…
I’m so sorry you’re so stressed out, I hope you got everything all resolved with Mr. Kiwi.
I’m still 10 months away from the wedding so I don’t know how the last month will go, but the most stressful part so far was the first 3 months of being engaged. The planning wasn’t stressful, but the commitment was. I freaked right out and as you said, even questioned the one thing I was sure of - the groom himself. He didn’t even do anything to bring on the doubt other than ask me to marry him, but the weight of the commitment just made me flip out completely. For three months. And then I woke up one day and felt at peace and in love and have been fine ever since. We have our little spats about hiring a DJ vs. DIY iPod music and buffet vs. plated dinner, but nothing really major.
fubabee - that’s so funny you mention that. One of the biggest fights I ever had with my fiance was 3 years ago, before we were engaged, I first moved in with him at the beginning of December and we were decorating for Christmas. He has this HIDEOUS life-size cardboard cut-out of R2D2 in our living room, and I wanted him to move it so we could put the Christmas tree there. He wouldn’t. My GOD did we fight about that and both ended up in tears. Turns out the real issue was that he was afraid that since I was moving in, I was going to make him get rid of all the “bachelor guy stuff” that he liked and make everything look all feminine. I haven’t done much decorating as it turns out and 3 years later we still live in a freaking college bachelor pad, so he needn’t have worried!
That’s what I love you bees. You write for a public site and with the possibility of your S.O. reading your posts, you still write about something so personal as this so that we readers can learn from your experience. I know your post wasn’t anything extremely personal or negative (at least not now) but still…I know I’d feel a little weird reading about what my S.O. wrote about our fight last night or me knowing my S.O. might read it (even I would probably write about it anyway). So I thank you for being so open for the benefit of us!
I hope things only get better for you Miss Kiwi. =D
Yeah, the pre-wedding stress isn’t fun. It’s true about it being a ‘test run’ - more so than you will know… I agree with what Chill said, way more serious and stressful issues come up after the wedding. I’ve only been married ~5 months but we’ve had our worst fights ever in that time. Then again we’ve had our closest, most wonderful moments too. I totally don’t want to freak anyone out but unfortunately it’s true that married stress is on a whole other level… so it’s definitely good to see how you’re dealing with the pre-wedding fights.
I’ve blocked it.
I kid, but in reality there seemed to be more focus on the wedding instead of us in those last few weeks and it was hard to enjoy. But then the wedding day and honeymoon came and it was all about us. We came back refreshed and reconnected and ready to tackle what life had to give us.
And I agree with Mrs. Corn…sometimes I think perspective should come alone.
We’re just under two weeks out as well. Last night, FI looked sort of sad. I asked what was wrong, and he said, “I just want all this to be done. I’m so excited to spend my life with you, but I’m just tired of all the planning.” SIGH.
It feels like every minute of the next two weeks is SO FULL of stuff to do, not to mention how far behind I am at work! Yikes. But somehow it will all get done, I’m sure. And the pain in my jaw that magically appeared this morning? Stress, of course.
DEEP BREATHS and trying to laugh at the craziness of it all is what I’m trying to do.
Good luck!
We have not had the stressful period before the wedding yet but I am waiting for it. I read all sorts of nightmare and anxiety posts on the knot and elsewhere and figure it is a matter of time. We have less than 100 days. I really don’t want to go through it, but can only hope we get through with flying colors.
Mrs. Kiwi, Los Angeles
Age and Occupation in 06: 27, Bookkeeper
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, P.E. Teach/Coach @ private schools in LA
Engagement Date: March 31, 2006
Wedding Date: November 3, 2007
Venue: Radisson Hotel
About Me: I'm a bookkeeper who failed high school algebra. I'm currently living in Los Angeles, literally a street over from where I grew up with Mr. Kiwi, my honey of three years. We have a jumbo mini-dachshund (seriously, he's huuuuge), and we're planning an autumn themed wedding on a shoestring, paid for by ourselves. The wedding date is my late grandma's birthday, I needed her there somehow, and that seemed like the best way for us. I can't believe I'm a Bee! I couldn't be more proud!
I learned that losing your job the week before your wedding really puts things in perspective. Just wish the perspective could have been gained without losing the job