Wedding Blog
Before I was engaged, I attended a wedding where the groom left his bride’s side and snuck off for 30 minutes to have a cigar with his buddies. She was less than pleased. At the time I had wondered what had snuck up her butt and died.
Now that our own reception planning is in full swing, I begin to realize her dilemma. I’ll often come across the advice that the bride and groom must not part from each other at the reception, which at first I thought was a little silly/anal, but now that piece of advice is really starting to make sense. After all, it’s a celebration of your union…so why are you going to “split up” even for a fraction of the reception?
Mr. Penguin moved away from his friends after college to be closer to me and my family. The majority of his friends all still live in the vicinity of Los Angeles, and he doesn’t get the opportunity to see much of many of them anymore.
On one hand, I can see why a groom would like to have that small moment of “bonding” with his friends. If anything, just to spend a moment to get friendly advice and congratulations, among men. On the other hand, parting from your bride’s side at your reception, even for 30 minutes, seems counteractive to the whole production…after all, you are celebrating you two becoming a single unit, right? And the whole male bonding thing…can’t that be taken care of during the bachelor party?
So, what’s your take on this? Will you let your groom sneak off from your reception to share a few special moments with his friends? Or will you ask that he kindly stand by your side for the duration of the night?
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I think there should be a balance. There is rarely a time when everyone’s friends and family are in one place so I think each of you should get a chance to spend some time with those people. However, I don’t think you should be apart for long lengths of time. The day goes by too fast to not enjoy it together.
It’s the words “sneaking off” that I’m harping on. I didn’t mind when my husband walked off to talk to his buddies or catch up with his old college friends or aunts and uncles. He always told me where we will be going, so he never snuck off. I know there were times I left our table to talk to my friends or my family. It happens. We always found each other when we wanted to be back together, and it was fine. I think it’s unrealistic to stick together 100% of the time. In marriage, you will not always be together all the time. So 5 minutes here and there cannot hurt and the bride or groom should not take it so personally when the other leaves.
My fi smokes so he’ll have his mini escapes all night. Plus he just had knee surgery so he can’t boogie like he’s use to. I have no problem with him bonding with his boys. I’m going to be on the dance floor!
My fiance can talk to whomever he wants at the reception. I would want to know where he is at all times, but I would not care if he was hanging out with his friends — we have a lifetime together.
It will be fine if we part for short periods of time during the reception to be with guests. Him with his friends and me with mine. We hardly ever get to see our guests (we don’t live near family or a lot of our friends right now). Sure the wedding is about the two of us but we are willing to make a few concessions for our guests and then really concentrate on ourselves after everyone leaves.
I have conflicting feelings about this, in past relationships I have always been anal about my BF’s not leaving me by myself and a party, etc, but with FI, we have been together a long time and don’t really mind at all if he disappears for 1/2 hour @ a party/wedding to be w/ his friends, I mean I do it too, that said, I agree w/ Miss Penguin that during our wedding reception he should be by my side and I have read in various places that this is an integral part of a couple’s wedding, however if he does happen to go smoke a cigar w/ his friends, I think I’ll be ok with that, after all when you think about it when u go to a good friends wedding, isn’t it a little annoying that you hardly get to spend ANY time w/ them on their big day?
My husband and I barely spent any time together at our reception, and were both fine with it. Our friends and family had traveled great distances to see us, many of them we hadn’t seen in months or years. So it really made sense for us to savor every moment we had with these people we never see. We lived together before we were married, and knew we were going to have our entire lives together. Neither of us were bothered by our time apart at the reception. I think it’s unrealistic to expect your SI to be by your side ALL NIGHT. People are there to see you and spend time with you, not watch you make out in a corner.
My husband and I spent a lot of time together at the beginning of the evening, but once the dancing really got going we spent more time with our individual groups of friends. After all, we don’t see them very often these days (live across the country) and we wanted to be sure we took advantage of the opportunity. Just like the Pp said, we have the rest of our lives (not to mention the rest of the evening) to spend together!
Nope. I am a big baby when it comes to this. Mr. SP had his buddies the day before and the after party to spend time with them. I wanted him glued to me during most of the reception! ahahahaha
Mr. SP and I split up naturally during the beginning of the reception to greet everyone. It worked out great because we were able to say hi and spend a few mins with everyone! No one felt left out like oh they haven’t come over to our table yet? The risk with this is that your groom will get stuck at the boys table drinking and going on.
During the early part of the reception, we often got separated because we were trying to be good hosts and talk to as many people as possible. Then towards the end of the night when people started leaving, then we were able to stick together and hang out with our close friends. I kind of wish we had been able to stay together more, but oh well. There was no “sneaking” at all, it just worked out the way it did…
I agree with chill. I wouldn’t mind parting for short periods of time here and there if I want to talk to my family/friends or if he wants to spend time with his friends. We will have the rest of our lives to be together and spending 15 minutes apart from time to time at a reception isn’t going to get in the way of that.
i dont agree that just bc the groom is away for 30 minutes that it takes away from us becoming a unit. we live together, have been together for almost 8 years and if he wants to have a cigar break with his buddies, i say go for it. i plan to spend some major time dancing on the floor with my friends and my FH is not much of a dancer so I dont plan on being by his side the entire night long. Just bc he doesnt’ dance, doesn’t mean I should have to give it up either and just bc i dont smoke cigars, doesnt mean he should give it up as well. its our wedding but we should all enjoy it all the best we can. even if we’re apart for a few minutes, i dont see it as abig deal. we’ll be together when the party is over…and for the rest of our lives =)
We didn’t plan it but we were together most of the time. We did separate to talk to family and friends. I think he went up to the bar once to get a drink with a few friends, but we were never away from each other for too long, and it just worked out smoothly..
This is so ironic as we just spoke about this scenario a few nights ago. The conclusion we arrived at is, we have all of our closest family and friends there to share our wonderful day together. Neither of us have an issue with wanting to spend some one on one time with people whom we haven’t seen in a while and thanking them for making the trip out to celebrate with us. Ultimately, we will be spending the rest of our lives together, there’s no need to be joined at the hips ever as at the end of the night we will have all the time we want to spend with each other! So I say, I’ll enjoy the time with my friends and he can enjoy the time with his! It’s a party and we’re both going to live it up!
At my wedding, I danced the whole time. Mu husband who is not much of a dancer made rounds to most of the tables and talked to our guests. Though I also spent time with our guests, the extra effort on my husband’s part meant a lot to them. But we came back to one another throughout the night for the cake, garter/bouquet toss, and various dances. I think it’s fine to split…but perhaps not leave the room.
i think it makes sense that the bride and groom spend a majority of the time together at the reception. however, it is also reasonable for you to separate for short periods of time. the guys might want to share a drink together. the girls might want to have a picture moment… or a few. 
just tell each other where you’ll be. as long as its not for too long and you dont stay too far so you can find each other when you need to, i think it’s acceptable.
and plus i love that feeling of being across the room from your SO and you catch the other person looking at you. you cant help but smile. (but maybe thats just me haha)
I think that for us, being together ALL the time is not realistic.
When we go out now I drift towards my friends and he drifts toward his, then we come together again and so on the whole time we are at a party so why would this be any different?
Sure we are going to be extra together that day but there will be so many people there and different sets of friends that I think we will end up meeting and greeting both together and apart all night. Plus I would like to steal a few moments alone with my bridesmaids and my mom and sister to myself as I’m sure his dad and best friends would love to have hi,m for a few minutes as well.That’s just us and I love it!
i went to a reception where the bride spent most of the night by herself on the dance floor and the groom was off drinking in some hidden spot. it was not pretty. i would not have tolerated it.
I also have been to quite a few receptions where the bride is alone on the dance floor 100% of the time (with the first dance being the only exception) and the groom is in another room at the bar. It seemed sad — like it was the bride’s sweet 16 party or something and the groom was a mere accessory. That said, no, it’s not realistic to be together every single minute of the reception. Certainly, he and I should each feel free to socialize a bit with our respective groups of friends. But wandering off for 30 mintues wouldn’t be acceptable.
we covered alot more ground during the “meet and greet” time when we split up. and then we danced together all night. it was perfect.
I think that’s a benefit to having a weekend wedding or one where there’s time to hang out with your friends/family before the wedding itself.
I remember splitting up at some point, but it wasn’t intentional. We just followed the natural flow of the reception, and we both enjoyed it. For the most part though we stayed together.
I am writing this without having read anyone else’s comments yet, so bear with me if I am repeating…
Mr Corn and I actually ended up splitting up during the reception and not even on purpose. I just talked to tables faster than he did. It was a non issue. We are both independent people, and I don’t think anyone batted an eyelash that we weren’t stuck to each other all night long.
I have no problem with splitting up here and there at the wedding. Especially since my family and friends don’t live close and his do. I will want some time with them. I would object to dissapearing from the reception (of course he can leave to use the loo). Our wedding reception is as much for the guests as for us. We need to socialize with everyone and leaving for a 1/2 hour cigar (he’s not allowed one that day because I won’t kiss him when he has a cigar) is out of the question. Not only would he be neglecting me but more importantly he would be neglecting our guests!
When I go to weddings, I like seeing the bride and groom happy *together*. Of course they’re going to talk to different friends at various parts of the evening and I don’t think it’s realistic for them to be glued to each other’s side. But, I came to the wedding to celebrate their union, and if they don’t hang out together because they have the rest of their lives to be together, it just kind of misses the whole point. I’m not going to be a witness to the rest of your lives, so I want to see you happy together now…lol!
give me a break! we made the rounds to the tables at dinner, but we had friends and family who knew one of us better and wanted to speak to that person. a reception is only so long. i found we could spend more time talking to the people we really wanted to see, like people from out of town.
“sneaking” implies dishonesty. I was happy when my husband was able to spend half an hour with a group of friends (not in the wedding party) on our wedding day. I got to spend more time dancing on the dance floor with friends and talking to cousins I rarely get to see but love. all in all, half an hour is nothing. everyone wants a piece of you on your wedding day, and when you give that to your guests they are always very appreciative.
We were at my FI’s friends wedding and he tells me that he is going to go outside to have a cigar and my response was, “but that could take a long time?” his response was, “I know” so he scanned the room for one of his friend’s significant other and told me to talk to her…
I ended meeting them outside because everyone else was outside not just the boys….so I know this will happen at my wedding but I’ll just take that time to hang with my girls!
For the majority we stuck together, but we also naturally drifted apart for a bunch of 5-10 minute intervals where one person kept talking to someone so the other went to talk to someone else etc. I think it’s important to spend a significant amount of time together, but I also think you should get to talk to your guests and not feel “stuck” if your spouse is having a long conversation you aren’t really a part of.
I agree with chill. It’s the “sneaking” or the feeling of being abandoned that would bother me. I would have no problems with my DF saying that he was going out to smoke with his buddies and asking if I wanted to come. Then I could choose. Just like I would ask him if I was going to dance with my girlfriends. Like someone else said, we are both very independent people and I don’t think we have to be together every moment, but there should be some curtesy taken in making sure the other person is taken care of and not frantically looking around for you because you snuck out without telling any one where you were going. Personally, though, I don’t think we’ll have to worry about it because after him being on deployment for 8 months, even now 5 months after homecoming, we’re still pretty much attached at the hip. Gotta love the military for making you appreciate being together.
My husband and I were not stuck at the hip the whole night. I went around to talk to my friends and family and he did too. There were people we haven’t seen for a while so we had to be good hosts. It’s silly to expect to be together the whole night because it just doesn’t work out that way.
I would think it was cute and funny if he snuck off with his boys for a celebratory cigar. But he would have to brush his teeth and gargle with an awful lot of Listerine if he wanted any wedding night nookie after sucking on a big cigar!
I do not want him glued to my side the entire evening on our wedding night. I want us to split up to greet the guests we each know so that it will take half the time to talk to them all. I have no intention of making the rounds for so long that I get no time to eat dinner or dance with my friends. I do want to spend lots of time dancing with my new husband though But I will probably like a little bit of time just with my girls as well, so I won’t mind if he wants a bit of time with his boys.
I think it’s nice for the boys to have time together on the wedding day…. But doesn’t that usually happen before the ceremony, when the bride is also secreted away with her girls?
I’m usually really supportive of Mr. T having time alone with his friends. (Sweetly, he usually insists that I come too.) But I think the wedding reception is the ONE time that I’d be upset if they headed out without me.
My vote is for a good balance between hanging out separate and together… as long as we get in some good reception pics together of course!
My new husband disappeared for the first 45 minutes after dinner and our first dance - I found out later that his sister had thrown a fit (he’d done the mother/son dance with his stepmother, as his mother didn’t actually come to the wedding) and he was outside talking her down from her freakout. I was pretty annoyed, especially since it meant that I had to deal with a lot of the “thank you so much for coming!”s myself. Thinking about it, I guess he didn’t have much choice but I’m still annoyed that he was gone for so long and didn’t tell me where he was going (and I haven’t forgiven his sister for causing so much drama, either, but that’s a whole other story).
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Mrs. Penguin, Northern California
Age and Occupation: 27, Weddingbee Editor in Chief
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, Doctor of Physical Therapy
Engagement Date: January 29, 2007
Wedding Date: June 7, 2008
Blogging Since: September 14, 2007
Venue: Winery in the Gold Country
About Me: I love the Spice Girls, dogs with underbites, bean burritos, making messes, high fives, avoiding showers, crossword puzzles, blogs, weddings, and blogs about weddings!
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