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Mr Peony and I were at a Barnes & Noble over the weekend and saw a display of Christmas cards (is it me or does Christmas seem to start earlier and earlier each year?). Immediately I was reminded of our very first fight…
Mr Peony and I hardly ever fight. We bicker over little things and constantly tease each other, but we’ve had very few actual fights in the course of our relationship.
Two years into our relationship, I suggested that we send our Christmas cards together that year. We had already been living together for a year, and everyone knew we were in a serious relationship, so I just figured that this would be the logical choice. Many other couples we knew were doing it when they had been together for shorter periods.
However, Mr Peony was vehemently against it. He believes that Christmas cards should only be sent together after marriage. He thinks that sending out Christmas cards together is a tradition that should be shared between family, not boyfriend-girlfriend relationships.
I couldn’t understand his POV. It wasn’t like I wanted to send out cards with our picture on it (like Ross and Mona on Friends 
). What was the big deal? They were just cards.
So as usual, I started overanalyzing the situation and this grew into our very first fight where I questioned his commitment to the relationship and everything in-between. You know how it goes.
We eventually worked things out when Mr Peony explained that this was important to him, and that it’ll be one more thing to look forward to in marriage. To him, there are some things that a couple shouldn’t do before marriage, some big and some small, and this was one of them.
This Christmas will be our last before getting married. Although we’re engaged, we won’t be sending out cards together this year either. However, I do admit that I really look forward to sending out Christmas cards together next year as husband and wife.
What is your stance on holiday cards?
We’ve had the same argument and we’ve been together for 6 years. He was definitely not giving in that Christmas cards are something that families/married people do and it is not ok to send them together until we’re married. It really surprised me how traditional he is about some things but now I see his point of view and I too can’t wait to send them out together. I hope ours can be as cute as Ross and Mona’s =)
This will be the first year that Mr. Chickadee and I send out cards together since this is the first Christmas that we’re living together! I’ve been scouring the internet for adorable Christmas cards for months now, though he thinks that’s utter insanity. For some reason, it just seems like a big deal 
I feel the same way as Mr. Peony, which is funny because I’m not super traditional at all. I don’t know why, but I wouldn’t feel comfortable sending out Christmas cards if we weren’t married yet. I wouldn’t think twice if our unmarried couple friends sent us a card– I would even think about how cute it was. But for me, it’s something I would rather save until after we’re married.
We sent cards out together when we were living together. I don’t think we did joint cards the first year of living together, but we had just moved in over Thanksgiving, so I was not an organized chica!
Even last year (when we were engaged), I only signed my name to careds to some of my more conservative relatives.
Since we are not getting married until after the New Year, and don’t want to live together until then, we won’t be sending cards out together this year either.
I am looking forward to next year, though I doubt the thought has even occurred to him.
We don’t send out cards together, but we give gifts together. That’s what really confuses me.
I try not to send them out at all. saving trees and all. lol, i am so lazy!!
Wow, I never even thought of this as an issue before. We’ve been sending out cards together since um forever. I don’t even know when, but we’ve been together for 7 years and I sign all of our cards with both our names. Christmas, birthday, whatever, all cards. Everyone knows us as a couple so I don’t see it differently.
Oh so funny. FI got mad last year because I DIDN’T sign his name on my cards. We can’t win!!
I don’t think of it as sending out christmas cards together just me adding his name since he is not going to be the one doing any of the work with sending them out anyway…
This is so funny! As soon as I started reading your post, I thought of Ross and Mona! I’m glad I’m not the only Friends freak! I felt uncomfortable sending joint cards out last year since we weren’t engaged yet and weren’t living together. I asked him if he wanted me to send some out (since he was on deployment) but he gave me the usual male response of “I’ve never sent them before, why would I need to start now.” We’ll be sending them out together this year since it’s obviouse we’re a couple. More than anything it’s a chance for me to design another card, since the StD’s are already out and the invitations are finished. I think I already have PTWD!!!!
I agree with Mr. Peony all the way.
We sent out cards together the first Christmas we were living together. I see cards as coming from a “household” not necessarily a “married couple”. I don’t think it fair to prevent a couple from sending out cards together because it’s a privilege that’s reserved for only those who have a document stating that they are married.
Ditto styleish.
We’d been sending gifts together on our first holidays and sent cards out together on our first Christmas living together.
We already had the same address anyways, so why not? It would seem silly for us to send out cards separately when we have the same return address.
Now maybe I think I should have thought about it more, but….
When we moved in together, I started signing his name to cards of people we both knew (I’m sure he had never sent out a Christmas card in his life before that). I just figured it was the same as adding his name to presents I bought (and vice versa) to give to people we both knew.
For those of you who don’t both sign cards, do you both sign presents?
I think we’ll be sending X-mas cards to our friends jointly, since we live together now.
However, since we’re not married, I’m pretty sure my parents are signing my name on the family Christmas cards too (his parents prob too with his name).
To be honest, I never thought of sending cards or giving gifts as a couple! I’ve been independent for so long that it will be a big transition to seeing us as one social unit. (I’m sure it makes a huge difference that we don’t live together yet.)
But since we’ve been engaged, my family has officially switched over from “say hi to Mr. T” to sending cards to both of us as a couple. Usually they just address the inside, but today I got a Halloween card where he made the envelope but in parentheses! As in “Miss Tulip (and Mr.)”. I find it adorable, and it’s kind of nice for me to EASE into being addressed together! =)
I agree with Mr. Peony on this one.
We didn’t feel right living together before marriage, and we certainly wouldn’t send out joint Christmas cards before marriage.
This seems to be a lot more controversial than I might have guessed. I never really thought about it but I would agree that in some cases you may not want to send a joint Christmas/Holiday card. I think it is a little bit subjective.
It depends on who you are sending these cards to. Of course, your friends and family know you might be living together/engaged/in a relationship for a long time so they can expect it and not be surprised.
However, there are some people who send Christmas/Holiday cards to colleagues and other acquaintances that might be professional. In this case it might seem awkward to have a card sent from the both of you. You might receive a phone call from someone you haven’t spoken to in a while and takes it the wrong way and says congrats on getting married even though you haven’t (yet). That’s one case where I could understand that someone would be really against it.
Maybe you can compromise by having a card from the both of you but sent only to people you know mutually, friends and family, or maybe even just friends. If your SO is against sending it to a specific person, you can just sign your name alone.
I actually agree with Mr. Peony. I just had a conversation abou this with one of my bridesmaids this weekend! I can’t wait until next year when we can send out Christmas cards together! I am celebrating this year, though, by finding sparkly, very girly Christmas cards to send, since next year, they will have to be very gender-friendly.
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Mrs. Peony, New York Age and Occupation: 27, Marketing Coordinator Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, QA Engineer Engagement Date: June 28, 2007 Wedding Date: April 18, 2008 Venue: The Fountainhead Blogging Since: August 7, 2007 About Me: Both Mr. Peony and I are huge computer nerds, and our conversations usually consist of the latest gadgets, programming languages, and video games. At the same time, I can also be very girly with an obsession with handbags, makeup, and high heels. And art! I've studied studio art extensively, almost majored in art history, and freelance as a web and graphics designer. Mr. Peony and I are having a ball of a time planning a wedding for 250(!) guests, doing our best to infuse our personalities (geeky chic) with the wishes of our very traditional Asian parents.
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