Money Talks
October 29th, 2007 @ 5:16 pm by Mrs. Hummingbird
It’s funny how a little bit of time can change things. When I originally wrote my post about my parents and my financial situation surrounding our wedding, it was not too long after we’d gotten engaged and I think my parents, even though they were happy for Mr. Hummingbird and myself, were kind of weirded out about the idea of me, their only child, getting married.
After we made our announcement, as if it was almost a reflex, the first words out of my mother’s mouth were “We’re not paying for it,” even though I hadn’t expected or asked my parents to. I’m not sure exactly which emotion motivated the reaction. Maybe it was surprise at our big news. Maybe it was confusion because I once announced as a teenager that I would never get married. Maybe it was fear after seeing the increasingly elaborate and expensive wedding plans being staged by her friend’s daughter. I don’t know. All I knew was I made my announcement, my mom said no and I immediately figured that was the end of it.
Until recently, when my parents suddenly announced that they WOULD be helping out with the wedding after all. I have to admit, I was completely shocked by this change of heart because I honestly thought there was a greater chance of Satan strapping on ice skates than my parents giving us money to put towards our wedding.
Now, to make things clear, by no means do I mean to imply that my parents are cheap. They are very loving and generous people and I have nothing but the deepest respect for them. But I know my mom and I know that she is one of the most stubborn people in the known universe and even when she gets something completely ridiculous in her head, there is very little chance that she will ever change her mind about it.
Weddings are no exception to this rule. Because her wedding to my father back in 1981 (complete with 40 person guestlist, booze and honeymoon) cost $1,000, therefore, in her mind, this was how much weddings should cost. She was completely unwavering in this belief, even after her delusion was tested by entering a boutique and perusing wedding dresses with me.
As soon as we walked in, she became completely enamored with a dress that cost over $500 and began brandishing the hanger at me. Although I laughed and pointed out that, in order to purchase the dress on her budget, I would need to get married in a public park and serve my guests Chicken McNuggets and Orange pop from McDonalds, she refused to see the light, insisting that we could just make a few sacrifices here and there.
My brain literally ached.
However, after this dress shopping incident, a lot changed. My mom saw us working and budgeting to make our dreams a reality and in turn, I began to appreciate her frugal (if not inflation ignoring) eye.
Happily, the next time the subject of money came up, realizing the other person’s view on it made things much easier and I think we actually better understood where we both were coming from and it was actually kind of awesome to have such an honest dialogue about something that can be so taboo in families.
How has planning your wedding changed your view of money? How has planning your wedding changed your view of your parents?
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5 Responses to “Money Talks”
I have even *more* love for my parents now than I did before I was engaged, which is hard to believe because we were always really close.
They say weddings can bring out the worst in people, but my parents have been nothing but kind, generous, super supportive, accommodating, and considerate. I’m constantly floored by how they’ve handled everything and what a blessing they are to me.
My parents were amazing through the whole wedding planning process. I was planning from across the country, so when it came to venue scouting, menu tasting, and delivering checks, they were the ones doing the legwork. And not once did they ever complain that something was “too expensive,” even though they were footing the bill.
Heck, when I started hyperventilating about the guest list once I realized that if everyone said “yes” it would blow our budget, they calmed me down and assured me that if the NUMBER of guests was what put us over budget, that was okay. (though if I decided to blow thousands of dollars on extra flowers or hand-calligraphed placecards, they would’ve been annoyed)
Basically, my parents were great. And not just because they paid without comment, but because I knew that they just wanted me to be happy.
My parents had a similar reaction to your Mom’s - their wedding was basically at a church and a rec center, they didn’t plan anything, and it was pretty cheap, especially because they didn’t have an open bar, or alcohol of any kind, a real photographer, or a band.
When my sister started venue shopping and realized how much it would cost, they went several rounds - because my mother thought the reason it would be so expensive was the open bar, and my dad was just all offended at the idea of how much it cost in general and my sister was surprised how important having a nice wedding turned out to be to her. (With an open bar, a photographer, and a band…)
They finally settled on a budget and my dad got a stern talking-to from his male friends and has learned to shut up :).
[...] light of my last post, I figured I’d write kind of a how-to follow up for people who maybe haven’t had the big money [...]
Mrs. Hummingbird, Toronto
Age and Occupation: 25, Publishing Coordinator
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Videogame Designer/Cartoonist
Engagement Date: May 4, 2007
Wedding Date: June 28, 2008
Blogging Since: September 18, 2007
Venue: A garden wedding followed by a tented reception on Mr. Hummingbird's father's property.
About Me: I’m a pop culture loving, vintage obsessed foodie living in Canada’s biggest city with my fantastic fiancé and our lovable fluffy cat Bettie. I’m stoked to marry my best friend and to throw what I hope will be
the most fun and colourful party of our lives.
My mom reacted the same way when I announced my enagagement. I’ve always been a big researcher on saving money and I come from the school of “you can have just as many nice things as the next person”, but without spending all the money.
My mom gave me big brownie points for saving so much and doing a lot of DIY projects in my planning process (I even scored a FREE wedding coordinator!), but her involvement didn’t waiver. She didn’t want any part in the process, to avoid feeling guilty and having to “donate” any moolah.
*shrug*
My FH and I are perfectly content with doing it ourselves, knowing that we can be strong and manage our whole lives without their assistance.
I will however learn from the experience that there are sometimes *too* many details that can add up quickly.