Wedding Blog
This is a follow-up to yesterday’s reader buzz on financial contribution and its relation to decicion making in the wedding planning process.
How many seats are you allotting for your parents’ guests? Also, what percentage of your total guest list is comprised of your parents’ guests?
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My parents made no financial contribution and have no guests of their own. Both of those things have more to do with me being an older bride (34) than anything else.
Well, we pretty much made a giant list of everyone that we and the parents would want to invite, and cut down from there. I think each set of parents had about 10 couples they could invite who were strictly friends, but because of the size of my side of the family (60+), my parents ended up inviting about half the guests.
We only excluded a few “but they’re such distant friends” from either parents’ lists, and we didn’t have to exclude any of our own friends, so it all worked out.
I didn’t allot a specific number. Our goal is to have 150 people. I created a list of people that I knew in both our families that I knew our parents would want to invite. I broke up the list by which parent they would go to (both of our parents are divorced) and told them to go through the list and if there was anyone they didn’t want to invite then don’t and if there was anybody they were interested inviting go ahead and add them. I think the list had around 135 before I passed it out. I know Robert’s parents are both interested in inviting people from work. I use to work at the same company as my mom, so I added those names to the list prior to passing them out and I don’t have a relationship with my dad so it would be a waste to have him add people to the list since they probably don’t even know I exist. I figure we’ll end up inviting around 175 and praying that at least 25 people are unable to come.
Zero. The guest list was family only - with a family on each side being invited that isn’t technically family - but might as well be.
23 guests were from my family and 27 from his. It was pretty even 
My parents gave me some money (but more as a gift) I was thinking of inviting maybe 1 friend on each side (my parents are seperated so double number of friends)
The guest list isnt official… so we will see when time comes.
we’re paying for everything ourselves. i gave my parents free reign to invite whoever. they have 50 people on the list. thats probably about 15%.
My mom isn’t inviting any of her friends — we have a pretty large family. His parents are inviting 2-3 couples who are family friends, but they have a smaller family. Overall, the guest list is 50/50 his side/my side with the vast majority being family and our closest friends. We’re paying for most of the wedding.
Here is the original friends of parents breakdown and what they purchased. We had 65 people at our wedding.
6%: 4 from my mom (two adults and surprise, two kids at the last minute)/She purchased the favor boxes
6% 4 from his mom (two couples, but only one made it)/She purchased the character artist
%1ish: 1 from his dad (cousin who was visiting)/He hosted the rehearsal
My parents have approx 100 family/friends and my fiance’s parents have approx 100 family/friends.
My parents are paying for over half of the wedding and M’s mom is paying for another quarter.
We didn’t give them any specific amount for their contribution, though. My parent’s have about 50 and M’s mom about 50 invites. The only thing we decided is that if we needed to cut my parents wouldn’t be touched.
But this is also because the people my parent’s chose to invite are family and friends whom I love and want there, while M is not as close with his side.
We’re paying for 100% of the cost, inviting about 200 guests, and will split the guest list into 3 equal parts between us, my parents, and his parents.
Neither sets of parents are contributing financially, but combined, their guest list comprises of about 80% of our guest list. From his side it is 95% immediate family whom I’ve met and gather with on holidays, but from my side, my parents consider 100% of their list family, but realistically I’ve only consider 10% of their list immediate family and all the rest have not met my FI, nor have I seen them in the last 2 years. But that’s my parents for you! Oh, but I didn’t mention that 20 of my cousins are taken out of my remaining 20% of the guest list! Why does this not seem fair????
None, unless their friends are mutual acquantances or friends of ours that we are inviting.
we’re inviting as many as the parents would like to invite. in our eyes, we’re throwing this wedding for them - if i had to choose, i would probably just city hall it. financially - its 60% his parents and 40% me.
I made this comment earlier but I think it bears repeating: we invited friends of our parents who had a place in our own lives. We never asked our parents who they wanted there.
We paid for everything ourselves. Because his family is larger than mine, I invited more friends of the family to more or less even it out.
We are doing a small destination wedding so we managed to avoid these politics.
We are paying for the wedding and they don’t have any seats allotted for their buddies.
Before we settled on a reception site, we had a number of guests in mind. And once we had a favorite reception site, we spoke with both parents to see whether they were planning to contribute and how much could they contribute to our wedding. We were fortunate to have very generous parents and they paid for everything. We gave them a lump sum and they split it in half. So how did that figure into how many guests were friends and family and family friends? Well, I had more family and family friends and not quite as many friends. But my husband had family, lots of friends and not so many family friends. So it ended up about 60/40. We didn’t quite see it as our parents’ guest vs our guests. I suppose because of how the finances turned out.
we had 150 guests and my parents had 150-200 guests. we had two separate receptions. we ate at and visited with my parents’ guests’ reception during our friends’ cocktail hour. that left us free to have fun at our friends’ reception for the rest of the night. it was mostly to accommodate for my parents’ many friends and church members (the wedding was at their church). it worked out VERY well. plus our friends loved our reception since they felt like they could really let loose and party without the older guests looking on.
My side of the family is much bigger than FIs. Plus, where he only spends the holidays with his parents and his brother, every thanksgiving and christmas is spent with all of the cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. We’re very close. In fact, I see my second cousins twice a year, while he’s only met his first cousins twice.
As a result, my parents list came to around 100, FI’s parents list was around 60, and FI & I invited around 80. We didn’t set out saying each person would have X amount of invites, we all just made our lists and that’s how it came out. My parents are paying for the wedding, so I think they’re allowed to have as many guests as they want. Our reception site only holds 220, so some of the friends/coworkers of FI and I will be moved to the b-list.
i forgot to say, we split the wedding costs 50%.
My mom is inviting 10 couples and my fiance’s mom and dad are inviting 5 couples each. Overall, the guest list is 1/3 my mom (her friends and my side of family), 1/3 his parents (their friends and his side of the family) and 1/3 for our friends. Our total invites will likely be around 200, with our parents’ friends making up 20% of the list.
My parents are paying 2/3, I’m paying 1/3. Guest list is 40% my parents’ guests (including family), 40% his parents’ guests (including his family) and 20% our friends. Everyone pretty much invited whomever they wanted, and this is how it worked out.
i have a question. when people ask “how many guests are you allowing your parents to invite” are we talking friends, or family? i dont include family as those that my parents are inviting. we, as the couple, are inviting family. for my parents guests, i consider those their personal friends and not relatives. can someone enlighten me? thanks.
My parents are paying for the entire reception, and with our family and their friends, they are making up almost 2/3 of the guests. The remaining 1/3 is my friends and the groom’s family & friends.
JW, I can’t speak for everyone, but I would think the question goes to parents’ friends. Or maybe extended family members if you don’t know them well.
My aunt, uncle, and cousins were the first people on my invite list after my parents and grandparens. I think of them as “my” invitees, not my parents’.
There are also a couple of “courtesy” invitations for my mother, but they’re easy because it’s extremely unlikely that they’d actually choose to travel to our wedding. Plus, they’re people I knew fairly well growing up.
The real trick is Mr. T’s parents’ friends (as I posted about recently). He has almost no idea who they are. And his parents are local, so their friends are more likely to actually come. He is allowing them 10 spots, which is 25% of his invite list, but they’re unhappy with the limitation.
We’re paying for everything ourselves.
Since our parents are contributing for almost the whole thing, we are giving them each 30 seats ( each set of parents). Since both fiances and mine parents are still married this only equals 60 seats. We have 200 guest list total about 60 are family and the rest is fiances and mine friends. So far nobody has had a complaint ( knock on wood:) ).
We had what we thought was a great plan!!! We split the guest list as well as the monetary contribution into 1/3’s (Brides Parents, Grooms Parents, & Bride and Groom Friends) with an option to pay X amount for each additional guest… The Budget was based on the 100 person minimum established by our venue.
This prooved to be an interesting journey - -
Brides Parents ended up practically doubling their guest list and monitary contribution. Plus overall the budget got a little beyond the original projection, and Brides Parents stepped in and covered the Grooms Parents portion of the overage. Brides Parents also paid the full price of the Wedding Gown.
Grooms Parents refused to budge on the initial budget price, and actually took it upon themselves to lower their agreed portion of contribution. To keep their guest list number to 33 they did not allow their guests to bring dates and did not invite key family members to the wedding (Bride and Groom ended up paying the overage to invite family members)
Bride and Groom Paid 1/3 of the actual budget plus additional Groom Family guests. Bride and Groom also paid full price of Gifts, Rings, Grooms Attire, and Honeymoon (Brides Parents bought Honeymoon Airfare as gift / Grooms parents didn’t even give a wedding gift WTF?).
It would seem that the grooms parents may be on a budget or something, but I assure you they have had plenty of money lately to throw around elsewhere… I’m really not sure what the problem is, but it sure has left a sour taste in my mouth. The actual story is a bit more dramatic, but I just wanted to state the facts.
Brides to Be: Beware of the unexpected…
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