Weddingbee

4. Buying a non-registry gift <- I personally don’t see anything wrong with this. Registry is meant to give ideas of what the brides/grooms need, but there’s no rule that all gifts have to come from registry.

Those are good!
But I actually just went to a wedding where the DJ went around asking for song requests! HA!
I am also one that veers away from the registry too but usually only for the bridal shower! I always stay to the registry for the actual wedding gift!

Oh and one thing he should clarify better is, ppl need to always SEND the gift and not bring it to the wedding. But that was sorta covered when he said, don’t bring a heavy gift!

I’d add bringing children without checking with someone close to the party like a mom or bridesmaid first. Which is kinda covered by number two, but that’s assuming they RSVP’d in the first place!

I cannot agree enough with #9 - tacky, tacky, tacky. It’s a huge pet peeve of mine.

We had an unexpect song sang and toast given by my father in law’s father! What came off as incredibly sweet to guests who don’t know him, was horrific for my husband’s family. He’s notorious for always trying to steal the spotlight and just crazy. He also said, “It’s not everyday a grandfather is asked to give a toast on their wedding day.” Um, we never asked you sir. Plus, he sang a song from the 50’s that no one recognized, and it was off key.

Guests inviting more people is the worst I think. They forget that each person costs money, and even worse, some people feel ENTITLED to bring more people. The nerve!

I think crashing is the worst one listed– who shows up to a wedding they weren’t invited to? (although if vince vaughn and owen wilson want to crash mine, they’re more than welcome!)

I don’t think buying off-registry is terrible. Sometimes the most personal, thoughtful gifts are ones you didn’t register for.

I would add (1) drinking too much and (2) dressing inappropriately to that list.

Oops drinking too much is already on there.

Ugh. Non-registry gifts are the worst.

We aren’t into having lots of “stuff” so a great deal of thought and time went into our registries. We returned, exchanged, or donated to goodwill all of our non-registry gifts.

I am raising my hand to say that off-registry gifts aren’t always bad. If you know the bride and or groom well enough to know they’d love this other thing then why not get it for them? Especially if it’s something unique and not sold at Crate & Barrel or Macys. Not to say just ANYONE should go off-registry. Nothing I gave my college roommate was on her registry. If you don’t know the couple well or know what their home is like, then stick to the list.

I know that I’d really love one of our guests to find us a nice unique wooden salad bowl and severs… but that’s not something that I can bluntly ask for or indicate anywhere on our registry. And I don’t want to spread the word too much because I only want one wooden bowl, not 5.

Hmm I’m definitely guilty of requesting songs (I do that at almost every wedding I’ve been to!) and I’ve gotten drunk at one wedding.

I don’t think buying something off the registry isn’t too bad either, just as long as you know the couple’s tastes and you think it’ll be more meaningful.

Let’s back up a little bit. How about the people that ‘assume’ they will be a guest when they have not yet been invited! I think it’s extremely rude to make that assumption and it often puts the bride and groom in a very awkward position when the last thing they need is more stress!

I know people who have bought plane tickets to out of town weddings before being invited! The nerve

(PS - My brother’s MIL wore white to their wedding and I thought it was the tackiest thing ever!)

I have to respectfully disagree with #4 (buying non registry gifts)

Registry is just a guideline - if you have a personal relationship with the couple then you should be able to buy a thoughtful gift. Demanding gifts only on the registry should be a top 10 “no no” on the brides list- not the guests.

Did anyone see the episode of South Park where Cartman told all of his friends which gift to get him for his birthday???

Two guests of mine decided they didn’t want to sit at the table we assigned them, and they moved to another table instead…..Rearranged the chairs to squeeze themselves in….And told the banquet manager their meals should now be served to them at that table.

Turns out the invited guest’s date was an ex of another invited guest at their original table.

In the end, it all worked out. But I definately thought it was nervy!

I agree with kgr - RSVPing and not showing up.

I also think buying non-registry is pretty bad. We already have most stuff and put a lot of time and thought into our registry. We had guests ask where we were registered, then go off registry anyways. We got a few sweet, thoughtful ones, but also some that made it seem like the guest did not know us at all and just reached in their re-gift closet.

I’m having trouble stomaching the buying off the registry rule and the requesting songs one. Granted, registries are in essense a “wish list,” items that are no doubt what the couple has deemed that they’d like. I’ve really warmed to registries, because that’s what’s being designated as wanted/needed. But I much prefer to give (and receive) unique, one-of-a-kind gifts.

And the reception songs. Surely, if there’s stuff you don’t want to hear at your wedding, that’s the COUPLE’S job to tell the DJ beforehand. But a wedding isn’t just for two people; it’s for everyone to have fun at. Therefore, bring on the requests so we can all have a good time! [But the rule does need to say: If you request it, you gotta dance it with all your heart.]

Biggest no-no: bringing people that weren’t specifically invited and of course crashing it altogether. READ your invitations carefully!

A caveat to the toasts: Please don’t mention anything about previous relationships. We’re here to celebrate the one I’ve committed to now, let’s not be reminded of the awful ones that didn’t work out.

Ugh, what utter bs.

I was just at a wedding this weekend where pretty much ALL of these rules were broken and it was the most fun wedding I have been to yet. The bride and groom had a blast (outside of a peach rose issue - a poor florist fill in). The groom’s family adored it, the bride’s all had too much to drink.

Two offenses I’d agree with personally: send RSVPs and don’t add guests!

Oh, and I forgot to give a shout out to the bombarding the bride with questions rule.

We have a great shot of me “backstage”, waiting for my song to play to enter, and talking on my cell phone, trying to help my lost friends find the venue.

Something else that should be on that list is the over-use of the term bridezilla. One of my friends called be a ‘zilla in front of a whole room of people the morning of my wedding. All I had done was ask my MOH to hand me something, since I had a hot curling iron in my hair and could not move v. far.

I never knew that it was better to send the gift ahead of time than to bring it with you the wedding: thanks for pointing this out! =D

I think that getting TOO drunk is big… being thoroughly marinated is fun, but being sloppy about it is disgusting and no one wants to deal with hearing about people having DUIs afterwards or even worse.

The RSVP rules are rude as well.

I totally agree that no-shows are the worst. I fantasize about sending invoices to everyone who RSVP-ed and didn’t show.

Someone wore a white dress to my wedding, but I honestly think that they didn’t know about the rule, c’est la vie.

I have to add another one: hijacking the bride and groom for a million photos, especially if you really don’t know how to take a picture in under 10 seconds. It only happened a few times, but it ate into our visiting time and my face started to hurt from the constant smiling.

I definitely think receiving non-registry gifts is fabulous! Especially if its a well though out gift that isnt on a typical registry. Sure, its probably not the best to give a blender, toaster, or set of glasses that isnt on the registry, but what about unique items that really fit the bride and groom’s personality? I’d love to get a GREAT modern tea set, glass vases, or interesting wood bowls or handmade stuff…even though I didnt register for them.

But, I can see how it would be a bummer for the couple if you bought them a gift that that was similar to a item on their registry…because obviously they already had their eye on a specific model/style.

There were a couple of people that I had to chase down with emails and letter well after the date all the RSVPs had to be in. One person told me they would be able to know “maybe a week before” and one person I still haven’t heard from (and my wedding was in september)!!

On the topic of non-registry gifts I’m going to recommend guests err on the side of registry or cash. I had guests go either way- my aunt got me a waterford sugar bowl and creamer that I really like (although she did run it by my mom first). BUUUUT overwhelmingly my husband’s mother’s friends got us things that weren’t on our registry. Now I have a pile of things that I need to figure out where they came from and return which is a GIANT PAIN IN THE ASS.
Things like this lovely: Godinger Crystal Wedding Coach (the URL is too long- just google it). Yeah- definitely not on our Crate and Barrel registry! It really gave the impression to us of- “I don’t like the things you registered for so I’m going to get you something I think you need more.” Aaand no. Not what we wanted.

I don’t know if it’s just different ways of thinking but what my mom told me when I registered was: most people brought gifts to the shower (where you could see the bride open them) and gave checks for the wedding present. And thank god because now we could afford to buy the bed and frame that we really wanted. I know cash is “impersonal” but I think giving the bride and the groom the option to buy larger purchases is great.

I’ve showed up eXtremely late (traffic!) in the past, but apparently my biggest faux pas was wearing ivory to my cousin’s wedding a few years ago. I swear, it wasn’t until I started planning my own wedding that I found out how horrible and evil and wrong I was, and how I single-handedly ruined the entire wedding by doing so.

Kirsten C… I just had to google the Godinger crystal coach. All I can say is… hahahahaha!! =)

I have been an offender of #2 and before every one judges their guests about this, while you may be stressed and angry that people were being rude or thoughtless, you also must remember that not everyone has planned a wedding before and understands how much you have spent or that there may be seat limitations. It was also my first wedding by myself, so I didn’t know any better.

I hate to say it, but after committing the first offense, and being scolded by the bride about it, I have dreaded going to weddings ever since! It literally sucked all the joy from me and I felt HORRIBLE and EMBARRESSED for weeks!!! I dreaded the wedding day and was so nervous about seeing the bride after committing the blunder.

I know the wedding is YOUR day, but guests are also shelling out a fortune to be , taking the time to be there with you because they love you, and usually will get a very generous gift for you too. Be kind. Not everyone reads Emily Post at birth.

To be perfectly honest though, the best wedding I have been to did not follow any of these etiquette rules. I wish all weddings could be that down to earth.

Off-registry gifts are fine if you know the bride and groom well, but they are not acceptable if you don’t know their tastes well. We got two hideous gifts, one of which was from someone neither my husband or I had ever met (my distant family).

Requesting songs is fine, too. (Although I got excited when “It’s Raining Men” was playing the night before my wedding, so some of my friends requested it AT the wedding - but whatever.

I do agree that the three most obnoxious are not RSVPing, RSVPing for extra guests, and getting drunk at the wedding.

Can you wear white to the wedding if the bride isn’t wearing white? All those colored wedding dresses now…

i hate it when people ask me if they’re invited to the wedding. i’d like to say, “if you have to ask, the answer is probably NO” but instead i say,”actually i haven’t started the guest list yet!”

my biggest pet peeve, though, is when a woman shows up at a wedding all skanked out or wearing white. i once went to a wedding where the sister of the bride wore a very tight, very short, black halter dress. it was so tasteless and pathetic. and seriously, out of of all the colors in the world, why do you have to wear white to someone’s wedding? UGH. again, pathetic and tasteless.

Too much to drink? No, just a group dance.