Wedding Blog
I stumbled across this article today, written by Miles Stiverson, and thought I’d see what the hive thinks.According to Stiverson, these are the 10 biggest mistakes guests make at weddings:
1. Not sending RSVPs
2. Sending RSVPs with extra guests
3. Bombarding the bride with phone calls and questions
4. Buying a non-registry gift
5. Showing up late
6. Bringing a big, heavy gift
7. Giving unexpected toasts
8. Requesting songs
9. Drinking too much
10. Crashing your wedding
Would I be a horrible Bee if I admitted to committing one or two of these party fouls? Is it my fault I thought my sister needed a pretty set of Vera Wang toasting flutes for her bridal shower? Can I really be held accountable if I thought the reception was sorely lacking a few Barry Manilow tunes? Should I have been more watchful of Mr. Chickadee’s drinks so he didn’t end up like this at the end of the night?
Ok, all joking aside, what do you ladies think of this list of rules? What do you find the most heinous offense? Any you think can be taken off the list? Did Stiverson miss anything that ought to be added to the Polite Guest Handbook?
|
Share this post: 10 Biggest Mistakes Guests Make
4. Buying a non-registry gift <- I personally don’t see anything wrong with this. Registry is meant to give ideas of what the brides/grooms need, but there’s no rule that all gifts have to come from registry.
crashing is the WORST i think! there are some ppl you didn’t invite for a reason 
i think the unexpected toasts one is OK if it is good and fitting, but those are risky, especially if they already messed up on #9!
other things that should be added: coming scantily clad! i’ve seen some guests wear stuff that was like, uhhh WHAT are you wearing!
Those are good!
But I actually just went to a wedding where the DJ went around asking for song requests! HA!
I am also one that veers away from the registry too but usually only for the bridal shower! I always stay to the registry for the actual wedding gift!
Oh and one thing he should clarify better is, ppl need to always SEND the gift and not bring it to the wedding. But that was sorta covered when he said, don’t bring a heavy gift!
Aww come on, what kind of wedding doesn’t have at least one great drunken toast?
I kind of think upstaging the bride with your outfit should be on the list.
I’d add bringing children without checking with someone close to the party like a mom or bridesmaid first. Which is kinda covered by number two, but that’s assuming they RSVP’d in the first place!
Love drunken toast…hate non rsvp-ing guests. Mind reading is not a specialty of mine so I’m still having trouble getting over the fact people can’t send a card back. AHHHH!
I cannot agree enough with #9 - tacky, tacky, tacky. It’s a huge pet peeve of mine.
I’m gonna go with #1 and #2. Is it REALLY that hard to check a box on a pre-addressed, stamped envelope saying whether or not you’ll come to a party where they’ll be given a free meal? I don’t get it. Also, it’s pretty bad to bring extra, uninvited people to said meal. 
We had an unexpect song sang and toast given by my father in law’s father! What came off as incredibly sweet to guests who don’t know him, was horrific for my husband’s family. He’s notorious for always trying to steal the spotlight and just crazy. He also said, “It’s not everyday a grandfather is asked to give a toast on their wedding day.” Um, we never asked you sir. Plus, he sang a song from the 50’s that no one recognized, and it was off key.
Guests inviting more people is the worst I think. They forget that each person costs money, and even worse, some people feel ENTITLED to bring more people. The nerve!
8. Requesting songs isn’t that bad. That is, if the guest truly wants to hear and dance to it. Or if it reminds the bride or groom of a special moment they shared with the guest. As long as it’s not grossly inappropriate, I wouldn’t mind my guests requesting songs.
I think crashing is the worst one listed– who shows up to a wedding they weren’t invited to? (although if vince vaughn and owen wilson want to crash mine, they’re more than welcome!)
I don’t think buying off-registry is terrible. Sometimes the most personal, thoughtful gifts are ones you didn’t register for.
I would add (1) drinking too much and (2) dressing inappropriately to that list.
OOOOOOO~ Miss Chickadee I have one to add on the list~ Having a guest wearing white at the wedding. Reminds me of The Office episode when Kelly wears white to Phyllis’ wedding.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with buying something off the registry. I wouldn’t expect gifts at all, but if a guest chose to give me something, I’d love for it to be something with meaning. Registries are just for people who don’t know what to give, IMO.
That being said, I always buy off the registry.
Ugh. Non-registry gifts are the worst.
We aren’t into having lots of “stuff” so a great deal of thought and time went into our registries. We returned, exchanged, or donated to goodwill all of our non-registry gifts.
I totally agree with Miss Lovebird - I went to a wedding where a girl showed up in white with a little blue flower on the back. But it was awful- definetly trying to steal the spotlight from the bride! So RUDE!
I am raising my hand to say that off-registry gifts aren’t always bad. If you know the bride and or groom well enough to know they’d love this other thing then why not get it for them? Especially if it’s something unique and not sold at Crate & Barrel or Macys. Not to say just ANYONE should go off-registry. Nothing I gave my college roommate was on her registry. If you don’t know the couple well or know what their home is like, then stick to the list.
I know that I’d really love one of our guests to find us a nice unique wooden salad bowl and severs… but that’s not something that I can bluntly ask for or indicate anywhere on our registry. And I don’t want to spread the word too much because I only want one wooden bowl, not 5.
1. RSVP’ing and then not showing up. So. Rude.
2. I will second the wearing white comments.
Hmm I’m definitely guilty of requesting songs (I do that at almost every wedding I’ve been to!) and I’ve gotten drunk at one wedding. 
I don’t think buying something off the registry isn’t too bad either, just as long as you know the couple’s tastes and you think it’ll be more meaningful.
I agree with the list… but add the wearing white one!
For sure every wedding will have at least 3 of these points present at their wedding…
to avoid it you would have to send the rules to your guests ahead of time… but then they would think you were rude… a vicious cycle I tell you
Let’s back up a little bit. How about the people that ‘assume’ they will be a guest when they have not yet been invited! I think it’s extremely rude to make that assumption and it often puts the bride and groom in a very awkward position when the last thing they need is more stress!
I know people who have bought plane tickets to out of town weddings before being invited! The nerve
(PS - My brother’s MIL wore white to their wedding and I thought it was the tackiest thing ever!)
Party fouls I’ve committed
5. Showing up late - happens more frequently than it should, but luckilly the majority of ceremonies I’ve been to have started 20 minutes late.
8. Requesting songs - Lionel Richie, ANYONE? It was probably in the lineup anyway, right? I USUALLY request a song…didnt know this was a bad thing 
I have to respectfully disagree with #4 (buying non registry gifts)
Registry is just a guideline - if you have a personal relationship with the couple then you should be able to buy a thoughtful gift. Demanding gifts only on the registry should be a top 10 “no no” on the brides list- not the guests.
Did anyone see the episode of South Park where Cartman told all of his friends which gift to get him for his birthday???
I totally agree with Miss Lovebird… wearing white is the absolute rudest thing, in my opinion. And I love that episode of the Office!
I also agree with Jilian that people assuming they’re invited should be added. I’ve had to deal with that with some co-workers, and it is SO awkward.
I have definitely had too much to drink at a wedding… but the bride specifically told the bridal party she wanted everyone to drink a lot, b/c she wanted it to feel like a crazy party. Uhhh, no problem! And I’ve been late to more than one wedding, I’m ashamed to admit.
Two guests of mine decided they didn’t want to sit at the table we assigned them, and they moved to another table instead…..Rearranged the chairs to squeeze themselves in….And told the banquet manager their meals should now be served to them at that table.
Turns out the invited guest’s date was an ex of another invited guest at their original table.
In the end, it all worked out. But I definately thought it was nervy!
I personally would prefer a gift with thought from someone close to us over a registry gift. This does not include the gift from the second cousin your parents insist you invite who brings the toaster oven bought ‘new’ off Craiglist (from another couple who received it as a wedding present, no less) that you did not register for.
I personally don’t mind the guest in a white dress (because, com’on, who is gonna mistake a girl in any ol’ white dress as a bride?) but I wouldn’t do that myself in case the bride does mind. I do, however, always look for that girl who is wearing the inappropriately short/revealing dress. I make it a game for the FH and I when we attend weddings, because they are always there! I keep thinking about who that would be at our own wedding, and what special treatment I should have in store for her… (insert evil laugh)
I agree with kgr - RSVPing and not showing up.
I also think buying non-registry is pretty bad. We already have most stuff and put a lot of time and thought into our registry. We had guests ask where we were registered, then go off registry anyways. We got a few sweet, thoughtful ones, but also some that made it seem like the guest did not know us at all and just reached in their re-gift closet.
I had all but #2, #7, and #10 happen at my wedding, and the only reason there were no unwanted toasts is bc we specifically told our DJ to protect that mic with his life!
Agree with trying to upstage the bride, but would also like to give a shout out to “bombarding the bride with phone calls and questions”. DH and I had to both give our cell phones to respective Best Man and MOH to answer the day of our weddings, because people were literally calling with the *STUPIDEST* questions! (one guest called the morning of our wedding to ask DH what time the restaurant next door to the hotel opened. yes, I’m serious).
Ooh, just thought of another one - my godfather videotaped our ceremony, and stood up in the middle of it and walked around *behind* us and the minister, so he was in plain view of all of our guests, and was blocking the beautiful view that we intended for everyone to see. Luckily our prof photog is good enough to get a few photos without him in them. Seriously, have a little self awareness.
I’m having trouble stomaching the buying off the registry rule and the requesting songs one. Granted, registries are in essense a “wish list,” items that are no doubt what the couple has deemed that they’d like. I’ve really warmed to registries, because that’s what’s being designated as wanted/needed. But I much prefer to give (and receive) unique, one-of-a-kind gifts.
And the reception songs. Surely, if there’s stuff you don’t want to hear at your wedding, that’s the COUPLE’S job to tell the DJ beforehand. But a wedding isn’t just for two people; it’s for everyone to have fun at. Therefore, bring on the requests so we can all have a good time! [But the rule does need to say: If you request it, you gotta dance it with all your heart.]
Biggest no-no: bringing people that weren’t specifically invited and of course crashing it altogether. READ your invitations carefully!
A caveat to the toasts: Please don’t mention anything about previous relationships. We’re here to celebrate the one I’ve committed to now, let’s not be reminded of the awful ones that didn’t work out.
My #1 pet peeve of all time at anyone’s wedding - the girl/woman who wears WHITE. To this day, I have yet been to a single wedding that at least one female wasn’t wearing a white dress. C’mon ladies! What gives? Irks me like no other.
Ugh, what utter bs.
I was just at a wedding this weekend where pretty much ALL of these rules were broken and it was the most fun wedding I have been to yet. The bride and groom had a blast (outside of a peach rose issue - a poor florist fill in). The groom’s family adored it, the bride’s all had too much to drink.
Two offenses I’d agree with personally: send RSVPs and don’t add guests!
I will 3rd RSVPing and not showing up!!
We had one couple come at 11PM. WHAT!? Why bother!? They said that they got a side-gig that they had to work (ironically, the girl was “working” as one of those partly-nude people wearing body paint and having sushi served off her body… yea, we’re not that close anymore, haha). But seriously, why did they make me waste over $200 on their dinners??
Ironically, literally the night before our wedding, I dreamed that this girl and her BF did not show up to our wedding (no joke!), and so I called her up and b*tched her out (in my dream). Imagine my surprise when I walked past the placecard table at 10pm and saw their cards still sitting there… sometimes you just know. A flake is a flake is a flake. =T
Oh, and I forgot to give a shout out to the bombarding the bride with questions rule.
We have a great shot of me “backstage”, waiting for my song to play to enter, and talking on my cell phone, trying to help my lost friends find the venue.
Something else that should be on that list is the over-use of the term bridezilla. One of my friends called be a ‘zilla in front of a whole room of people the morning of my wedding. All I had done was ask my MOH to hand me something, since I had a hot curling iron in my hair and could not move v. far.
My pet peeve(s): Anything RSVP related that’s in poor taste — so #s 1 & 2, RSVPing and doing the opposite (saying no and coming, saying yes and not coming), adding kids to your RSVP, thinking that you’re “special” so you don’t have to RSVP or can do it late and then add on a guest…
My new “thing” after my own wedding is: Don’t freakin’ come if you don’t really want to be there. You just make everyone else miserable and annoyed. Seriously. If we all know that you were invited solely to “save face” on all sides, just decline graciously.
I never knew that it was better to send the gift ahead of time than to bring it with you the wedding: thanks for pointing this out! =D
Given that I’m currently in RSVP hell, I will say that #1 is the most flagrant. Although, I’m ashamed to admit that I have been guilty of this in the past! I have lived and learned, though, and I will be the best wedding guest ever for the rest of my days here on Earth!!
I think that getting TOO drunk is big… being thoroughly marinated is fun, but being sloppy about it is disgusting and no one wants to deal with hearing about people having DUIs afterwards or even worse.
The RSVP rules are rude as well.
I agree with 1, 2, and 10.
1- The couple obviously took the time to send out RSVPs, so you should have the courtesy to grant them peace of mind and RESPOND.
2 and 10- Like Miss Daffodil said, there are reasons why some people aren’t invited
I totally agree that no-shows are the worst. I fantasize about sending invoices to everyone who RSVP-ed and didn’t show.
Someone wore a white dress to my wedding, but I honestly think that they didn’t know about the rule, c’est la vie.
I have to add another one: hijacking the bride and groom for a million photos, especially if you really don’t know how to take a picture in under 10 seconds. It only happened a few times, but it ate into our visiting time and my face started to hurt from the constant smiling.
I’ve been stuck having to call the bride to ask questions. I hated it, but there was nobody else who could help us or was designated to do so. That’s definitely something I’m going to do my best to avoid in the future.
I definitely think receiving non-registry gifts is fabulous! Especially if its a well though out gift that isnt on a typical registry. Sure, its probably not the best to give a blender, toaster, or set of glasses that isnt on the registry, but what about unique items that really fit the bride and groom’s personality? I’d love to get a GREAT modern tea set, glass vases, or interesting wood bowls or handmade stuff…even though I didnt register for them.
But, I can see how it would be a bummer for the couple if you bought them a gift that that was similar to a item on their registry…because obviously they already had their eye on a specific model/style.
Ooh showing up late is a biggie– how could I forget? I’m scary about punctuality– if anyone shows up late to my wedding, I won’t be happy
There were a couple of people that I had to chase down with emails and letter well after the date all the RSVPs had to be in. One person told me they would be able to know “maybe a week before” and one person I still haven’t heard from (and my wedding was in september)!!
On the topic of non-registry gifts I’m going to recommend guests err on the side of registry or cash. I had guests go either way- my aunt got me a waterford sugar bowl and creamer that I really like (although she did run it by my mom first). BUUUUT overwhelmingly my husband’s mother’s friends got us things that weren’t on our registry. Now I have a pile of things that I need to figure out where they came from and return which is a GIANT PAIN IN THE ASS.
Things like this lovely: Godinger Crystal Wedding Coach (the URL is too long- just google it). Yeah- definitely not on our Crate and Barrel registry! It really gave the impression to us of- “I don’t like the things you registered for so I’m going to get you something I think you need more.” Aaand no. Not what we wanted.
I don’t know if it’s just different ways of thinking but what my mom told me when I registered was: most people brought gifts to the shower (where you could see the bride open them) and gave checks for the wedding present. And thank god because now we could afford to buy the bed and frame that we really wanted. I know cash is “impersonal” but I think giving the bride and the groom the option to buy larger purchases is great.
I’m ok with most of those things, but not RSVPing… it just makes me soooo annoyed when I hear people just chose not to RSVP. I guess its something you don’t fully grasp the importance of until you are a bride, but I personally am NOT looking forward to tracking down people that don’t RSVP…ughh seriously, how hard is it to stick a self-addressed stamped envelope in the mail?
I’ve showed up eXtremely late (traffic!) in the past, but apparently my biggest faux pas was wearing ivory to my cousin’s wedding a few years ago. I swear, it wasn’t until I started planning my own wedding that I found out how horrible and evil and wrong I was, and how I single-handedly ruined the entire wedding by doing so.
Kristen C - the Godinger Crystal Wedding Coach is not only horrible, it’s on sale for half price.
Also, it is horrible. I know I said that already, but it bears repeating.
Kirsten C… I just had to google the Godinger crystal coach. All I can say is… hahahahaha!! =)
haha, mrs. emerald. i did the same. i didn’t know there was an actual official name for cinderella’s coach.
I have been an offender of #2 and before every one judges their guests about this, while you may be stressed and angry that people were being rude or thoughtless, you also must remember that not everyone has planned a wedding before and understands how much you have spent or that there may be seat limitations. It was also my first wedding by myself, so I didn’t know any better.
I hate to say it, but after committing the first offense, and being scolded by the bride about it, I have dreaded going to weddings ever since! It literally sucked all the joy from me and I felt HORRIBLE and EMBARRESSED for weeks!!! I dreaded the wedding day and was so nervous about seeing the bride after committing the blunder.
I know the wedding is YOUR day, but guests are also shelling out a fortune to be , taking the time to be there with you because they love you, and usually will get a very generous gift for you too. Be kind. Not everyone reads Emily Post at birth.
To be perfectly honest though, the best wedding I have been to did not follow any of these etiquette rules. I wish all weddings could be that down to earth.
Don’t ever apologize for the Manilow! He’s the best!
Off-registry gifts are fine if you know the bride and groom well, but they are not acceptable if you don’t know their tastes well. We got two hideous gifts, one of which was from someone neither my husband or I had ever met (my distant family).
Requesting songs is fine, too. (Although I got excited when “It’s Raining Men” was playing the night before my wedding, so some of my friends requested it AT the wedding - but whatever.
I do agree that the three most obnoxious are not RSVPing, RSVPing for extra guests, and getting drunk at the wedding.
[...] a few other things that can go wrong, courtesy of your guests! I found this great article via a post on Weddingbee. The article not only lists out the 10 biggest mistakes guests make it also gives you tips to [...]
Can you wear white to the wedding if the bride isn’t wearing white? All those colored wedding dresses now…
Not RSVPing drives me nuts… We had soooo many people not RSVP (but we also had a big wedding, to be fair)… Two crazy RSVPs we came across… (1) We got one in the mail pretty late… the Thursday before our Sunday wedding… and the person said YES! Umm… WHAT?! (2) We got married Memorial Day weekend… the last RSVP regret we received came in JULY… yes… a month and a half after the wedding!!
I actually think buying a non-registry gift is a-ok, in most cases, depending on how well you know the couple. We got some beautiful non-registry gifts that I adore… and then a few that are stashed in a box on the highest shelf of the closet (shh, don’t tell!).
I would add to the list RSVPing that you will come, and then not showing up. We unfortunately had a lot of that happen too… and that just frustrated me SO much because we spent money on those meals, we could have had less tables, equaling fewer centerpieces… it’s just so rude, in my opinion.
i hate it when people ask me if they’re invited to the wedding. i’d like to say, “if you have to ask, the answer is probably NO” but instead i say,”actually i haven’t started the guest list yet!”
my biggest pet peeve, though, is when a woman shows up at a wedding all skanked out or wearing white. i once went to a wedding where the sister of the bride wore a very tight, very short, black halter dress. it was so tasteless and pathetic. and seriously, out of of all the colors in the world, why do you have to wear white to someone’s wedding? UGH. again, pathetic and tasteless.
Hehehe at the Godinger Crystal Wedding Coach. My aunt is a huge fan of buying me gigantic useless crystal things as well. I know she means well but sometimes, I feel like pulling an Office Space, taking them back out into a deserted field and smashing the crap out of them.
I think a lot of the things on the list actually aren’t that bad but after dealing with the RSVPs for our engagement party, I completely agree that not RSVPing is a major faux pas.
A funny side note - A girl I went to high school with is now a wedding planner and the second she found out I was getting married was on me about using her as a coordinator. Since she lived not too far from where we were having the engagement party, I invited her and suggested to her to swing by so we could chat. She didn’t even bother to RSVP and never showed up, but then a month later was asking me again about working on my wedding.
I just laughed. Like seriously, you think I want you to coordinate my wedding when you can’t even be bothered to e-mail me? Forget it!
[...] 10 Biggest Mistakes Guests Make by Miss Chickadee [...]
| Visit our sister sites | Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Fertile Thoughts Infertility Support |
Mrs. Chickadee, Peoria, IL
Age and Occupation: 22, Freelance Advertising
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 22, Mechanical Engineer
Engagement Date: February 10, 2007
Wedding Date: June, 2008
Blogging Since: September 13, 2006
Venue: Methodist Church/Country Club
About Me: My parents always said I should wait until graduating college before getting married…Mr. Chickadee and I finally graduated this past spring and we didn’t waste any time getting straight down to business. It’s been four long years, but the wedding planning is finally underway!
| Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |
| 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 |
| 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 |
| 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 |
| 29 | 30 |
Latest Gallery Pics