Wedding Blog
In my recent post, “Getting Ready Teasers” I talked about the effect blogs have had on wedding planning and reader Rosie brought up an interesting point.“Speaking of the effect of wedding blogs: the double edged sword is that while it allows people to share thoughts, it also creates an unintentional sense of competition and one-upmanship. Not to be sensational, but does anybody else ever feel this way at all?”
I feel a poll coming on…keep reading.
Clockwise: DIY Table Numbers, DIY Water Bottle Labels, OOT Basket, DIY Fourtune Cookie Escort Cards. (Photos by Kenny Pang).
All pictures above from beautiful knottie, Mrs. Safari’s wedding. I call her the “DIY Queen!” She put so much of herself into her wedding. Above are a few of her efforts completed.
I was surprised to read Rosie’s comment because not once did I think I had to do something, or do it better, because I saw it on-line. There are lots of things that are done at weddings I saw on theknot or weddingbee that I didn’t do — bathroom baskets, slipper basket, candy buffet, tissue packets, “will you be my BM?” cards, table numbers etc.
I did however get some great ideas I wouldn’t have known about — my picture slide show, my boudoir photo session and save-the-dates for instance. I found myself generally inspired by all the wonderful ideas and attention to detail but honestly didn’t feel like I had to compete in any way.
So let’s do this anonymously so you can be honest with yourself…a POLL.
Feel free to comment or elaborate in the comments section.
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I’ll tell you this, though: I do sometimes read posts and think, “man, my priorities are so much saner than yours.” So maybe I DO try to be better than some bloggers, if by better you mean “more well-adjusted.”
I voted no because it’s done the opposite, Weddingbee has given me lots of inspiration and has been really helpful to help me find my own sense of wedding style. I would never want to copy someone else’s wedding entirely or compete with someone else, it’s “our day” and we’ll do whatever makes us feel comfortable and within our budget.
No, because I only had access to the Knot and it wasn’t exactly for me. But…
The magazines made me crazy. I felt like I had to do everything in them just to have a wedding people would want to come to (nevermind the whole getting married thing 
).
So when it came time for me to pass them onto a friend, I put sticky notes all over them saying that she doesn’t have to do everything, some stuff is just overkill and you don’t want to make yourself crazy. I wish someone would have told me!
I voted “No”
And then I read Sarah’s comment. I agree.
For me it’s more like “Man, I know how to use my money so much better than you.” So maybe I should’ve voted “yes”?
I’m wishy-washy on this subject. Its not that I feel that I have to “one up” ANYONE, its just that I feel like I have to provide interesting content now that I’m a bee…and sometimes that means doing an insane amount of DIY projects and bridal research (which, dont get me wrong, I love to do!). I would say that since joining weddingbee, I have had my eyes peeled very wide for great content to post about, and sometimes this translates into adding ONE MORE PROJECT to my wedding.
Again, i must reiterate that I-LOVE-THIS-STUFF. But I often wonder if I would have toned the projects down a bit had I not applied to be a bee.
I haven’t felt the sense of competition so far in the wedding planning, but both the FH and I want our wedding to be remembered by the guests. We went to 6 weddings this year, with 5 more lined up already next year not including our own. All the weddings are starting to seem like a blur, and we’d like to make our stand out from the blur.
I voted yes, I guess not in the traditional sense… I love reading blogs, and getting ideas, but at the same time, we don’t have the budget for a cocktail hour/candy bar/deluxe photographer/etc. And, being that I work full time and go to school full time, I can’t really bargain hunt or DIY either. So, I have to admit to feeling one-upped pretty often, even though I know our day will be special and personal no matter what!
No… They provide me with ideas and support…Most of my friends are single and don’t want to listen to me discuss ideas and figure out details of the wedding. This resource allows me to brainstorm without driving my friends/ family crazy with the details.
I voted no, but it has been a struggle. I am okay with the choices I have made and where my energies will be expended, but it hasn’t been easy…and some times I doubt myself. Everyonce and a while I think MAYBE I should have a candy buffet. But I also don’t judge those who did have a candy buffet.
To be honest, sometimes. Not through the projects you all do, but in the location. I see a lot of NY, San Fran and LA weddings featured on Weddingbee and the Knot and sometimes it feels like the bloggers are ritzy and exotic with their weddings in all these grown-up locations. I’m in Vancouver, Canada and while I think it’s the most beautiful city, sometimes it seems boring and ordinary compared to everything I see online.
I don’t think it’s so much a case of needing to one-up anyone (I doubt any of my guests at my wedding will have ever been to the wedding of a bee, so it’s not like there will be a comparison). However, when other people do projects and rave about how much their guests appreciated them, it makes me feel like in order to be a good host, I need to do that as well (things like bathroom baskets, providing flip flops for female guests, creating extensive OOT bags, etc). Once in a while, commenters make me second guess myself as well — someone left a nasty comment in response to me stating that we are not inviting all our friends with guests, because we just can’t afford to do so, and we would rather have our own friends than have our friends bring their brother or friend or other person we have never met. It made me stop and question if I was doing something wrong — but then I realized how ridiculous I was being, changing my opinion based on a comment from someone I don’t even know. Sorry, but it’s not worth having to take out a $5,000 loan to be able to afford “& guest” for each of our invited guests, even if someone else thinks it is in bad taste.
One thing is for sure — my wedding would be costing me a lot less if I didn’t find all the ideas for extras on sites like WeddingBee!
Yes and No ….most things I see a lot of brides do on blogs/websites/magazine I’d never want at my wedding so I don’t feel the need to do whatever I see, but I think blogs/websites/magazines put pressure on you to be creative, different, unique. Everyone wants their wedding to stand out from all the other weddings we’ve gone to and be memorable. Sometimes i feel like a bride has to do something that’s never been seen before to make her guests happy when the reality is most of our guests don’t research weddings 24-7 so even a few of the unique touches will be impressive.
One thing I remind myself of often so that I don’t talk too much wedding talk around non-wedding people is “nobody cares about your wedding but you.” This may not be 100% true but for most of your guests it’s going to be just a nice night out of dinner and dancing…not the monumental binding of souls event and party of the century that we make it up to be in our heads.
And maybe only 1 in every dozen or so weddings is truly memorable for your guests…it’s usually the ones where there is something crazy or bad that guests remember…not the one with “tears of joy” packets.
AmandaRyan - Weddingbee identifies most of us girls with our nearest metro locale, and not all of us actually live/have our weddings in those cities, although several of us do. The locale of my wedding has a population of 1000 people!
i don’t feel competition so much as PRESSURE. It ends up feeling like oh man, there are so many things I need to do and have to do and it gets a bit overwhelming. Ultimately, I just try to keep perspective and use blogs for ideas and support.
it goes back to picking the couple things that are important to me and my fiance and sticking with it.
I voted “no” because I just want to copy the ideas and incorporate my spin on them! Sometimes I know I want to do something but I’m just not sure how to execute it! So that is why I come here all the time. The explanations are so clear sometimes it’s like, “duh, why didnt i figure that out”..
I also think this site helps me with so many trial and errors. It’s already done for us here!
AmandaRyan - another Vancouverite here! I kind of know what you mean. I think we have some great resources here for a lot of wedding stuff like florists and bakers, but other things I occasionally sigh and wish I was in the US. Curse J.Crew and PaperSource for not existing up here!! I think we have some pretty great venues, but it took a lot of hunting to find my dream location…
I voted No. This is the only site where I haven’t seen people get down right nasty. I think this has something to with the fact that the bees are pretty down to Earth. I have asked questions of sites like Yahoo Answers and such and was met with very quick opposition. Apparently no one wants to hear about brides who are hosting weddings with a budget over 10K (yeah….try throwing a wedding in NYC for THAT lol*). I feel that I have directed my money to certain items that I feel important and each bee does the same.
*If you can pull off a decent wedding IN NYC for under 10K, please go into the wedding planning industry!
I’m so happy that Weddingbee has avoided what goes on in the Planning & Etiquette board of the Knot: Mamma mia — what a mess that is! That sure seems to be all about competition, one-upping other brides, telling other people how/why their ideas “suck,” etc.!
i think weddingbee weddings are so much more real and the bloggers put things in such great perspective…now tv shows like platinum weddings, etc–those are a different story! i hate how those shows make me feel like my wedding is going to be nothing compared to the extravagant ones on the shows…sometimes it feels like all of america is having martini luges and the like–but then i visit weddingbee & i breathe a sigh of relief! there actually are people out there with BUDGETS, like me!
i voted no but there is a slight caveat. while i don’t find any competitive urge when reading blogs of random people, i do feel a slight competitive urge when talking with people i do know.
even though i’m not officially engaged yet, i can already feel the beginnings of “it must be better than so and so” starting. though i must say that i’m very competitive by nature in real life anyway so that tends to affect pretty much everything i do, though i do make a conscious effort to relax the eff out about it.
in most parts, you’re reading about weddings of folks you or your guests won’t meet so there’s no real reason to try to one-up a stranger. but when you run in a close social group with lots of overlapping friends, that’s when that need to differeniate your wedding tiptoes on the line of one-upsmanship.
overall the blogs have been a great help, i’ve used ideas i read here when planning my best friend’s wedding. it helps the circulation of ideas.
I put “yes,” only because I frequently see ideas that I would love to duplicate. I know I’m just not going to have the time. However, that doesn’t mean that I don’t love seeing the beautiful photos and chatting with everyone about their planning. None of my “real world” friends want to hear about it, so I love this place. : )
If you havent already taken the time to do so, check out Mrs. Safari’s wedding mentioned in this blog…when her husband pulls her garter off he pulls out a pair of grannie panties first! THAT IS SO HILARIOUS!
I haven’t found it to be a competitive thing at all, but rather a way to gather ideas and look at lots of pretty pictures
That said, while I don’t feel any competition, sometimes I do wish that I had more options for locations- Cleveland really doesn’t have as many venues, photographers, etc. that other places do.
Sorry, maybe I should have worded it better. I guess it’s because in Vancouver a lot of people have their weddings at the same location so our wedding seems boring because it’s at the same old (and don’t suggest a different venues because we’ve already paid for ours in full..lol). I think it’s just when I see all the gorgeous pictures, I wish I could have my wedding there because it’s so unique, or fun, or whatever. I guess sometimes it makes me feel ‘one-upped’ because our wedding is comfy and us and close to home so everyone has a $5 cab ride home at the end. I guess that’s what I meant.
On the flip side, a lot of time I just flip right by and it doesn’t bother me. Like when you see home decorating magazines and everything is perfect. It looks nice but I’d still take our chaotic living room with people everywhere, dogs on the couch and pictures instead of art hanging on the wall.
I voted no. Its kind of a yes for me, but only because I see idea and try to figure out how I can make them my own, or do something very similar with a smaller budget. I don’t feel like weddingbee has made me spend more money in the least. Instead it has given me the confidence to make my own invitation, favors, etc. I wanted to make a lot of things for my wedding myself, but didn’t know much about what kind of resources were out there for DIY. Thanks to weddingbee I am so much more educated on what has worked for other brides and what will probably work well for me!
I do feel a sense of competition on the knot. I love my local board but sometimes, because I feel like there is competition to get the best. It’s not always I’m going to do it better than you, but I’m going to spend more money than you. Maybe it’s just me.
I don’t feel like I competed with anyone but myself… I see other weddings and think “oh my god, that’s amazing, I wish I could do that” or “I really want to try something like that” but I never wanted to be better than someone else. I think the photos and inspirations are just that, but I don’t feel any scorn or need to compete with anyone else. I’m more disappointed with myself that I didnt do more! If that’s… possible…
I dont really know… its a touchy subject. Yes, I read all these wedding blogs and communities and think ‘Wow’. I feel inspired but I wouldnt say its completely competition. Majority of the time I’m like, I could never get that, or do that.
Its weird to say, but all I want is my wedding to be remembered by my guests. Don`t get me wrong, I want everything to match, my theme to be a wow factor… but maybe thats more my = I want a magazine worthy wedding by doing it myself, side. I dont even know if what I am saying makes sense… so I would say Im half half
Miss Flamingo - well put, I’m definitely in the same boat. After all, no matter your budget, the bottom line is you’re probably spending a lot of money, and you want to make sure its an affair to remember!
I didn’t feel as if I HAD to do things because I saw them online, but there were so many great ideas and once I saw them, I WANTED to do them. So I probably did end up spending more money or time on stuff because I’d read so many wedding blogs - but I wasn’t doing it because I was trying to be better than the bloggers I’d read, if that makes sense.
As of right now, it’s 50-50 with almost 300 votes… I’m amazed at how close this is.
Personally, I’m inspired, but not to compete.
I agree with virtually everything that has been posted so far. I love sites like weddingbee and the knot, but there is a danger of allowing yourself to get too wrapped up in candy buffets, personalized napkins, and homemade cookie favours.
I voted yes. It’s not a malicious thing — I love seeing everyone’s ideas and comments, but I often find myself comparing other people’s ideas to my own.
Case in point: At my good friend’s engagement party, she was showing us her very lovely DIY invitations. After seeing hers, I decided to beef up my own invites with fancier envelopes. It wasn’t that I was trying to one-up her — it’s just that we’re inviting the same people to our weddings and I don’t want our invites to look shabby next to hers. It makes me feel extremely slimy to admit this, but I was totally influenced by her choice.
This discussion is just what I needed to bring me back down to earth. In the end, it’s about the marriage, not the wedding. Yes, we all want our weddings to be perfect, down to the last detail. But really, you’re there to celebrate your relationship, not your centrepieces. As long as you’re happy and relaxed on your wedding day, your guests will follow suit.
I voted yes, but not because I am competitive or want to “one-up” someone. In fact, I think I am rather in the closet with my friends about my wedding plans only because I would probably get scolded for how much I spent (too much), what I want (too extravagant), special touches (so uneccessary). But when I come to weddingbee, I see other girls like myself who want to put the extra effort forth, and brides who put much more effort. I would LOVE to make my own STD and invitations, and have my lovely chiavari chairs (at $12/ea) but I have to keep myself in check with the budget. And I love reading the comments because it seems to be very down to earth and realistic.
I DO have to say though, I mentally compare the FH and make comments to him when I see the Mr. Bee’s participating in all these DIY projects.
I voted No, but after reading some posts, feel somewhat led to saying yes.
The no comes from the fact that I never feel like I’m having to one-up anyone I meet or read about from online. However, I do feel the urge to copy people or put my own twist on things (such as my guest book, candy buffet, STDs, etc). Its never a feeling of envy or wanting to impress people more than person X did on their blog, etc. Honestly, I’m amazed at the creative ideas I find and want to do it myself.
The yes part of me comes from feeling the need to compete with others I know personally. I’ve been to a number of weddings or know people planning their own right now. The ones in the planning stage that I know a number of my guests will attend before my wedding…well, there is that need to make my wedding better, more personalized, and honestly, fancier. I feel the need to put on a great wedding so some of these people will go back and brag (in front of others). Yes, its bad of me to feel that way, but a little part of me does.
When all is said and done, what really matters to me is being at the alter with my fiance, saying our vows and committing our lives to one another. Whoever is in attendance, whatever decorations/favors are out, whatever the food tastes like and whatever music that is played…thats just an added bonus.
You know..I never really found in my travels brides being competitive about brides spending a lot. It was more the judgment- ie ‘you got a couture dress for engagement party? Geez I was FINE in my target clothes!’ ‘You spent that much on hair? how ridiculous!’. It seemed okay to judge those who chose to spend more but one would never turn around and say ‘you’re so stingy for getting such a bargain on your dress!’!’ (unless of course you get into money for registry and money for meal and then it gets sticky) I think thats the thing that saddened me the most.
I voted yes, not because I feel the desire to “one-up” anyone, but sometimes I read things (much more frequently on The Knot than here though, which is why I’ve made Weddingbee my go-to place) that make me all panicky, like, “Oh no, I don’t plan on having bathroom baskets/a candy buffet/super-fancy invitations, etc. Am I a failure as a bride?”
But I really am more inspired by Weddingbee than panicked. I wish I could say the same for The Knot.
I voted no — blogs and web sites are a source of inspiration for me. BUT, as others have said, I do feel competitive with my friends in real life who are planning weddings around mine. This was most difficult when a good friend of mine had her wedding a few months before mine with a lot more $$$. We have the same taste, so it was hard for me not to feel like I was planning the poor man’s version of her wedding. So, yes, I did things a bit differently (spent more $$) had she not been getting married so close to me. I feel petty admitting this — in my head, I know weddings aren’t about this — but there it is.
Wow, with 411 votes it’s exactly 50/50 right now! It’s so interesting to hear everyone’s feedback. It’s also interseting that people feel pressured by other weddings around them — friends/family getting married close to their date.
I’m the first of my friends to get married, BUT Mr. Onion has a big family and there were two cousin weddings before ours — one 3 weeks and the other 2 1/2 months before ours. I didn’t feel like I was competing with those weddings but I did know that some of the same family memebers would be at all three weddings. That made me want to put our guests first even more!
Keep the feedback coming — this is a great, open and positive conversation.
I don’t see it as a competition, but I do feel pressured to have a beautiful wedding, especially because all my friends consider me the artsy, creative one. And like many others said, I have to agree that it can get hard not to get caught up in wanting to having the perfect, Martha Stewart-esque wedding when in reality the most important thing should be the official joining of two people who love each other.
P.S. - I do love that fortune cookie placecards idea….I may end up stealing it!
It’s hard to realize and then to admit that even wedding blogs (along with all the other wedding magazines etc.) have made my wedding seem a bit competitive- not in the sense like I want to “one-up” other weddings, but I want my wedding to have all the wonderful things that I have seen! (To ensure, I don’t feel “one-upped”).
I always feel inspired by all of these blog sites and have found the answers to many questions I have had. So in that sense they have been the most wonderful resource for me!
But I have also seen (maybe overloaded) on so many wonderful ideas, photos, styles- that it has in turn changed my view of my wedding. And yes, it has changed the way I spend $$$- significantly. I could get into specific ways I’ve changed my wedding style, budget, etc. since becoming addicted to all things wedding, but it would be too lengthy
This post reminds me about the best part of our wedding… our love, friendship, family.
I have to keep myself in check from wanting to get too into the projects. It seems like there are template weddings based on what board you are involved with on the knot. Who did what, and how did they do it. My FI also knots and we almost did a couple of projects based on seeing them and thinking they were cool. Not because we really wanted to do them. We periodically go over our intention with the planning and scale back each time we do. My WC also decided to do my wedding because of my commitment to the environment so she keeps me in check to and I appreciate her for that.
I said yes, because I couldn’t say a flat-out no. By that I mean, I read about what others have done, and I feel challenged to try to do more DIY, because SOMEONE was able to do it, why can’t I, why shouldn’t I? Perhaps in the end I would save a whole lot!
But, it’s causing a lot of stress. I don’t want to do things “better,” but I do want it all to be unique, special, INSPIRED. All that “adding a personal touch” stuff. And reading all the posts have made me feel competitive that way, to challenge myself to be doing more of that.
Competition… from the boards and blogs–no. Excitement and a urge to create a wedding experience that is thoughtful and “better” than weddings I’ve been to recently….sadly, YES!
I didn’t read all of the comments above, but here’s my take on things (sorry if I’m repeating!)
I voted yes, but not for why people might think. I come from North Dakota, and while it’s not a small town (we’re at about 150,000), it’s obviously not a metropolis or a giant city, so the culture and understanding of some newer trends and things just aren’t known about or really discussed. My mom even said that she had never heard of STDs until a friend sent them out this past summer…and I thought they were just a given!
So anyway, what I’m noticing is that all of the ideas that I get from weddingbee are things that I want to and would love to incorporate, but a lot of them are just atypical for the area.
However, it has also made me a TON more prepared and organized compared to a lot of other brides I come in contact with!! THERE’s the competition!!
I voted “yes” and that’s why I have to limit my time on this and other wedding websites. It’s so much pressure to keep up with the cool stuff I see.
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Miss Onion, NYC/Burlington, VT
Age and Occupation: 27, PR & Marketing and Jazz Singer
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 28, Data Analyst
Engagement Date: April 2, 2006
Wedding Date: September 2007
Blogging Since: July 11, 2007
Venue: Restaurant in Burlington
About Me: I didn't think I'd be "that girl," but I am having so much fun planning our wedding (mostly by myself). I'm a PR and Marketing Director for a major jazz festival and camp by day, and by night, a romantic jazz singer and bride-to-be! I hope all my research can help other brides in their planning.
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