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In my recent post, “Getting Ready Teasers” I talked about the effect blogs have had on wedding planning and reader Rosie brought up an interesting point.“Speaking of the effect of wedding blogs: the double edged sword is that while it allows people to share thoughts, it also creates an unintentional sense of competition and one-upmanship. Not to be sensational, but does anybody else ever feel this way at all?”
I feel a poll coming on…keep reading.
Clockwise: DIY Table Numbers, DIY Water Bottle Labels, OOT Basket, DIY Fourtune Cookie Escort Cards. (Photos by Kenny Pang).
All pictures above from beautiful knottie, Mrs. Safari’s wedding. I call her the “DIY Queen!” She put so much of herself into her wedding. Above are a few of her efforts completed.
I was surprised to read Rosie’s comment because not once did I think I had to do something, or do it better, because I saw it on-line. There are lots of things that are done at weddings I saw on theknot or weddingbee that I didn’t do — bathroom baskets, slipper basket, candy buffet, tissue packets, “will you be my BM?” cards, table numbers etc.
I did however get some great ideas I wouldn’t have known about — my picture slide show, my boudoir photo session and save-the-dates for instance. I found myself generally inspired by all the wonderful ideas and attention to detail but honestly didn’t feel like I had to compete in any way.
So let’s do this anonymously so you can be honest with yourself…a POLL.
Feel free to comment or elaborate in the comments section.
I’ll tell you this, though: I do sometimes read posts and think, “man, my priorities are so much saner than yours.” So maybe I DO try to be better than some bloggers, if by better you mean “more well-adjusted.”
I voted no because it’s done the opposite, Weddingbee has given me lots of inspiration and has been really helpful to help me find my own sense of wedding style. I would never want to copy someone else’s wedding entirely or compete with someone else, it’s “our day” and we’ll do whatever makes us feel comfortable and within our budget.
No, because I only had access to the Knot and it wasn’t exactly for me. But…
The magazines made me crazy. I felt like I had to do everything in them just to have a wedding people would want to come to (nevermind the whole getting married thing 
).
So when it came time for me to pass them onto a friend, I put sticky notes all over them saying that she doesn’t have to do everything, some stuff is just overkill and you don’t want to make yourself crazy. I wish someone would have told me!
I voted “No”
And then I read Sarah’s comment. I agree.
For me it’s more like “Man, I know how to use my money so much better than you.” So maybe I should’ve voted “yes”?
I’m wishy-washy on this subject. Its not that I feel that I have to “one up” ANYONE, its just that I feel like I have to provide interesting content now that I’m a bee…and sometimes that means doing an insane amount of DIY projects and bridal research (which, dont get me wrong, I love to do!). I would say that since joining weddingbee, I have had my eyes peeled very wide for great content to post about, and sometimes this translates into adding ONE MORE PROJECT to my wedding.
Again, i must reiterate that I-LOVE-THIS-STUFF. But I often wonder if I would have toned the projects down a bit had I not applied to be a bee.
I haven’t felt the sense of competition so far in the wedding planning, but both the FH and I want our wedding to be remembered by the guests. We went to 6 weddings this year, with 5 more lined up already next year not including our own. All the weddings are starting to seem like a blur, and we’d like to make our stand out from the blur.
I voted yes, I guess not in the traditional sense… I love reading blogs, and getting ideas, but at the same time, we don’t have the budget for a cocktail hour/candy bar/deluxe photographer/etc. And, being that I work full time and go to school full time, I can’t really bargain hunt or DIY either. So, I have to admit to feeling one-upped pretty often, even though I know our day will be special and personal no matter what!
No… They provide me with ideas and support…Most of my friends are single and don’t want to listen to me discuss ideas and figure out details of the wedding. This resource allows me to brainstorm without driving my friends/ family crazy with the details.
I voted no, but it has been a struggle. I am okay with the choices I have made and where my energies will be expended, but it hasn’t been easy…and some times I doubt myself. Everyonce and a while I think MAYBE I should have a candy buffet. But I also don’t judge those who did have a candy buffet.
To be honest, sometimes. Not through the projects you all do, but in the location. I see a lot of NY, San Fran and LA weddings featured on Weddingbee and the Knot and sometimes it feels like the bloggers are ritzy and exotic with their weddings in all these grown-up locations. I’m in Vancouver, Canada and while I think it’s the most beautiful city, sometimes it seems boring and ordinary compared to everything I see online.
I don’t think it’s so much a case of needing to one-up anyone (I doubt any of my guests at my wedding will have ever been to the wedding of a bee, so it’s not like there will be a comparison). However, when other people do projects and rave about how much their guests appreciated them, it makes me feel like in order to be a good host, I need to do that as well (things like bathroom baskets, providing flip flops for female guests, creating extensive OOT bags, etc). Once in a while, commenters make me second guess myself as well — someone left a nasty comment in response to me stating that we are not inviting all our friends with guests, because we just can’t afford to do so, and we would rather have our own friends than have our friends bring their brother or friend or other person we have never met. It made me stop and question if I was doing something wrong — but then I realized how ridiculous I was being, changing my opinion based on a comment from someone I don’t even know. Sorry, but it’s not worth having to take out a $5,000 loan to be able to afford “& guest” for each of our invited guests, even if someone else thinks it is in bad taste.
One thing is for sure — my wedding would be costing me a lot less if I didn’t find all the ideas for extras on sites like WeddingBee!
Yes and No ….most things I see a lot of brides do on blogs/websites/magazine I’d never want at my wedding so I don’t feel the need to do whatever I see, but I think blogs/websites/magazines put pressure on you to be creative, different, unique. Everyone wants their wedding to stand out from all the other weddings we’ve gone to and be memorable. Sometimes i feel like a bride has to do something that’s never been seen before to make her guests happy when the reality is most of our guests don’t research weddings 24-7 so even a few of the unique touches will be impressive.
One thing I remind myself of often so that I don’t talk too much wedding talk around non-wedding people is “nobody cares about your wedding but you.” This may not be 100% true but for most of your guests it’s going to be just a nice night out of dinner and dancing…not the monumental binding of souls event and party of the century that we make it up to be in our heads.
And maybe only 1 in every dozen or so weddings is truly memorable for your guests…it’s usually the ones where there is something crazy or bad that guests remember…not the one with “tears of joy” packets.
AmandaRyan - Weddingbee identifies most of us girls with our nearest metro locale, and not all of us actually live/have our weddings in those cities, although several of us do. The locale of my wedding has a population of 1000 people!
i don’t feel competition so much as PRESSURE. It ends up feeling like oh man, there are so many things I need to do and have to do and it gets a bit overwhelming. Ultimately, I just try to keep perspective and use blogs for ideas and support.
it goes back to picking the couple things that are important to me and my fiance and sticking with it.
I voted “no” because I just want to copy the ideas and incorporate my spin on them! Sometimes I know I want to do something but I’m just not sure how to execute it! So that is why I come here all the time. The explanations are so clear sometimes it’s like, “duh, why didnt i figure that out”..
I also think this site helps me with so many trial and errors. It’s already done for us here!
AmandaRyan - another Vancouverite here! I kind of know what you mean. I think we have some great resources here for a lot of wedding stuff like florists and bakers, but other things I occasionally sigh and wish I was in the US. Curse J.Crew and PaperSource for not existing up here!! I think we have some pretty great venues, but it took a lot of hunting to find my dream location…
I voted No. This is the only site where I haven’t seen people get down right nasty. I think this has something to with the fact that the bees are pretty down to Earth. I have asked questions of sites like Yahoo Answers and such and was met with very quick opposition. Apparently no one wants to hear about brides who are hosting weddings with a budget over 10K (yeah….try throwing a wedding in NYC for THAT lol*). I feel that I have directed my money to certain items that I feel important and each bee does the same.
*If you can pull off a decent wedding IN NYC for under 10K, please go into the wedding planning industry!
I’m so happy that Weddingbee has avoided what goes on in the Planning & Etiquette board of the Knot: Mamma mia — what a mess that is! That sure seems to be all about competition, one-upping other brides, telling other people how/why their ideas “suck,” etc.!
i think weddingbee weddings are so much more real and the bloggers put things in such great perspective…now tv shows like platinum weddings, etc–those are a different story! i hate how those shows make me feel like my wedding is going to be nothing compared to the extravagant ones on the shows…sometimes it feels like all of america is having martini luges and the like–but then i visit weddingbee & i breathe a sigh of relief! there actually are people out there with BUDGETS, like me!
i voted no but there is a slight caveat. while i don’t find any competitive urge when reading blogs of random people, i do feel a slight competitive urge when talking with people i do know.
even though i’m not officially engaged yet, i can already feel the beginnings of “it must be better than so and so” starting. though i must say that i’m very competitive by nature in real life anyway so that tends to affect pretty much everything i do, though i do make a conscious effort to relax the eff out about it.
in most parts, you’re reading about weddings of folks you or your guests won’t meet so there’s no real reason to try to one-up a stranger. but when you run in a close social group with lots of overlapping friends, that’s when that need to differeniate your wedding tiptoes on the line of one-upsmanship.
overall the blogs have been a great help, i’ve used ideas i read here when planning my best friend’s wedding. it helps the circulation of ideas.
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Miss Onion, NYC/Burlington, VT Age and Occupation: 27, PR & Marketing and Jazz Singer Fiance's Age and Occupation: 28, Data Analyst Engagement Date: April 2, 2006 Wedding Date: September 2007 Blogging Since: July 11, 2007 Venue: Restaurant in Burlington About Me: I didn't think I'd be "that girl," but I am having so much fun planning our wedding (mostly by myself). I'm a PR and Marketing Director for a major jazz festival and camp by day, and by night, a romantic jazz singer and bride-to-be! I hope all my research can help other brides in their planning.
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