The Age To Engage
November 1st, 2007 @ 6:11 pm by Mrs. Penguin
When Mr. Penguin and I were first engaged, my mother expressed her concern about how young I was to be married. I was 25. She quickly got over it, realizing that I would be 2 months shy of 27 when we married, and Mr. Penguin would be one month shy of 30 (THAT’S 30!), so really, there wasn’t much room for pulling the “you’re too young” card on us.
I thought about what age I wanted to get married a lot when I was in high school. If you had asked me when I was 18, “What is the appropriate age for a woman to get married” I’d have to say that I’d picture myself marrying at age 28, to a man that was 32. I like the 4-5 year gap between men and women, and I fully prescribe to the whole idea of women being “5 years more mature” than men, so I’ve always been attracted to men that were older than me by a few years.
When you were in high school, what age did you envision yourself to be married at? How old would your future husband be? And what is your reasoning?
Miss Penguin (age 19) and Mr Penguin (age 22)… how time flies. And yes, I SERIOUSLY left the house wearing that!
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40 Responses to “The Age To Engage”
well, when i was in high school i was hopelessly unattached with no hope in sight so i was thinking i’d be lucky if i married by 30.
then in college i just thought i’d be lucky if i ever got a date, let alone get married period. lol.
in elementary school, before i realized the real length of time, i thought i’d be married when i was 22 or so [anyone else write those letters from your future self?]. but when i was in college and started seeing my friends get married off [from 20-23 yrs old] i exclaimed at how young we all were.
now that i’m 26 it’s looking like i’ll in fact be in like 3-4 years from now [i just HAD to go to grad school apparently, which pushed back everything else], or just before i hit the big 3-0. to a guy that’s 9 months my junior [though if you listened to him, you'd think he was the older one - bless his darling heart ;-)]
When I was a kid, I had a birthday candle. It was a big honkin’ candle with years marked off, and each year you burned down to the next mark. Some of the years had little icons next to them: there was a tricycle next to the 4, a bicycle next to the 10, car keys next to the 16, etc.
Next to the 18, there were hearts.
Next to the 21 (the last number), a diamond ring.
That candle managed to form my worldview for…oh, at least into high school.
I am horrified to report that they still make birthday candles, and they still have a diamond ring at 21.
http://66.241.215.116/sitemaster/userUploads/site5/product1255_media1781.jpg
Early in high school, I would have told you I didn’t plan on getting married or having kids because I planned on devoting myself to my career and would be traveling alot which wouldn’t allow for a family. Then I met my FI and it all changed. We’ll both be 26 when we get married. While I agree that the majority of guys trail women in terms of maturity, I got one of the lucky ones who is just as mature (ok, maybe a little less) than me.
Sarah, I have never seen a more hideous candle!! Thats hilarious!!
When I was in HS, I thought I wanted to get married at 24. When I hit 24, I realized I was far from it, so I hoped to be engaged by 26 and married by 27. Somehow, Mr. E was right on time!! =)
Of course, I didnt mean to imply that men are seriously more immature than women their age 
Its just one of those silly ideals that I subscribed to.
sarah-they should’ve put alcohol next to 21 
lol
lol. i love the young picture! i always felt like 27 was my marrying age…and for me, I never wanted to date anyone younger than me. I would only settle for men my age up to two years older. I don’t know why. When we marry, I’ll be 26 (if I get the venue I want for teh date I want; otherwise, I may be 27), and he’ll be 28.
I said I was never going to get married. I think it was the word “never” that did me in.
I was never one who thought too much about it, but I assumed I would be in my 30’s. But I met the perfect guy at 22, and we got married at 27. Now I’m 30, and none of my friends are married. So I was way off What can you do?!
I always pictured myself being 26 when I got married. It seemed a good age. I figured I’d meet the guy when I was 24, date 2 years, and get married. The length of time it takes to plan a wedding never entered my calculus (and keep in mind, I was about 10 at the time). Then I met DH when I was 18. I still figured we wouldn’t get engaged until, at the earliest, a year out of college, and I thought we’d get married probably the summer after I graduated from law school. It took two years after that, but I think we got married at the perfect time! (I had just turned 27, btw)
When we first got engaged, my mother started on her rant that we were too young. At the time, I was 23 and my fiance was 24. (We will be a month shy of 25 and 26 respectively when we get married). My father had to stop and point out that my mother was married by 23, so it wasn’t really her place to say that I was too young!
When I was younger, I thought I would marry when I was 27 to a guy 4-5 years older than me since I was always more mature for my age and have always liked older men. I will actually be 29 and my fiance will be 38 when we get married! So much for the 4-5 year difference! lol
Well…I counted backwards. I wanted to have children before 30, so I was thinking two children, one at 27 and one at 30 (just like my mom). And I want a couple years with my husband so that would make me married at 25.
I’m going to be 26 in 4 months. =[ (not engaged yet)
Even at 25, I still feel too young to be married. And at this rate, I have NO idea when I’ll be ready for marriage. I still have so many things to do…go to grad school, travel the world, possibly live abroad, establish my career…(bf doesn’t like to be away from home so I’ve got to do all that when I’m single sadly)
BTW, Miss Penguin what do you do? I think I aspire to be doing what you’re doing! Shoot me an e-mail if you have some words of advice. =)
I always thought I would be married by now. When I was in high school, I thought I’d get married young and become a mother at a young age. I am the oldest of 3 siblings, and my mom was 33 when she had me and 39 when she had my youngest sister. For some reason this always struck me as SO OLD to have kids when I was younger, and I was determined to “beat” her to the punch so to speak so that I would be closer in age to my children than she was. Kind of silly, though I will admit to sometimes feeling a pull to speed the whole process up so we can get on with having kids already before I turn 33!
Anyway, I always imagined I’d be married by 23 or 24 so that I could have kids by 26 or 27. It has always been important to me to be married before having kids. But now that I look back at my life when I was 23, I’m very glad I didn’t get married then. I would have married my ex, who I was with at that age. And I recently met up with my ex to catch up after not having seen each other for 4 years, and it was so weird… I had no idea what I’d seen in him all those years earlier. Good thing I didn’t marry him!
I’m quite glad I waited till now to tie the knot, but I do still hope to have kids before 33. Haha.
You know… I think it was the movie Father of the Bride that did it for me. Annie in that movie was 22 and from that point on I always said 22. Now I am 21 and hoping to just get my boyfriend (of 5 years) to pop the question by then… so now I am shooting for 25. He is 5 years older so it works for me!
When I was a kid I always thought I would get married and have kids by the time I was 23. In college I realized that I wanted to enjoy the young single life, so I moved it up to 26. Things change, and now I don’t even want kids, and the wedding is scheduled for one month before my 30th birthday.
I always thought I’d be married right out of college at 22 or so, to someone my same age. I guess it’s because my mom got married at 21, first kid at 22, and second at 23. I always said I wanted to be a ‘young mother’ (my mom was 19 and my dad 27 when they met!) I thought I’d start having kids right after marriage too!
Seeing as I rarely dated in high school or college - this didn’t really happen I was married at 28 and we’ll prob be over 30 when I have my first kid. We’ve been married for 6 months now - there’s no way I’d give up these first couple years of marriage to be responsible - even though I am super excited to become a mom one day
Looking back - I’ve loved my 20’s and the independence I’ve had. The years I spent traveling and having fun with my girlfriends are unforgettable! I’m glad things didn’t work out the way I thought they would!
It wasn’t until i was 23 in a longterm long-distance relationship that i settled on an age to get married. Until then i had absolutely NO thought on the matter. Never dreamed about getting married as a child, and in high school i had no suitors, and in college i was having WAY too much fun to be bothered with thinking about forever.
When i was dating my longdistance fella at 23 we decided we’d get married by the time i was 28. i thought that was a great age to marry. Not old yet, but not a kid anymore either. just perfect. When we broke up I was 25, about to turn 26 and then i had NO idea when I’d get married and i didn’t really care. I was having too much fun (again)! By 28 I was glad i was not married yet!
I am now 33, and engaged. NotaNYCgroom and I have been dating for 5.5 years and I was 28 when we decided to join forces! We will marry when we are both 34 and i truly believe I am ready now. It’s funny how different it is for each person, and even for one person- as the years go by and experiences evolve.
Your post totally made me smile! I recently found skirts from when we first started dating, and I remember running over to my fiance and saying “oh please tell me I was wearing shorts underneath these!”
Engaged at 20, married at 21. Currently, 22. I was ahead of the damn candle! But, both my parents and my sister married young as well, and they have 30 and 10 years so far. I never pictured a specific age to get married. If I had, it’d prolly have been older than the age I ended up getting married… but we’ve been together for 4 1/2 years, we lived together, we had pets together, we had (and have) a great relationship… so, no matter how many people tell me I’m too young, I don’t think they’re right. Besides, what do people want srom you shen they say that? “Oh, I’m too young, so I should get a divorce now and save myself the future trouble?” I mean, it’s pretty silly.
I figured I’d get married at 28 or 29.
Of course (because that’s how life is!), now I’m 21 and I’ll be 22 when I get married next June (after both of our college graduations). Some people freaked but, like twelvetigers said, what do they want me to do?
I don’t look down on people who are 30 or 40 or 50 who get married, why should they be allowed to look down on me? You’re ready when you’re ready!
(ps - I seem bothered, don’t I? Well, that’s because I get the same reaction from most people and I’m way past my tipping point…so keep that in mind the next time you want to scold a young bride)
i got married at 23. my husband is 2 years older. sure some people think it’s young, but then what difference is it? i don’t thikn there’s a perfect age to be
“engaged,” my husband engaged me and bought the beautiful ring on his own, i dont feel trapped in my life, and all the things i wanted to do in life, travel, grad school, live life freely…i am doing now..but with my husband in tow.
along with kate and twelvetigers-i thought i’d get married before 30 and have kids before 30, but i never envisioned exactly when, that and my husband and i are impulsive, so when he said lets get married–i said “ok!”
it’s worked out wonderfully. i loved being a young bride, and now i have a whole lifetime to spend with my young groom.
it’s a bit annoying when older people look down on younger brides and grooms. when you know, you know. and if you don’t think you’re ready, you’re probably not?
Great post! And Sarah - what an AWFUL candle of pressure! LoL!
I have always been one to follow a self-created “timeline”. I was able to follow most of it to a tee, but when I was really yound I told myself 23-24 is the marrying age (to a man 4 or 8 years older - yes I am THAT Chinese); to have a couple of years as newlyweds, and have my 2nd kid by the time I was 30. In college, I moved that to 24-26. Seeing as how my relationship w/the ex was 6yrs, I had to re-evaluate and change it to 25-27.
Well, I told the FH when we met (and I was nearing 27) all about my timeline (despite all the warnings not to) and he said I may still meet the timeline. Now I will be 28 when we marry (and FH will be a week shy of 36). And I would not go back in time and marry younger. The past 2 years have been wonderful for being single and finally having some disposable income and time to travel! We have even discussed putting off having kids until I’ve had some fun in my 30s!
i’ll be 34 when i get married and sometimes i feel like even that’s too young. but, since having a family is really important to me i’ve got to get on it!
right now we live and work abroad (like, on the other side of the planet from the northeastern US, where we are both from) and we get to travel all over the world and generally have a lifestyle that’s wonderful and amazing but perhaps a little too indulgent.
sometimes i think… oh no, i have never been to Mongolia/Bhutan/Papua New Guinea and i have to do that before i get married! or, i have to finish my novel first. or, i have to work in a war zone first (i am a reporter) for at least a year.
i know you don’t lose your identity when you become someone’s wife but for some reason it makes me worry that i haven’t done enough yet.
I always pictured getting married at 25. You’re not in your early 20’s anymore, you’ve been out of college for a few years… just seemed right.
Okay I must admit I was the girl with a knot profile before ever having a ring. I put down that me and ? were going to get married by the time I was 25. I will end up being 26 about to turn 27 when I get married and he will be 24 about to be 25! Looking at where I am right now at 25, I can’t imagine being married quite yet so 26 looks fantastic to me!
To all the ‘young brides’ - I agree the perfect age to get married is different for everyone. Depends on you, the groom, and the relationship - not the ‘age’.
No matter what the number 22 or 32 - I’ve had some friends that I am totally excited for when they get married - and others that I think ‘I’m not so sure about this - but I support you and will pray for the best’. Mostly due to people being ‘young’ and immature - but those are qualities - not age! I know some 30 year olds that I consider ‘young’ and some 22 year olds I consider ‘mature’
I agree - when you know, you just know. I didn’t ‘know’ until I was 28
I love that pic Miss Penguin! Don’t you love digging up old pictures of yourselves as a young couple? I think your top is hot. 
I always thought I’d get married at 28, but I guess that’s because I thought I’d be the most mature then and ready to have babies. But I’m happy with getting married next year at 25. It’ll give us a lot of “married couple” time before deciding to have kids.
I honestly never thought of an exact age I wanted to get married. However, I recently got married in September and I’m 23 (I’ll be 24 in December) and my husband just turned 26. We have known each other our entire lives and we dated for 4 years. We both wanted to get married so we did!
I think the marrying age is different for everyone. Everyone has different priorities in life and at different times in their life. Sometimes it’s their career or traveling and sometimes it’s getting married and having kids!
My husband and I have never like to travel and I’ve never been the career-oriented person so I guess it just felt natural that our next step was marriage.
In high school, I always said (to my then boyfriend) that I would get married at the age of 23. My parents always told me I had to wait until graduating college to get married, and that was why I picked 23. I’ll turn 25 less than a month before my wedding, so I was a couple of years off!
lol i had that top in pink!
Katie– Father of the Bride made me think 22 as well! So I was pretty happy when I actually got married just a couple months shy of my 22nd birthday
When I was younger (middle/high school) I thought I’d get married in my mid twenties and have a couple kids in my late twenties. I figured I’d finish college at 21, work for a while, and get married a couple years later.
Well, I finished college at 21, moved to a different state with my bf (HS sweetheart), worked for a year, then started grad school, then got engaged at at 23 (FI was 23) and we got married at 24. Which is somehow younger than I expected! Now though, I don’t think we want kids til closer to 30! I’ve got another year of grad school, he has 3 more years of grad school, then I want time to do fun things like travel (need a job to do that) before having kids.
this is such a great topic!!
katie- i TOTALLY agree, father of the bride completely shaped my whole concept of weddings, i still think her reception the tent was beautiful! haha.
i used to think that i would get engaged when i was 26 or 27…but i met the right guy much younger, so if youre sure and ready…hey, why not. but i think that with people who get engaged ‘younger’, the length of time that the couple has dated can make a huuuuge difference.
I’m 21 and totally engaged. He actually asked my family for their blessing, and they were all very happy. I’ll will be married shortly after I turn 22, and I won’t complete college until a year or two after that!~~! But, we have worked through finances, and will actually be SAVING (yes, really) if we get married early. Plus, he’s 2 and 1/2 years older, so his time clock is ticking, and we both want to be married a few years before trying for kids; it just works out!
~Ash
I’m 18 and I’m getting married in three weeks. I have got a lot of the “too young” thing, but not as much as you’d probably think. We have several friends our age or a little older who are already married, and I was friends with two girls who were married before we graduated high school. I’m in college now, but I don’t have my heart set on graduating. I could, but my goal is to be a helpmeet to my husband, not go to grad school and have a career of my own. My degree would be in home ec anyway. =)
I always thought I would be married very close to 30. I turned 20-10 last week and am getting married this Spring
Most of my friends that are my age are only just getting married. We are career girls or did advanced studies at college.
Mrs. Penguin, Sacramento
Age and Occupation: 26, Video & TV Producer/Director/Editor
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Doctor of Physical Therapy
Engagement Date: January 29, 2007
Wedding Date: June 7, 2008
Blogging Since: September 14, 2007
Venue: Winery in the Gold Country
About Me: I'm a silly mess of a girl who, above all else in this world, LOVES the Spice Girls. I eat sushi at least 3 times a week, and feel guilty about how much it costs the other 4 days a week. I love designer jeans and cheap accessories. I don't like sweets, but I love the UCLA Bruins!
LOL. Penguin, I swear I had that exact top in black. And no, I can’t believe I used to wear it!!! I think we both looked pretty hot
When I was in high school, I thought I would get married at 22 to a guy who was 24. I can’t remember the reasoning behind it, it just seemed like the right age. In actuality, I’m going to be 26 when we get married and Mr. Jasmine will be 27. I think it worked out just fine.