Wedding Blog
Deciding how to split up the holidays is a common point of contention among newlywed couples. It’s difficult to imagine not spending a special occasion with your loved ones and newlyweds can often become embroiled in bitter battles with in-laws over who gets the new couple for the holidays.
Since Mr. Jasmine’s family and my family practice two different religions, splitting holidays is actually pretty simple. My parents always get Christmas and his parents always get Eid. But our favorite holiday, Thanksgiving, is celebrated by both families. So we need to figure out a compromise that will work for everyone.
This year, we’ll be celebrating Thanskgiving separately. After that, we’re thinking the easiest solution will be to alternate Thanksgivings– one year with his family, one year with mine. This seems like the fairest solution and hopefully it will be one everyone can get on board with.
How have you and your significant other handled holidays? What solution worked best for you?
image courtesy of tagmycity.com
|
Share this post: Splitting Holidays
i want to start a new trend where everyone comes to us for the holidays. 
We might go to his mom’s church on Christmas Eve, our own Christmas morning, and join my parents for a more secular celebration in the evening.
Thanksgiving is the crazy one. So many different dinners… I will explode, I swear.
We go to his side for Thanksgiving and my parents side for Easter. Although this maybe difficult with two different religions that do not celebrate Easter.
This solution also worked for my parents so I am continuing it.
I think we’re going to try and travel around, get to one family thursday-another on friday. And probably the same thing at Christmas. Its alot of driving, but its too much of a bummer to be apart!
After five years of being together, I am spending my first Thanksgiving with my fiance this year. I am so excited! We have never spent Thanksgiving, Christmas, or New Year’s together because I have always been with my family far away. In the past few years, I have been able to spend Easter with him and his family, however. After we are married, it’s going to be quite tough figuring out which family gets us.
Mrs. Bee: That’s a fabulous idea– I just need to learn how to cook first!
We don’t live anywhere near our families and they don’t live near each other. To avoid hurting feelings we have been opting not to travel and spend holidays with each other. This year we are giving in to share Thanksgiving with my mother and stepfather since they will not be able to travel for our wedding in January. We hope to go back to our non-travel standard for next year.
My fiance has always refused to give up Thanksgiving with his family, and the one hear he thought about it, his mother guilted him to no end about not being there. Fortunately, my family is incredibly accommodating — we do Thanksgiving on Thursday with his family, then pack up and drive to my parents on Friday, and do Thanksgiving with my family on Saturday night. It works out wonderfully! We’re Jewish, so Christmas isn’t an issue, although I do always insist that we go to my family for the weekend of Hanukkah since his family celebrates nothing Jewish. The only arguments we have are over Rosh Hashanah — his mother always cooks a big dinner but nobody goes to services, and I refuse to go to his family’s dinner, because I always go to services on the High Holidays. His family resents that I won’t spend time with them, but they also don’t offer to find a way for me to go to services during the day in their area…
Julie - welcome to my life! His family basically says that you have to see both families. Its great and all, but I don’t get the day after or before off - for EITHER holiday! So its exhausting. And one year his brother tried to go somewhere else and everyone called him up yelling at him. So every year we get in a huge fight. Because his family always runs late too, we end up sitting there for hours, we go late to mine, and one time I even missed my niece’s first christmas! We went to my family’s for about half an hour and they were sound asleep getting ready to leave. The problem is both of our parents are divorced. So we have several things to do…thankfully his father is Jewish, so Christmas we only have three places to go! But Mrs. Bee has the right idea - hopefully next year we will host ALL festivities, and everyone can join in or not ; )
Christmas is easy — Xmas Eve with mine (midnight mass and all!), Xmas day with his.
The past Thanksgivings have been spent separately, but this Thanksgiving though, we’re thinking of hosting it at our little townhouse. Wish me luck!
What makes it even harder is that both our parents are divorced - so not only do we have two families but 4 sets of parents. Luckily, my dad lives in CA. His dad’s wife is a horrible cook so we don’t go there for thanksgiving. We do thanksgiving with my family and Christmas Eve with my family. Christmas day with his mom and one day near christmas with his dad. Easter we hosted this year. He said Mothers day we will spend with our respective mothers until I become a mother then it is with me!
This is a huge issue with us as well. In the 4 years we’ve been together, we’ve never spent a holiday together. Our parents live 1 1/2 hours apart and each family insists we be there (although his is a little more understanding).
For Christmas, we’ll always be spending Christmas Eve wherever we live. We currently live near my parents so we’ll spend the Eve here, get up early and drive to see his parents. However, we may be moving to the city where his parents live so it’ll be reversed if that happens.
However, with Thanksgiving, my mother and I shop the day after every year since I can remember at the crack of dawn and I refuse to give that up. So hopefully we can have an early lunch with his family that day and then come back home to spend Thanksgiving night with my family so I can shop the next day with my mom.
We won’t be married for the holidays this year though so I think we’ll be spending one last year apart.
My FI and I have not shared a holiday together yet, until this year We’ve always gone with our own family’s and talked on the phone each holiday. But, this year we are having Thanksgiving with his parents and Christmas with mine. Then we are talking about switching it each year . . . but FI has 2 sisters who spend holiday’s with his parents and I’m a only child. So while his parents will always be guaranteed a kid or two or three at their holiday events, my parents will sometimes be without. Of course we/they have other family (aunt’s, uncles, cousins), but it will be weird to not be there with them too. I feel so bad leaving them on the holiday, but thankfully all parents involved are completely understanding and accepting of whatever holiday decisions we make.
This is a terribly difficult situation for me and my fiance as his parents are divorced, meaning two families on his side to contend with. I feel bad because it often seems his father gets the short end of the stick as he is closer with his mom and I am extremely close with my own family. Somehow we figure it out between those two and then his father is left out. Thanksgiving is easiest with his mom celebrating on the Friday after, however Christmas will definitely be all about negotiating. We shall see what happens, but seriously just dealing with this issues sometimes makes me loathe the holidays!
We started splitting holidays when we moved in together. It was an easy decision because my brother was the only of our siblings that was already married, and so we coordinated to be with them on the holidays they’d be around for.
Last year, however, it was supposed to be my parents for thanksgiving and his for christmas. Last minute, I decided it would be super fun to host the whole gang (both families) in our little condo. Although I love entertaining, let’s just say it was a bit crowded!!!
The fact that our families are of different cultures/religions makes this decision on easy one for us.
My family is Muslim so we’ll spend Eid with them. Thanksgiving is a huge holiday for my family so that belongs to Team as well. Hubby’s family is Christian-ish. Their big holidays are Christmas and Easter—especially because there are a bunch of little kids in his family. So, we’ll be trimming trees and dyeing eggs with his family.
The biggest and most important holiday of all, well at least according to me, my brothers and my dad, is Super Bowl Sunday. I think my dad was more concerned about where we would be for the Super Bowl than any other holidays. Thankfully, the in-laws don’t worship at the Church of Lombardi so we’re safe.
we are very lucky because our parents live 10 minutes away from each other. this way we get to have our cake and eat it too really — we each have thanksgiving with our own families (it’s the BIG family get together at his parents house) and then i pop over to his house for dessert.
for xmas we spend xmas eve with my family (we’re italian so this is the bigger celebration) and christmas morning/day with his parents. we are very lucky indeed.
We rotate Christmas - one year at our house, one year with my parents (who live in the same town as us) and one year with his parents (out of state). We’ve talked about going to see his parents for Thanksgiving on some of the years that we don’t go there for Christmas. So far, we haven’t been able to get them to come here for the years we stay at home because his brother still likes to return to Kentucky for Christmas. It gets even more complicated when there are other siblings involved!
we have been trying to get our families to come to our city for thanksgiving or easter for a few yrs now, but they both refuse, so we’ve been spending them apart. (altho this yr it works out bc im going dress shopping thanksgiving weekend!) 2 yrs ago we starting spending the 3 days around christmas together and have a system down now. luckily this yr we both have off work the week between christmas & new yrs so we might actually get a day to ourselves where we arent driving!
I have to work over Thanksgiving, so he’s going to see his parents by himself in Florida, but he’s coming home with me to the midwest for Christmas . I am super close with my family and I don’t even want to think about the year that I wouldn’t see them for the holidays. That just makes me depressed! Luckily he knows this, so I don’t think it’s a huge deal for him since he’s not that close to his family.
FI’s mother has always visited him for Thanksgiving, and Mom and her girlfriend are headed down our way for that holiday this year, so it works out well (also my favorite major holiday!) For the end-of-the-year holidays, we go up to Indiana, where we visit the rest of his relatives and mine (who live along the drive up there from the southeast.)
I suppose I’m lucky.
I absolutely abhor my family and they are 3,000 miles away.
I LOVE my in laws and would never want to spend my holidays with anyone but them.
[...] Jasmine at WeddingBee has a good post up about dividing the holidays between your family and your intended’s [...]
it was pretty easy for us. my family celebrates thanksgiving with a lot of friends, family and FOOD! it’s crazy how much food is served. his family is catholic so we celebrate christmas with them.
During our 6 years of being together we’ve never split holidays. Now that we’re married we’ve decided we HAVE to. The two of us are a family now and we want to act like it. Fortunately (and unfortunately depending on how you look at it) our families live only 30 min. apart. So for Thanksgiving I think we’ll spend the first half of the day at my parents and the second half at his parents. Although I’m sure my mom will want me back for shopping the day after
Last year, it was pretty easy for us. We spent Thanksgiving with his family because they are not Christian and my parents would rather have us over for Christmas. So we spent Christmass with my parents. And New Years was hectic. We went to my parents in the morning because my family performs jae-sah, which is a ceremony to honor our ancestors. Then we went down to his parents a few hours away. We didn’t love doing it but sometimes you have to sacrifice for those you love. But now things have changed. My mother passed away this year. So we will be doing jae-sah several times a year and one of those times being thanksgiving. So this year, we will be with my family on Thanksgiving and New Years in the morning, then with his family in the evening. We have talked about how this is really not a great solution. But we have decided to suck it up for this year and try to approach both our families about compromising for future holidays.
I think we’re going to end up playing it by ear every year. Last year we did Thanksgiving with my parents and Christmas with his mom (his parents are divorced). This year, his mom is coming to my parents’ house for Thanksgiving, and we’re going to his dad’s house for Christmas. We’re in Houston, his dad’s family is in Dallas, my parents are in Nashville, and his mom is in Wisconsin. So it depends on how much time we have off for travel.
We don’t know where we’re going to be living after we get married, so that will be a whole other can of worms!
Fiance and I decided that we will do thanksgiving at his parents and christmas with mine ( we live far away from our parents and our parents live far away from each other, so traveling to both is out of the question!). My birthday is Christmas Eve, so it seemed logical for me to be home with my family for that, but we are hopign once fiance and I get settled we will start having holidays at our place…that is the hope
For Thanksgiving, since our friends are getting married that weekend, we’re staying home and doing a dinner just for us. We’re thinking next year, for Christmas, instead of spending $$$ on Christmas gifts, everyone just come aboard and get on a XMAS cruise with the entire family on both sides. No gifts, but a few days of fun for everyone.
chill: I *love* the Christmas cruise idea– how fun! I need to pitch that to our families.
I’ve been going to his family’s for Thanksgiving for several years, since my family lives in the Caribbean and doesn’t celebrate Thanksgiving. We’ve been doing separate Christmases, but in the future we’ll probably just rotate since we don’t live near either family.
Ah fun stuff. I remember the first year my brother wasn’t with ‘us’ for Christmas, I hated feeling like an only child! (I was 23!) When they were married - in an effort to avoid family disputes - they decided they would always spend Christmas day in their home. Others could visit, but they would not be choosin’ which family to visit. That was a SUPER hard pill for me to swallow - I cried for DAYS! It felt very much like they didn’t care to spend time with the family over the holidays. I’d much rather them just switch back and forth. Even one year in every 5 when my entire family could be together in my hometown would have made me happy! Oh well - I’ve learned to deal - though I still feel the hurt from their decision!
Now that I’m married - we face the same decisions. My husband works at the hospital so he’s on call for one of the big holidays every year. This year it’s Christmas. So we’re stuck here. His family is about 2 hours away and they are driving up to spend the day with us Christmas Eve, I’m looking forward to hosting! Christmas morning will be just us and my Mom will be arriving that afternoon for a couple days. We’ll prob head to Charlotte (3 hrs) the weekend before to celebrate with my bro and my hubby’s father (& half siblings). Luckily they live in the same town!
My dad passed away almost 4 years ago - so the family has kinda been avoiding ‘what we used to do’. All major holidays since then have been celebrated at my place or my bro’s. This is the first time I will be going ‘home’ (4 hrs). I am so looking forward to Thanksgiving with my extended family!!!
Kinda funny - my mom just started dating someone this summer and it had grown quite serious. Now she’s having to make the same decisions with him and his family traditions! Thanksgiving will be the first time I meet him! They’ll be eating with our family - then sliding over to his son’s house for dessert!
I guess we’ll be playing it by ear every year. I love the idea of the ENTIRE family taking a cruise! I’ve been trying to talk my family into that for years! I wish we weren’t the only members of my family addicted to snow sports - renting a cabin at a resort sounds like another perfect week of family bonding!
Hrmm, this will be our first holiday season as a married couple, I’m super excited!!
Thanksgiving: my parents will be hosting an earlier dinner, so we’ll go there from about 4 - 8. His family tends to have later dinners, so we’ll go there from 8 - whenever. Its fair…
Christmas: hrmm, haven’t quite thought this out yet. My family likes to do the whole opening-presents-on-xmas-morning thing (its so fun!) and this will be the first year Mr. Emerald will be joining in. Then I am guessing we’ll go to his parents house for xmas dinner??
My parents always traveled for Thanksgiving, using the excuse that it was the easiest time for him to get off of work. They also avoided turkey, just on principle.
This thanksgiving will be at his parents house since we will still be in the process of moving into our new house. After that we will host the holidays. We live in the same metro area as his parents & brother so it will be more comfortable for my family when they travel to us.
I guess I am odd in that we have always split holidays, from the first year of our relationship on. (We have been together 5 years, just got married in May.)
Our parents are 4.5 hours apart. We alternate Thanksgiving and Christmas. And since the nature of our jobs allows us to have extra time off around Christmas, the family we don’t celebrate with on the actual day still gets a visit either before or after.
I am faced with a similar situation where my now husband (of one year) absolutely REFUSES to miss his grandmother’s Thanksgiving. But, my family is more traditional sit down, pray go around the table…whereas his is more of a crowded house of people that just stop by to get free food. It feels more like a donation center than a Thanksgiving. I don’t know what to do anymore. I hate us spending it separate because it makes me feel as though we’re not bonding as a couple and making our own traditions that are going to live past his grandmother…. mean, I know, but it’s true. And I see him not compromising on this as a big problem for future things that we will come across that he won’t be willing to be a good husband that compromises and realizes that marriage is about two people making a decision and not one dominating..
[...] for your newly formed families. And if you need some tips, check out Marriage 101’s or Wedding Bee’s [...]
| Visit our sister sites | Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Fertile Thoughts Infertility Support |
Mrs. Jasmine, Chicago/LA
Age and Occupation: 25, Attorney
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Attorney
Engagement Date: March 24, 2007
Wedding Date: June 7, 2008
Blogging Since: September 20, 2007
Venue: Hotel on the westside of Los Angeles
About Me: I'm a happy-go-lucky, imaginative spirit trapped in the body of a lawyer. I love reading, shopping, dining out, and exploring my beloved adopted city of Chicago with my fiance. We're planning the wedding of our dreams in my hometown of Los Angeles and we're excited to incorporate our cherished Indian/Pakistani customs and traditions.
| Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |
| 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 |
| 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 |
| 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 |
| 29 | 30 |
Latest Gallery Pics