Wedding Blog
I wish that I could say that my desire for a ring without a diamond was due to a higher sort of emotion: a concern for the growing problem with conflict diamonds, and the ways in which the diamond trade leads to violence, war and death for the peoples of the African Continent. Or from a desire to say no to consumerism in a culture that urges us to have too many things.
These things are definitely a part of my feelings about diamonds, and are some of the reasons I told Mr. Robin pre-proposal that I would want to help choose the ring together. But the truth is that it was my plain affinity for color that had me passing on the diamond ring. I’ve just never been awed by the sparkle of a diamond like I have for the way that light refracts through emeralds, or dances across sapphires.
This is not my ring, as mine is set in a band that is thinner and a little more feminine, but the stone setting is the same. Five amazing blue sapphires set together in a rectangle. I wish I could show you, but my digital camera is insisting that it is broken:
Ring by Divinti
And I don’t want to insult those brides who are rocking their rocks. I just think that those of us sporting alternatives could use some support. The pressure to sport a huge diamond is enormous. I picked up the latest InStyle Weddings Magazine, and the Choose Your Perfect Ring spread had seven lovely pages of rings. And not one ring that wasn’t a diamond. Also, I personally have had girls squeal “Let me see the ring!” and then when I extend my ring with its art deco sapphires, their faces fall. I have even had a few express the sentiment, “Well I am sure that when you are more established, then he will get you one.”
Now it doesn’t bother me so much because the women in my life who know me shout every time, “It is so you!” However, I know women who weren’t into diamonds, who felt they had to get one because everyone was expecting it.
Women choose a ring they will wear forever based on history, culture, affinity, moral feelings, sentimentality, the list goes on. I just think that there is room in the industry for rings beyond diamonds, and we should support every bride’s right to wear the ring that symbolizes love for her.
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This is a great post! I really appreciate you sharing your unique ring. It sounds beautiful. I have a diamond and am happy with it, but I can definitely tell there is major pressure to get a diamond, and that it isn’t always considered “real” if you get another stone. Something that I know would really annoy me if I had a non-diamond ring.
My ring won’t be have diamonds (well partly - recycling diamonds from an old rings that belonged to my step-mother)
But the big stones won’t be diamonds. I too find the whole conflict thing an issue… my post will go up soon.
Don’t feel pressured to buy a diamond ring because everyone expects you to. I know when I said that I wasnt getting a diamond ring, everyone was - what?!? Its my ring, and I do what I want. Right? 
Well said. Your ring looks/sounds beautiful!
I loved this post! I skipped the ring all together, and people have seriously freaked!!! We are both established in our careers, the diamond “sparkle” never appealed to me, and quite frankly the idea of him/us dropping that much on a ring made me crazy. (I will have a wonderful wedding band that I will wear forever)
I bet your ring is a beauty and it’s great that it’s so special to you!
I agree! Along with the wedding - the ring should represent ‘YOU’!
I’ve never really been a diamond lover either - I didn’t know how I would feel when the time came for ‘engagement’. Maybe I’d go with a pearl - since I LOVE them.
Turns out diamonds grew on me - but I knew I wanted something ‘different’. We found it in this ring… I love the swoopy arches 
My current band is plain - but I think eventually I’d like a narrow channel set - with colored stones!
That ring is gorgeous! Congrats on going with something that is meaningful to you! I have diamonds in my ring, but a very unique, rustic handcast setting. People see mine and say nothing or just frown most of the time. Meanwhile the girl who’s desk is next to mine at work has a $30k rock and everyone is gawking over it!
Check out http://www.indiebride.com. Lots of alternatice wedding gals there!
I completely agree! I find myself explaining to some people why I have a sapphire as my primary stone. After I explain that my fiance’s birthstone is a sapphire and mine (conveniently) is a diamond they seem to be more “understanding”! I also joke that I wanted a sapphire ring with little diamonds around it so my fiance could never (muah ha ha ha) escape from me! Then the people who don’t know me well start to understand me. 
I don’t really care whether someone has a diamond or not, what I really care about is character, does your ring fit who you are? If it doesn’t, why not? (btw the whole conflict diamond issues stresses me, oh why does it have to be my birthstone???)
Anyways, sorry for the long response. =)
I have a beautiful art deco style platinum e-ring with 5 sapphires and 10 tiny little diamonds. I LOVE it. But, I too have experienced what you’re talking about. It’s funny that most people assume the reason my ring doesn’t have diamonds is because my husband couldn’t afford it (or something along those lines). Actually, I just wanted a ring that was unique and didn’t look like everybody else’s. So, not only did I get a ring that perfectly suits me but we were able to use the extra cash not spent on the diamonds for the down payment on our beautiful new house.
We also spent the money we would have used to buy my wedding band on the down payment. I have no problems still just wearing my e-ring (eventually we will buy a band to go with my e-ring). Of course, I have to explain this to everyone who asks why I don’t a band. “You want to see my wedding band? It’s big and blue, IN THE CITY, with a yard! What’s your commute like?” 
You have a beautiful ring! And I think it’s great that you didn’t feel pressured into buying a diamond just because it’s “what you’re suppose to do”. I myself LOVE diamonds (doesn’t help that my birth stone is also diamond) but I have seen plenty of beautiful erings that aren’t diamonds and certainly think that a bride to be should be able to sport ANY sort of ring they choose. (I know girls that don’t even have STONES. One girl I know has a beautiful glass/crystal ring!)
Again, beautiful ring, congratulations!
I have a sapphire engagement ring also - and while my friends had the same type of reaction “its so you!” I have gotten some bemused looks. I simple assure them he got me exactly what I asked for - that usually ends the convo.
I have had a couple girls comment they wish they could get their BFs to realize they didn’t have to buy a gigantic diamond just to get engaged and the money could be better used elsewhere. I think guys have a hard time with the concept too - they’re the ones that could get accused of being cheap.
I haven’t figured out how to drop that for the cost of my ring we could have gotten a diamond - but that’s not what I wanted. I think that’s in the “there is no tactful way to mention that” category.
my mother’s first engagement ring had emerald and once they had more money she has a gorgeous saphire. so when i picked out my engagement ring i wanted a small BLUE diamond! i have gotten many confused looks because of the color and my sister thinks i should have gotten a larger one. me and my fi are estatic about my ring and thats all that matters. i know your ring is beautiful
When I read that, I´m so happy to be in Germany - we don´t have the whole “it has to be a diamond engagement ring” situation. And luckily we don´t have the “he has to spend xy salaries on it” rule!
Some couples choose matching bands (mostly simple wedding bands) as engagement rings, some skip the whole ring thing (my friend got lovely earrings for example, as they were already wearing friendship rings) and some get a ring for the girl but not necessarily a diamond. Seems the DeBeer influence is not that strong here!
I love seeing different rings, and I also love colored rocks. Personally I love the emerald, and even told my husband way back when that I would be okay with a nice emerald ring as opposed to a diamond.
I think sapphire rings are gorgeous and make such a bold statement that diamonds can’t make. I saw a girl with a beautiful sapphire ring and I thought it was one of the most beautiful engagement rings I’ve seen so far. Didn’t Gracy Kelly or Princess Diana have a sapphire ring?
I have a sapphire engagement ring and find myself having to tell the story of it also. I love having a unique ring!
Most people don’t know that before DeBeers and ‘A Diamond is Forever’ that sapphires were the stone of choice for engagement. They symbolize truth and fidelity…a fitting symbol for engagement. Princess Diana and Queen Elizabeth both had sapphire engagement rings!
I am also rocking an engagement ring that is NOT a diamond. Mine is an aquamarine and it’s set in sterling silver. I, too, have experienced people’s disappointments in my ring. What do they care anyway? We chose the ring and the setting (designed by us and completely unique!) because the stone is my husband2Be’s birthstone and I’m very hard on my jewelry so we wanted something not as unreasonable in price as platinum but much harder than gold. Honestly? We think it’s going to look even better over time in sterling since it will darken and show the details of the hand-cut filigree more nicely.
To each his/her own but the people who say things like “Oh… well you can always upgrade,” assuming that nothing is as valuable as a diamond - I would just as well say that they are unimaginative and unappreciative. *shrug*
My fiancé and I consider ourselves to be fairly conscious people, and we went the route of Canadian, conflict free diamonds. I really think that this is a wonderful choice for women who want the tradition of the diamond without the guilt of possibly purchasing a conflict diamond.
I love this commentary….there is no room in advertising for anything other than diamonds it seems, and that is unfortunate. There is just too much money to be made. I love my ring (it is a small diamond), but sometimes I look at it and wish I had a different stone in it…….as I would hate to think that someone was killed or injured so I could have it. And WHY NOT a sapphire or ruby or emerald?
When my hubs proposed, he gave me a violin. There was a sterling silver Celtic knot ring in the violin case as “a place holder” until we could get a “real” ring, but I was happy enough with it that I wore it until I replaced it with the plain (recycled) gold wedding band he put on my finger on our wedding day. I now wear only the band, which matches his exactly, and it has definitely elicited comments, though mostly nice ones… I think people who think I’m “poor” maybe keep it to themselves.
I did have to talk him into the idea that I didn’t really want a bodacious diamond (for many reasons), and in the end, I think that helped him make the proposal extra thoughtful and unique… the violin case is the best ring box ever!
Check out greenkarat.com for recycled gold (and other precious metal) options… that’s where we got our bands.
It’s so great to see someone else with a colored stone ring! My fiance picked mine out all on his own, and his rationale was that he wanted to give me a stone that was as unique and rare as our love (since diamonds are actually fairly common, just highly regulated).
I was skeptical at first, but I absolutely LOVE my pink sapphire! It’s gorgeous and unique, and anyone who doubts that a “non-diamond” won’t look like an engagement ring, just let me know and I”ll send you a pic of my ring!
Amen for this. Not to berate other Bees, but it seems like most of what is posted on here (and elsewhere in the wedding world!) is big, flashy bling, and it’s nice to see someone who wanted something different. The size of the rocks in engagement rings is really becoming a ridiculous arms race.
I love my diamond. I love that it’s so sparkly and I love that it catches peoples’ attention as a culturally-definitive marker that I’m engaged. That being said, I also think sapphire rings are gorgeous and would’ve loved one of those, as well. It was important to FI to go the diamond route, so we did, and I’m pleased - but colored stone rings are beautiful! Kudos to everybody bucking the diamond tradition.
if you like the look of diamonds but don’t want the cruelty, check out moissanite. we got my engagement ring at a trunk show and it’s gorgeous. it’s sparkles twice as much and it’s a fraction of the price.
I have a diamond center stone with emeralds on either side, and I love it! It’s unfortunate that colored stones illicit less excitement than diamonds. I would have been happy with most anything, and we actually got my ring on the cheap from ebay I think your ring is beautifully unique!
I love your ring. My so and I are also going the sapphire route, since they’re beautiful, but also cause it’s my birthstone. Since I want something a little different from the usual blue, we’re going with a pink, green or padparadscha sapphire.
I actually have a diamond band, but that’s really what it is, a band. No center stone, no “popping your eyes out”, just a gorgeous, simple band with a row of diamonds. I’m a nurse and I wear gloves ALL DAY! Most of my friends don’t even wear their rings to work b/c they just get in the way. My only input into the ring was that it had to be compatible with my job. People at work think it’s genius (and gorgeous), but I’ve definitely gotten a few “looks” from people who are expecting something more traditional.
I so agree about the diamonds. I love color and the idea of a diamond just didn’t suit me. Plus I do not wear yellow gold and diamonds seem to fade into the background when pared with a white gold setting. We ended up pickign out a beutiful blue topaz that really stands out.
I’m even happier we didn’t choose a dimond when I think about the cost. For the extra money that it would have cost to have a diamond be the primary stone we could have invite that many more people to our wedding. Also, my stone is so much bigger than we would have ever been able to afford if it was a diamond.
I have a sapphire engagement ring also! It’s a Zales “Past, Present, Future” ring w/3 sapphires & 2 diamonds set on each side. For us it was special b/c both of our birthdays are in September & we got engaged in September.
I agree with all the issues you brought up about diamonds, and to be honest they are very cliche. My ring will not be a diamond and i know it is going to be a hard thing to explain to people, especially my mother.
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Mrs. Robin, Portland
Age and Occupation: 26, Client Services Coordinator
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 31, Professional Poker Play/Options Trader
Engagement Date: September 5, 2007
Wedding Date: January 5, 2008
Blogging Since: November 2, 2007
Venue: Portland Armory
About Me: I am a wine-loving, earring-obsessed foodie who lives in Portland, OR. I design jewelry as a hobby and love to shop for jeans, shoes, and vintage furniture. I am a crazy mix of modern and traditional values, and I can't wait to marry my best friend and see where God will lead our lives together.
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