Hot Searches:

Tags on this Entry

Tags: ,
 

 

 
 
 
Mrs. Tulip Mrs. Tulip, DC Age and Occupation: 36, Retired Fiance's Age and Occupation: 33, Counsel/DOO for Small Gov't Contractor Engagement Date: August 8, 2007 Wedding Date: March, 2008 Venue: Still Looking! About Me: In all my dreams of the man I'd someday marry, I never pictured anyone as perfect for me as Mr. Tulip. So now we just have to make it through the craziness of the wedding and the moving in together! I love crafts, sewing, jewelry making, and photography, so am looking forward to this chance for DIY fun. When not wedding planning, I'm playing with our dog and 4 cats, Ebay shopping, or watching too much TV (often simultaneously!).
 
Mrs. Tulip's Picture
Mrs. Tulip, DC Age and Occupation: 36, Retired Fiance's Age and Occupation: 33, Counsel/DOO for Small Gov't Contractor Engagement Date: August 8, 2007 Wedding Date: March, 2008 Venue: Still Looking! About Me: In all my dreams of the man I'd someday marry, I never pictured anyone as perfect for me as Mr. Tulip. So now we just have to make it through the craziness of the wedding and the moving in together! I love crafts, sewing, jewelry making, and photography, so am looking forward to this chance for DIY fun. When not wedding planning, I'm playing with our dog and 4 cats, Ebay shopping, or watching too much TV (often simultaneously!).
About Mrs. Tulip

“At Home Cards” Are My New Crusade

November 8th, 2007 @ 10:24 am by Mrs. Tulip

As crusades go, I admit it’s not “feeding the starving children of the world.” But here’s the deal:

Many of my friends have gotten married in recent years, and I often have a terrible time figuring out whether or not the bride has changed her name. In theory, at the wedding you’ll find out the couple’s official names when they’re first formally introduced. But what if you get caught up in the joy of the moment and forget to mentally file away that key bit of information? And if you miss the wedding, how do you know which name to use in sending a gift?

A few days ago, Mrs. Lollipop posted about a similar dilemma from the bride’s side: How does a bride let everyone know that she plans to keep her name?

My friends, the answer to these dilemmas is an “at home card.”

An “at home card” is simply a small card that informs people of your married name and any change to your address after the wedding. The modern at home card states any combination of the couple’s names and address, other contact information such as phone and email, and the date after which the couple will be “at home” (traditionally the date of returning from the honeymoon). At home cards can be sent either with the invitation or with a wedding announcement; while most descriptions suggest it’s more common to send them with an announcement, I would suggest that they’re more useful in the invitations.

What do they say? The traditional wording where a bride is keeping her name might be:

My MaidenName
Herr Tulip
after the fifth of July
1600 Pensylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 12345

Traditionally, no names are listed if a bride is not changing her name. I prefer the more modern trend of listing names either way, because it makes everything explicit. However, using “Mr. and Mrs.” is an etiquette no-no if the card is sent with the invitations because the married status is not yet official.

If you’re not worried about traditional wording, you can say pretty much anything you’d like! I plan to use at home cards to inform invitees of both my name change and the fact that I will be moving in with Mr. Tulip after the wedding. The wording probably will read something like this:

The future Mr. and Mrs. Tulip
will reside at Mr. Tulip’s home after the wedding
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 12345
Please keep in touch!

As useful as they are, I admit the whole system of at home cards is a bit strange. The modern version is a weird amalgam of sometimes-modernized wording with a social custom that dates back to at least Victorian times. Here’s a version of an at home card from 1922, as shown in Emily Post’s famous etiquette guide. (She found the cards particularly useful for informing contacts of an address change “in cities not covered by the Social Register.”):

27

Except for the modern addition of city name and zip code — and of course the bride’s first name! — this is basically the wording used today. Why this form and wording? It seems to have grown out of an extremely convoluted system within Polite Society of leaving calling cards with name and address when visiting. Around the time these calling cards were in vogue, ladies often held specific “at home” days when they held court at home and all visitors were welcome. (By 1922, Emily Post was lamenting that the “Old-Fashioned Day at Home” had fallen out of vogue in New York City.) The term “at home” was also used more broadly to mean accepting visitors — if the lady of the house was not accepting visitors (no matter what her actual location), the butler would greet callers with the news “not at home.” Hence, the cards use the term “at home” and give a date after which you can expect to find the couple receiving visitors.

Want to know more? You can read brief summaries of modern at home cards here and here. And the full text of Emily Post’s fascinating 1922 guidebook can be found here.

How will tell everyone your post-wedding name and address?

15 Responses to ““At Home Cards” Are My New Crusade”

1.
Bee Icon
Miss Jasmine says:

I *love* this idea– I’m a completely old-fashioned girl at heart. I’m definitely going to use at-home cards, but I think I’m going to tuck them into the favors at the wedding. I’ve seen a bunch of very cute places you can get them printed up– I’ll try to find some links!

2.
Sarah says:

Friends of mine printed it on the back of the wedding program: Dr. Hername, Dr. Hisname, after [date], address.

3.
Elizabeth says:

I also put mine on the back of the wedding program… just mr and mrs soandso with the address.

It was less hassle than figuring out how to put it in the invitation without combining our names because it wasn’t official yet.

4.
bonniebelle101 says:

Thanks so much for this post! So, very intersting! I hadn’t really thought about doing “at home” cards becasue we’re not taking a long honeymoon or anything, but I like using it as a way to establish how you want to be addressed. I’m a big Ms. fan (I know we use Miss/Mrs. here to distinguish and I have no problems with it!) but there’s nothing that gets more under my skin than getting mail addressed to “Mrs. Husband’s Name” it’s already happend with my FI. This would be a great way to politely let people know I’d like to be addressed as “MS. Bonnie New Last Name” Thanks again for the post!

5.
Kira says:

I loved this post! I hope to do at-home cards, perhaps, like Miss Jasmine, tucking them into favors, because we won’t know where we’re going to be living when we send out the invitations!

Because we will be moving to a yet unknown city and be living at a yet unknown address, this would be extremely helpful for our friends and relatives.

6.
Pei says:

We’re just going to do it on the thank you cards. Plus it’s not a big deal to us whether people call me Mrs. Hislastname or Ms. Mylastname in social settings. I feel like I’m legitimately both.

7.
abby says:

nice, could be a great thing to include in thanks you cards or favors!

8.
Bee Icon
Miss Jasmine says:

There are some cute cards by Iomoi that could be made into at-home cards– and the designs are gorgeous!
http://iomoi.stores.yahoo.net/custominvitations.html
These are just amusing:
http://www.16sparrows.com/shop/moving.html

9.
mrs. violet says:

this is a great idea!

10.
Red says:

We’ll sign and address our thank you cards with our correct names.

11.
Bee Icon
Miss Tulip says:

Thanks for the links, Miss J! Love those Iomoi cards; it’s so tempting to just purchase rather than DIY….

Out of curiosity, for the people who are putting info into thank you cards, does it matter that people won’t know how to address you when sending a gift?

OK, actually it’s MORE than curiosity — I need to send a gift to a friend whose wedding I couldn’t attend, and I don’t know what name to use!!! If I guess one and get it wrong, do you think it’s better to use the bride’s maiden name or assume they will share his last name?

12.
Bee Icon
Mrs. Snow Pea says:

I am ordering MOO Cards from flickr. I get to use a ton of my wedding proofs (with that guests picture on it) and on the back, I am putting the info to see our wedding pictures as well as the name and address.

13.
AmandaRyan says:

Miss Tulip, I’m not changing my name so here’s my 2 cents - from the reaction I get from people when I tell them I’m keeping my name, I would say the large majority of women still take the man’s last name so you’re safer to use his last name. I’ve gotten lots of mail addressed to me with my husband’s last name and personally I don’t get upset about it. Usually I just politely send a note informing the person that I’m keeping my last name.

However, if I ever got something addressed as Mrs. HisFirstName HisLastName, then I would be a little ticked off.

14.
christi says:

i’ve seen it done in the wedding program. they included their name, address, and even her new email.
i like the idea of including it all on thank you notes. it would be good motivation to get them done soon!

15.
Sarah says:

Ms. Tulip– Can’t go wrong with herfirst-ampersand-hisfirst. It’s very friendly.

Although, admittedly, we personally prefer hisfirst-ampersand-herfirst, for nerdy reasons. But we accept herfirst-ampersand-hisfirst.


You can also just...

Copyright 2004-2008, eHarmony, Inc.