Too Young?
November 13th, 2007 @ 4:17 pm by Mrs. Peppermint
Maybe it’s because it’s getting closer to the wedding and I’m ultra sensitive. Maybe it’s because people have no boundaries. All I can say is, why are people obsessed with my age?!?
Okay, obsessed isn’t even fair. But frankly, it’s a little weird that in the period of one day, three people (and by people I mean strangers) asked how old I was (after I mentioned that I was getting married) and then proceeded to say, “wow. that’s SO young. wow”. All three of them! It was like clockwork. I was at the seamstress and even she turned to me (after the third person) and said “Why are people so obsessed with your age?!”
I don’t think I’m too young. I know I’m making the right decision and I know it’s the right time. And frankly, after dating for five years, a lot of people kept asking what we were waiting for! I guess you can never win!
How old were you (or will you be) when you get married? What age do you think is too young (don’t worry, I won’t get offended!).
Why are strangers so… well… strange??
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109 Responses to “Too Young?”
FI and I started dating at 25, where engaged at 28 and will be 29 when we get married. I wouldn’t have been anywhere near ready at 23, but that is probably because I was still enjoying being single 
That said - there is nothing wrong with getting married at 23! If you and your FI know its the right time, then everyone else should just mind their own business!
Ok, so I can understand your dismay and confusion over peoples reaction if you are in your mid twenties or older but if you aren’t yet 21 I can see why people bring it up. You never did mention how old you are….
I’m 32 and won’t be married until I am 33 or 34 so I am not gettign that type of reaction.
I don’t think people should be sticking their noses in other people’s business. There are some 18 year olds who are ready to get married and some 50 year olds who still aren’t ready. Personally, I think 18 is a bit young to be getting married…but that’s just me. You’re not too young to get married. Don’t worry about what other people think, if you’re ready, go for it!
30. After 5 years of dating. If i had met him at 20 rather than 25 i would have been 25 when i got married. If only life were so simply that 1. a certain age or 2. a certain time period of dating someone was enough to ensure a long happy marriage. sadly life is not that simple. It is different for everyone.
simple
“People are strange when youre a stranger” –Doors
I was 21 when I met my guy. 22 when we dated. 23 when we got engaged. 24 when we married.
Too young…hmmm…I don’t know if “too young” has anything to do with age. I mean, my guy’s 22-year-old brother is going on 13, but I’ve met other 22 year olds who have it together. Maybe they just see your youthful face and automatically put it in their own personal “too young” calculator. I’ve probably been guilty of it too if I didn’t know the person.
I’ll be 26, he’ll be 29. As for an “age”, I don’t think there is one. I know, I know, it sounds like a line but it’s true. Some people are ready in their early 20’s (I was.) Other people aren’t ready until they’re in their 30’s or 40’s (cough, cough, my brother.)
As for strangers, well, who really knows why people say the things they say? Maybe the little man in their heads that operates the “Shut up!” switch had the day off? 
I will be 23 and FI will be 21 when we get married, but we got engaged when he was 19 and after 6 months of dating so i am used to the comments…i am sure of my choice and i love him, hopefully after a 2 year engagement people will be quiet. I definitely was having fun and dating around when i was 19, so I wouldnt have been ready, but when you find the one you’re set!
FI and I started dating when we were 18 but we will be 28 when we do get married. I personally think that the youngest someone should be married is 25 but I realize that in some parts of the country it is common for people to be married at a much younger age. But I do think that the younger brides and grooms have a bigger likelihood of divorcing.
It’s not that FI and I waited because we didn’t feel mature for our ages. To the contrary, I’d say we are both much more mature than our ages. Our rationale was “Just because we started dating when we were young doesn’t mean we also have to get married young.”
We have been living together for several years and have already combined most of our finances. We have traveled the world together. But we never felt the need to rush down the aisle. Our decision was right for us, and what’s right for us won’t be right for everyone.
we met at 22, dated and got engaged at 29 and will be married at 30. i def wouldnt have been ready at 23. i thought i was ready at 26 and had the talk with him. turns out i wasnt. and he wasnt either. i always thought id be younger getting married, but i guess now was the right time. its whats right for you, individually. i can understand why people would say something though. i look at my cousin in her early 20s and i cant imagine her getting married. but thats just from my personal experience.
I got married 2 months ago. My husband and I were both 23. Just like you.
I think it was a respectable age for us both. We had been dating 4.5 years when we got married. We had wanted to graduate college first. And we even waited more than a year after graduating. I think this was a good thing for us, since it gave us more time to adjust to full time jobs, living on our own, etc.
23 is not too young. :o)
I was 21 when I met Mr. Jasmine and we’ll be 26 and 27 respectively when we get married. I don’t know that there’s a right or wrong age to get married– as long as everyone’s legal and feels comfortable and ready, I say it’s an individual choice.
I don’t get why strangers feel the need to comment on other people’s wedding choices. I’ve gotten this a lot (you should see the looks I get when I say I’m not having a bridal party) and it perplexes me every time!
anything under 25 is too young IMO
My mom was 18 and my dad 20 when my parents got married. 36 years later they’re still very happily married, proving that it can work.
The funny thing, however, is that my mom has *always* told my sister and I not to marry young. Not because she’s not happy, but because *every single other couple* they know who married young is now divorced. And we’re not talking about a few, but more like 15+ couples. Coincidence? Possibly.
I’ve always thought that until you’re out of college and have a job, you shouldn’t get married. Really, if you’re not self-supporting, how are you mature enough to marry?
Of course a college degree isn’t required for marriages to work, but it’s just a useful point of reference. I think one should be old enough to drink champagne at their own wedding, and that’s pretty much a cutoff for me.
Haha. I feel so bad, I’m definitely one of those people that when I meet a bride to be under 24, I go, “WOW, thats so young!!!”. I’ll try to control myself from now on
I was very worried for my girlfriend that got married at 24, who had only been with her boyfriend for a year when they got engaged…but on the same token, I’ve been dying for another one of my girlfriends to get married (that had already been with her boyfriend since age 18) when she was 23, so I guess I go on a case by case basis of what I think is “too young”.
Anyway, I do have to admit, that 24 and under seems very young to me. But who cares what I think…and to be honest, I was ready to marry at 24.
FI and I are 24, too, and we can’t really seem to win with people either. When we announced our engagement, people who know us said, “Finally, what took you so long?” (we’ve been dating since high school!) but strangers often tell us we’re way too young. Everyone will have an opinion, you just have to know you’re doing what’s right for you and let the rest go I guess.
very judgmental, silly! if you’re legal and you’re getting married for the right reasons, there is no right or wrong age.
this post reminds me of the mtv show “engaged and underage.” the worst part of the show was not the age of those getting married, but the fact that many were not financially stable, didn’t have their families’ support, or were doing it for the wrong reasons (often all three).
I was 28 (just turned 29 a few days ago) and my husband is 30 and we got married a few weeks ago. In Southern California, we seem to be the typical age of people getting married.
I think a lot of it has to do with everyone we know waited till after college and waited to their careers got in order. It is very different than the mid-west. The median age varies from region to region in this country.
But honestly, who cares, if you have your life together and ready to make that pledge to spend the rest of it with another person I say Kudos!
Mr. Chickadee and I will both be 23 when we get married. I’ve never gotten any “you’re too young” comments, but I have gotten a lot of “wait, how old are you?” because I think I look a lot younger than I am. Like you and Mr. Peppermint, we will have been dating over 5 years when we get married. I don’t think there’s a “right age” to get married, mostly because I feel like a variety of 23 year olds can be at a variety of levels of maturity, just like a variety of 33 year olds.
I will be 25 and my FI will be nearly 28 when we get married. This will be my second marriage….
I first got married at 20 during my junior year of college, and he was 24. I don’t know what possessed me to get married so young, but I thought I knew what I was doing. And I was always the smart and mature one, so no one in my family questioned me. We were divorced within the year. 
I think some people may still think I’m too young to get married, but after a divorce I have learned SO MUCH and have aged beyond my years.
Of course it depends on the indiviuals, but in my opinion, if you’re not old enough to drink, you’re not old enough to marry. You don’t know who you are at 19!
i was 18 and a freshman in college when i met my fiance, who is two months older than me. we turned 19 a few months after we started dating, and were 20 when we got engaged. we’ll be 21 when we get married, two and a half years after we started dating. for us, it’s not “too young,” we’re both ready but we both have friends our age who aren’t. i had prepared myself for comments like you got, but our friends and family have all been amazingly encouraging. and their opinions are the only ones i really care about.
we were both 24
I will be 38 when we marry. I was absolutely not ready at 24, but then, that would be why I wasn’t dating anyone then. I have several friends who got married at 21 or 22 and are still going strong 15 or 16 years later. It’s amazing what strangers think they can say; just wait ’til you’re pregnant. The comments my friends have gotten when pregnant have truly shocked and appalled me–comments on age are extremely mild in comparison.
I’ve been getting the same reaction, what’s worse is that we live in NYC, where its unheard to think of marriage and “settling down” before the age of 30.
I sometimes want to put rude nosy people in there place, however, most of the time, I just smile and when you know he’s the one, you know.
I’ll be 24 when we get married in May, my fiance will be 27. We met when I was a freshman in college…I was 17!
I will be 25 when I get married and Mr. Flamingo will be 30. I don’t get that question now, but when I got engaged at 21 that was a whole other story. Everyone kept discouraging me and saying I was too young. If you think your ready and not too young thats what counts
Love has no age… so whether you get married at 21 or 60 its the same thing for me. (well when you are in a serious relationship of course)
I was 21 when FI and I started dating, 23 when we (just) got engaged and I’ll be a tad over 24 when we get married. Yay for marrying young and getting to spend (hopefully) 50 years with the one you love!
I’ll be 29 and he’ll be 31.
When people think “23 is too young” it’s because they think that *they* weren’t ready for marriage at 23. But if you are, more power to you!
Tell them that they must not have been as mature as you are.
Hey it’s a lot better then people saying “man, that’s so old”…so it could be worse. My parents got married in their early twenties and for as long as I can remember they have hammered it into my head to not get married young. My sister also got married in her early twenties and says the same thing.
I’ll be 29 and generally I think starting at age 25 and up is a good age. And statistically the older you are before your first marriage the higher your odds of not getting divorced are.
I think one needs to be out of college and preferably have experienced a real world job.
No matter what age we are we always feel like we’re ready for anything at the time (jobs, marriage, kids, etc. ) …it’s only after we get older that we realize we weren’t necessiarly as mature as we thought we were back then.
Very few people enter into marriage thinking “i’m doing the wrong thing,” almost all of us are “sure” at the time.
Miss Peppermint, I think the problem is that many people unconsciously must impose their maturity, their values and their personality on you. I’m 21, almost 22, I’ll be 22 when I get married and I face the same problem. I’ve often found that people have a tendency to judge my actions based on their own behavior and personality. Since they believe they were not ready at 22 to get married, I couldn’t be ready either. Readiness is not a matter of age, but of maturity and circumstance. There are people at 30 who still lack a means of support, a goal, a clear identity and at 22 they were even less ready and capable. However, I am 6 months away from a college degree, starting my own company, and already earn a decent living, so why shouldn’t I get married at 22? Ignore those snippy little comments, if those people weren’t ready at your age then that is their business, if you’re ready, then that is your business.
For some perspective, you are younger than the national average by a few years.
Average in 2003:
25.3 for women and 27.1 for men.
http://marriage.about.com/od/statistics/a/medianage.htm
I’m sure the average age for marriage is higher in major urban areas like LA.
Does this mean it’s appropriate for strangers to accost you about your age? Heck no.
I have heard some statistics that marrying at age 25 or later is correlated with a lower chance of divorce, but I have seen so many different studies about how much impact this has. Again, it’s a correlation not a causation.
I’ll be 23, and he’ll be 26 when we get married. For me, “too young” means still in the process of getting your bachelor’s degree (though some people go back to school, etc). I knew I definitely wanted to be out of college.
But for us it’s more about life circumstances and emotional maturity than age. Am I the first one of my friends to get married? Yes. Is FH the first person he knows to get married? Absolutely not.
When I tell people my age and how long we’ve been together (2 years), people are surprised because most people (like you!) who get married early have been together for a long time.
Me and my husband met and started dating at 18, got engaged at 22, and we got married right after we turned 23. So we’re the same age as you! I don’t think age matters if you’re over 21, and you are financially stable. And when I say financially stable i mean mostly that you can support yourself. Cause I definitely don’t think you have to wait for a good paying job to get married. As long as you and your husband can support yourselves I think its okay. But I got that comment alot before we got married. It goes away after you get married!
When we first met (five years ago this month!), we knew we wanted to get married, and we meant it. I was 16 and he was 17 at that point, and I’m really glad we have waited this long. As time has gone by, our relationship has matured, and so have we. We will both be 22 when we are married next May. When anyone comments, I don’t say anything back- this is what we want, despite the age. Many people in our families got married young (although I’m not going to admit that all of the marriages survived).
The sad part is that we both look like we’re 16, so we’re definitely not taken seriously sometimes.
I was 24 when I met Mr. Robin, 25 when we began dating, and will be 26 (barely, 27 a month after) when I marry him.
I don’t know if I think there is right age, anymore than I think there is a right amount of time to date before marriage.
I was married the first time at 19. What in the world was I thinking??? Yeah, I still don’t know. But at 23 I had a beautiful daughter. And a few short months later, I filed for divorce. I met my FH about six months after my divorce and now we are planning a May wedding! I will be 27 and he will be 30.
I know just how you feel.
I will be 22, he will be 27.
No one has really said anything about our ages, which I appreciate! I’ll be just shy of 24 and he’ll be 25. Since we don’t believe in living together before marriage and we’ve been dating for over three years, we figured OUR time was right. And that’s how I feel everyone should look at it.
I think much of the early marriages come from expecting to have life figured out after major events like graduating from college, getting a first job, buying your first place. A lot of people get swept up in what others tell them to do or what they feel they should be doing because that’s just how things go.
Personally, I think people change drastically after college and not to mention college tuition is often a burden for newlyweds. But then again, to each his own.
I am 25 and my fiance is 30 and I haven’t gotten any comments. We are both from the midwest and most of our friends are married/well-on-their-way but in NYC where we live it is pretty unusual for someone my age to be engaged.
I have heard that the longer you are married before having children the stronger your relationship will be and more able to withstand the challenges that parenting brings. So if you know you will absolutely 100% be with this person for your entire life and have no ‘what if’ thoughts and no momentary longings for your single life then age really doesn’t matter. Having said that (based on the men that I have been friends with/worked with) I would never get married to a guy in his early 20s.
I was 23 and my husband was then 25. And we were one of “those” couples, I guess, as we dated about 10 months and were engaged for a year. No one who knew us well had any problem with it, and they highly supported us. I DO live in the South, and I think it’s more common in places here than in more metropolitan areas/other parts of the country. My best friend lives in Vegas and said it’s practically unheard of to “settle down” in your 20s.
Several people mentioned 25… what’s magic about 25?
And lastly, people asked me how old I was, but that’s more because I look very young. When shopping for wedding jewelry, I had a sales clerk ask if I was shopping for prom…. lovely. But as I said, where I’m from, 23 wasn’t “too young.” There was one person who made a fuss, but she was actually younger when she married than I was when I did, and I’m not sure she was really “ready” then, so I think it was more, “I wasn’t ready, how could she be?”
\
Hang in there!
I’ll be 24 (a few weeks shy of 25) and my FI will be 25 (a few weeks shy of 26), but we met at 18 and 19, respectively, so we’ve been together quite a while.
Rather than a specific age, my definition of “too young” is if you are still in college (obviously, this does not apply to those who go back for degrees older in life!). There is such a HUGE life change after college (and in our case, medical/graduate school), and I personally think it’s best to make sure your lives change in the same direction, rather than apart… I’ve known too many friends who were discussing engagement/already engaged immediately after graduation and wound up breaking up because they were just going down such different paths in life.
I met FI when I was 22 and I’ll be 26 when we get married. He’ll be 31. My parents thought I was young to be engaged until I pointed out that by the time they were my age, they’d already gotten married, had two kids, and moved across the country.
I worry a lot more about people who haven’t had much dating experience than people who are young. If you’re only 22 but you feel like you’ve gotten a sense of “what’s out there” then fine. But I have a friend who’s almost 30 and is ready to marry the guy she’s currently dating, who’s only her 2nd boyfriend. That scares me.
I’m 29, DH is 32. We just got married 7 wks ago….
I’ll be 30, he’ll be 34.
It’s the perfect age for us. We both were at a point for something serious. I spent my early to mid-twenties struggling to find myself. Once I became comfortable and confident and happy with me… we met. He tells me he did the same. If we had met any earlier we would have been different people and I don’t know how we would have managed.
Everyone is different. You have to make your own decision and be willing to live with the consequences, both good and bad. If you are willing to do that then who cares how old you are!
We’ll both be 28. And we live in NYC. All of our friends are our age and are now just starting to marry.
But, I don’t think 23 is too young, if you’re both ready. I wasn’t ready then, but everyone is different.
FH and I will both be 20. We’ll have been together at that point for five years.
I get that I’m “too young” ALL the time, and my parents definitely wish I waited until 21 (the “magic” year apparently, as that is when my mom was married to my dad).
I am a young professional and done with college- I’m kind of doing everything a little earlier than most would have guessed, but I’m happy (and that’s what matters, right?)!
My sister married at 20 and I was initally very skeptical. I married at 27 and was divorced less than two years later. Meanwhile, my sister’s marriage is going strong. It was very humbling to realize that age is of little consequence if you are committing to the wrong person. I am now happily remarried and (hopefully) more accepting of individual choices. That being said, I am intrigued by the correlation between age and divorce. But those are impersonal stats and age is only part of the equation.
I think saying “wow, you’re so young” is very different from saying “that’s too young”.
And I agree with the pp, that it’s very regional, and whether or not you attended college is a big factor too. There’s a huge difference from being 22 and a senior in college that still lives at home, then being 22 years old and supporting yourself for the past four years.
I’m 29. I feel like this is a good age for me, but I don’t know when other people are ready to commit.
I met my FI at 18, were friends for 4 years and started dating at 22. We were 26 when we got engaged and will be 28 when we get married. Even though we were friends prior to dating, if we had decided to get married at 23 or 24, I know personally I would not have been ready and neither was he. I am a completely different person today than when I was 23/24 and have grown so much. I’m glad we waited b/c I was able to complete my master’s degree and he was able to finish law school during this time and get all the fun post-graduate school out of the way before we start a family.
As far as whether a certain age is too young, I completely agree that it depends on the couple…I know people that have gotten married at 22 and thought that they were WAY too young based on their maturity level and inability to care for themselves independently, and I also know people who have gotten married at 23 but didn’t think they were too young b/c they were mature and had a good head on their shoulders. Completely depends…
I think people make those comments because the majority of people are extroverts, and extroverts (forgive me for saying this, but it is part of the definition of being an extrovert) tend to say things as they think of them rather than thinking before they speak. Try not to take it personally - they’re saying “that’s so young,” not “you’re too young.” That one little word makes a world of difference. It’s not necessarily a judgment on you but rather an observation. You can’t argue with the fact that you’re younger than the average bride. Being younger doesn’t make you worse-equipped to be a wife. Statistics are in your favour if you’re over 25, but statistics don’t take individuals’ relationship dynamics into consideration.
It bugs me when people ask my age because it means they’ve already formed an opinion about me. I look really young too which encourages it too. I am 26 and Mr. SP is 27. We knew we wanted to get married at 21-22! Looking back, there definitely would have been some challenges. At 23-24, I was ready though. My brother recently acquired a very serious girlfriend and he’s 24. My initial reaction thinking about the seriousness of their relationship was, OH NO, you’re too young! But wait, I was 24 when Mr. SP and I got engaged.
My fiance and I will have been together for 4 years when we get married this summer. He’ll be 26 and fresh out of med school. I’ll be 22 and fresh out of college. Strangers seem to feel the need to comment all the time about my age, but my parents and closest friends have always encouraged it, even when I doubted it. I must admit though that strangers’ comments do affect me more than I should let them.
For us, getting married at this age is the best time, although we both agree we would wait if we could. I’m on my way to law school and he’s about to do a surgical residency. We both agreed that if we weren’t sure that we would get married, we wouldn’t follow each other geographically. We just have too much going for us and it would be unwise to sacrifice for anything less than family. Living together out of wedlock is out of the question for us. And if we were to get married eventually anyway, wouldn’t it make financial sense to get married? That was our logic.
But I feel you. I’m the first of all my friends to get married and it is a pretty lonely feeling not having anyone who can really understand what I’m going through.
we started dating at 19, got engaged at 24 and by the time we get married (next july), we’ll both be 26. there was no magic number for us, we just knew that we wanted to wait until we’d both finished college and had gotten our careers well underway (which took a couple of extra years because we both work in rather in a rather unstable profession). i knew right away we were meant to be together and was even thinking marriage around 22, but looking back i’m glad we waited a few more years. we’re much more settled now and completely sure of ourselves as both individuals and a couple. but, that’s just us, everyone’s different.
i got married at 23 (my husband was 24 at the time.
a lot of people mentioned that it was “quick” but we knew that meant they thought we were young.
i think people are just judging sometimes when younger couples get married because they think we are “rushing it” “bound to get divorced” etc.. and all those other annoying things. i think it also bothers a lot of people our age and older–that we can get married so young. i finished college at 21, so i’ve been out of school for a little while.
husband and i didn’t believe in long engagements, and we’re financially secure. so we saw no point in waiting in a 5 year engagement just so people didn’t think we were “too young”
I’m 23, and my FI is 24, and we’re getting married in two years. What has shocked me the most about my engagement is the number of people that after being told by my mother or I that I am getting married have responded with, “Oh, is she pregnant?” I am NOT pregnant, and I have a very svelt physique, so I don’t know why people think we’re having a shotgun wedding (especially bc its not for two years), except for the fact that we are young. But I am ready to get married and think the fact that we love each other should be enough of a reason for us to get married!
i was 23 when we got married…and that question always bugged me..except for the few that would say, “wow..it’s great seeing such young lovebirds ready to get married”
Yep - strangers really are strange! I got engaged at 18 and married at 21. We’ve been together just over 7 years now. I’m not quite sure why people feel they have the right to judge but I wouldn’t let it get to you! Just feel proud and happy that you found your person so early in the game and you don’t have to waste time in dating loser guys.
I have a cousin getting married next nov and they are the same age as you. I think they are too young…not because of their age or that they just graduated from college etc…but because they act YOUNG! I am in my late 20’s and I am glad I waited. I dated a guy for the beginning of my 20’s and I am glad i never married him…but at the time I wanted to…I always say that the things i wanted when I was 20 turned out not to be what i wanted when i was 25. BUT that is me.
One reason people might say this a lot is that the average age of marriage for women was 26(a few years ago)…and I think it will keep rising (not sure what it is now). One reason is because of the number of divorces the baby boomer’s (and our parents generation) had. Our gen is waiting to MAKE SURE its right. Also, I have many GF’s that are not married (and those that are don’t have children yet!). Times have changed…
i was 25 and he was 24. we get the age question alot because we both could pass for 16.
if we’re talking strictly about age, i think it’s ok to be married once you’re out of college, assuming you’re mature enough to handle it!
perhaps people think the longer you wait, the more “ready” you become, but no one’s ever absolutely ready for marriage; it’s like having your first kid - you don’t always know what to expect. you just have to prepare as much as possible, and at some point, take the dive.
Why do people think that under 25 is too young to get married? I’m wondering what they base that opinion on?
It’s only been in recent years that the average marriage age has gone up and people were fine back when they got married younger.
Perhaps this recent change in the average marriage age is due to the fact that most women have their own careers and raising a family isn’t quite as important as it used to be.
I say that if someone chooses to get married young, we should congratulate them rather than accuse them of being too young or immature!
Irene- we’re getting married partly because of the OPPOSITE reason! Rather than follow each other geographically, we’ll be living apart for several years while my fiance (husband at the time) does his radiology residency and I finish up my Ph.D… he won’t be in this area for his residency and I am not going to quit working towards my Ph.D. just to follow him. We decided that getting married immediately after he finishes med school in May would be best for us, since we would have that bond of marriage to get us through living apart for several years. Plus, we’ve been dating 5 years already and known each other for 6.5, so it was just time. If we didn’t get married now, we wouldn’t do it for another 4-5 years, and my fiance said he did not want to be introducing me as his girlfriend of 10 years!
My fiance and I got engaged when I was 21. I get the “Wow, you guys are young” but then I also get the follow up question of “How long have you been together?”
When I reply with “7 and a half years” people change their too young viewpoint.
Met when I was 19, started dating when I was 20, engaged at 21, married at 22. Didn’t feel too young at the time, but every time I hear other people are getting married (I’m 28 now btw) and they’re younger than I am now, I always catch myself thinking, “wow, they’re so young.” But I don’t think most people mean any harm by it. Age is just a number, everyone has their own maturity timeline and even more so, everyone has their own timeline for when it’s time for them to settle down with “the one”. But I think it’s best to wait til both are out of the undergraduate phase still- it’s important to be independent. I know a lot of people who were still dependent on their parents all throughout undergrad and even after.
Met at 18, engaged at 20 and will be married at 21 and 22 (after we graduate in May).
You think it’s bad getting it from strangers? Try your own family! They still aren’t hunky dory but at least they shut up…
Honestly, there’s really no way to defend yourself against the dreaded “you’re too young” accusations b/c people have already formed their opinions. The only thing you can do is prove them wrong!
I will be 21 when I get married. I know that personally, I really think that people can be in their forties and still be immature, and an 18 year old can be ready to get married and have a family. Its such a personal decision and when people ask me why I am getting married so young I just tell them “I don’t want to spend my life without him any longer”.
i think the magic number of 25 is due to the fact that people are given a number of years after college to experience life. i think its important to go through things, regardless of how long you’ve been together. dating through college doesn’t really count in my book. i feel that a couple should figure out their career, travel around the world, go through ups and downs, be financially secure (enough to pay for their own wedding, if you cant afford it, is it time?), and just live life for a while - together. not in school, but in life. i think everyone is going to say that they are ready themselves, no matter what the age.
I was 19 when we met/started dating and he was 21… we were 24 and 26 when we got engaged and we’re getting married at 25 and 27 (the average haha). Our college friends said “it’s about time” and I never get that i’m too young here (Alabama/Georgia).
We met at 22 (me) and 21 (DH). We got married at 25 and 24, which does feel young to me as I was the first of my friends to get married. However, we’re going to 8 weddings in the next year, so I guess 24/25 is a popular age to get married. Maybe that’s why it has been so many people’s ‘cut-off’ age, because it’s in line with what they are used to.
i truly think that experience has something to do with it, though. if you are young but financially independent, have traveled, and have dated enough people to know what you are looking for (a number which varies with everyone), then kudos to you. One of my best friends from HS got married at 20 (he was 25) and they are going strong 6 years later. And I know a number of people who got married around 30, since it was ‘get married or break up– we’re too old to mess around’, who got divorced 4-5 years later.
whenever i think, ‘wow, we’re so young’ it’s followed by ‘and in 10 years, i might be too ingrained in being single to ever make a marriage work’ or ‘if i waited five years, i could be married for… zero days before we started trying to have a baby.’ so i’m enjoying the years we have together before we start a family to just revel in each other and make sure our foundation is as strong as it can be.
congratulations, miss peppermint. it’s a wonderful feeling to know who you want to spend your life with, isn’t it? we’re very lucky, all of us.
I think that only you can really know whether you are too young or not. On the same note, I think that complete strangers should keep their opinions to themselves. Future hubby and I both are 26, and will be when we get married. We were 24 when we met. I don’t think there is a magic age, just the right person.
I think if you are 22+ is good, after that new out on your own for the first time goes away, and as long as you have been with that person for a reasonably lengthy amount of time (3ish years or more).
Oh, and my mom kept trying to talk us into getting married earlier (she didn’t like the fact that we were living together before marriage…). Every once in awhile she’d bring it up, and then realize I was only 20, and then she’d say “Nevermind.”
It’s funny because I’ve gotten the “When are you guys getting married” thing for a long time, but we started dating when I was 15. So getting married at 23 doesn’t seem to young to me.
I don’t why anything under 25 is too young. If you need your parents permission its probably a bit young (I guess thats 21 in the US?)
but so what if you change a lot in your early twenties- the rest of your life isn’t without change. You’ll change a lot in your thirties too, and fifties!
I think its up to the couple..if they’re realistic about it and willing to work at it I don’t see an issue. I find that comment comes from people who were not in the right position at the early age, thats fine. But others may be.
I was 22 he was/is 24. That was totally good for us, but we got a lot of “already??” since we dated for 6 months, got engaged, and then married almost 6 months later. we were less than a month away from our one-year anniversary when we got married.
it’s awesome. don’t let people get you down. everyone asked “HOW young are you?!” but now that I’m married, almost no one asks “and how old you??”
My folks got married at 21 and 22, and my husband’s folks at the same age, or maybe 20 and 21. He has two brothers and a sister who did the same thing around 20-24. So they didn’t think it was a big deal.
It’s definitely a location thing as well, though. In Chicago, I got a lot of “wow.” When we visit family in Idaho, no one thinks it’s strange. Now we’re in Northern California, a lot of people seem to think it’s weird that people decide to get married at ALL… so who knows.
I think getting married young can be wonderful, because you share your youth with someone, you get to become one a whole heck of a lot easier, and you have time to experience allll your lives together.
I have the opposite problem. I’m marrying for the first time, and I’m 45. When I was trying on wedding dresses at a local boutique, the woman who was helping me said “I’m sure you have _plenty_ of experience with this, dear…” I was livid, but kept my expression neutral and let a pause lie there for a moment. Then I said “Well, I have had experience helping my girlfriends pick out _their_ wedding gowns,” and watched as she squirmed. Needless to say, I bought my dress at a different shop.
Started dating at 19 (he was 21), engaged at 24 (26), and will be married at 26 (28). I get comments in England about how young I am to be getting married, but not from anyone in the States. Maybe it’s cultural and depends on where you live?
I will be 28 when I walk down the aisle. And I have to say I have stuck my foot in my mouth a couple times about this too. My brother and his girlfriend (now wife) got married last year at the age of 24. They dated all throughout college.
One night I mentioned that if I had married the person I dated in college I don’t think I would be very happy.
There was a lot of life learning that happened between college and meeting my FI. Stuff that I learned about myself that wouldn’t have happened if I wasn’t alone. But then again there was a lot of self learning that happened after I met him.
Just to stir the pot a little more. ….
I also get this comment:
“Your almost 30?!? Shouldn’t you have some kids by now.”
So it seems the general consensus is wait for marriage but start having children ASAP!
just for the record, “25″ might be a “magic” number because culturally and biologically, i think our “adolescence” tends to extend to around that age. culturally, as others have mentioned, 25 is the age at which you’ve been out of college and on your own for a few years (usually; i actually graduated from college at 20). biologically, the part of your brain’s frontal lobe that’s involved in decision-making develops at different rates in different people, but is only for sure developed fully by the time you’re in your early 20s.
My DH and I were married at 21, we got engaged at 19. I get the “you’re so young” comment all the time. It drives me nuts, I work a full-time job my DH works a full-time job. I graduate from college this December. We pay our own bills and actually paid for our wedding ourselves. I do look really young, about 17 or 18 is what I hear most, which is why I probably get that comment but we were ready to do it. I mean we already had joint accounts and were doing things like a “married couple”, so why not just do it. What gets me the most is, it almost seems more acceptable now to get pregnant and have a child at the age of 16 or 17, but not to marry at 21? I don’t know what going on now-a-days. I just tell people at least we got married because we loved each other not because 1) I was pregnant or 2)one of use was in the army.
HA! This topic gets me fired up too!
This’ll throw a kink in things…
I met my (now) husband when I was 16 and he was…well, 22. Started dating around almost 18. We got engaged when I was 25, he was 31. We married this year, so I am 27 and he’s now 33. Does 11 years of blissfully being with the same person negate the age issue/age difference? Our relationship is stronger than any couple we know and people are freaked out by how long we’ve been together.
And Katie B…I agree with your comment 100%…so crazy!!
I’m glad you posted this… I’ve gotten that a lot too, and it really frustrates me!
I met my husband when I was 20, we were engaged when I was 21 and married when I was 22. He’s two years older than me.
We’ve been married just over a year and I couldn’t have asked for a better first year together. It’s been wonderful!
I got the “why rush into it?” comments a lot when we were engaged, but I just asked them “why wait?” If you know you’ve found the one, than there’s no reason to wait for the sake of waiting! We would have gotten married much sooner if we could of!
Many of the most successful marriages that I know of (who are kind of marriage role-models for us) got married even younger than us, and they are going strong after 30, 40, 50 years of marriage.
And being married younger means we’ll have more anniversaries to celebrate!
I was a month a 13 days shy of turning 22. and my hubby was 23
I’ve been friends with my hubby since i was nine and he was 10, so a lot of people thought it was cute, others thought i was crazy because I ” didn’t know what was out there”
how can stangers say those sort of things to you when they have no idea?!?~
Here’s a quote that pretty much defines my opinion on this subject. I agree with the above comment….”why wait?”
“Once you figure out who you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible!”
On another note, it seems that a lot of people are saying that you should wait your finished with college. So, what if a person doesn’t go to college? Not because of finances but because of not having a need to go. Since when did it become the rule that everyone must go to college?
I find it interesting the number of individuals who have commented that it is not so much age, but dating experience, that is vital when getting married. But what about all those high school sweethearts? My parents met at 16/17, and will be celebrating their 35th anniversary the day after my wedding. If you meet the right person and you know you will live a happy life with him, are you really supposed to throw it all away and say “Sorry, I don’t have enough dating experience, this has been fun but have a nice life.” And then what if you never meet someone better?
Someone mentioned that they have a friend in her 30s that is ready to marry but is only on her 2nd boyfriend… is it really better for these individuals to end a perfectly happy, fulfilling relationship just to gain more experience?
I agree that dating is important for figuring out what you want when you are younger, but if you are mature, know what you want out of life, and find someone with the same visions and goals and can visualize your life together perfectly, who is to say you shouldn’t get married just because you haven’t been around the block a few times?
We met as children but I was 20 and he was 21 when we began a friendship that lasted for about 3 years. We started dating at 23 and 24, were engaged at 24 and 25 and married at 26 and 27.
I’d like to support what Julie said. I was Mr. Onion’s first girlfriend. I have to admit I was a little scared — I kept asking him, “are you sure you don’t want to see other people to be sure?” He said, with absolute certainty that I was “it” for him. So I agree — while some people think you should “get out there” and have experience before you settle down, when it’s right, you do everything you can to hang on to it!
I haven’t read all the comments (I should be working!), but I’ll weigh in
This is such a gray area! Everyone is soo different at all the different ages!! I had a roommate get married at 24 I think - and her fiance was 22. Our other roommate and I couldn’t help but think about how ‘young’ they were and be worried about them. It wasn’t age though - it was the fact that they both seemed so CLUELESS and immature. We lived with her for two years - so we had a first hand view. Both of their parents had always ‘taken care’ of them. Our conclusion was just that their first couple years of marriage would have more ‘challenges’ as they grew up together
Then again the two of us have been on our own for so long and are so set in our ways that our marriages will have an entire different set of ‘challenges!’
I know many people that get married right out of college and I don’t even think about their age - the timing is perfect for them! Really the bottom line - people need to learn some etiquette and when to keep there mouths shut!
Along the same lines - my hubby and I had a short engagement (4 months) and had dated less then a year before we got married. I heard the ‘are you pregnant’ comments often. No I wasn’t preggo - when you know you know.
Dating experience. I’ve never been a dater. Most guys never made it past date one. A couple I casually dated for 2-3 months. I had one serious boyfriend (at age 24) who lasted 8 months. Then I met my husband (at age 27)! Again - when you know you know.
It’s really hard to ‘tune out’ comments - but really - the only words you need to take to heart are those spoken by family and friends. They are the ones that know you and your fiance best. When they are happy and excited about your wedding and marriage - that’s all that matters!
my fiance is my first boyfriend, and i am his second girlfriend. i have a friend who has been dating her first boyfriend for four years, but says she won’t marry him because he’s her first and she should date more than that. i wonder why she’s spending so long with him, but whatever.
agreeing with julie and mrs. onion - when it’s right, it doesn’t matter. i don’t need to date anyone else to know that this works amazingly for us.
Engaged: 28
Married: 29
Too Young For Me: 25 - I was engaged at 25, and in retrospect very happy that it didn’t end up working out - timing is everything
We met and started dating when I was 18 (DH was 24). We got married when I was 21 (DH was 26). Currently, I’m 22 and DH is 27. We have been married over a year now.
My In-laws were married at 17, 18 and my parents were in their mid 20’s. Both sets have stayed married ever since. His almost 28 years and mine over 35 years.
I seemed to get told “Wow, you’re so young!” a lot too, but since we’ve been married, I hardly ever hear it anymore.
You just have to brush it off b/c there isn’t anything you can do about it. If someone ever tells me, I just say “Thank you.”
I will be 28 when I get married. It is true that in Califormia people seem to wait longer. I get some looks when people who don’t know my age see my ring, or whatever because I look young.
IDK seems whenever you’re ready, you’re ready age doesnt’ matter… being ready is dependend on a lot of factors.
Although I would tend to think there’d be less 18 year olds who are ready than 25 and up… it just depends on your situation and life path.
I was 20 and Mr B was 22 when we got engaged, and I was 21 and he was just shy of 24 when we got married. Wasn’t too young for us at all. But would it be too young for a lot of our friends? Sure. People mature at different rates; peoples lives go in different directions. For us, by getting married young we not only got to celebrate our love and relationship, but there were financial benefits as well, especially since Mr B is going into law school in the fall. So yeah, we’re young, and yeah, we have no money, but that’s OK for us. For some people, it’s not OK. And that’s fine too
i was 23 when i got engaged, not married, and i remember at the time thinking that i was too young, but i think it’s because my mom got married at 30 and my parents always drilled into my head that getting married younger than 25 was too young. i knew that we were going to have a long engagement because hubby had just finished his first year of med school and we couldn’t logistically plan to get married until after he graduated, so i ended up getting married a few months shy of my 27th birthday and i think it was perfect timing. but i don’t generally see what the big deal is about getting married in your 20’s. that’s old enough isn’t it? and if someone has a problem with it, tell them it’s not any of their business! no one knows your relationship better than you and your FI!
I’m 20 and I’m married, so I totally know what you mean by people thinking I’m “too young.”
We got married almost 3 weeks ago, and I am 31 and my husband is 38. I got the “what are you waiting for” comments :). Being ready for marriage has more to do with experience and maturity than age in my opinion.
I’ll be 22 when we’re married and he’ll be 32. The day before our wedding day we’ll have been dating for 5 years.
I have friends that got married at 19. Age really shouldn’t have that much to do with it. If you are ready and can handle it, go for it. It’s not like “Oh I am 28 years old, I need to be married and pop out my first child before I am 29.” (I know people like that)
I’m 23 and bf is 22. We’ve been dating for 8 years this month! HS sweethearts. A lot of family members have always bugged us about when we are getting married. We are planning to, but not quite yet, probably in the next 4 years. I would understand if we met each other in our 20’s, but they have to understand we got together when we were only 15 or so. So the time frame is different you know? I think anyone under 21 is too young, but hey who knows, if you think you are ready to do this together, why not?
I’m 22 I’ll be 23 when I get married in July my FI is 23 soon to be 24 and I get that too. A not so close friend even asked one of my bridesmaids if I was pregnant! Umm… if she knew me at all she’d realize that if I was I probably wouldn’t be getting married simply because I wouldn’t want to get married because I was having a baby! At any rate that is definitly not the case.
We met at 17 and 18 in the dorms and started dating at 20 and 21. We were planning on waiting until be graduated from our graduate programs until I decided to sign up for another 3 years in addition to veterinary schools (4). We will have been together 2.5 years when we tie the knot and we’ve lived together for 1.5. Its just a good time in our lives when we have the flexibility to go on a honeymoon and it feels like the right thing to do. I used to think under 21 is too young but being younger than most of my classmates has made it abundantly clear to me that your experiences and decisions make you who you are and age is rather insignificant.
I’m really looking forward to having some time with my FI as a couple before we start thinking about expanding our family… plus I have a lot of school to finish first.
Oh and as far as the finiancially independent thing I agree. That was a big factor in our decision and I wasn’t ready to consider it until I was able to support myself through fellowships rather than my parents.
[...] Too Young? by Miss Peppermint [...]
It really depends. There are so many factors that make or break relationships, and whether two people are too young is just one of the factors. Still, age is an important consideration because age denotes experience and change or a lack thereof.
For example, if a couple have been dating since 9th grade and are getting married right out of college, say at 22, then it’s “fine” because they’ve been together for 8 years and have been through some major life/academic/career/personality changes with one another. On the other hand, if they’re getting married at 22 but they only just met last year, then that’s another story.
So perhaps the more important questions are: how long have the two people known each other, and how have the two people dealt with change and adversity?
I’m 22, boyfriend is 26, and we’ve been going to a LOT of friends’ weddings together lately, with the ages of the brides ranging from 20 to 26. It’s not uncommon in the South to get married in your early twenties, though, especially in the right-out-of-college window!
I’m currently 21 (nearly 22), my fiance is 23; when we get married I’ll be 23, he’ll be 24 (nearly 25). We’ll have been engaged for over two years and together for more than seven, because we started dating my sophomore (his junior) year of high school, when I was 16 and he was 17. I’ll have been done with college for over a year by that point, and with any luck, he’ll be doing his student teaching.
One of my personal stipulations on getting married has always been that I needed to know that I can successfully, independently, take care of myself (basically, be a grownup or something like it) before I tried to merge my crazy life with someone else’s, and after spending last summer abroad plus four years at college away from home (and not the same one my fiance attends), I know that I’m capable of being my own person, first.
I agree that the reactions have a lot to do with region. We grew up in rural, small-town Michigan, and it’s not at all uncommon to see people getting married in early-mid 20s. We’re definitely not the only ones from our classes that are engaged.
It’s all relative and dependent on the people involved. There’s no set age for everyone and an age that works for one couple may not work for another.
I was legally married at 20 and will be “publicly” married (strange, eh?) 3 months shy from 23.
The Mr. is 12 years older so that is another curve ball for you.
People need a mental edit button before they say things. It’s kind of rude and offensive to that person (you)!
I’ve gotten the same reactions, too, while at work. “Way to think out loud!”
i didnt read all the comments yet, but i think i am at least one of the youngest here
me and my fiance will both be 20 on our wedding day
we were neighbors growing up, so we have been friends since we were 4. We started dating when we were in grade 12
whenever people find out i our age and that we are getting married they assume alot of things: a) that we are very religous (which we arent at all) b)that for some reason we are farmers or from a village somewhere in the country (also not true we both have lived in the city our whole lives) c) that we have children or are about to (also not happening in the near future)
i think people just need to realize everyone’s situation is different and everyone will know when they are ready to get married, age is not a deciding factor
I always found it fascinating that when people are in their late twenties or thirties, the dating period is apprx. 18 months before engagement but when you’re in the mid twenties, you’re moving too fast and too young if you haven’t dated for several years.
I do think you should be able to legally drink at your wedding (aka 21), BUT that doesn’t mean you aren’t READY to be married. It’s about the person and the relationship, not the age.
And btw, I am 23 and have been dating someone for over a year, but won’t be married until we can afford it in our late twenties. Nonetheless, we both know we will get married.
haha, i agree with being able to drink at your own wedding, but where i live in Canada the drinking age is 18, so that is a non issue for us. Maybe if we lived where the drinking age is 21 though we might wait a year to get married.
I got engaged at 19, I’m 20 now and I’ll be 21 when I get married, me and my fiance have been together for 5 years! I also look like I’m about 15 which is the age we started dating. So people of course are like whats wrong with you? But ya know, I love him and i know he’s the one for me. Plus, we r both kind of like “old young people” we don’t party or go out a lot and both of us have saved ourselves for marriage. We are ready to settle down and spend forever with each other. There is absolutely nothing wrong with finding the one for you early in life. It just means you have somewhere there to hold your ha
I lived in LA for three years and as a Midwestern girl I was struck by a very different cultural norm there - people don’t get married in their mid twenties, much less their early twenties in that part of the country. The vast majority of engaged couples in the L.A. area is in their thirties. At least that was my experience. Regardless, it is rude for people, especially strangers to have that reaction or concern. Only you and your FI can know if you are ready. That being said my BF married at 24, and was totally ready, and one of my favorite clients married at 21 and was totally ready, and my little sister married at 23 and was ready. Does each of them have some maturing left to due - sure - we all do. But they were ready for marriage. Good luck!