Wedding Blog
For me, picking my bridal party was quite simple. My sister will be my maid of honor, and my other younger sister, my cousin, and Mr. Toucan’s sister will be bridesmaids. Mr. Toucan had no problem picking who was going to be on his side on our big day. His issue is picking the best man.
Mr. Toucan’s Band of Merry Men (a term coined by Mr. Toucan’s Mom) includes his four best friends from high school. He has an equally close, but different kind of relationship with all of them, and therefore, has a tough time choosing one of them to be his “Best Man.” The guys already all know they are in the wedding party, and that one of them will be the best man. They’ve even joked that they should play a game of Risk or some video game in which the winner or “best” man gets to be the “Best Man.”
Now that it’s time to start thinking about programs, and such, I’ve told Mr. Toucan that he should try to decide soon. I’ve suggested that he could make them all his “Best Men,” because after all, they are. He’s still undecided on what to do.
How do you think Mr. Toucan should decide? Have any of you or your SO’s had issues picking your bridal party? What did you decide?
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For my wedding, we had three attendants on both sides. Each one of them was a dear friend to both my husband and myself so there was NO way we could choose a best man/MOH. So, we made them all best men and maids of honor. No one seemed to notice and it went with our very casual vibe.
My FI had the same problem - three very close friends from HS. But he also had a couple close friends from grad school. In the end, he ended up choosing a close friend from grad school to be his best man since that was who he had spent the most time with the last several years, and it wouldn’t make any of the other friends from HS feel like they were better than the other.
I really like meeps’ idea about all the attendants being honored. It sounds like everyone of your bridesmaids are all people who should be honored too, so maybe this idea could work for you?
Just an idea — we decided to have NO best man or maid of honor — just groomsmen and bridesmaids. Mr. Onion’s choice was easy — his father, brother and best friend (although my mother really wanted my brother involved we ended up not having him in the wedding party). And my bridesmaids were my three best friends. This way we didn’t have to “pick” because there was no way we could have without hurt feelings.
It worked out — whoever wanted to speak at the reception did — all three groomsmen said something and two of the three bridesmaids spoke.
There are a couple of ways you can do this, ABC order, by height, by birth order, or pair them by who looks best standing with each bridesmaid.
Give them each a “best man” job to do.
I did see one wedding where the last guy in the line up held the ring until it was time, and then passed it down the line to the groom so each man got to hand it off. The guys had a lot of fun with it.
I actually like the idea of playing a game for it. that way they can have a little fun and nobody’s “chosen” over anyone else.
my husband also could not choose one “best man” over another… so we didn’t have one. I had a maid of honor, but no one mentioned anything about thinking it strange that there was no “best man” to balance the program out 
I will have no MOH, I couldn’t decide…I was literally loosing sleep over it. So I’m not having one. I couldn’t decide between 2 of the 3 gals and thought about having co-MOH, but then there would be one lone bridesmaid. I know which gal will stand next to me, but I finally realized there was no valid reason to pick one lady. The FI will have a BM.
Good luck and if he feels he really needs one, have them play a game! Great idea!
This winter, my grandmother will be holding what is called “the games.” I am in the same predicament as Mr. Toucan- I have four best friends from high school, and I WILL NOT choose a maid of honor. (My fiance has a best man, though.) “The games” will probably consist of either a lottery of names or a fight-to-the-death match of paper-rock-scissors! Sounds exciting, but I’m not looking forward to it, and the girls are starting to get anxious over who I will choose.
I may just line them up by height to avoid hurting people’s feelings!
I have two MOH’s and two BM. Its all in the name anyway, so why single them out? and in our programs we aren’t giving them titles. no reason to make them feel unworthy or anything - they are all as equally important to us.
We have four each. Two best men, two maids of honor, two groomsmen, and two bridesmaids. Seems like a lot when I write it out that way, hehe.
For us, we each had people that wanted (or didn’t want) to be in honored positions. For example, my awesome little sister told me that she loved me dearly but would prefer not to be a MoH. She didn’t want to worry about messing anything up, and frankly, didn’t really want the responsibility. 
Why are you thinking of programs so early! Your wedding is in June! mine is in March, and I haven’t even started that yet. What if things change?
I actually am trying to convince him it’s okay to have more than one best man. In the end it’s his decision.
I actually considered having BOTH of my sisters as MOHs. The younger one (who is only 16), told me she preferred to be just a regular BM, so that’s what she is!
Thanks for your comments, Mr. T will appreciate all your advice.
My FI isn’t have a “Best man”- no need to pick one out from the crowd. He has 5 grooms men and his two college friends (definitely the closest friends in the bunch for him) will share the best man duties–speech, rings, etc. Seems like an easy solution!
I have three attendants. The one that is over the age of 18 is my moh since you have to be legal to sign the documents. My fh is not sure what he is doing yet. He is having his 4 brothers as groomsmen and is still not sure which he wants to have as his best man.
My fiance and I have 4 people on each side. It was a fairly straightforward decision for us. My fiance has always known he wanted his brother as his best man and his two closest friends as groomsmen (he also has my brother as a 3rd groomsman). But it got a little sticky because his best friend since high school has been talking about how they would be Best Man at each other’s weddings for years, and I guess not wanting to hurt his feelings, my fiance never set him straight.
Then this friend got engaged just before us, and asked my fiance to be his Best Man, and it got even stickier. So while the decision was easy for my fiance that he wanted his brother as Best Man, it was a little tricky to break the news to his best friend that he didn’t want him for that role. He took the news well though, although I think his feelings were a bit hurt. My fiance really should have nipped that one in the bud years ago, but at the time he probably thought he’d never want to get married so why tell him?
Jen, I haven’t actually made the program yet. I realize that I am really early and that things may change. I’m starting on layout. My family is heading to Hong Kong for Christmas, and we want to have all our paper goods printed over there since it is drastically cheaper. Therefore, I’d like to have as much in place as possible. When everything is has the a-ok and is finalized, we’ll give the go ahead to the printer.
Let’s see- we each have 9 each and so we thought it would be easy - my sister as Maid of Honor and his oldest brother as best man. But it was pointed out that my sister is a matron… and my FI’s other brother should probably be included too…. so we had two “best men” and 1 MOH. So then I was to choose a maid of honor… 3 of the 9 are closest to me (from HS and still) so I knew it would be one of them. I thought hard about who I really wanted to have RIGHT there, who got me and my FI the most, etc., and made a decision that I know is right…
So - real quick - the 4 of us are all BF’s and in each other’s weddings. The first of the 4 got married last month and to avoid hurting our feelings chose people outside of the 4 of us as her MOH and MOH… but to be honest, that hurt us all more and we would have rather she picked one of us as i’m sure it would have meant more… she’s even said since that she should have just chosen instead of picking girls she wasn’t as close with….
There’s my 10 cents. Good luck!
i’m having my fiance’s two sisters as my bridesmaids, as i want a small wedding party and i can’t begin to choose from my high school and college friends, all of whom i am still very close to. my fiance asked how i’ll choose between sisters then, and i said they will either both be MOHs or neither will. only one of them is over 18, though, so she’ll get to sign.
Ok, so I just had an idea. How about you don’t choose any specific one to be the BEST man. All they really do in the ceremony is rings right???? SO, just use your ring bearer for what he’s really there fore….to bear the rings to your officiant!
That will make your little man feel extra special and all the guys feel just as equal.
And depending on what you’re doing in a program or if you’re even doing one…there won’t be much notice that one isn’t the BEST man.
Just a thought.
Ok, my fiance faced a similar problem. He is only having 2 men stand up with him (and I two women) one of them is his brother, the other his bestest best friend. After weeks of thinking about it, trying to decide who would be the “best” he came to the decision that his brother would stand by his side at the wedding and be our witness, but his friend would be responsible for pre-wedding best man duties. At first, this seemed like a good idea, but now both are worried about stepping in on the other’s responsibilities and it’s making things complicated. Not to mention, I am havign a MOH and a Bridesmaid, and the bridesmaid feels “lesser” then everyone else each time she sees her name in a seperate category. (off topic, I don’t want to change her “title” for a number of reasons. One being selfish - she’s getting married about 2 weeks before me, and would then be a “matron” of honor - and I don’t like the way that looks having a maid and matron…seems more “different level” then maid and bridesmaid….) anyways, in the long run I think that my fiance choosing to split the duties up and allow his closest buddies to both be “best” on his special day will be a great call. Plus, with only 2 people each, they can all give toasts anyways…good luck!
My MOH is my best friend of 15+ years. My younger sister will be a BM but she is away at college, and not 21 yet. So she would have difficulties planning events and participating in the vegas bachelorette party. FI has a few really close friends whom all grew up with each other. In the end, I think he also cose the BM by considering who would best be able to handle the responsibilities of planning their Bachelor party (in Cab0) and had the most free time. Just something to consider…
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Mrs. Toucan, Boston
Age and Occupation: 25, Full-time Research Assistant, Part-time Graduate Student
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 25, Actuary
Engagement Date: February 18, 2007
Wedding Date: June 7, 2008
Blogging Since: November 07, 2007
Venue: St. Catherine of Genoa, Jin Asian Cuisine Restaurant
About Me: I’m a Gemini to the extreme. On one side, I’m a girly girl. I read countless bridal and fashion magazines, and have an obsession with keeping up with the latest Hollywood gossip. On the other side, I’m a sports fanatic. Despite being a full-time bride-to be, full-time research assistant, and part-time student, I’m also a full-time Red Sox fan from spring training to October, and a full-time Patriots fan from mini-camp to February. I devote almost as much time researching my for fantasy football team as researching for our wedding!
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