Mrs. Toucan, Boston
Age and Occupation: 25, Full-time Research Assistant, Part-time Graduate Student
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 25, Actuary
Engagement Date: February 18, 2007
Wedding Date: June 7, 2008
Blogging Since: November 07, 2007
Venue: St. Catherine of Genoa, Jin Asian Cuisine Restaurant
About Me: I’m a Gemini to the extreme. On one side, I’m a girly girl. I read countless bridal and fashion magazines, and have an obsession with keeping up with the latest Hollywood gossip. On the other side, I’m a sports fanatic. Despite being a full-time bride-to be, full-time research assistant, and part-time student, I’m also a full-time Red Sox fan from spring training to October, and a full-time Patriots fan from mini-camp to February. I devote almost as much time researching my for fantasy football team as researching for our wedding!
How Long Is Too Long?
November 20th, 2007 @ 1:53 pm by Mrs. Toucan
One of our biggest issues to date has been the time between our ceremony and our reception. Since we are having a Catholic ceremony, the latest start time for the ceremony at the church is 4.5 hours before our banquet dinner. As guests at a wedding a few months ago, Mr. Toucan and I didn’t enjoy having nothing to do for about 3 hours, so we didn’t want to do the same thing to our guests.
So, what to do?
Our tentative solution so far:
1. Since only Mr. Toucan is Catholic, and I am not, we will not be having a full Catholic mass. We will try to convince the church to hold our ceremony half an hour later, since our ceremony will be shorter.
2. Have a receiving line
3. We will ask our guests to stick around the church for some group photos.
4. We will hold our tea ceremony at the restaurant 2 hours before the banquet and invite guests to come watch if they would like, plus
5. Hold a cocktail hour 1 hour prior to the banquet, and hire cocktail musicians to entertain the guests.
After implementing points 1 to 5, and with the ceremony site being about a 30 minute drive from our reception site, I’m estimating that there won’t be really much of a time gap.
How much time do you have in between your ceremony and reception? How long is too long? Have any additional tips on how to burn some time?
23 Responses to “How Long Is Too Long?”
Our wedding ceremony was from 2:30 to 3:30, and the reception started at 5. We had a shuttle leaving from the hotel at 4:45 to go to the reception, so assuming 15 min drive from the church to the hotel, guests had an hour to wait. For family who live in the area (and thus wouldn’t be at the hotel), they came to my parents’ house to hang out and mingle - my mom had some snacks out for them. For my friends from the area, I warned them ahead of time and they planned to hang out at one of their houses to spend the time catching up. I don’t think a gap is too much of a problem as long as guests have somewhere to hang out - at the hotel, or family’s house etc, because usually there are a lot of guests who haven’t seen each other for awhile and they enjoy catching up. Though I agree that 3 hours might be too long.
I think your plans for the tea ceremony and cocktail hour will work out well, as it gives your guests something to do. However I’d check with your church about your points 1, 2 and 3 - I also had a Catholic ceremony, and we had to leave the church by 4:15 because there was a 5:00 pm mass. This evening mass is usually the reason that Catholic wedding ceremonies are scheduled early in the day. It meant we were a bit rushed for the receiving line and pictures following, so depending on how many guests you have, and your church’s restrictions, you might not have much time for both receiving line and pictures with lots of additional guests.
We’re having about two and a half hours between. The way we’ve rationalized this is that the guests are all either in-town and can go home or they’re staying at the hotel where the reception is. Hopefully they’ll be entertained enough…
I agree with Helene…there might be other church things going on at night. Also, you don’t want to over schedule stuff, and have you and your new husband running wild just so your guest don’t have to sit around for too long.
I think your planning sounds great. Recently I went to a wedding with a 2 hour break (and 30-40 minute drive between) and I found it really annoying. We had just enough time to go back to our room and change, but not enough to do anything worthwhile. Also, a lot of people ended up skipping the ceremony. Good for you for really taking your guests into consideration.
I would love any and all tips from this post! This has been my biggest headache yet! Our church only allows mass at 2 or 7:30 pm!!! How crazy is that? I have already begged to push back until three….they said they couldn’t as 5:30 mass must have the confessions available an hour before, etc, etc. I am not sure what to do for I feel 7:30 is too late and I want to enjoy this day! I am toying with the idea of letting the guests go home and change or relax for the reception (which I don’t have starting until 6) — but then that would alienate those that live in town - but too far away to ‘relax’. I am having a full mass simply to buy time!! UGh….this is really really hard to figure out how not to annoy my guests!!
We had 3 hours in between the ceremony and cocktail hour. We had out tea ceremony during cocktail hour. We also had group shots after the ceremony. Our ceremony was a lot shorter than we anticipated actually. I wouldn’t worry too much about the time gap for guests. I mulled over it a lot and in the end, those who didn’t want to wait around those hours ended up not coming to the ceremony (I know, annoying isn’t it after all that planning) Even with the group shots, we were ahead of schedule and everyone just scrambled after wards. A lot of friends went drinking! Went to the park, etc. I wouldn’t “burn time” … it’s really nice that you get to enjoy your wedding day so don’t try packing it in with too much stuff because a lot will just happen and fall into place. I personally wished I had more alone time with my bridal party and stuff.
It’s very considerate of you to try to plan around the Catholic gap for your guests. Brides who ask about this on The Knot typically get slammed! I think you have good ideas so far. I’d also try to figure out if there are any local attractions your guests might be able to visit in between (esp attractions they could attend while in dressier clothes).
Your FI’s family/friends are probably used to the gap if they’ve attended Catholic weddings in the past. I think one of the PPs had it right–it’s not too much trouble for guests who are right in-town or who are staying at a nearby hotel. It’s the guests who are traveling 1-2 hours who will be the most stuck. I like the idea of giving them somewhere to mingle for the *entire* time of the gap rather than just the events you have planned for them–is there a room at your reception site that you could open as a “courtesey suite” and have bottled water and snacks, maybe a TV/DVD player?
Good luck!
I think your plan is very considerate, and that people will appreciate it even if it does result in a small gap.
No real advice other than that I think most people prefer there be a very little gap or a huge gap (enough time to change, take a nap, relax a little, do something touristy if they’re not local).
to be honest, the single best solution for this is to see each other before the ceremony. you have a private meeting a couple hours before (with your photographer), and get to spend time really hugging and crying and telling each other how happy you are…it’s so emotional and powerful.
then you do your couples portraits, and then the family portraits. then you split up for maybe 30 minutes to gather your thoughts before the ceremony.
this has several benefits! 1. you can say whatever you want to each other, when you first see each other…without 200 people and a priest staring at you 
2. you insure that key family members and bridal party members are there EARLY, so that no one makes you start the ceremony late 3. you get to go straight from the church to the party! 
the downsides: 1. some people are superstitious about seeing each other before. 2. you’ll be taking photos earlier, which might mean the sun is brighter outside than your photographer would like (just before sunset is the best time) but he/she will appreciate the extra time too.
i know it’s not a popular solution (yet), but it really is a wonderful one.
I had a catholic mass which lasted 45 - 50 minutes leaving about an hour and a half from the time it finished until the time our reception started. We had a receiving line. I wasn’t totally for this at first, but it worked out great. I was a fantastic way to personally great each guest, give them a hug, and thank them from coming. Also, my photographer was able to get pics of everyone in line with us. It was fabulous!
I have the same problem! I used to be the guest complaining about the gap but now I understand!!We have a 3 hour gap too and are letting guests go back to the hotel…I also suggested them not coming to the ceremony but they all said (of course to my face) they want to be there!
I feel like making your guests do the receiving line and the group photos is really annoying. But that is because I haven’t really done that. And also, I found the cocktail hour alone to be an annoying gap between the ceremony and the reception, but I understand its necessity. I just felt like as a guest, I was annoyed at having to continue to make small talk with the same people who corner you at the beginning of it, etc. etc.
Also, your plan comes out as a lot of shoving you guys in your guests faces. Which I understand is the point of the wedding and sharing your special day with them, and that’s nice. But remember in Four Weddings and a Funeral and the girl is like “ugh, I never know what to say in these wretched lineups?” Also, you get to hug and greet each guest personally, but you don’t really have time to talk and hang out. I think the tea ceremony is a good thing to invite people too, but for some people it might feel like too much.
I agree with the above poster about finding some kind of activity for people to do if they want to. A few rounds of dressy miniature golf might make for some hilarious pictures. (Mostly kidding about this idea…)
I think Jillian Kay might’ve missed the point. It’s not that Miss Toucan WANTS the gap…the church only offers certain times for the ceremony, and those of us who want an evening reception have to choose an early afternoon slot. Which means there will be a gap between the end of the ceremony and the beginning of the reception. So I’m not sure how the picture thing has anything to do with Miss Toucan’s question, is the thing. (It was a nice suggestion, though! :))
I had a 3 hour gap myself. My mass was at 1:30 (ending right on time at 2:30!), and then we took our family photos in the church and had our bridal party pics out and about on the town while our guests went to bars or back to the hotel to rest with their kids before the cocktail reception started at 5:30. We only lost one guest, really (not sure what happened there…), and I’m not sure how many didn’t come to the ceremony that made it to the reception part…except my hairdresser, since she had to work all day until the cocktail reception. Not a single person complained.
And having been to weddings like that myself in the past, I’ve never personally had a problem with it, either. I either go to a bar with friends to grab a quick bite and a couple of beers, or I went to someone’s house in one case.
We have a LOT to think about when it comes to throwing the wedding in the first place. Someone once advised on the Knot that we just let grown ups make their own decisions about what they’re going to do during the down time, and it made perfect sense to me. I think that the majority of people would be fine with it, while a small minority would not. That works out in your favor, so don’t sweat it, sista!
I’m having the same issue (ceremony at 2, reception at 5), but everyone I’ve asked said the same thing - as long as you provide your guests (especially out of town ones) with some options of things to do, it’s fine. So what we’ll probably do is hand out (either at the ceremony or in “out of town” bags) a little pamphlet of things to do in the area and also include that on our website. My parents are opening up the house to everyone who wants to hang out there, and we might have a cheesy slideshow playing for people to watch. It seems that you’re being considerate and coming up with good options for everyone! It’ll be fine!
I’ve always been one to complain about long gaps between the ceremony and reception. However, I’m having the same dilemma in that we don’t know whether we will have enough time with our photographer after the ceremony. I know that these days its perfectly normal to do photos before the ceremony which I suggested to my DF, however, he really wants to see me for the first time walking down the aisle (such a traditionalist - who knew?). We only have 5 hours booked with our photographer, so having the gap was our solution.
Funny how all these COMPLAINERS… are finally realizing the reasons behind the gaps.
I have to be honest, I can’t stand weddings where there is a) a long gap between ceremony and reception, and b) long drive time from church to reception. By the time you travel, etc. you are just too tired to really party! My favorite weddings have been those that do everything on the same grounds/ same location, in one swoop. Ceremony, immediately followed by cocktails, immediately followed by dinner and party. It’s just so much more convenient for guests. So, I think any time between is too much time–
Have you considered leaving a things to do in xyz in the out of town guests’ baskets? You could give them a map with local hot spots and places to see/hang out… you could also give them a disposable camera so they can take pictures of the places they went and either keep or send back to you. You could maybe make a scavenger hunt using tidbits from your relationship with Mr. Toucan so they can travel around town finding tidbits about you! Just a few ideas to throw out there….
~Ash
I hope they help
Meg C - Catholic sacraments must be performed within a Catholic church. An “all inclusive” location won’t be possible.
I would definitely include a “What to Do” suggestion list in OOT bags if you’re doing them. If not, perhaps you could have them available as guests exit?
A cocktail hour is nice, and since it’s not “mandatory,” guests won’t have to rush there if they don’t want to. I love coming home and visiting with family in my own home, with my shoes off just before a reception.
The suggestion of a hospitality suite is a nice one, especially if your OOT guests are staying in a central location.
Faith, you’re right! I totally misread the post. I think there were some very nice ideas for offering a hospitality suite for anyone who would like to mingle, as well as offering alternative activity suggestions. Be sure to take advantage of some of that time for some alone time with your new husband, it’s a luxury that many don’t get.
I have a long gap as well. Ceremony starts at 1:30 and will probably end at 2:30. Cocktail/reception starts at 6 pm and it is also 30 minutes away.
On our Save the Dates, reception card and programs, we will be listing a few places to visit to kill time for our guests.
On our part, we won’t probably leave the church til around 3:30 with all the hellos and congrats and photo taking. We’ll get to our ceremony site at 4. Bride and groom chill in the hotel room til 6pm and take more photos and tada it’s grand entrance time. =)
I feel like an odd one here, I actually like the time gap, it gives you time to go swing by the hotel and pick up the gift, or maybe go grab a coffee with some of the other guests you might not have seen in a while. I’ve been to quite a few weddings where there was a gap and I didn’t mind it, I always found something to do.
Our wedding is at 3pm and the reception is at 6pm with a 20minute drive between the venues. I’m thinking about having a cocktail hour from 5pm to 6pm, but I’m not stressing about it.
