Mrs. Jasmine, Chicago/LA
Age and Occupation: 25, Attorney
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Attorney
Engagement Date: March 24, 2007
Wedding Date: June 7, 2008
Blogging Since: September 20, 2007
Venue: Hotel on the westside of Los Angeles
About Me: I'm a happy-go-lucky, imaginative spirit trapped in the body of a lawyer. I love reading, shopping, dining out, and exploring my beloved adopted city of Chicago with my fiance. We're planning the wedding of our dreams in my hometown of Los Angeles and we're excited to incorporate our cherished Indian/Pakistani customs and traditions.
Bucking Tradition
December 11th, 2007 @ 12:36 pm by Mrs. Jasmine
When it comes to wedding style, I consider myself somewhat traditional and classic in my taste. I don’t want to see Mr. Jasmine before the ceremony, I love hand-written notes, and I frequently consult Emily Post’s Guide to Etiquette. But that doesn’t mean I’m not making a few untraditional choices. Here are the two big ones:
(1) No Bridal Party: Traditionally, Indian weddings don’t have bridal parties. But more and more Indian couples in the United States and India are featuring bridesmaids and groomsmen in their weddings. So people were very surprised to learn that I was doing away with a bridal party altogether.
It was not an easy decision to make– I love the female companionship and camaraderie of bridesmaids. But Mr. Jasmine and I both agreed that it would be too difficult to choose among friends and family, so we decided not to have a bridal party at all.
During our wedding ceremony, we will have our parents and brothers stand beside us instead. We’re very close to our families, so it’s a fitting touch. Also, we think it’s a special way to honor the important role they’ve played in our lives.
(2) My Brother Is Walking me Down The Aisle: For two reasons, I’m having my baby brother (now 20 years old, so not such a baby!) walk me down the aisle. For one, my parents will be occupied at the start of the ceremony. Right before the ceremony begins, the groom and his family and friends arrive in a procession called a baraat. It’s the role of the bride’s family and friends, her parents in particular, to warmly welcome the baraat and lead them to the site of the wedding ceremony. So I didn’t want to interrupt the flow of events by having my dad leave to walk me down the aisle.
Additionally, in South Indian culture, the bride’s maternal uncle traditionally walks her to the mandap (the traditional Indian marriage canopy). Since my mom has six brothers, choosing among them seemed next to impossible. I decided that my brother would walk me down the aisle instead. There is something very amusing and very special to me about having my little brother (who is six years my junior but a whole foot taller than me) walk me down the aisle. My dad will still play a special role, as he, my mom, and brother will stand next to us during the ceremony.
It’s kind of interesting that the two major traditions I’m not adopting (bridal party + dad walking me down the aisle) are not traditional to India at all. In the end, I suppose that makes me a traditional Indian bride and a nontraditional American one? 
In what ways are you bucking tradition? And in what ways are you following it?
images courtesy of Andrena Photo and Jessica Claire
7 Responses to “Bucking Tradition”
After my dad died, I decided just to walk down the aisle alone. People were genuinely shocked by this.
But if I had it to do over again–and since I shocked people inadvertently anyway–my maid of honor would have been my friend Mike. He’s a bigger part of my life than all three of my bridesmaids put together.
I’m all for going you’re own way!
My mom walked me down the aisle, my flower girl was older (which doesn’t seem like a big deal to me, but etiquette mavens are aware…good thing I didn’t invite any to my wedding ), we had no programs, we didn’t do the bouquet toss or garter toss (I didn’t even wear one), we had no alcohol, we had our guests stand for our 10-minute ceremony, and we did a half-catered/half-potluck reception.
Oh I love hearing what people are doing that is against the “norm”. Although I’m beginning to wonder what the “norm” is anymore! Hehe. My mom is my MOH. She’s by far the most important woman in my life and I want to honor her in this way. My brother is walking me down the isle since my dad and I have a strained relationship. My brother won’t be “giving me away” though. We’re having him and my FI’s mom stand and offer a statement of support instead. We’re also having a handfasting ceremony, no alcohol at the reception (mostly for fiancial and safety reasons) and I absolutely want one of those formal “group shots” of EVERYONE at the wedding.
I’m not walking down the aisle, we’re not doing bouquet/garter tosses, and we’re not having MOH/BM speeches.
Our bridal party is not comprised of talkative people, so we decided to honor close friends that couldn’t be in our bridal party by letting them make the toasts. That way no one who doesn’t like speaking in public feels forced to, and the people who didn’t get to be in the bridal party can still play a special role (plus they’re the real talkers!)
awesome! we had a pretty traditional [western, Christian] ceremony, but i also had my brother walk me down the aisle. my dad passed away, and my mom was one of our co-officiants. he’s 5 years younger than me, but it was a lot of fun to spend some time with him before going down the aisle and to have him accompany me.
Sometimes I think that I don’t want anyone to give me away because - I don’t belong to anyone. But I think that it would truly hurt my father if I were to do that, and even if the thought of it rankles, I don’t want to hurt him.
I will walk down the aisle alone, my father walked out of my life when I was 2 and I don’t see any reason for him to walk back in via way of aisle. I am not even inviting him.
