Wedding Blog
When Mr. Dahlia and I registered at Macy’s, they gave me a free subscription to Modern Bride. (Why me and not Mr. Dahlia? Well, according to Macy’s (sexist) policies, I’m the “primary” person on the registry, despite the fact that we put Mr. Dahlia down as the primary person. I guess they figure that having two X chromosomes better qualifies me for wedding planning.)
Never one to turn down an opportunity to look at pretty pictures for free, I accepted the offer, and my first issue of Modern Bride arrived at my doorstep today. (Note: this is the Feb/Mar issue; never mind the fact that it is the beginning of December.)
It contains some true gems:
“High-glam gowns with dramatic details and just enough flash ensure a wedding-day look that’s remarkably radiant.” Because you won’t look radiant enough on your wedding day unless you have a blinged out gown.
“When honeymooning in a fabulous locale, you need sunglasses to match.” Um, no, you don’t. $10 Target sunglasses will work just fine, provided that they offer the right UV protection.
And then there was this:
“Wedding Identity Theft: Copycat brides are stealing ideas from those close to them. Is it a compliment- or criminal? And how can you protect yourself in a sea of sameness?”
In my mind, this is absolutely ridiculous. If you see an idea on a website or bridal magazine, and you do it for your wedding, and people like it, why is it wrong for someone else to do the same or similar thing? I honestly believe that there is no such thing as “wedding identity theft.” (Well, except maybe in the case of someone else pretending to be you, meeting all of your vendors and showing up on your wedding day wearing a white dress. But that would be wedding theft, not wedding identity theft.)
Weddings are steeped in tradition, which is why so many brides have bridesmaids, wear a white dress and veil, cut a cake and have a first dance. As a victim of plagiarism (I had some of my own work published under someone else’s names), I am definitely aware of the problems with stealing someone else’s work. But using the same save-the-date magnets that someone else did isn’t plagiarism. You can be inspired, you can borrow, and you can even downright copy someone else’s look- but imitation truly is the greatest form of flattery, and it certainly isn’t “wedding identity theft.” True identity theft can wreck havoc on your finances that can take years to sort out. ”
It is quite possible though that others disagree with me. What are your thoughts about “wedding identity theft?”
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I think that if everyone was in agreement with the magazine article, then wedding magazines and websites (like Weddingbee!) wouldn’t be so popular.
My mom always told me when I was little that people who copied me were complimenting me! LOL! I try to keep that thought with me now!
But yeah I agree with you! It’s so not a big deal and obviously why would there be so many wedding blog site or mag’s out there with tons of ideas to steal.
I think that it would be a hard task to have a “new” topic in every issue of a wedding mag. So it’s just their attempt to get creative juices flowing I guess!
But defintely not plagerism!
Omigosh, all these mean bitches stole my idea of having a white dress! (j/k of course). Yeah, I don’t get the whole wedding identity theft thing. There’s even a movie coming out on the idea (Bride Wars). I guess “being an original” is the new black as far as Modern Bride is concerned, but what does it matter when most guests don’t even notice the details?
OMG The magazine is out!?!?!? I’m quoted in the issue!!! Yay!
Anyway, in regards to wedding identity theft, youre right…WHO CARES! I’m dying for any brides with great advice, style and tips that I can steal from 
And I hope they do the same from me if they see something they like! ESPECIALLY if I’ve never met them, nor will be attending their wedding…then who cares?
Ha! I totally stole my friend’s wedding colors–our bridesmaids’ dresses are almost identical. But her wedding was two years ago and our weddings will have a decidedly different look/feel. I actually asked her about it recently and she said she takes it as a huge compliment!
I have read on other boards that a bride will share information with friends and family about the wedding when asked and soon, those around her get engaged and sometimes even get married before them and use the same concepts and ideas, sometimes right down to the finest details.
I could see why this may bother the original bride who spoke about it because if it is in the same social circle, it’s like going to a double-take wedding.
I personally won’t have that problem. 
I’m the first to marry in my circle!
You can definitely be inspired and borrow a few ideas but I think taking something and doing something exactly as the other person did IS plagiarism.
If you like someone’s idea, you can borrow it and make it your own with your own words, own pictures etc. But don’t copy it! Remember that someone put in a lot of effort into it. The least you can do is put your own effort into it.
The most upsetting thing was when I came across another girl’s wedding website (who had the same venue as me) to use pictures that I took and use the exact same wording for everything… Having spent a lot of hours on making my website, I say 100% plagiarism!!
I’m in total agreement with you Dahlia. I think it’s a compliment, if someone thinks I have good enough taste to copy me!
Though… I think I’d be upset if that person was a friend or relative with a wedding that was before mine.
umm the only reason i somewhat agree with this (gasp- i know) is the fact that my fiance’s brother and fiance are getting married exactly 2 months after us. And so far i feel like she is trying to steal my ideas but make them better, and the guest lists for both weddings are so many of the same people… just frustrating, when i have spent hours upon hours trying to personalize our wedding and then she is just going to 1 up me 2 months later… : ( sorry just bothered by it being someone so close to us!
I am kind of on the fence about this one. On the one hand, I do think if someone you know, who is inviting many of the same people, steals all your ideas and uses them herself, particularly if she is getting married before you, it would seriously bug. Wedding magazines are different–these aren’t people you know. Someone close to me stealing my venue and using it before me would bug me the most.
On the other hand, as a guest I hardly have noticed the details of any wedding I’ve been to; all those favors and programs and table numbers and flower designs and bridesmaids dresses slaved over and agonized about (and I have certainly done my share)–very few people will notice that they’re the same as the last bride’s. Weddings simply are not that unique, in the big things, and most people don’t care about the small things.
So, I guess I would be most upset if someone stole my venue, because that, at least, people would notice. My FI’s brother got married six months before we will, and they and we were very careful not to choose the same venue.
My gf and I were just talking about this as I’m the first in the group to get engaged. Just within the past 2 weeks, however, 2 of my gfs got engaged themselves. And my friend asked me if I was scared they might take some of my ideas. I have to admit, I’m a little scared, as we may all have very close weddings. But I told myself that I’m borrowing so many ideas from other brides…I can’t get angry, and I won’t. I think we all have such different tastes anyway.
The biggest thing for me is hoping they don’t get the same venue as me. =P
I actually came across my own inspiration board (that I spent 3 days on) on someone else’s flickr account last night. I wasn’t upset, just flattered that someone liked my ideas that much.
I think that when you work really hard at something, or come up with a cool idea, the natural instinct is to keep it to yourself.
My sister and I are currently planning her wedding, and since I’m dating/living with one of her friends, there will be a TON of crossover between our guestlists, so sometimes when I come up with a good idea, I share it with her and then add “but I really want to do this at my wedding!”. Fortunately our tastes are a little different.
It sucks that some people who have the same venue might not be original enough to come up with their own ideas - it can be really hard to get the image of somebody else’s centerpieces or colors out of your head, especially when you know they look fantastic with your venue already.
I read a magazine article once where a girl got married on the same day as another girl (who they were friends with - hello guest list overlap) at the same venue in the same dress.
That seemed to be a bit of wedding identity theft. It’s not criminal, but if you do have a friend who seems to be using a lot of your wedding ideas and being mean about it (trying to one up you), maybe you should suggest some of the ideas you put aside - like “well, we did this with the placecards but I really wanted to do it this way” and see if she takes the bait and does the “better” idea that you couldn’t “handle”.
My FSIL was married a few weeks ago. I am getting married shortly. I was really excited for her wedding up until I found out she was doing the same exact ideas that I came up with. Mind you, these weren’t things I found on blogs, magazines, etc. They were pretty specific to our families. I spent so much time and effort into those ideas, but now I have to rethink everything. She received so many compliments on her reception from our family members, so it’s not like people will forget what she did. To me, copying my ideas is not a compliment, it’s THEFT. Oh and to top it all off, she originally picked the Caribbean as her honeymoon destination. Then she found out my FI and I are going to Bora Bora. She tried to talk us out of it, saying it’s too expensive, too far, blah, blah, blah. Come to find out a week later, she booked her honeymoon trip to Bora Bora!
Ok, I totally don’t think this is criminal at all. But I was in a wedding about a year ago where there was a little bit of drama between the bride and one of the other bridesmaids. The bridesmaid had been married at the same venue 3 months before, and she was really upset once she arrived that day and realized that the bride (one of our best friends) had copied pretty much every single one of her ideas. Menu, cake, stationery, decor, first dance song, etc. I was at both weddings (as a BM in each), and I do have to admit it was shockingly similar. So I can understand how my friend (the first bride) was upset (especially since she had no warning other than the fact that the venues were the same). However - it’s just weird, not at all criminal! The fact that there’s an article in Modern Bride calling it “Wedding Identity Theft” makes me laugh.
I think there is a huge difference between borrowing the ideas of someone you don’t know in real life, like from a magazine or off Weddingbee, and from stealing the ideas of someone within your inner circle of friends.
When one of my bridesmaids got married, 5 months later she went to a wedding and it was an exact duplication of hers. A friend of hers literally copied every-last-detail with a one-up to make it slightly better (ie same flower arrangements, but more flowers so it stands out more; same exact chocolate truffle favor from the same bakery but 6 truffles instead of 4, right down to the same band and the same first dance song and the same father-daughter dance song). Everyone walked around thinking something looked familiar and realized it was identical to the previous wedding, but just a smidge better. My friend overheard several people stating how this wedding seemed nicer, and she was really disappointed. She spent months and months making sure every last detail was perfect, and then her “friend” just took pictures at the wedding, gave them to vendors, and did no work whatsoever.
I think picking and choosing pieces of a wedding is flattering, or taking ideas off the internet is fine, but how would you feel if someone from your wedding 100% duplicated yours, and then people walked around commenting on how the duplicated wedding was nicer?
I agree with you, Julie. Incorporating ideas from blogs, magazines, etc. is fine. That is what they are there for, but for someone to do what you just wrote, is pretty lame.
Aren’t bridal magazines the veritable cruise ships of the “sea of sameness”???
“We set sail with a cover of the model/actress of the moment looking 2,000 times more gorgeous than any non-Photoshopped real human could… Enjoy our all-you-can-gag-on buffet of ad pages…We offer shuffle(story)board with the same articles and checklists published since 1972… Go ashore at one of the 9,000 couples resorts promoted in the back half of our pages… Return to your port of call feeling slightly queasy, but with the irresistable urge to grab a ticket for next month’s voyage! AHOY!”
Like the comments here, I can see both sides of it. I guess I will truly understand the ordeal when I actually get engaged and start wedding planning!
However, I’d just like to comment that I think the magazine was sent to you because it’s called Modern BRIDE. I may be ignorant about this, but I think bride refers to a female. I believe a good part of the magazine is catered towards the female population (e.g. dresses, bridesmaid dresses, jewelry, makeup). Plus, it probably would get more annoying had the magazine been addressed to the Mr. (Not saying that it would make a difference, but you know difficult people would definitely find a reason to complain about this. Women are less likely to make a big deal about receiving a free bride magazine than men.) I’m really not trying to be controversial or pick a fight with you, I just think receiving a free wedding mag subscription doesn’t need to be taken so offensively. I would see it as a good thing (who doesn’t like free stuff?), which you did anyway!
I do agree that Macy’s policy and response to your question was inappropriate and completely the wrong choice of words. They straight out lied about it!
Oh boy. I am the first of my close friends to be married, but one had a rather plain wedding and the other eloped to Vegas. The rest are single or far from engaged. However, my fiance’s sister is in a serious relationship and I feel an engagement is coming soon. I could see a lot of uncomfortable tension between the two of us over wedding dates, dresses, etc.
I would be a little upset if a friend/family member copied my entire wedding as some of you have mentioned, but as my design professors say, “They are no new ideas.” A few of the same ideas recycled are normal. Not to mention, if they are copying you, your wedding must have been pretty fabulous and they must not be too original! I definitely do not consider it “wedding identity theft”. That’s so over the top!
Can I just say also that most of the bridal magazines aside from Town and Country or Martha Stewart Weddings are pretty much ridiculous? Some of the articles (like this one) blow me away.
this is a great post. I completely agree with you that imitating wedding ideas is never the same as actual identity theft. And weddings are all about imitation.
reading everyone else’s comments did remind me though that i was bothered last year when one of my best friends decided to have her wedding at my dream location, wanted to walk down the aisle to the song I had said was going to be my future aisle song, and then danced to the first dance song that I had introduced to her as my possible first dance song!
I expected her to have more awareness of what she was doing but in the end I realized that if something is really special to me, I should keep it to myself or realize that the other person may very well take the idea. It’s interesting though that if i had gotten married first and she had then taken the ideas, it would have flattered me instead of bothered me.
Wedding theft is HUGE if it’s in the same group of friends or even worse… FAMILY! My friend told me that her sister’s future sister in law copied her wedding plans exactly except the location of the ceremony. This was a huge problem since the future sister in law, who got engaged later, decided to get married before my friend’s sister. So it would basically seem like, the one who originally planned the wedding, copied the ideas. I see future in law problems!
But i agree with everyone else, there’s a difference between being inspired from websites and magazines, as opposed to inner circle of friends. It’s like showing up to the prom with the same dress as someone else. You want it to be special and unique.
totally off the subject of other commenters, but… actually, $10 sunglasses from target are probably not going to provide you the protection you need. your eyesight is precious! invest a little more money and get some good polarized lens sunglasses.
Beanchar… you are hilarious!
I loved reading all the comments here, very interesting!
[...] may have come through in my last post regarding a certain article in a certain magazine, but just in case there was any [...]
I have to say, I’m all for hitting websites or magazines and getting ideas…even taking ideas from these images and sources. However, my fiance and I are currently facing a wedding-off. Our friends took our alternate wedding date before we’d finally settled our date…pretty much forcing us to take the other date. Then their colors changed to match ours and suddenly the bridesmaid dress became grey - the color I told my friend I was using. I instantly switched for various reasons to Eggplant. As of Monday, she changed to eggplant as well. What next? The bride is now curious what shoes I’m buying, what hairpiece I’m looking at. I’m not saying a single word. I’m quite irritated at these simple changes and feel like saying something however I’m a bridesmaid in her wedding. I’m fed up. Our wedding is merely 3 months after theirs and the bride is comforted by the notion that our guest list doesn’t overlap by many people. I could care less about that. Perhaps I’ll get over this, but for now I’m seriously irritated.
I know what you mean!
My friend just got engaged, she’s had him buy her an exact replica of my engagement ring. (This STILL has me seething)
Now she tells me she’s getting married less than two months after me, and as I’m a bridesmaid, i’ll just HAVE to cut short my honeymooon.
I’ve been planning my wedding for almost nine months now, and with about eight months to go I’m just furious that she would try to dictate anything to me.
I’m so incenced I think I may actually be apoplectic!
I’m so annoyed… I’m hoping it will pass, but the more I think about it, the angrier I am! 
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Ms. Dahlia, Detroit/Cleveland
Age and Occupation: 24, PhD Student
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, IT System Administrator
Engagement Date: December 31, 2006
Wedding Date: May 2008
Blogging Since: September 19, 2007
Venue: United Methodist Cathedral & historic downtown hotel in Cleveland
About Me: I enjoy cooking, dancing and swimming. I am a geek and apply game theory to my everyday life. Winter is my favorite time of year, especially when spent curled up with good coffee and a book by Madeleine L'Engle.
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