Wedding Blog

I wouldn’t wear white and whenever i go to weddings where guests are wearing white they always seems so out of place. personally i think that’s punishment enough. Darcey should have know better….. I mean come on! that’s the oldest superstition in the book and the weddings editor for a top magazine violated it!?!?! if it was a low key casual affair maybe but from what i say it looked like a pretty big elegant affair. i think she was looking for attention.

I’ve seen that blog… and actually it made me change my mind. I used to say I woudln’t really care, but after seeing that picture of her at that wedding, I couldn’t really tell the bride and her apart… that’s what would upset me is if one of my guests looked like she could be the bride in photos of the day. I mean most likely it was only because that photo was from the waist up, but it convinced me that this is not such a good idea.

My brother wore a white suit to my wedding. Drove my husband crazy….

I used to say that I didn’t care. But we had one guest wear an ivory dress to our wedding. It was covered in beads and more formal than my gown! I didn’t notice too much at the time, but I don’t like looking at photos that she’s in.

I agree that it seems purposeful. Even if the guest has talked to the bride and she is okay with it, I think it’s such a distraction. It might not take away from the bride by actually having people confuse them, but it does come off like trying to upstage.

I just wanted to add that since we had such a low-key wedding, a few friends did wear sundresses that had white in them. Juliulie, I can’t believe people were yelling at that guest! I think it is fine as long as white isn’t the dominant color.

I always go by the rule: If you have to ask, don’t do it. With all the stress, the bride might just grit her teeth and say she’s fine with it even when she’s really upset. It’s just selfish.

I don’t understand what it is about weddings that makes people into ravening beasts - I mean, when they’re discussing OTHER people’s weddings even. I’m referring to those comments to that Darcy Miller post. They’re absolutely ridiculous and all out of proportion.

It’s not that I even disagree with the concept outright. I wouldn’t wear white because white is the bridal ‘uniform’ and I can respect that I guess and yeah yeah I see the point about photographs and all. But it’s possible people don’t know this and so unless it’s made crystal clear what people can and cannot wear I don’t think there’s any reason to complain.

Really, let’s have some perspective. Let’s say a misguided friend does show up in white and ‘upstage’ the bride. Someone is going to toss out years of friendship because of what someone else chooses to wear? That’s pretty disturbed if you ask me, unless there was some kind of incontrovertible proof that it was done to be deliberately provoking.

I mean, would any of us be agreeing that a bride who doesn’t wear white should be harrassed about not wearing the traditional colour for brides? No, the bride can buck convention, but the guests had better enjoy being pushed around or they can expect a smack-down. Just, what? What? How is it any less rude for a bride to get angry at guests than it would be rude for a guest to start telling the bride what to do on her ‘big day?’

Here’s the thing, in my crazy opinion a wedding is an event where important people in the couple’s lives gather to celebrate love. Period. The rest is extraneous. If it’s necessary to have picture perfect guests it’s always possible to hire some attractive actors and forget about inviting anyone.

I personally would be very bothered if someone shows up to my wedding wearing white! I know that many guests who wear white don’t do it in order to hurt or bother anyone - but it still does. I was in a wedding this past fall where the Bride’s MIL showed up in an ivory floor length dress with chocolate brown trim. The bride was wearing ivory with a chocolate brown sash! It was terrible. My poor friend was SO upset. She never said anything to her MIL in order to avoid a scene, but when her MIL left the room, she burst into tears. Even my fiance - who normally is oblivious to all things wedding or etiquette related - noticed during the ceremony! I’m sure the groom’s mother wasn’t doing it to hurt the bride (or was she?), but it still caused a lot of drama and caused many guests to raise an eyebrow at her.

At my best friend’s wedding last month her MIL wore white! Head-to-toe white. I was shocked. The bride never said a peep about it — that day or since. So I assume she was ok with it. I think white accented dresses/outfits are fine though — I once wore an off-white cotton knee-length dress with a large, black floral design. No way was someone mistaking me for the bride.
Far more offensive to me as a guest, and as a bride, is people who dress like sluts. That’s really disrespectful — esp at a wedding in a house of worship.

I was also shocked at the comments on Darcy Miller’s post - how awful! All in the name of etiquette…

I really don’t know how I would feel if someone shows up in white at my wedding. Everyone we invited is someone I really want to be there, so in that way, I’m sure I’ll just be happy to see them.

I’m really nervous about being the center of attention on the big day, but at the same time I guess I wouldn’t want people to get all caught up in someone else wearing white. It’s not so much about them getting mistaken for the bride (I mean, come on, my dress has pickups) but just that they’ll really stand out among the guests (since 99% of people won’t wear white!). Plus, I wouldn’t want them to be the target of any malicious murmurs during or after the wedding. No bad vibes please!

That said, I am also in the camp where I don’t particularly take well to being told what to wear. My fiance’s parents were invited to a wedding where the invitation said “black tie” but the couple clearly had no idea what that meant. My FFIL almost didn’t go because he wasn’t going to go and rent a tux, but then they foudn out that regular suits were acceptable (huh?). It just seems pretentious to ask people to conform to your theme. Our guest list is a mish mash of people from different places and times in our lives. I’d like them to be themselves, and for the pictures to reflect that.

But as a guest, like others, I think it’s just safer not to wear white/ivory. It’s really not that hard, and it would just avoid all the weirdness that goes along with it. Even if you don’t subscribe to all the hoo-hah, just wear something else for this ONE day. Or at least throw a colored scarf on, or a cardigan.

Good points though, about slutty guests, and messages sent through your choice of attire. Miss Penguin, you might just have to post about these weddings in which you felt the need to wear black!

I think a guest wearing white or ivory is fine as long as:
a) it’s not obviously bridal
b) perhaps it’s accented with another color (like an ivory dress with a black sash)

On a similar topic, I did have one non-Chinese guest come to my wedding wearing a red-and-gold cheongsam…which, as you Asian brides may know, is the bridal outfit for Chinese brides! I know she wore it “out of respect” but she had no idea that it was actually a bridal outfit. In the end, many of my guests came up to me and commented specifically about “the woman wearing a red cheongsam” at my wedding. That was probably the only instance at my wedding where what some guest wore drew attention to others.

I innocently wore an ivory suit to my cousin’s wedding, then found out two years later while planning my own what a massive faux pas I had pulled.

But you know what? Nobody cared.

#1 pet peeve at weddings… of all time. It bothers me immensely when I am attending a wedding and a guest or guests are weaing white (besides men in white shirts).
to me it is plainly R U D E. With all the other colors of the rainbow - you can’t find something else to wear? I don’t buy it. The women are attention-whores or just lacking common sense.
I think I’ve only been to 1 wedding where a guest didn’t wear all white. I don’t like white with a print either, but I’ll take it. You should just know better. One wedding I went to, a guest literally wore a white prom dress ballgown thing. And another guest wore an all white hoochie outfit. One time a singer (hired entertainment) wore all white.
In my case though I think the white dress sensitivity is lacking in most traditional asian weddings.
The red cheongsam is a touchy subject though too. Though I’ve never heard a friend complain about it - I feel bad for the bride. No one should take the attention away from her.
For myself - I worry that some females may wear white. Especially considering the tropical, beachy locale of my wedding. But it would bother me. to no end.

The thing that bothered me so much about Darcy’s post was that she knew that it would upset people. She went around her office and everyone told her not to, and she ignored what they were telling her because it wasn’t what she wanted to hear. So she wasn’t misguided, and she wasn’t naive about the notion. She just didn’t care since she found a dress that she liked. I can forgive ignorance, but not blatant rudeness.

And that whole “if the bride says it’s ok” is a crock. 1) The bride will never tell you no, because she doesn’t want to look like a bridezilla and 2) even if the bride truly doesn’t care, other guests will, and they will comment on it and it will take the attention away from the wedding and put it on the AW that just couldn’t stay away from white for one freaking day.

I think there is two seperate issues, Darcy being a brat and wearing white to a wedding.
I have to agree with the other posters that were surprised at Darcy’s rudeness. She’s an etiquette expert at a major publication specializing in weddings, is explicitly told not to wear white by others-including those in the wedding industry and then decides to do it anyway. Whether she intended to or not she showed no respect what so ever for the bride. Not only that she flaunts it on her blog.
I told he off in no uncertain terms in my comments and I’d do it again. She was/is incredibly rude and self involved and deserved to be told so. Honestly I think she should have been fired from her blog, why should I take etiquette lessons from someone so tacky? Gee I bought a pretty dress and I’m going to wear it no matter what people tell me, no matter how it might make others feel and then I’m going to post a picture of my self on my blog and ask for support. By the way I thought she looked ugly but that’s just my opinion.
As to wearing white, it’s really a matter of upstaging the bride. if you’re doing it intentionally then it’s rude and honestly you know it when you’re doing it. Upstaging includes slut attire, wearing red etc. in my book. I do think there are quite a few people that honestly do it by mistake.

I am wearing a blush pink wedding dress so I kind of worry that if someone wears a fancy white dress that they may look more like a bride than I do! haha. But in no way do I feel that I would be “upstaged” by that person. The bride looks beautiful on her day because she is so happy (hopefully) and filled with and surrounded by love! Who could top that? Regardless of what they wear?

I guess I also feel this way because I once wore a knee length cream eyelet dress to a summer wedding (gasp!) but seriously… I don’t know if it is because I am Asian… but nobody cared. It was sooo not bridal at all. I think you can wear white, ivory, cream whatever and not be bridal. I would feel more sad if someone wore a slutty black dress to my wedding than anything in that white-ish family. haha.

I have a (tentative) happy ending to my story. My FMIL got an outfit custom made in HK that was white - it upset me and I told my FH, but we decided to just let it go in the interest of family harmony. A few months later, her own friends told her that she shouldn’t be wearing white to her son’s wedding! So we’re heading back to HK today to get a new outfit for her (and also for Christmas :D). We still have a couple months to the wedding but hopefully no one will show in a white dress or red and gold cheongsam!