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Reader Buzz: Wearing White

December 19th, 2007 @ 11:38 am by Reader Buzz

Mrs. Bee here.

Recently I came across the comments on an old post by Darcy Miller regarding a white dress she wore as a guest to a wedding.  This controversial topic brought about some very harsh criticism from readers.  As a bride it wouldn’t really bother me if my guests wore white, but when I’m a guest at a wedding, I have to admit that it does bother me when other guests wear white (and there’s always at least one female guest that wears an all white dress). 

But let’s find out what weddingbee readers think!

What do you think about wearing white to a wedding as a guest?


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Would you be upset if any female guests wore white to your wedding?


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48 Responses to “Reader Buzz: Wearing White”

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1.
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Guest
k

What if the bride isn’t wearing white?

 
2.
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Guest
Katie

I wouldn’t wear white and whenever i go to weddings where guests are wearing white they always seems so out of place. personally i think that’s punishment enough. Darcey should have know better….. I mean come on! that’s the oldest superstition in the book and the weddings editor for a top magazine violated it!?!?! if it was a low key casual affair maybe but from what i say it looked like a pretty big elegant affair. i think she was looking for attention.

 
3.
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Guest
emily

Is it really that hard to wear something non-white? It just seems purposeful. After seeing that our rental company rents out potato sacks, I joked that at our wedding we’d have bouncers waiting with them for those who made the unfortunate decision.

 
4.
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Guest
Cara

I’ve seen that blog… and actually it made me change my mind. I used to say I woudln’t really care, but after seeing that picture of her at that wedding, I couldn’t really tell the bride and her apart… that’s what would upset me is if one of my guests looked like she could be the bride in photos of the day. I mean most likely it was only because that photo was from the waist up, but it convinced me that this is not such a good idea.

 
5.
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Member
julieulie (message)  266 posts, Helper bee

I couldn’t care less if someone showed up in white to my wedding, provided it’s a simple white dress and not some big poofy bridal looking dress.
I also think it’s perfectly find to wear white as an accent color as long as there is another color involved, to any wedding. I one went to a wedding where a family member of the bride wore a white dress with big red polka dots. Clearly, you are not going to mistake her for the bride, and she thought it was cute and festive since the wedding was on the 4th of July. Some people gave her a really hard time about it and called her inappropriate names to her face. I’m sorry, but when you’re at a nice wedding, who is going to mistake the girl in the dress with the big red polka dots for the bride? And it was the 4th of July!

 
6.
Mrs. Bee
Bee
Mrs. Bee (message)  3,235 posts, Sugar bee

I guess it wouldn’t bother me as a bride because how many photos are you going to take with a guest that’s wearing white?

But when I’m a guest, I do notice that guests who wear white really stand out.

 
7.
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Member
maple (message)  129 posts, Blushing bee

A friend of mine has a picture of herself and her fiance at another wedding - she’s wearing a white silk dress with a cream sweater. He’s wearing a suit. It looks like it could be their wedding.

After seeing that, I’d never wear white to a wedding!

 
8.
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Guest
HelloKitty4180

My brother wore a white suit to my wedding. Drove my husband crazy….

 
9.
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anna

of all the colors that exist, why white on someone else’s wedding day? i think it’s incredibly poor taste and disrespectful to the bride. i don’t know what’s worse - wearing skanky clothes or white to a wedding.

 
10.
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Guest
Chrissie

I used to say that I didn’t care. But we had one guest wear an ivory dress to our wedding. It was covered in beads and more formal than my gown! I didn’t notice too much at the time, but I don’t like looking at photos that she’s in.

I agree that it seems purposeful. Even if the guest has talked to the bride and she is okay with it, I think it’s such a distraction. It might not take away from the bride by actually having people confuse them, but it does come off like trying to upstage.

 
11.
Natakie16
Member
Natakie16 (message)  859 posts, Busy bee

Well, I’m not wearing a white or ivory gown, hopefully it will be red :). But, I really believe that as a guest, you should not wear all white, or even a dress/suit with a solid white top or bottom. It’s not that hard to pick another outfit of any color and I think it is rude since I would assume everyone knows that it’s customary not to wear white to a wedding.

Anyway, back to my case, even though I’m not wearing white, not many others are going to know ahead of time, and my guest list is small, so guests are going to be a big part of my pictures. I would not want someone else in “bridal white” in my pictures. :)

Also, it goes back to the fact that white is the color that the eye is drawn to first in pics (I think that’s what I’ve read!), so they would stand out in all the pictures, I would hate that, even though that seems kind of shallow. :)

 
12.
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Guest
Chrissie

I just wanted to add that since we had such a low-key wedding, a few friends did wear sundresses that had white in them. Juliulie, I can’t believe people were yelling at that guest! I think it is fine as long as white isn’t the dominant color.

 
13.
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Guest
Alison

I wasn’t someone who was too against someone wearing white, until I got married and my brother’s fiance wore this ivory dress, the exact color of my wedding dress, with a sash around her waist that was one of the colors of my wedding. She says she was just trying to “match” with my brother (who was in the wedding party), but it upset me a little bit that day. I was the only one in ivory, besides the men’s shirts, until I saw her… And even to this day, I really don’t like our pictures that she’s in because of that! I hate to sound catty about it, but it really did bother me!

 
14.
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Guest
snookies0831

I always go by the rule: If you have to ask, don’t do it. With all the stress, the bride might just grit her teeth and say she’s fine with it even when she’s really upset. It’s just selfish.

 
15.
loveletter
Member
loveletter (message)  96 posts, Worker bee

It’s funny because without a doubt, there is always one guest in white at every wedding I’ve been to.! A few times, it has been friends of mine, and knowing them, I honestly think they didn’t realize it was a faux pas. One of them was a wedding photographer too, so I thought she of all people should know that you shouldn’t wear white!

Someone wore an ivory dress (the color of my dress) to my wedding and it bothered me a little bit. I wish it hadn’t and in my head, I knew I was being rediculous! :) She wore white/ivory dresses to two other wedding we have attended and she is the sweetest lady, so I think she honestly didn’t realize its not the thing to do.

 
16.
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Guest
mb

I don’t understand what it is about weddings that makes people into ravening beasts - I mean, when they’re discussing OTHER people’s weddings even. I’m referring to those comments to that Darcy Miller post. They’re absolutely ridiculous and all out of proportion.

It’s not that I even disagree with the concept outright. I wouldn’t wear white because white is the bridal ‘uniform’ and I can respect that I guess and yeah yeah I see the point about photographs and all. But it’s possible people don’t know this and so unless it’s made crystal clear what people can and cannot wear I don’t think there’s any reason to complain.

Really, let’s have some perspective. Let’s say a misguided friend does show up in white and ‘upstage’ the bride. Someone is going to toss out years of friendship because of what someone else chooses to wear? That’s pretty disturbed if you ask me, unless there was some kind of incontrovertible proof that it was done to be deliberately provoking.

I mean, would any of us be agreeing that a bride who doesn’t wear white should be harrassed about not wearing the traditional colour for brides? No, the bride can buck convention, but the guests had better enjoy being pushed around or they can expect a smack-down. Just, what? What? How is it any less rude for a bride to get angry at guests than it would be rude for a guest to start telling the bride what to do on her ‘big day?’

Here’s the thing, in my crazy opinion a wedding is an event where important people in the couple’s lives gather to celebrate love. Period. The rest is extraneous. If it’s necessary to have picture perfect guests it’s always possible to hire some attractive actors and forget about inviting anyone.

 
17.
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rebekah @ elizabeth anne designs

I didn’t even notice what people were wearing. Two close friends wore black and white dresses. Who cares?! You’re getting married!

 
18.
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julieulie (message)  266 posts, Helper bee

Hahaha. I love the suggestion of hiring attractive actors. What a great point. (That said, I wouldn’t be surprised if someone, somewhere, has done it, particularly considering that I know individuals who have chosen the bridal party based solely on appearance).

 
19.
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Guest
Joyful2

I don’t think it would bother me unless it was something a la Monster-in-Law. A white top or a white skirt are no problem, but I draw the line at a white dress.

 
20.
stargazerlily
Member
stargazerlily (message)  942 posts, Busy bee

I dont know if someone wearing white as a color to an actual wedding would bother me, but maybe the significance of that guest “boldly deciding” to wear white to your wedding. I’ll admit, if I attend a wedding that I don’t necessarily think should be happening (and this doesnt happen often, but you know…it happens) then I wear a black dress, even in summer. I know this sounds silly, but its my little way of saying “yeah, this is a bad decision.” I dont TELL anyone the significance of my black dress, but its just my little “personal” thing that I do.

So, I guess, on the same note, I’d be bothered more not by the color, but by the statement that the guest is making…as in “I’m upstaging the bride.” Granted, this is not always intentional, but I would guess, unless you live in a cave, that if you’re in your mid 20’s and older, you know that the bride will be wearing white, and its HER day to stand out, and out of respect for the bride, I just wouldnt do it. THERE ARE A ZILLION colors under the sun to wear…why be so controversial?

To sum it up, I pretty much agree with snookies0831 on all aspects of wedding attire: If you have to ask, then don’t do it. Its funny that Darcy polled her whole office, they responded by saying “no, don’t wear it,” and yet she still did. I think she looked great, but I guess I would have erred on the side of safety and worn something else.

 
1 2 3 

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