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My new last name.
Where do I begin? First of all, it’s fifteen letters long. You heard me! Not only will my first name and my new married name be 3 letters short of the full English alphabet, it’s also INCREDIBLY unfitting of me. Mr. Penguin has struggled his whole life with having to have mini-discussions about his last name with every grocery checker, waitress, gas station attendant, librarian, camp counselor, pimp, and carny he’s ever encountered.
Nosy Checker: “Wow, thats quite a name there”
Mr. Penguin: “Yep. A long one.”
NC: “How do you pronounce that?”
MP: “PENNGGUUUIIINNN”
NC: “Silent “O” huh?”
MP: “Yes.”
NC: “Wow. My boyfriend’s last name has 9 letters, and I thought THAT was long!”
MP: “Give me my damn Beef Jerky and leave me in peace, lady.”
Second of all, my new name is very Germanic. There are many ways to describe me, but “Germanic” is not one of them. I am lactose intolerant and eat noodles with sticks. Tall and blonde, I am not.
Now, this doesn’t mean that I don’t want to take Mr. Penguin’s last name. I look forward to being connected to him and my future children in this way. But in a way I feel like I’m not only losing a connection to my parents, but also in part, a connection to my heritage.
It’s a struggle I imagine that lots of girls go through when they get married. Since I don’t have a middle name, I’ll legally change my given last name to my middle name, but I still can’t help but be a little annoyed that for the rest of my life, I’ll have to explain that my last name is obviously my married last name to every stranger I encounter in my daily life.
Are you struggling with the name you took/are about to take?
Miss Penguin: Since you know my last name, you know that I can totally relate to Mr. Penguin on having every single person make a comment on last names. I don’t hate what my new last name is going to be but I am not going to drop my current last name. I will have two middle names, no hyphen and will only use those middle names when called for. I think my new initials are going to be neat: MMGD.
maybe if it’s this much of a struggle, you should reconsider taking on the last name. i think there are other ways to feel connected to your hubby than something as superficial as a last name. but that’s just my opinion 
good luck!
I am >>>this<<< close to screaming at the next person who looks at me with a blank empty stare and asks “what?” when I say my new name.
Totally! My ethnicity is always mistakened, and the only way people usually get it is when I tell them my last name. FI’s last name is the equivalent to Smith, but it’s Asian. FI’s ethnicity happens to be the one that I’m most mistaken for. I most often have to explain that I’m not, but if I take his last name, I’ll have to explain all the time.
I feel a little selfish in wanting to keep my name to keep ties to my ethnic background and heritage. But I LOVE my last name too. I don’t want to be a “Smith” and have the same last name as thousands of people. My dad makes me feel bad too that I’m not being traditional in taking his last name. FI even finds it offensive that I find it offensive when people mistake my ethnicty.
Right now, I’m 95% sure I’m keeping my last name. Do my reasons sound selfish or offensive?
Hee hee, I guess I should have clarified further that I really like the idea of taking my husband’s last name, no matter what it is. I just think its funny that its so long and so unbefitting of me. I would take it even if it was 30 letters long Although I do feel a sense of loss in dropping my given last name, I do enjoy the tradition of taking my husband’s name.
I empathize. I’m debating whether to take my husband’s last name. I have a very Asian first name and he has a very English last name. Part of me is glad that my name will never be mistaken as English, but at the same time, combining my first with his last name sounds rather dissonant. Not sure what I’m going to do yet.
Reesey: There is NOTHING selfish about wanting to keep your last name, IMO. Its a personal decision, and even if its as simple as “I just like the sound of my given last name better than my husbands…” who cares? Its YOUR identity
My last name is twelve letters; his is ten letters. We often get: I sure hope you aren’t planning to hyphenate! We’ve talked about creating a new name, or taking a different family name - his last name is only about 2 generations old anyway as it was changed when relatives came to the US. When we mentioned this to his mom (who mind you is divorced from his dad but still uses the married name) she flipped out. So, for now, it looks like I’ll be getting a last name that is a whole two letters shorter. At least it isn’t getting longer…
Like Michelle I am keeping my last name and it will become a middle name (I guess) and I will add the hubby’s last name. His name is fine - not hard to spell or pronounce - but I actually like my last name better than his (so silly) so it has been a struggle for me to decide what to do. I think I will still refer to myself as old last name anyway!
I’m just ready to move up the alphabet. I’m a W now, and it sucks being at the back of the line. . . of course my fiance’s last name starts with a T so I’m not moving that much farther up.
When read, my last name is fine. But if someone asks for my last name, I always say it then spell it right afterwards because people think it’s Wildcat or Walker or Walkout or whatever, and they are NEVER right.
My first name with my new last name sounds very … peppy and cheery, which isn’t me, but I love my fiance, and this is important to him, so I’m doing it.
Yes. You’re not alone! I definitely feel like I left a little of my family behind when I took his name. Although, his is a Swedish name, and I am the very definition of what you think of when you think of a Swedish girl (though I’m not Swedish), so I guess I look “logical” with it?? A couple months in, I’m slowly starting to get used to it and I don’t feel like I’m a high schooler, just playing around attaching my name to my boyfriend’s!
I changed my name. The new name is a lot easier to spell, and it’s generic enough that I won’t have to put up with the “hmm, what an interesting name… what ethnicity are you? No wait, let me guess” rigamarole that I go through every time I say my maiden name (which is Lithuanian). Plus I’m kind of generically ethnic looking, so the game can go on forever…
I can relate- my husband’s last name is a long, very English, almost noble-sounding last name. I am Chinese Indonesian and my maiden name is actually one of Japanese origin because my father changed it due to the ethnic and political issues at the time Indonesia. But you know, I just decided to not worry about it. Sometimes people get confused, someone last year asked me if I was adopted even because they didn’t understand why I had an English last name, but I’ve always been mistaken for other ethnicities. As of the past couple of years, people have mistaken me for hispanic heritage which always surprises me because I live in Southern California where Asians are plentiful. It keeps life interesting. I am happy that I took my husband’s last name- but I’m pretty traditional in that sense I guess.
Peng, I struggle with the same thing. Luckily, Mr. T’s last name is not hard to pronounce - mine gets butchered all the time despite being only 3 letters long. I’ve always known that I’d take his name - I like the whole idea behind it. However for professional purposes, I plan on using my maiden name. When I graduate from school (which will be after the wedding), I’ll have my diploma read my maiden name. I feel this way I keep some of my identity - the identity I feel I earned as a single person. Also, I think it’s less confusing to clients we work with(they see an Asian last name, they see the Asian girl).
I can relate - but the opposite - I am going from 11 letters to 3 - funny enough I always knew I would marry a man with a short last name!!
I’m in a similar situation. My fiance’s family is German and he has a super German last name… I am Vietnamese and I have the most common Viet last name EVER. Part of me feels like I want to change my name, part of me feels like I should carry on my heritage/family line (I am a girl, but I’m also the last N—– in my family)… so I’m hypenating. Yes, I will be one of “those” women… but I couldn’t be happier with my decision.
I feel the same way. I’m half white, half hispanic and my fiance is taiwanese. My new last name isn’t going to fit me at all! My fiance really wants me to change my last name so that we’ll have one unified last name for our new family and so that I’ll have the same last name as our kids. I’m fine with it. My maiden name is 4 letters and my new one is going to be 3, so I guess it will be a little shorter, for what it’s worth. It will still be weird though having people see my last name and expect an asian woman, but instead, there’s me.
Umm…. I don’t say my new last name anymore, I just start spelling it. People try to interrupt to ask for it and I just keep on spelling. Then they ask where it comes from and so goes my not so favorite conversation. Sadly… the family name used to be Montaigne… that was pretty… then those silly Frenchies went to Germany and all of that changed!
Mr. Lemon’s mom told me not to take the name on the day before the wedding… and she had quite a doozy to start with as well!
Then again, I had to spell LEWIS for people all the time… seriously…
I am not taking my FI’s last name for this very reason. His last name is German. My first name, while not German per se, is nonetheless a name pretty common in Germany. I am Chinese. When I put my first name together with his last name, I think of a stout phlegmatic German woman. It is not me. I would feel like I was pretending to be someone I am not every time I used the name. Fortunately, my fiance thinks women taking their husband’s name is a rather ridiculous tradition, so he does not give me any grief about it.
Y: Your reasons for not taking your fiance’s name are just as selfish as his reasons for not taking your name. You should each define yourself with a name that fits your own identity.
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Mrs. Penguin, Northern California Age and Occupation: 27, Weddingbee Editor in Chief Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, Doctor of Physical Therapy Engagement Date: January 29, 2007 Wedding Date: June 7, 2008 Blogging Since: September 14, 2007 Venue: Winery in the Gold Country About Me: I love the Spice Girls, dogs with underbites, bean burritos, making messes, high fives, avoiding showers, crossword puzzles, blogs, weddings, and blogs about weddings!
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