Mrs. Cupcake, Philadelphia
Age and Occupation: 27, Graphic Designer
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Construction Project Manager
Engagement Date: February 10, 2007
Wedding Date: September, 2008
Blogging Since: December 7, 2007
Venue: The Desmond Hotel in Malvern, PA
About Me: Mr. Cupcake and I hit it off at a Halloween party and immediately began a long-distance relationship. After two years, he moved to my neck of the woods, and a year and a half after that, he proposed at the “place we fell in love.” I am a true perfectionist who enjoys designing and creating more work for myself, so wedding planning is my perfect outlet. Mr. Cupcake and I are both old souls, and we hope to weave that aspect of our personalities into our wedding day.
The Times, They Are A-Changin’
December 20th, 2007 @ 10:24 am by Mrs. Cupcake
Over the summer, I received invitations to four weddings. Three out of the four invitations had envelopes that were fed through a home printer with guests’ addresses. Although I have seen many etiquette sources that forbid this practice, it made me wonder: should etiquette rules be revised and adjusted as the times change?
The argument is that printed envelopes are not as personal as hand-written or calligraphered (calligraphed? calligraphied? I have no clue) ones. But realistically, feeding envelopes through a printer after inputting all of the addresses is not exactly effortless or quick; there is still time involved in personalizing things for each guest. And, it can actually look nice (not to mention it’s ideal for budget-conscious brides who have chicken-scratch handwriting, like me). So, where lies the problem? Is there a problem, or are many etiquette rules just outdated and, consequently, ignored?
Are the queens and kings of etiquette just too stubborn to consider updating the “rules” due to technological advancements? What other etiquette rules do you find outdated, or worthy of ignoring?
53 Responses to “The Times, They Are A-Changin’”
I am glad I wont have much resistance in this area (or others where etiquette is of paramount concern), as parents on both sides had very practical weddings. Thankfully I dont think I will be forced into calligraphy or anything else I think I can skimp on in order to save some money.
After all, with the availability of font styles, using a printer looks pretty darn good!
Excellent question- we’re in the same boat. I’ve always thought that you needed to hand address them, but they look so.much.nicer if we put them through the printer.
We did a test run with Christmas cards, and liked how they turned out. I’m interested to hear what everyone else has to say about this.
Thanks for addressing this issue, I haven’t quite begun to address the full extent of stationary. But…I am in the same boat as you, except for that we were actually considering clear labels???? My FI writes like a Dr and I’m not too far from it, wouldn’t a cute fancy font be nicer in the long run that chicken scratch??
Hmmm now I’m thinking about my options.
We picked a unique font that we used throughout the wedding stuff and printed them in color on ivory envelopes. I personally think ettiquette makes sense when it comes to avoiding people’s feelings but when it is impractical and just wonky I sat forget about it! Plus, my handwriting is pretty much illegible!
I meant to say “avoiding hurting people’s feelings.” Oops!
i went to 7 weddings last year and didn’t get a single hand calligraphy invitation. i think running them through a printer looks great. and actually, half of those invitations i got were printed onto labels and then stuck onto the envelope, which doesn’t look as good as printing straight onto the envelope, but is less time consuming. i think they could rewrite some of the etiquette rules to conform to the times. definitely nothing wrong with hand calligraphy (especially professionally done~! i LOVE it..), but not everyone can afford it and printing it looks good too~! we went the printing route..i attempted to do some hand calligraphy (my hand writing’s nice)..but decided it actually looked better printed in my opinion (i’m no professional)
I’m guilty of sending out printed envelopes. When I sent out our newsletter we printed all the addresses. I was going to do the same for our invites but the d@mn printer kept jamming so I had to handwritten all of them.
I just don’t have the budget for a calligrapher.
I think it’s alright. This is definitely one of the rules that are okay to skip.
I’m also guilty of indicating # of guests invited / seats reserved on the RSVPs.
I was actually thinking on the same lines of Evelyn… I received an invitation with clear labels and thought it looked pretty. I was thinking of doing this, or putting the envelopes through the printer. While I think that the calligraphy is a nice touch, I don’t necessarily think that its a necessity - and I’m almost positive my friends won’t think twice of it. Am I wrong in going this route?
We both write in all caps most of the time so our handwriting is terrible! I did the decorative wrap around labels that I printed out at home. I got more compliments on the labels than I did on the DIY invites that I spent hours stressing over. So I guess our guests are too hung up on etiquette either 
This is a good question… about the whole printing on the envelopes … I find it to be prettier… a clean and perfect look. Times changed.. and I think some etiquette rules can be bended… ill think about it and come back 
Well originally etiquette wise the envelopes were supposed to be hand addressed by the BRIDE. It’s the personal touch that is supposed to be the important thing. So everyone who farms the work out to a calligrapher is still missing out on the “personal” aspect of things.
I’d say as long as it looks nice then go right ahead and print. Personally the only reason I’d go to a calligrapher is so that I don’t have to handwrite all those names/addresses. I did it for the STDs and it was a hassle.
Etiquette definitley needs to change with the times.
We fed ours through the printer too! I thought they looked pretty darn spiffy.
If the printed addresses are done tastefully, then there is nothing wrong with it. To be quite frank, the envelope doesn’t really matter, because it’s really what’s inside that counts! I was researching calligraphers for a client of mine, and many actually offering printing! So, not it’s not in poor etiquette, not anymore these days.
We recently finished hand-addressing all of our save-the-dates, which actually took a lot less time than I thought it would. Since both FH and I have nice handwriting, we just sat down and did them together. I haven’t thought about the invitations yet. We’ll probably hand-address them, but I certainly don’t see anything wrong with putting them through the printer.
We’re using clear labels (GASP!!!). I tested it out on the save the dates and it looked good. We’re using a very specific font and color scheme so carrying that over to the addresses looks a LOT better than anything I could do by hand. We’re working on a tight budget and with the casual, comfrotable wedding we’re having, professional caligraphy would look really out of place. I see this sort of etiquette as a guide but not a rule. For instance to convey the casualness of the event we’re using only lowercase letters. It looks really good and is very fitting.
There’s always been a tug of war with etiquette and what actually happens. At one point in our history, parents were aghast if their child’s wedding was photographed for the local newspaper. Now we have photographers dedicated to weddings. And response cards? Big old fashioned no-no. It’s supposed to be a hand written response. So etiquette is definitely changeable. Thank goodness!
For my sister’s we fed envelopes through the printer and except for a smudge here or there they looked amazing. For me, I have neither the time or money to devote to calligraphy and even if I did I would not spend it on that as truth be told I dislike calligraphy…I know GASP!
A hand-addresses envelope can be beautiful…but I’m still going to throw it away a few seconds after I open it!
Unless you have great penmanship and enjoy addressing the envelopes by hand, save yourself the time (or the money, if you were going to pay someone else to do it).
yeah! labels seem to be ok. i’m breathing a bit easier! Thanks Bonnie!
Oh and my computer can insure that I don’t misspell someone’s name in the translation process or flip one of those numbers in the addy! *that is if the FI typed them in correctly.
So..Miss Cupcake I think you’re good to go printing directly on your envelopes!
Call me old fashioned, but I love the look of a hand-addressed envelope and am kind of disappointed when I receive one that’s been printed. I’m just one of those gals who loves and appreciates hand-written things. That’s just me, though! And yes, it is a long and tedious process to hand-address them, but my husband and I watched all of the Rocky movies while I addressed and he stuffed, sealed and stamped (it’s the price I had to pay…)
We did labels - but to make them look different than regular labels we printed them on sticker paper (full 8.5 inches wide) and printed the guests info on one end and the return addresss on the other and then wrapped them around the side of the envelope. We even had room to add an invitation flourish to the label. I thought they looked great!
we printed our envelopes…you can see them here: http://bp3.blogger.com/_qDd3N9mLJEY/RhJktt3xytI/AAAAAAAAAFc/LbM2BQ_PPJg/s1600-h/untitled.JPG
and here:
http://bp3.blogger.com/_qDd3N9mLJEY/RhJktt3xyuI/AAAAAAAAAFk/cMA2syYalKo/s1600-h/untitled1.JPG
I think they came out fine, and much prettier than if I had tried to hand write them. I think making in the invitations themselves was enough to cancel out the whole bride-needs-to-personalize-the-invites-by-handwriting-them aspect!
Like all things, etiquette takes time to catch up to the modern way of things. Give it another 20 years and they (the etiquette experts) wouldn’t blink an eyelash at printed envelopes. However, by then we’ll be on to inviting people over the internet alone. So It changes more slowly than the times do, it’s just the way it goes.
We tended to stick to all the etiquette rules just because that was the feel of the wedding and it made my mom happy (and really, you’ve gotta pick your battles!). So our response cards were provided so that people could hand write a note of acceptance or not (no __ of __ or check here - although it probably would have made my life easier). My parent’s generation had no problem with them, my friends on the other hand literally called me saying “What do I do with this - there’s no check boxes,” and I had to explain how to fill it out (ie just write a nice note saying if you’ll be coming or not). In the end it meant we got some really nice thoughtful cards from people that will go well in a scrapbook. Our envelopes were calligraphied - inner and outer. And while it was traditional for the bride to do it, if you look back far enough into the history of envelopes and why we have inner and outers and who addressed them, it was a “servent” of the person sending the envelope. So paying someone to do your calligraphy actually harkens back even further, only now we’re paying them!
I’m a stickler for etiquette, and we’re having a pretty formal wedding, so we’re going the calligraphy route. But I found a person who can do it for 75 cents an envelope — printing them ourselves would cost almost as much in time and ink cartidges, so we went for it. That said, if calligraphy isn’t an option and your handwriting is terrible, I think printing it out on the envelope can look just as nice.
I think they can be more personalized when run through a printer. You can use pretty labels in fun colors and pick a font that matches the rest of your stationary. I think I might write mine in calligraphy only because I realllly want to learn how to write in calligraphy and I think that can have fun with it. If you are not so inclined, labels are a great option. I have been fighting “etiquette” left and right! If I don’t offend anyone and it makes the wedding more personalized, I am happy.
Also, I think sometimes handwriting looks so sloppy that a printed envelope/label will have a better chance of making it to its intended recipient. We aren’t writing by hand as much as people used to and I think nice handwriting has also become less important.
Ditto, knw.
I cringe at stick-on labels or computer-printed addresses on wedding stationery. If you’re asking someone to attend your wedding and most likely drop some cash on travel, accomodations, and a gift, the least you can do is take a few minutes to hand address an envelope. I took the time to practice a nice script, certainly not fancy calligraphy, and I’m so glad I did.
It might seem old-fashioned to some, but I really do appreciate the time and thoughtfulness that goes into hand-addressing.
Echos SKK:
I really love the look of handwritten envelopes - I get so many computer generated mail merge mailings that something handwritten automatically stands out as special. It doesn’t need to be perfect calligraphy, any handwriting is, in my opinion, more personal than a computer mailing.
SKK, I’m 100% with you. Also, I feel that etiquette is in place for a reason.
We did not have the budget for calligraphy and I detest addy labels (clear or white with or without an amazing font). So my mother and I scripted each invite.
We had a huge wedding and sent out 250 invitations…..Husband’s family is huge. Although I have not perfected it, calligraphy is one of my hobbies but there was no way I could do that for 200+ invites. I printed them on the clear labels in a gorgeous font and I loved it. I love my printer, it’s one of the best invention ever. We are so lucky to be living in this technological day and age.
We handwrote our addresses for invitations, but not in calligraphy. I honestly think computer printing would have looked nicer, adn kind of wish I’d done it that way.
My grandmother always told me that you had to hand write the address on wedding envelopes, so I always assumed that I would do that. In fact, I made a recent friend of mine hand write hers….but after looking at Mrs. Corn’s I’m chaning my mind. (Sorry Liz!)
The clear labels were not quite “clear” enough for me, so I hand-fed each envelope through my printer (which was a lot of work for 200+ invitations) and I loved the look. We got lots of compliments.
Times have definitely changed with technology!
I’m using labels - white ones b/c they’re cheaper than clear ones. Just like every wedding detail, it’s a personal decision. There are other wedding-related things that I’d rather spend my time and money on. Maybe another bride would prefer to spend money on calligraphy and not on extra bottles of Scotch for the bar. Just my personal opinion.
No one wants to see my sub par handwriting and there are such beautiful new fonts on the computer! I only follow the etiquette laws that make sense to me. Paying a calligrapher to address my envelopes at $1.50 per envelope, paying for it on my credit card, thus pushing me farther into debt? No thanks Calligraphy is beautiful, but there are really awesome ways to personalize your envelopes (Hello, Mrs Corn! You ROCK) that clearly show that you’ve put thought and effort into addressing your envelopes, despite being run through a machine
I have been debating this for weeks now! Our invites are DIY (which we haven’t DIY’d yet!) and our wedding is in April. on top of that, all the money I have spent on the stupid invitations that will be in the trash immediately anyway, I am leaning towards printing. I have tested out several people’s handwriting with calligraphy pens, and it just isn’t going to work….my mother has the best handwriting but she just had hand surgery last week and will not be able to write for a while. Also, there is no way in hell I am PAYING someone to address envelopes. I think it is silly and unecessary. And, to be perfectly blunt, as for all the money I am spending to have people eat and drink ($150 per person!), if they have the audacity to complain or criticize our printed envelopes, I don’t want them there anyway!!! not only that, but if you print the return address, why is it necessary to handwrite the mailing address??? Keep in mind that etiquette and the way things “used to be” also deemed it necessary that women stay home and cater to their husbands….if we still lived in a world like that would we even get married?
I used printed labels. I guess that makes me definitely on the etiquette naughty list.
We’re having our invitations hand addressed by a calligrapher (though Mr. Petunia gasped at what that costs!), but we fed our STD envelopes through the printer, and we probably will do the same for our thank you card envelopes, etc.
I myself would rather receive something that looks polished, even if it has been through a printer, than something that looks like it has been written by a 5 year old, which is why I’d go the printer route, but I think you have to do what you’re comfortable with. If you yourself love receiving a hand addressed note, then I can see why you’d hand address what you send out, too. I think there should be no rules — just do what you love and you’ll get what you love in return!
i never really think twice when i get an invitation with my address printed on a label. it’s what worked for the bride, so who am i to judge? besides, isn’t the wedding about celebrating the love of the new mr and mrs and not so much about whether they printed labels?
personally, i went for the handwritten route. we fed our envelopes through the printer for the return address on the back flap. it took forever and when we were done we just did not have it in us to do it for all the individual address. i ended up hand writing the address and embossed a design on the front that was identical to a design that we used throughout the invites and at the wedding. we got tons of compliments for our invites and the time spent hand addressing turned out to be well worth it!
Honestly I think an invite lets people decide a lot about a wedding before they get there. A beautiful invite with beautiful calligraphy says you are invested in the process AND the guests. I think calligraphy makes a guest feel special.
That being said we used a computerized calligraphy machine which LOOKS like calligraphy but isn’t. People LOVED it. We got a lot of compliments about our invites and especially the calligraphy.
Then again we also put our registry info on our invite so, what the heck…
i never notice printing or calligraphy or whatever, not on an envelope. i care a lot more about the invitation itself which will be tacked to my fridge until the big day, at which point i usually throw it away. put your money toward making the invite look nice but do whatever’s convenient for the envelope itself. (for the sake of full disclosure, my handwriting is barely legible.)
I love the look of a handwritten envelope and never use printers or labels (won’t be using one for my wedding invites either, we are using Anne Robin, http://www.annerobin.com/) However, if your handwriting is not great and hiring someone is out of budget, printing is totally acceptable. The times they are a changing, and ultimately everyone throws out the envelope anyway!
I just sucked it up and bought a calligraphy pen so I could practice. FI can’t figure out how to use it, so he will be addressing his half of the invites as neatly as he can with his regular hand writing. Yes, it’s time consuming, and yes it makes my hand hurt, but it’s worth it to us.
That being said, I don’t see anything wrong with printing directly on the envelope. I do however have a problem with labels, clear or otherwise. I just think it looks like junk mail.
I have NEVER recieved a hand-wrtten/calligraphied (?) invitation. In fact, my cousin’s destination wedding was invited through EVITE (4 yrs ago). Times are changing. While it would be ideal to hire someone to do calligraphy for our invitations [the FI would never do them himself], I think that a beautiful font in theme with your wedding is the best option. I do prefer clear labels or printed directly on the envelope. The white labels stick out like a sore thumb on beautiful stationery.
T. & Mrs. Corbn - would you mind sharing what programs/fonts you used to do your printing?
Oh! And I also forgot to mention two things:
1. Paper Source was offering a clalligraphy class (and I thought it might be a fun “investment” to do).
and 2. I think our mainly Chinese guests would find some calligraphy illegible - so printing would be clearer.
I’m not a stickler for etiquette or anything, but I definitely don’t know how I feel about evites or e-thank you’s. I love a good handwritten envelope or thank you and I return the favor when I am inviting or corresponding.
I stuck with what I could for our wedding and did what would make the most sense for our guests (young and old) and it all worked out well.
I am doing calligraphy myself on our invites (although I only do about 2 at a time and I will flip if anyone moves once their envelope is done ). But this is just because I couldn’t see hand feeding 150 envelopes into my cruddy printer…
I think that printing would probably look cleaner (my lines aren’t 100% straight always). But, I also honestly doubt anyone is going to pay much attention to it one way or another…
I think that it should be acceptable to do it either way.
I started doing calligraphy, and didn’t even make it through the A names (to be fair, the guest list was heavy with A’s) before switching to my normal handwriting. The fancy pen made all the difference.
That being said, I think we did 67 invitations. Once you get into triple digits, use technology!
IMO. this is just one of those things NOT to spend time even stressing about…
I have gorgeous handwriting so I could definitely do calligraphy. BUT, I just thinking printing on the envelope LOOKS better.
I agree that etiquette should come in to play when it comes to considering guests’ feelings/ accomodations, etc.
I doubt any of my friends or family will be seriously offended–or even notice for that matter–my printed envelopes.
Wow, It looks like this post created a lot of discussion! It’s great to read everyone’s opinions…. thanks for weighing in!
I think what maverika said is really true — etiquette makes sense when it comes to avoiding hurting people’s feelings, but the way your envelopes are addressed really shouldn’t personally impact anyone!!
I definitely agree that running envelopes through a printer can actually look quite nice; it’s all about the font you choose and any extra little accents you might be able to add. I also think hand written envelopes can be nice, but I have to admit that I have received envelopes written in plain old blue Bic pen that have brought the tone of the wedding down quite a bit. Although the envelope might not be what guests keep from a wedding invitation (except me…. is that weird? I keep every part of every invitation I get!), it is the very very first thing your guests will see, and it’s nice if it gets them excited.
Although the general consensus seems to be that printing on envelopes is the way to go, I do have to come clean and admit that I still love calligraphy! Maybe it’s the artist in me, but I tend to get a bit more excited about receiving a wedding invitation if my name is beautifully calligraphied on the front of the envelope. I can appreciate what an art it really is (as I would never have the patience for it). I certainly don’t think it’s necessary all the time, but I do think it’s a really beautiful touch and can set the tone for an event. I will probably be hand-writing the envelopes for my save-the-dates, but if it’s in my budget for my wedding invitations, I will likely go the calligraphy route…. I also, though, work in the invitation design industry, so I tend to go overboard with my own personal correspondence!
A major factor for me will be my broken finger! I broke pinky finger on my right hand a few years ago and it didn’t heal the same as it was. Doing lots of handwriting causes major cramps and pain in my right hand so I’ll definitely be going a different route.
At any rate, I don’t think printed labels or evelopes is less personal than hiring someone to address them for you. Paying money to someone outside your family and friends is personal? How so?
[…] The Times, They Are A-Changin’ by Miss Cupcake […]
It’s funny how everyone’s etiquette rules are different. My mom and dad got married in a pretty quick ceremony because my dad’s mother was very ill with cancer. My mom hand-wrote all of her invitations and envelopes, which APPALLED my grandmother. She was so offended that she forbid my mom to invite their side of the family!! I guess, maybe, then it was very common for people to handwrite things, so it wasn’t considered going out of ones way to handwrite?
On another note, people say that handwriting invitations is a way to show that you’ve taken time for your guests. Honestly, I’m taking a year out of my life for my guests…spending upwards of $100 on each of them to attend. Is hand writing your invitation envelopes REALLY what people are going to stop and think about? I get an invitation, I open it, throw the envelope out, and keep the invite. Is something that your guest views for less than 10 minutes worth spending so much time/money on? While I, personally, wouldn’t go the sticky-label route, I think that printing envelopes is no big deal.
While I would think twice about peel-away labels, I also don’t think there’s anything wrong with running stuff through your printer (unless it leaves streaks). I think it depends on what is important to you. I knew that my wedding decorations would be nonexistent or very simple, but stationary was important to me. I sometimes use a dip pen for everyday correspondance, anyway (just for the hell of it). I scoured the web, and bought a Copperplate book to teach myself some pretty script to use. I copied letters and then names over and over again–like grade school! The STDs were my practice, and by the time I sent out the invites, I was a pro with a dip pen. I even used the same script for thank you letters. My invites and thank you sheets were very plain, and the extra effort made them seem extra special. My parents and I have gotten so many appreciative compliments for the pretty calligraphy, it was free to do, and it’s a skill I’ll have with me for the future!
