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I was wrapping Christmas presents for our families over the holiday and started to write a tag for my father-in-law’s gift from me and Mr. Onion, and I wrote “for Dad” because that’s how he would address his father. Then I was writing my mother-in-law’s gift tag and without thinking wrote “for [her first name].”
It got me thinking — what do you call your in-laws and how did you come to that decision. “Mom” and “Dad” just don’t roll off my tongue.
And if you’re not married yet, is this something you’ve discussed with your boyfriend/girlfriend/fiance?
i just physically cannot call my in-laws mom and dad!! i feel so bad because i know i should and ought to, but my brain won’t let me utter those words in front of them. those two words, to me, are reserved for my own parents, so in my head it’s wrong to address someone else in the same words. i don’t know what i’m going to do. i need to figure out a variation of the words mom and dad to call my in-laws.
I use their first names. My husband and his brother do this also; I think it started when their mom re-married late in their lives.
Oh, and on the flip side, my husband also calls my parents by their first names. He started out with Mr. and Mrs. So and So, but they asked him to please use their first names.
It really is hard for me as well. I generally just avoid calling them anything - I rearrange whatever I’m saying so that I don’t have to preface it with ‘hey …..you”! ‘mom’ and ‘dad’ sound so wrong, and I was raised with the strict instruction never to call adults older than me by their first names….Even when asked to, I generally embarass myself by saying, “yes, Mrs/Mr. <insert first name here.” haha
I call them by their first names. But he calls them by their first names too, so it isn’t as though we have different names for them.
I’m going to see how long I can get away with not calling them anything. I know what they want me to call them, but it makes me so uncomfortable!!!
They have requested me to call them Mr/Mrs. so and so… He calls mine by there first names (so do my brother in laws.
Does anyone else think the the Mr/ Mrs is weird??? I mean you are allowed to have input into my life, have a key to my house and basically complain I am not letting you into my life but them request me to call Mr/ Mrs. It seems to me when inlaws due that they are setting lines they may not see themselves??
My DH and I are high school sweethearts, and I called them Mr. and Mrs. X until we were engaged, when they insisted I started calling them by their first names. I found that by forcing myself to use their first names, it gradually got easier. It definitely felt weird at first b/c I’d been calling them Mr. and Mrs. X for so many years! DH still has trouble calling my parents by their first names, but he’s working on it.
I would never call his parents “Mom and Dad.” I feel like that would be disrespectful to my own parents.
And yes, Amygirl, I do think it’s weird that your in-laws require you to call them Mr./Mrs. To me, it’s like they don’t fully accept you as a family member. What does your DH think? Are his parents just otherwise strict?
I am engaged (after 8 1/2 years together). I have always called his parents Mr. & Mrs. X. When we got engaged they asked me to call them Mom and Dad. This is SOOO weird to me! I find it easier to call his mom “Mom” than to call his dad “Dad”. That is just to awkward. My parents want him to call them Mom and Pops. We both just generally avoid calling them anything. I guess it must get easier… but for now… waaaay to weird. And I agree with Jay, Amygirl - it is very weird that they want to you call them Mr. and Mrs. (unless like Jay said - they are very strict). Are they from another culture?
I call them by their first names.
I know my mother-in-law would love it if I called her “mom”… she just recently started signing her emails and cards to me as “mom” and she calls her own in-laws “mom and dad.” We are super-close, but it just seems unnatural to call her “mom”.. I don’t know if I ever will.
I also think my mom’s feelings would be hurt if I called her that. I already feel bad that when I end phone conversations with my mother-in-law, I say “love you too!” because my mom and I don’t even say “I love you” to each other.
My mom always called my dad’s parents Mom and Dad, mainly because her own parents we already dead and they were parental figures to both of them. Even though my parents are now divorced, my mom still calls them M&D whenever they see or talk to each other.
I too can refer to my FFIL as dad, but not my FMIL. She just isn’t motherly in my opinion.
I think if I called my mother in law “mom” 1. she would be freaked, 2. i would be freaked and 3. My mom would be pissed. lol
AMYGIRL, yes I think that it is a little weird that you still have to call them mr and mrs. oh well. in-laws, their weirdos. hee hee. just kidding (you should have them call you Mrs. too!!)
I call them by their first names. I only have one mom and one dad. 
Plus I have known my fiance’s family for nearly 10 years and I’ve always just called them both by their first names. Switching to Mom and Dad is weird for me. I don’t think they would appreciate it.
My aunt had a common-law husband that used to call my Grandmother “mom” this irritated both her and the rest of the family. She wasn’t his mom and preferred to be called by her first name.
I guess it’s up to each individual family, but personally, I like to stick with their names.
It gets easier with time- but I would call them whatever they are most comfortable with and just go with it. I was raised like MissShortcake - never to address adults by strictly their first names due to respect issues. I had to call everyone who was a family friend, auntie or uncle whatever. My parents wanted my husband to call them Mom and Dad and they felt I should do the same with his parents. After 6 1/2 years of marriage, it’s gotten more natural to do so but for a long long time I just avoided calling them anything. His brothers & sister-in-law usually call them by their first names though.
I feel really wierd calling my IL’s “mom” and “dad”. I started out with “Mr. and Mrs.” I call my MIL by her first name, but for my FIL, he has the same name as my brother-in-law (a Jr. and Sr.) and I get them really confused. So, with his permission, I just call him the name that he always joked with me to call him. It’s his cool, “I’m a country rock-star” name. He likes it and it’s kinda a funny inside joke between us. He laughs every time I call him that, which is good enough for me.
We’re both Chinese and his parents are more traditional than mine. I call them “lailai” and “loyeh” (cantonese) which is the traditional way of calling your mother-in-law and father-in-law.
Mr. JCM calls my parents by their first name. My MIL flips out because she thinks he should call them “Ma” and “Ba” (cantonese, again) and insists that it is different when he calls his real parents “Mom” and “Dad”. Mr. JCM doesn’t want to call anybody but his real parents by “mom” and “dad”.
However, in traditional Chinese culture, calling your in-laws by their first name is very disrespectful, so…..
I call them MR + first name and Mrs + First Name. So does my Fi with my parents, though it happened a couple of times. I would never ever call somebody that wasn’t my own parents mum and dad. But most of the times i try not to call them at all 
When we were home for Christmas, my husband addressed my mom using her first name. Then she looked at me and asked me why he was calling her by her first name. And I asked her what else would he call her - her parents gave her a name so people could address her, right? What’s even weirder is my parents are divorced (almost 10 years) but my mom kept her married name. So I’m not sure why she expects him to call her Mrs. Myoldlastname when she’s neither a Mrs. or technically even a Myoldlastname!
Now it’s got me self-conscious about talking to his parents and the next time he sees them, I’m going to make him ask them what they want me to call them. I have no problem calling them Mom and Dad, but for some reason I feel like his sister wouldn’t like it (I have no idea what her husband calls them…)
DRAMA!!!
I’m not married yet, so I’ll answer the question too! My BF & I talked about it. We decided on first names because it sounded the most natural, and also because I cannot call anyone who is not my biological parent “Mom” or “Dad”.
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Miss Onion, NYC/Burlington, VT Age and Occupation: 27, PR & Marketing and Jazz Singer Fiance's Age and Occupation: 28, Data Analyst Engagement Date: April 2, 2006 Wedding Date: September 2007 Blogging Since: July 11, 2007 Venue: Restaurant in Burlington About Me: I didn't think I'd be "that girl," but I am having so much fun planning our wedding (mostly by myself). I'm a PR and Marketing Director for a major jazz festival and camp by day, and by night, a romantic jazz singer and bride-to-be! I hope all my research can help other brides in their planning.
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