Mrs. Kiwi, Los Angeles
Age and Occupation in 06: 27, Bookkeeper
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, P.E. Teach/Coach @ private schools in LA
Engagement Date: March 31, 2006
Wedding Date: November 3, 2007
Venue: Radisson Hotel
About Me: I'm a bookkeeper who failed high school algebra. I'm currently living in Los Angeles, literally a street over from where I grew up with Mr. Kiwi, my honey of three years. We have a jumbo mini-dachshund (seriously, he's huuuuge), and we're planning an autumn themed wedding on a shoestring, paid for by ourselves. The wedding date is my late grandma's birthday, I needed her there somehow, and that seemed like the best way for us. I can't believe I'm a Bee! I couldn't be more proud!
I have a confession to make: I wasn’t too fond of my wedding dress. From day one I was hesitant to shop for the dress, not longing to see how I’d look in the sample that was made a few sizes smaller than I was. It was hard for me to picture how it would look on me later, when it actually zipped up. This is why I went shopping for just one day, possibly an hour (maybe less) with just my mom and I.
It could have been the cream puff I ate at Beard Papa’s beforehand, it could have just been pure hatred for having to wear a fancy dress that wouldn’t look as good on me as it would on someone smaller (all my own PERSONAL opinion), or it could have been all the people reminding me that I had to get my dress ASAP - could be any or all of these excuses that made me buy the first dress that looked okay.
I didn’t get the “this is the one!” feeling I had heard/read about. I didn’t even get the “I could totally rock this dress” feeling. No, the feeling I got was, “this one’ll do”. As sad as it is, that’s really the ONE regret I have in wedding planning. I wish I had sucked it up and gone Shopping (with a capital S) for the real dress, the one that made me feel beautiful.
I feel beautiful in jeans, in other dresses, in sweatpants, but I managed to find a dress that made me not feel pretty. Due to my dislike for the dress, I dislike looking at the pictures. I get angry with myself for not looking around more. I have no one to blame but myself- there wasn’t a price I had to meet, or a certain look I wanted but couldn’t find. No excuse other than disrespect for myself that led me to not shop around. I was so afraid of how I’d be treated, or how I’d look as a plus size bride that I used it to scare me away from finding the right dress to complement me. While the dress I DID get was a beautiful dress, with amazing beading and details, that’s all I see now- a neato dress that I never want to wear again.
All you brides out there: learn from my mistake and enjoy shopping for your dress (and no matter how bad those mirrors are, you’re beautiful no matter what)!! I really wish I had.
28 Responses to “My Regret”
Awwww, Kiwi! I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but I think you looked absolutely beautiful in your dress. And I am so sad for you that you feel disappointed. I can only hope that a little time and distance from the day will make you feel better, maybe in a similar way to the girls who hate their wedding photos at first, but later love them. And if in time you still feel such strong regrets, I think you should go out, buy a dress (any dress) that makes you feel *fabulous* and have some wonderful anniversary pictures take with Mr. Kiwi.
{{{{{{{{ BIG HUGS }}}}}}}}}}
Oh I can so agree with your advice. For me the worst thing I did was take my girlfriends with me before I figured out what I really wanted in a dress.
Too many cooks in the kitchen…too many opinions as you are looking is was too difficult.
Bummer you didnt love your dress but I think you looked really pretty on your wedding day!
Mrs. Kiwi, thank you for posting this. I just got engaged and and apprehensive about shopping for dresses as well, since I, too, am plus-sized.
I am sad that you feel the way you do about your dress, as I (and I’m sure everyone else) think you looked beautiful in it. I worry that I will have the same feeling, but I will use your post as a reminder to keep my head high and my hopes up, and not let my size make me settle for something less than stellar.
I feel badly that I am capitalizing (somewhat) on your negative feelings, but I sincerely thank you for posting your thoughts and making me feel like I am not alone in my feelings as I begin to dress shop.
Jenny, no need to feel bad at all!! I really want the other gals out there to know that you will be beautiful on your wedding day, if you FEEL beautiful inside.
It was stupid of me to settle for that dress: since I certainly never settled for my husband!!
So sorry about this. Hopefully in time you’ll appreciate how beautiful you really were!
Sorry to hear you feel that way 
Perhaps the best solution for now is to have some prints made of just closeups of you and Mr. Kiwi. That way you can concentrate on how happy you both look and how great your hair/makeup is rather than the dress. Maybe in a few years you’ll at least feel more neutral about the dress but for now, I’d definitely try cropping. Digitals are great for that! (Just save copies of the originals!)
Sorry to hear that Mrs. Kiwi - I think you looked great!
I have a feeling I’ll have the same thoughts about my dress when I get married. Although I’m not plus sized so I fit the dresses in bridal stores, I never got the “this is THE dress” moment that you hear about. I went to every store in our area as well as going away for a weekend to find THE dress but none seemed quite me.
On a side note, we’re shopping for FMIL’s outfit right now and she is plus sized. When we were out looking, no bridal stores had her size so she was quite discouraged. But then we found a plus sized bridal store! It’s too bad you didn’t have one in your area.
I’m having the same issue - of not liking my dress. Even though it’s beautiful, it just doesn’t seem “me”. I thought you looked lovely in your photos! I hope I don’t have the same feeling after the wedding of not enjoying our photos.
You gave some good advice. 
For the record, you totally *did* rock that dress!
Mrs. Kiwi, I might actually be in your situation, and because of that I’m sad to hear that you didn’t feel pretty in your dress because you settled, and hate looking at your pictures. I just didn’t dig the whole dress shopping experience. Mostly because I didn’t feel the dresses were complimentary to my shape (I am a 48 G up top)! I tried on enough dresses to know what worked well with my shape (a grand total of 4 and I was so done) but I still didn’t like any of them. I opted to have one made, but since it wont be ready for another month, I can’t help but feel that I should have put more effort into finding one. I love the design, but if it somehow goes terribly wrong, I know I am going to be pissed for being so lazy and easily discouraged about the fact that I didn’t want to shop around.
Kiwi: I’m sort of climbing into your same boat with you. Really not loving my dress these days. Need to come to terms with it. Though I do always have my super cheap J Crew back up…. (what a coup that would be!)
p.s. Lucy’s right: you rocked it and looked beautiful. Your discomfort in it was your secret.
i love your posts because they aren’t all roses and sunshine…you’ve really explored a lot of issues that brides think about but don’t say. Do u think that maybe one of the reasons you ended up not being crazy about your dress was b/c it was uncomfortable (the rubbing) on your wedding day? Remembering that annoyance and transfering it back when you look at you in your dress?
Kind of like how a pair of uncomfortable underwear can ruin your whole day.
Posh!! The first time I saw your photos, I was thinking how beautiful you looked in your dress. It may not be “the one” but it sure looked great on ya!!
Mrs. Kiwi, in my opinion your dress was lovely but most of all it was lovely on you.
As everyone said, you looked fab in the “not one”, but I totally get your disappointment.
Would it make you feel better to do a “trash the dress” shoot with it where the focus is more on having fun and the spotlight isn’t so much on the garment? You might even find a cheap dress on ebay to do it in, if you were afraid of risking sore underarms again.
i totally know how you feel! i cringe every time i see my dress in my pictures. i thought i loved it when i bought it, but really i hate it. i only went to one bridal salon - and a tiny one at that. i should have shopped more, too!
i share in your regret! but the strange thing is, everyone thought the dress was so “me” and “beautiful.” if all these people thought you looked lovely in your dress, i’m sure you definitely did! (sorry, haven’t seen your dress yet!). we’re just doing the silly 20/20 hindsight thing. (i still wish i had bought a different dress, though. hehe….AGH!!!!)
we’ll just have to demand another wedding from our husbands in 10 years so we can take another stab at it. =)
I think the thing to remember and to take away is that you didn’t settle for Mr. Kiwi, and that YOU were the star of the day, not the dress.
What’s important is that the two of you are happily married. Everything else is just icing on the cake.
BIG HUGS, MRS. KIWI!
I feel your pain, as a “plus size bride” (who are they kidding? I am FAT!) I have spent the past eleven months trying on dress after dress.
I finally picked a dress, this week, two months before my wedding day. A dress picked because, one, it will do and two, I can’t show up to my wedding in jeans and a t shirt.
It is my opinion that I just don’t look good in fancy dress. Fancy dress was meant for the normal size ladies, not the fat ones like me.
(Granted, I didn’t catch a shot of you in your wedding dress, but I am certain you looked beautiful in it.)
I’m just sucking it up. No one made me fat. It is my own damn fault that I will be a fat bride and this is the punishment I deserve for not having enough will power to stop eating and get fit.
Aw, marilyn’s comment was spot-on. We all thought your dress was very pretty and quite flattering on you!
I’m also plus-size and remembered from my first wedding (I was a 14 and still couldn’t fit into size 10 sample gowns) the misery of wedding dress shopping. It sucks seeing so many gorgeous gowns in magazines and once you have it “on” (and I use that term loosely because “on” doesn’t really mean not open to your tushie down the back) you seriously have no clue what YOUR size would look like on you! I totally did not feel “it” for the gown in my first wedding. Not at all.
This time around I only went to DB with my mother and one of my BF’s (who was also my exact size so she understands). Three hours later I left with my dress!:)
Was it as gorgeous as some of the Bee’s? No, but quite frankly their dresses, even sized to fit me, wouldn’t have looked right on my frame. I love my dress and felt pretty close to the “this is the one” when I bought it. DH loved it too!
I thought you looked beautiful! If you really don’t like looking at your photos because of the dress, maybe you could do what Mrs. Bee is doing and take some anniversary photos- wearing clothes you are comfortable and feel beautiful in. Then you have your wedding pictures AND a set of pics of you and your husband that you will proudly hang around the house…. However, I still thought that dress was really lovely and flattering on you!
DUDE - I didn’t like my dress either! I still don’t! No sorry- and you look beautiful (though, I will agree, you did) about it, I feel ya! My dress is still my cringe factor in all my wedding pictures - and YOU KNOW what a pain mine was 
Kiwi, thank you. i want to echo what the other plus sized bride to be did above.
i’m freshly engaged. and the thought of dress shopping has me cringing inside. i have heard about how those samples done fit. not long ago i watched “Say Yes to the Dress” marathon on TLC and watched a consultant jam a plus sized bride into a sample (and she wasn’t even that big!)
i recently lost 30lbs but have more to lose. and i’m nervous about going. so nervous that i can see me putting it off indefinitely.
thank you. i will swallow my bride and stick with it and find one that makes me feel beautiful. bc one is out there. i just have to find it. (and pray that i can afford it!)
Mrs. Kiwi, Even on the day of my wedding, I still wasn’t ’sold’ on my dress. But, along with the hair and makeup, I still felt beautiful. Was it still the same as if I had spent several more hours shopping? (or several more thousand dollars?) Who knows.
The fact of the matter is that you were married in that dress, and that alone makes it special. You looked truly beautiful, and the smile on your face in the pictures should be what you focus on.
Becky
Oh Amber,
It may be a mute point for me to say, but I too thought you looked great in your dress so I am sorry to hear of you regret.
However, I wanted to open up to you and let you know that you are not alone. I too regret my dress shopping experience and was not happy with my dress on the day and don’t feel great about it now either. I have never disclosed this to anyone so blatantly before, mainly because there’s never been any reason. I mean, what would be the point?
I recall the day I got my dress. I recall showing it to friends and family who would not see me in it on the big day, hoping each time that I would feel different about it. I was also scared about what my “ambivalence” about it might mean (that’s was a little immaturity on my part I think). I went shopping with my mom thinking this would help our relationship and felt that she had rites to that role.
I was fortunate enough to try on a few dress that “fitted” me but got dress I did because I also wanted the “shopping experience” to be over. The reasons are numerous and really irrelevant at this point, but I’m glad you warned other brides to be more selective and persistent in looking for the right “dress”. I regret my dress choice to this day, and my dress shopping experience, and I think that is such a shame I hope that your honest writing reaches out to other brides who might fall into the same trap. Your intensions were good and honest and I have so much respect to you for that.
What I gained from my experience and what I think you gained too is that the planning and the process of getting married is a rite of passage in itself and if you can’t look back on it with joy that fills your marriage it is inevitable that it will leave you feeling a little regretful. No matter what your reasons are for choosing a dress or many of the decisions regarding the planning of a wedding for that matter, it is important to give yourself the time and respect to be honest with yourself and do things that make you feel good about yourself and the motives that guide your reasoning. If you don’t feel good about it at the time, its unlikely to change come the wedding day or the days proceeding it .
Anyways, the good thing is — my marriage has definitely not suffered from it and my dreams of a bright future are still firmly intact. Ten years later, Life is Sweet Every day, every year is better than the last …
I totally felt/feel the same way about my dress too. Gee, I thought I was the only one. I cringe at some of the pictures from the wedding (I used to get angry, but its getting better). There is a lot to the story of my dress, I just can’t bring myself to write it all out. But I feel you girlfriend.
[…] thing remains (other than a happy marriage): my dress. As some of you may remember, I was not too fond of my dress. Looking back, I do see myself in pictures a little differently, and I’m wondering if […]
