Wedding Blog

When I was eight years old, my father’s mother, my “Nanny” died. She had been in for surgery on her heart a few months before and seemed to be fully recovered when she had a massive attack and was rushed to the hospital. As it was incredibly sudden, there were no goodbyes or anything. We just received a call and that was that.

Because my family is very small, the loss was very big. My mother’s mother had passed away two years before, but she was older (she was 43 when my mom was born and in her 80s when I was a child) and to a certain extent, because I had only been six, I hadn’t fully comprehended what had happened, so this time things really resonated with me.

My grandfather was a wreck. Though my uncle and my father and I would go up every other weekend to check on him and make sure he had everything he needed, it seemed as though he’d lost the will to go on. We were all very concerned, but it was hard to know what to do.

Thankfully, slowly but surely, my grandfather started to get stronger and regain his personality. We weren’t sure what had helped him turn a corner, but then in the fall, almost a year later, we were introduced to S, my grandfather’s new “friend”. A small Jewish woman with silvery hair and a winning smile, S was very talkative and was eager to feed and chat with us on our arrival at her little place in Verdun. Over the course of dinner, it became very obvious to me that S wasn’t just my grandfather’s friend but his girlfriend and, as much as I hate to admit it now, I became a bit suspicious of her. Wasn’t this too fast? Were grandparents really supposed to date?

Happily, my suspicions were dismissed after spending more time with S and, by the time the second Quebec referendum hit and my grandfather decided to move to Ontario with her, I completely felt like she was part of our family as I saw what a great person she was and how much she truly loved my grandfather. However, unlike my cousins, who referred to her as their grandmother (my Nanny passed away before they were born so they never actually met her), I didn’t feel quite right about using repeat terminology and instead opted to give her her own special title - Bubbi.

It’s been 16 years since Bubbi Hummingbird became part of my life and since Mr. Hummingbird and I got engaged, she has been nothing but helpful with the planning, answering any questions that I have (she planned her two daughters’ weddings) and helping me hunt down some fabulous deals for wedding decorations. I’m really excited to have her there on my big day and I want to do something to honour her and to show her how much I appreciate her love and support.

However, I’m kind of wondering what kind of thing would be appropriate since I’m also doing something to honour my Nanny and I don’t want it to be a question of one tribute being bigger than the other, as though being biologically related to one makes her more important.

Since blended families aren’t uncommon anymore, I figured I would put this one out to the Hive for advice and opinions - how did you/do you plan to honour stepparents/grandparents/special nonbiologically related people on your big day?