Checking In…
January 15th, 2008 @ 1:37 pm by Mrs. Peony
Hello Weddingbee readers! I know it’s been a while and I admit that I’ve been a very bad blogger. 
I know, please feel free to chastise me. The truth of the matter is, I needed a break from all things wedding-related. Actually, scratch that. I needed a break from my life.
During the past month or so, I haven’t been too well, both mentally and physically. I started to have mini panic attacks spurred by cold feet (I’m so young! Am I ready to settle down? Is Mr Peony THE ONE? A marriage is FOREVER)…and for some reason I felt like the only bride ever who has had these feelings. Both Mr Peony and I were going bananas trying to close on our condo because our bank was being very flaky and uncooperative (luckily that worked out and we’re now homeowners!). Add to that a bunch of other personal matters and….well, you get the idea.
My life was going through some major changes and I was plain scared and freaking out about it. I constantly had migraine headaches, which I’ve never had before. Insomnia would plague me through the night and I would walk around like a zombie during the day. I would avoid the half-finished wedding invitations that vomited all over the basement of my parents’ house because I just didn’t want to deal with it.
Whenever people asked me, “How’s wedding planning?” I would reply, “It sucks!”
Or, they would say something along the lines of, “Ohh you must be so excited!” and I felt dreadful inside because I really wasn’t. To clarify, I was looking forward to being married, but not excited thinking about all the things on our to-do list or all the money we would have to spend over the next few months. I wasn’t even looking forward to the wedding day as much anymore, because it was no longer the wedding of my dreams but a concoction created by two overly demanding Asian families. I seriously considered doing away with everything (and losing all our deposit money) to get married in City Hall instead.
I started avoiding everything wedding-related (even…*gasp*…Weddingbee) because everyone seemed so happy and excited to be planning a wedding and I wasn’t. I actually felt a lot of guilt and self-doubt because I wasn’t ecstatic about my wedding as people expect of any bride. There is so much pressure to do something creative and spectacular for your special day, and I just didn’t have the energy….I just wanted to be MARRIED already.
Slowly but surely, I began to take charge, little by little. I started exercising like crazy so I’ve been too exhausted NOT to sleep (plus I’m losing weight….two birds with one stone 
). I decided to forgo a few DIY projects because honestly, most people wouldn’t notice. I even decided to spoil myself a little, and I’m sooooo happy to say that I’m going on a mini-vacation this coming weekend!
Lastly we hope to have our invitations done within the next couple of weeks. Yes we’re way behind schedule but better late than never, right? And I promise to finish my Illustrator Map tutorial on my next post!
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24 Responses to “Checking In…”
Awww, Miss Peony. I’m so sorry you’ve been going through this. Sounds like it’s been an overwhelming time for you. I hope you know deep down that you are not alone with in feeling less than ecstatic all the time. An engagement is an exciting time, but that’s not the only emotion you feel while you’re engaged. I felt the whole gamut of emotions from happiness, panic, fear, anticipation, sadness, stress, frustration, calmness, lack of certainty… everything comes up to the surface when you are about to make such a big commitment and go through such an emotionally charged event. Not only that but your families and friends feel these things too, to a lesser extent, and share their opinions, sometimes when you don’t want to hear them. I totally understand.
My fiance actually broke off our engagement last week because he was so freaked out about the whole thing. You’re definitely not alone in your concerns. I hope you are feeling better now. Keep up the exercise - it helps on so many levels.
OMG. I totally thought I was the only one who felt like this. I’m glad to know that there are other people who have the same feelings and emotions before getting married. And we’re already married but having a formal ceremony in a few months! Sometimes it really does feel like other people’s wedding since everyone has something they want done or “need”.
You’re not alone!
Welcome back, Miss Peony! I always enjoy your thoughtful posts and your honesty. Hope you’re feeling better, and you’re never alone in feeling frustrated or confused by a wedding.
welcome back! i’m glad to see that things are working out.
i totally understand. do what you gotta do. in the end of it all, you’re going ot be married and thats all that counts. glad to see you back!
I am glad things are looking up for you, and thanks so much for sharing. While I have no doubts that my impending marriage is the right thing, I too have serious moments when I just want it done… I somehow had thought we would just go to the courthouse, and was surprised that my FI had his half of the guest list already prepared when he asked me to marry him. Between him and my mom, the big party seems like a forgone conclusion, and I am sure it will be loads of fun and good memories, but there are times when I would really rather it was over! I love this website because it is great to share the excitement, but it is also great to know that I am not the only one who suffers from some planning overload.
I hope your weekend away is relaxing and refreshing and everything that you need!
Glad to have you back Miss Peony. I was just about to write to see where you’ve been. I’m in the same boat as you. Glad things are looking up for you now!
I’m sorry to hear that things are hard. If it helps, this is totally and completely normal from what I’ve heard. You may find solace and company by reading “I do but I don’t” (a book) or checking out some of the forums (Anxiety, Life After Marriage) at http://kvetch.indiebride.com.
Wow. I’ve felt some of the exact same sentiments - down to the exact same 2 words: city hall. Thank you for sharing what you’re going through. It can actually help others to hear we’re not crazy 
i’m getting married in may and i’m going through the same thing. every day i ask my fiance if we can just ditch the wedding of our parents’ dreams and get married at city hall. i can’t wait until this goddamn wedding is over!
It is so refreshing to see a post like this on here. Many, many women (myself included) go through variations of this during our engagement. The book “The Conscious Bride” really helped me feel less crazy and alone.
awww i’m sorry the wedding planning process has been filled with so many bumps in the road. we’re glad that you’re back, and i’m sure in the end you’ll pull off a beautiful, very meaningful event. 
Welcome back Miss Peony– I was missing your posts. I’m so happy you wrote what you did, because I’ve felt really similarly and I suspect a lot of brides do too. You’re not alone! And I think your approach was the right one– sometimes it helps to just take a breather and step away from it all.
oh man, i can totally sympathize. i can’t wait to be married, but the whole wedding planning thing…well, sometimes i’m ready to elope.
welcome back, and i’m glad you’ve found some balance!
Miss Peony: I’m so glad that you’re back and that you’re feeling better. Wedding planning does get pretty awful sometimes… Enjoy your mini vacation– you deserve it!
I had a similar melt down last week. FI actually asked me if I wanted to wait a year so I work through whatever anxiety I was having. But honestly it’s just the stress of all the things to do before the wedding. I told him waiting a year wouldn’t solve anything. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to get married (I too was ready to head to city hall) but I didn’t want to deal with the stress of wedding planning. FI (such a sweetheart) has stepped up and been helping a lot with the planning now.
It felt good to unload all that stress and realize that not everything is as important as our marriage.
I feel you completely on this one. Exercise helps. Learning to firmly, but kindly to say “no” to certain family demands helps. Realizing you’re not Martha Stewart helps. And taking your frustration out on guitar hero duets with your future husband helps. Good luck. I hope your load lightens soon.
<—– was gone for SEVEN months and COMPLETELY understands. Glad you’re back and that you’ll get a break this weekend. Looking forward to hearing more. =)
Don’t worry Miss Peony, I had the same feelings. It’s hard because you’re not sure you want to share those feelings with other people and you feel the pressure of everything! Once this passes, you’ll feel better. Just let the little things go and yay for the mini vacation! We went to San Fran for a long weekend and it’s been our most memorable trip. Welcome back!
I am getting married, selling my apartment, quitting my job, and moving across the country, all within the month of February. I am so stressed out and crabby that I hate everyone and want to sleep until March. Whenever vendors ask me perfectly legitimate questions about what I want for the wedding, my first reaction is, “I DON”T CARE. You’re the professional–take care of it, already!”
So I totally understand what you are going through. Like you, I’ve started exercising like crazy–I’ve worked out in the last two weeks more than I have worked out in the entire previous 20 years–because it is the only thing that calms me down. Hang in there: just remember that on the day, it will be wonderful, and the man of your dreams will be waiting for you. Put aside the unnecessary DIY and tell yourself that the only decoration your guests are guaranteed to notice or remember is your ecstatic, glowing smile.
TOTALY went through the same thing. All I can say is I’m married now and it is wonderful. The rest was just details.
SIGH OF RELIEF *offers miss jasmine a hanky*-I gotta tell you this site is amazing in uniting people who often feel alone and realize that we are not in this wedding mayhem. Everything you said is EXACTLY how I FEEL and what I went through. I told my mom about the city hall thing and that DID NOT go over well. Find the things that you CAN control and do them with your fiance or your BMs - the flowers, the reasonable DIY projects, the honeymoon planning. These things do help little by little along with the exercise. Talk to your parents - if they see how unhappy you are they will realize and you will be amazed to see how much they can “back off” and compromise. You are the darling daughter and I know asian parents (fathers esp) love their children - they just need a little moment of truth to see where you are unhappy. Chin up - we can do this and hell or high water we WILL BE MARRIED to the one we love. =)
aww miss peony! you’re not alone- i feel the same way! i think the funnest part of wedding planning was just looking at magazines before you had any appointments and vendor talks and bills to pay..that and our marriage seminar. everything else pretty much sucks. our families are both very demanding also - it’s been a very trying time.
but i’m glad you’re getting through it! i just try to remind myself that it will all be over soon. =) wedding is just 1 day that will come and go but a marriage will last. i look forward to your posts (but don’t feel pressured to post.. ) ^_^
Mrs. Peony, New York
Age and Occupation: 27, Marketing Coordinator
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, QA Engineer
Engagement Date: June 28, 2007
Wedding Date: April 18, 2008
Venue: The Fountainhead
Blogging Since: August 7, 2007
About Me: Both Mr. Peony and I are huge computer nerds, and our conversations usually consist of the latest gadgets, programming languages, and video games. At the same time, I can also be very girly with an obsession with handbags, makeup, and high heels. And art! I've studied studio art extensively, almost majored in art history, and freelance as a web and graphics designer. Mr. Peony and I are having a ball of a time planning a wedding for 250(!) guests, doing our best to infuse our personalities (geeky chic) with the wishes of our very traditional Asian parents.
I totally feel you, Miss Peony. I’m glad that things are looking up for you- a mini vacation did me a world of good this past weekend.