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Who to have in your wedding party can be a difficult decision. Many brides have their sisters and best friends and I’ve seen many grooms include their brothers, fathers and best friends (huh, I’ve never seen the bride’s mother in the weeding party… have you)? But when it comes to including the bride’s brother and the groom’s sister, things can get big quickly.
Mrs. Snow Pea’s large and lovely wedding party. Photo by Henry Chan
Knottie Nova726 with her sister-in-law/bridesmaid, her husband and her brother/groomsmanWhen we started planning, neither of us had to think much about our wedding party — my bridesmaids would be my three best friends and his groomsmen would be his brother, father and best friend. That left my brother out and my mother was NOT happy about this. She pushed and pushed for us to include him. I was frustrated that she was trying to make this decision for Mr. Onion. Yes, they were friends when they were young, but that doesn’t mean he would want to have him in his wedding party. It was a big back and forth and a fighting point for months.
In the end it all worked out. Brother Onion didn’t have to rent a suit, he didn’t have to come home for the bachelor party, he didn’t have to take a day off of school to make it in time for the rehearsal, he got to wear his kilt AND he made a toast anyway. I suggested he read a poem at the ceremony or speak at the reception — however he wanted to be involved was fine with me.
My parents and brother (note my brother’s kilt — wouldn’t have worked with the wedding party attire, that’s for sure).
I imagine this may be an issue for many of you. Did you or will you have your husband’s sister or your brother in your wedding party? Was this a choice for each of you, or something that was “expected” or “encouraged” by your families? Did it force you to have a much larger wedding party than you’d hoped for? Feel free to share your experiences and stories.
our wedding party ended up much larger than we expected because I am one of 3 and my fiance is one of 5(!). at first I stressed out about it (we have uneven numbers too), but I’ve come to realize that I want them all up there, regardless of how it looks, and regardless of how big it is. better to be surrounded by so many people who love you!
I wanted a *fairly* small wedding party - not just to keep the costs down, because I only wanted people that truly meant a lot to me. I’m having my sister as my Matron of Honour ;p my FSIL (FH sister) as my Maid of HOnour, my other FSIL (also FH sister) as my bridesmaid.
I asked my brother if he would prefer to be a groomsman, say a reading at the ceremony or play his bagpipes - it was reeeeaaalllly important for me to have him involved in some way. He choose to do a ceremony ready - yippee!
Our wedding party is much larger than i ever wanted. My fiance has 5 best friends he wanted included, but i had only wanted 3 or 4. Since he has no brothers, i offered to have his younger two sisters in my party - and then decided i must needs include my own sisters and best firends *sigh* after a lot of organizing and rearranging our ideas, we have enough witnesses for six weddings! But we’re joy-filled to include them, even though it makes things more complicated.
My fiance asked my brother to be a groomsmen almost immediately and that was his choice. He has a sister whom I did not ask and although I believe this was an issue- she has expressed (prior to my decision) that she would not be able to participate because of financial constraints. I do plan to recognize her in some special way during the ceremony.
What I got hit the hardest about was asking one of my cousins to be a bridesmaid. There was a lot of back and forth and tense discussions about this with my mom. My cousin and I are not close. In the end I asked her to be a hostess.
I have my FSIL as one of my maids, but my two brothers opted out. They’re both still renting tuxes and helping to seat people, but they are super shy and didn’t want to stand up in front of everyone or give a toast. I’m happy to have them there in any capacity. 
My fiance has no sisters, so I didn’t have to include anyone, but I have a younger brother who I love dearly. My fiance isn’t particularly close to my brother, so when he wasn’t asked, my brother understood, but I think was a little hurt to not be included.
One of my bridesmaids had to step down (she got called up to Iraq, and is actually my brother’s wife!) so now my brother is one of my “bridesmaids” even though he has strict rules (he won’t carry flowers, he won’t be escorted by a man, etc). I am just glad I am going to get to include him after all.
I had Mr. Kiwi’s sister as my Matron of Honor, and he had his brother as his best man. Basically our wedding party was made up of his family only! I’m glad it worked out that way, as it made all rehearsal crap easier, and we had the tiny party we wanted.
Im an only child, but we will be including both Mr. Pengy’s brother and sister in the wedding. Fortunately it was an easy decision, because we have all traveled the world together, spent time together, and get along really well. I wonder what would have been the case if I didnt like Mr. Pengy’s sister though? I bet we’d probably still include her in the wedding party because she’s family. Fortunately this isnt the case and I love her a lot!
We are each including one brother as an usher, but none of our other siblings. His two sisters are married and I am not that close to them, nor am I that close to my sister who is 7 years younger and incredibly shy. We are also not including my eldest brother whom my fiance has never met. There has been no mention from either family that this is inappropriate or not to their liking. Perhaps because we’re paying for the wedding. Regardless, I’m not a big wedding party kind of gal. We each have three attendants. It was very important to me that the people standing beside me truly knew me and had my back and would be able to support me through the wedding planning process — and that doesn’t necessarily mean family.
I was pressured by my fiance’s family into including my fiance’s brother’s wife, whom I have not known for very long but who asked me to be in HER wedding only months before. So my hands were tied. It’s a bummer.
Well, this was tricky for us. my hunnie only has one sister, older, at 37. I, however, am the oldest of 6. The youngest is 12 in a month. We aren’t having children at the wedding, including the three youngest of my siblings (we’re taking them out at some point before for some fun crap in Chicago, its their choice, we’ll probably stay in a hotel and eat junk food with them all night ) So that leaves us with my brother and sister, and his sister. He and his sister bicker constantly and i still don’t think she’s too fond of me, so we opted to not have siblings in the bridal party. Then she cant complain about it, and no ones feelings are hurt. My brother is thrilled he doesnt have to wear a tux. We just chose our closest friends, however, i think i may have been a little hasty. Im having some issues with my MOH at present :/
yup had a incident with the fiances sister (he has 2) and his parents told us 1 of them had to be in the wedding not the other one…. needless to say it did not go over well. And we arent very close and she is 12 years older than i am 
so we just went about it that way. Especially awk when FMIL asked my mom is the notorious 1 sister was in the wedding!
grrr.
I gladly invited my FI’s sister to be a bridesmaid in our wedding, she has always been nice to me and when FI and I were just friends she encouraged me to make it something more. As much as I loved the idea of her being a bridesmaid, we kept having a numbers issue because I would have 7 girls walking down with me and FI only had 5 guys, partially because one of our mutual best friends is getting ordained online and performing our ceremony. FI was also having a problem deciding which of his friends to ask to be his best man. Since he is closer to his sister than any of his other friends and we are already having a somewhat non-traditional wedding, he has asked his sister to be his “Best (Wo)Man” and she was thrilled! I think it’ll be really nice for both of us to have our sisters right there next to us on our big day.
My sister is my MOH because she got married a few years ago so knows all the ins and outs of a wedding…that and she’s the only one that can handle my crazy family! But my FI’s younger sister was a last minute decision. I wanted her to be involved because she’s only got one brother and thus far she’s been the most cooperative one on everything bridesmaidsy! But no, it was my decision to include them both and at the end of the day, I probably wouldn’t want to have it any other way!
I’m an only child, so no troubles there. The groom’s brother was the clear choice for best man, so no troubles there. The groom’s sister would surely have turned me down if I’d invited her to be a bridesmaid, because she’s just not the bridesmaid type, y’know? We asked her to do a reading, and beyond that, parent-wrangling was a vital task she handled with aplomb.
great post mrs. onion!
mr. bee’s sister wanted to be a bridesmaid when we first got engaged, but she ended up being 8 months pregnant at the time of the wedding, so it worked out.
my brother was an usher and mr. bee’s twin brother aka bil bee was his best man.
I originally wanted to have my BFF as my MOH, since she’s helping me with the wedding more than anyone, but I knew my mother would be upset if my sister was “just a BM” and not the MOH. I already knew I wanted my brother involved as well, so he is going to be my “Man of Honour” which make my mother happy (he and I are closer anyway), and my BFF is gracious enough to let it slide and share a wink when I get up to the altar!
Interesting question. As our wedding was planned I didn’t really spend much time ‘thinking’ about this. My mom was my MOH, his step-dad was his BM, my brother walked me down the aisle (since my dad has passed away), and I had my brother’s wife read our one passage during the ceremony. The reason I chose her to do the reading was because she was also one of my sorority sisters, and the reading was part of our Theta ritual. It wasn’t until after the wedding that I realized my entire family was involved in the ceremony and his sister and step-sister were not. Nothing was ever said, and I hope their feelings were not hurt! If I had realized this before the ceremony - I probably would have tried to create a role for them in the ceremony or sometime during the day. Opps
Mrs. Onion… forgive me if I’m overstepping, but I believe you blogged a while back about your half sisters not even being at the wedding? It stuck with me because I also have two half sisters from my father’s side. While I have always loved weddings as the some of the only times big families all get together, certain memories from my sister’s weddings remind me that they are also a big wide open opportunity for hurt feelings and reopening old wounds. While our relationships have improved over the years, I wonder when it comes time for me to marry if I will still feel burned over overheard comments that I was “just a half sister” and the petty bitterness toward my mother. On the other hand, my father would love to see his four daughters standing up together at a wedding some day, I’m sure. Wow this has gotten long. Sigh. Its good to know I’m not the only one
PS: Still bugging my mom for a pic of her dress to send you!
My husband chose my brother as his BM. He and my brother have been very close the past 4 years, even though my husband is 30 and my brother is 20. I also asked his sister to be my MOH. She and I have been best friends since I moved from Indiana to Illinois. Not having any one I knew at first, she was there. So we have been really close for the past 3 years. It just made sense to have them as our BM and MOH. They are the clostest friends! And we had a really small small wedding, so just the 2 of them were our attendants. It was perfect!
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Miss Onion, NYC/Burlington, VT Age and Occupation: 27, PR & Marketing and Jazz Singer Fiance's Age and Occupation: 28, Data Analyst Engagement Date: April 2, 2006 Wedding Date: September 2007 Blogging Since: July 11, 2007 Venue: Restaurant in Burlington About Me: I didn't think I'd be "that girl," but I am having so much fun planning our wedding (mostly by myself). I'm a PR and Marketing Director for a major jazz festival and camp by day, and by night, a romantic jazz singer and bride-to-be! I hope all my research can help other brides in their planning.
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