Wedding Blog
Who to have in your wedding party can be a difficult decision. Many brides have their sisters and best friends and I’ve seen many grooms include their brothers, fathers and best friends (huh, I’ve never seen the bride’s mother in the weeding party… have you)? But when it comes to including the bride’s brother and the groom’s sister, things can get big quickly.
Mrs. Snow Pea’s large and lovely wedding party. Photo by Henry Chan
Knottie Nova726 with her sister-in-law/bridesmaid, her husband and her brother/groomsmanWhen we started planning, neither of us had to think much about our wedding party — my bridesmaids would be my three best friends and his groomsmen would be his brother, father and best friend. That left my brother out and my mother was NOT happy about this. She pushed and pushed for us to include him. I was frustrated that she was trying to make this decision for Mr. Onion. Yes, they were friends when they were young, but that doesn’t mean he would want to have him in his wedding party. It was a big back and forth and a fighting point for months.
In the end it all worked out. Brother Onion didn’t have to rent a suit, he didn’t have to come home for the bachelor party, he didn’t have to take a day off of school to make it in time for the rehearsal, he got to wear his kilt AND he made a toast anyway. I suggested he read a poem at the ceremony or speak at the reception — however he wanted to be involved was fine with me.
My parents and brother (note my brother’s kilt — wouldn’t have worked with the wedding party attire, that’s for sure).
I imagine this may be an issue for many of you. Did you or will you have your husband’s sister or your brother in your wedding party? Was this a choice for each of you, or something that was “expected” or “encouraged” by your families? Did it force you to have a much larger wedding party than you’d hoped for? Feel free to share your experiences and stories.
|
Share this post: Siblings And Wedding Parties
our wedding party ended up much larger than we expected because I am one of 3 and my fiance is one of 5(!). at first I stressed out about it (we have uneven numbers too), but I’ve come to realize that I want them all up there, regardless of how it looks, and regardless of how big it is. better to be surrounded by so many people who love you!
I wanted a *fairly* small wedding party - not just to keep the costs down, because I only wanted people that truly meant a lot to me. I’m having my sister as my Matron of Honour ;p my FSIL (FH sister) as my Maid of HOnour, my other FSIL (also FH sister) as my bridesmaid.
I asked my brother if he would prefer to be a groomsman, say a reading at the ceremony or play his bagpipes - it was reeeeaaalllly important for me to have him involved in some way. He choose to do a ceremony ready - yippee!
Our wedding party is much larger than i ever wanted. My fiance has 5 best friends he wanted included, but i had only wanted 3 or 4. Since he has no brothers, i offered to have his younger two sisters in my party - and then decided i must needs include my own sisters and best firends *sigh* after a lot of organizing and rearranging our ideas, we have enough witnesses for six weddings! But we’re joy-filled to include them, even though it makes things more complicated.
My fiance asked my brother to be a groomsmen almost immediately and that was his choice. He has a sister whom I did not ask and although I believe this was an issue- she has expressed (prior to my decision) that she would not be able to participate because of financial constraints. I do plan to recognize her in some special way during the ceremony.
What I got hit the hardest about was asking one of my cousins to be a bridesmaid. There was a lot of back and forth and tense discussions about this with my mom. My cousin and I are not close. In the end I asked her to be a hostess.
I have my FSIL as one of my maids, but my two brothers opted out. They’re both still renting tuxes and helping to seat people, but they are super shy and didn’t want to stand up in front of everyone or give a toast. I’m happy to have them there in any capacity. 
My fiance has no sisters, so I didn’t have to include anyone, but I have a younger brother who I love dearly. My fiance isn’t particularly close to my brother, so when he wasn’t asked, my brother understood, but I think was a little hurt to not be included.
One of my bridesmaids had to step down (she got called up to Iraq, and is actually my brother’s wife!) so now my brother is one of my “bridesmaids” even though he has strict rules (he won’t carry flowers, he won’t be escorted by a man, etc). I am just glad I am going to get to include him after all.
I had Mr. Kiwi’s sister as my Matron of Honor, and he had his brother as his best man. Basically our wedding party was made up of his family only! I’m glad it worked out that way, as it made all rehearsal crap easier, and we had the tiny party we wanted.
Im an only child, but we will be including both Mr. Pengy’s brother and sister in the wedding. Fortunately it was an easy decision, because we have all traveled the world together, spent time together, and get along really well. I wonder what would have been the case if I didnt like Mr. Pengy’s sister though? I bet we’d probably still include her in the wedding party because she’s family. Fortunately this isnt the case and I love her a lot!
We are each including one brother as an usher, but none of our other siblings. His two sisters are married and I am not that close to them, nor am I that close to my sister who is 7 years younger and incredibly shy. We are also not including my eldest brother whom my fiance has never met. There has been no mention from either family that this is inappropriate or not to their liking. Perhaps because we’re paying for the wedding. Regardless, I’m not a big wedding party kind of gal. We each have three attendants. It was very important to me that the people standing beside me truly knew me and had my back and would be able to support me through the wedding planning process — and that doesn’t necessarily mean family.
I was pressured by my fiance’s family into including my fiance’s brother’s wife, whom I have not known for very long but who asked me to be in HER wedding only months before. So my hands were tied. It’s a bummer.
Well, this was tricky for us. my hunnie only has one sister, older, at 37. I, however, am the oldest of 6. The youngest is 12 in a month. We aren’t having children at the wedding, including the three youngest of my siblings (we’re taking them out at some point before for some fun crap in Chicago, its their choice, we’ll probably stay in a hotel and eat junk food with them all night ) So that leaves us with my brother and sister, and his sister. He and his sister bicker constantly and i still don’t think she’s too fond of me, so we opted to not have siblings in the bridal party. Then she cant complain about it, and no ones feelings are hurt. My brother is thrilled he doesnt have to wear a tux. We just chose our closest friends, however, i think i may have been a little hasty. Im having some issues with my MOH at present :/
yup had a incident with the fiances sister (he has 2) and his parents told us 1 of them had to be in the wedding not the other one…. needless to say it did not go over well. And we arent very close and she is 12 years older than i am 
so we just went about it that way. Especially awk when FMIL asked my mom is the notorious 1 sister was in the wedding!
grrr.
I gladly invited my FI’s sister to be a bridesmaid in our wedding, she has always been nice to me and when FI and I were just friends she encouraged me to make it something more. As much as I loved the idea of her being a bridesmaid, we kept having a numbers issue because I would have 7 girls walking down with me and FI only had 5 guys, partially because one of our mutual best friends is getting ordained online and performing our ceremony. FI was also having a problem deciding which of his friends to ask to be his best man. Since he is closer to his sister than any of his other friends and we are already having a somewhat non-traditional wedding, he has asked his sister to be his “Best (Wo)Man” and she was thrilled! I think it’ll be really nice for both of us to have our sisters right there next to us on our big day.
My sister is my MOH because she got married a few years ago so knows all the ins and outs of a wedding…that and she’s the only one that can handle my crazy family! But my FI’s younger sister was a last minute decision. I wanted her to be involved because she’s only got one brother and thus far she’s been the most cooperative one on everything bridesmaidsy! But no, it was my decision to include them both and at the end of the day, I probably wouldn’t want to have it any other way!
I’m an only child, so no troubles there. The groom’s brother was the clear choice for best man, so no troubles there. The groom’s sister would surely have turned me down if I’d invited her to be a bridesmaid, because she’s just not the bridesmaid type, y’know? We asked her to do a reading, and beyond that, parent-wrangling was a vital task she handled with aplomb.
great post mrs. onion!
mr. bee’s sister wanted to be a bridesmaid when we first got engaged, but she ended up being 8 months pregnant at the time of the wedding, so it worked out.
my brother was an usher and mr. bee’s twin brother aka bil bee was his best man.
I originally wanted to have my BFF as my MOH, since she’s helping me with the wedding more than anyone, but I knew my mother would be upset if my sister was “just a BM” and not the MOH. I already knew I wanted my brother involved as well, so he is going to be my “Man of Honour” which make my mother happy (he and I are closer anyway), and my BFF is gracious enough to let it slide and share a wink when I get up to the altar!
Interesting question. As our wedding was planned I didn’t really spend much time ‘thinking’ about this. My mom was my MOH, his step-dad was his BM, my brother walked me down the aisle (since my dad has passed away), and I had my brother’s wife read our one passage during the ceremony. The reason I chose her to do the reading was because she was also one of my sorority sisters, and the reading was part of our Theta ritual. It wasn’t until after the wedding that I realized my entire family was involved in the ceremony and his sister and step-sister were not. Nothing was ever said, and I hope their feelings were not hurt! If I had realized this before the ceremony - I probably would have tried to create a role for them in the ceremony or sometime during the day. Opps
Mrs. Onion… forgive me if I’m overstepping, but I believe you blogged a while back about your half sisters not even being at the wedding? It stuck with me because I also have two half sisters from my father’s side. While I have always loved weddings as the some of the only times big families all get together, certain memories from my sister’s weddings remind me that they are also a big wide open opportunity for hurt feelings and reopening old wounds. While our relationships have improved over the years, I wonder when it comes time for me to marry if I will still feel burned over overheard comments that I was “just a half sister” and the petty bitterness toward my mother. On the other hand, my father would love to see his four daughters standing up together at a wedding some day, I’m sure. Wow this has gotten long. Sigh. Its good to know I’m not the only one
PS: Still bugging my mom for a pic of her dress to send you!
My husband chose my brother as his BM. He and my brother have been very close the past 4 years, even though my husband is 30 and my brother is 20. I also asked his sister to be my MOH. She and I have been best friends since I moved from Indiana to Illinois. Not having any one I knew at first, she was there. So we have been really close for the past 3 years. It just made sense to have them as our BM and MOH. They are the clostest friends! And we had a really small small wedding, so just the 2 of them were our attendants. It was perfect!
I’m having FI’s sister as a BM, but he is not having my brother as a GM. We initially asked my brother but decided that we wanted people up there who really cared about us, and I don’t have a good relationship at all with my brother. We’re only having two attendants, so we kept it small.
Luckily, my FI and I both have twin brothers, so his will be Best Man and mine will be a groomsman. FI doesn’t have any other siblings, but my 2 older brothers will both do readings and their kids (5 all together) will be the flowergirls and ring bearers.
My mom will be my MOH. The Mr. is having his best friend from childhood as his best man. And that’s it. Keeping it small. He has two brothers and they’ll be ushers. Just helping out beforehand and greeting people.
I am scared this will become a problem. My FI has a sister who he is very close to and I have one sibling, a step-sister who has been my sister since third grade.
The minute we started talking about wedding planning, my FMIL said, “Well, FI will probably have Angelia be his best man.” This was news to me because he and I have discussed him choosing between two close guy friends from college. FI hasn’t decided whether or not to ask her, but if she doesn’t stand on his side, I just know it will be on me to have her stand on my side.
I already have a packed wedding party filled with friends and family I talk to frequently and who mean the world to me (best friend since second grade, college best friend whose wedding I was part of, best friend since seventh grade, one sorority sister, two cousins who I am incredibly close to). These are the women who know me best! Most of FI’s groomsmen are in the Air Force and we will run the risk of them being unable to attend last minute, I do not want to have too many bridesmaids and be scrambling at the last minute for replacements for groomsmen because the military sprung one on us and the guys can’t come.
My mom is also concerned my step-sister will be upset. However, she has three children who are my pride and joys and will be the only ones involved in my wedding at all (ring bearer, 7, flower girl, 4 and the youngest will be 2.5 probably informally involved, I haven’t decided). She lives far away and would not be financially able to buy a dress and actively participate, plus my parents and I will be footing the bill for her children’s outfits for the day. I don’t want to burden her with more responsibility, but I also don’t want to hurt her feelings. I need to maybe try to talk to her or something about this in a very delicate way.
Whew! That was long!!!! Sorry for the rant! I have been looking so forward to wedding planning, but I gotta say it is stressful already and not always the good kind! Like the my-mother-and-his-mother-are-driving-me
freakin’-crazy-stressful!
FH’s side of the aisle was already pretty full (6 groomsmen- 1 brother and 5 mutual friends) so I asked my 2 brothers to do readings at the ceremony. One is 13 (and I think my mom is glad to not have to rent him a tux) and the other isn’t a tux wearing kind of guy so I am glad to have them involved without having to do something that wouldn’t be comfortable for them. I also have an uncle I am very close to who will be playing a song during the wedding so my male relatives are doing a lot of “non-groomsman but still in the wedding” jobs.
My sister is only 9 so I was able to make her a flowergirl without upsetting my brothers in that they don’t have = jobs.
To be honest, MIL pushed HARD CORE to have her daughter in the wedding. I ended up asking her to be a bridesmaid because she was so helpful in the beginning. It worked out well because Mr. Licorice’s BIL (my SIL’s husband) was part of the wedding party. They both got to dress up and help out, so all was well in the Land of Licorice!
His other sister wasn’t so interested in being a bridesmaid (she was pregnant and lives in NY), so she did a reading instead. I’m glad that it all worked out!
I’m in kind of a tight spot too. I’m an only child, but FI has 2 sisters. The thing is, he’s several years older than I, and his sisters are correspondingly much older. In fact, his oldest sister could be my mother with not much of a stretch! We have good relationships, but are not really close. They don’t live in our city, they have grown children etc. In fact I’d like his youngest niece to be a BM, but am afraid that will cause difficulties with his other 2 nieces and his sisters. FMIL is traditional hardcore, and when his sisters married, they have their future siblings in their parties, so we’ll see.
my DH MADE me have his sister as one of my bridesmaids.
dont get me wrong, she’s a very nice person in her own little weird way, but we’re not friends, we dont talk unless we have to, and there were much better people for me to have in my wedding party, but he didn’t see it that way.
My FI has more people to possibly include on his side than I do. He kept saying “If I ask this guy then I have to ask this guy which means I can’t leave out this guy . . .” and pretty soon he was at 10!! and I was still at 3. So, short of asking random people on the street to fill in my other 7, we decided to make it easy and have just 1 attendant each. We’re both very happy with our small wedding party, and no friends with hurt feelings
In regards to the mother in the wedding party question, I had my mom as my matron-of-honor and my dad as my man-of-honor. Pics in the link. Just thought I’d show you your first MITWP (mom in the wedding party). 
We wanted to have a small bridal party to cut down on any wedding-related drama, and we still had issues (that were beyond anyone’s control).
My sister/MOH went into EARLY labor two weeks before the wedding and we weren’t sure if she was going to be able to make it, and our only groomsman told us he couldn’t make it two days before the wedding.
Luckily, my sister was able to make it (my nephew is a preemie but doing just fine) and my husband’s cousin stood in the groomsman at the last minute.
My husband has a daughter (who was the bridesmaid) and a brother also. But due to financial reasons, his brother couldn’t be in the wedding. Which we understood, and I’m sure everyone else did as well.
we each have 7 on each side!
my side includes my 2 sisters, his 1 sister, and other friends.
his side includes his 2 brothers, my 1 brother, and other friends.
we didn’t think twice about having our siblings in our wedding party. we both actually expected it.
Ha, good timing on this post! I felt pressured to include my SIL as a bridesmaid in my wedding (honestly, she assumed she would be one before I even asked her), and she ended up being fairly disinterested in helping me out or doing anything beyond wearing the dress and getting her hair done (she literally text-messaged her bf throughout the entirety of my bachelorette party!). I somewhat resented her assumed inclusion because that meant the exclusion of one of my best friends (i.e., someone of *my* choosing).
Now, my SIL is getting married, and she has informed my husband, her brother, that he and the other brothers won’t be a part of the wedding party, but I, along with her SILs will be bridesmaids…um, ok. I guess they have more guys than girls to pick from, but I still think the whole thing is weird. But that’s family, right?!
I’m an only child, so the Mr. doesn’t have to include any of my (nonexistent) siblings. I, however, am having his younger sisters in my party, along with his brother’s very long term girlfriend who will eventually also join the family.
I guess I’m lucky because we all like each other, and since I’ve never had siblings, I’m excited to “get” some, even if they are in-laws.
It also helps that this is the first marriage for the immediate family, and they are all super excited.
I have had a very difficult time lately trying to choose my bridal party. I really don’t want to go over 4 on each side, and he is insisting on having it even so he doesn’t look dumb. He is struggling to even find 3, and I am able to find close to 6 and am having to make sacrifices to cut people out.
Being in a wedding recently and seeing my best friend have someone in her wedding by default made me realize is not a good idea.
I have two sisters, he has one, and I have 2 best friends, plus a sister-in-law. I will have my best friends as maid and matron of honor, and know who I really want up there with me, but I feel like feelings will be hurt. The people I want up there won’t be hurt if I don’t have them up there, but I am closer to them and know they will add less stress to me the week of the wedding.
I love my sisters and both of them have said they won’t be upset if they aren’t up there with me, but I know if I have my sister-in-law and future sister-in-law up there before them, they my have some hurt feelings.
Should I just have one sister and his sister up there with me, or is there some job I can give my sister that is really important other than a reading to make her feel more like a part of the wedding?
Please help me!!!
I would first let go of the “even” thing. I understand wanting things to look good in photos, but really, it’s about having people with you that are important to you.
You can have them sit during the ceremony so it doesn’t look so un-even and stagger them in photos with the groomsmen — sitting, standing, etc.
Also, keep in mind that being in a wedding party is an added expense (the dress, the shoes, the hair/make-up, the shower and bridal parties…) that they might be glad not to have to incure.
Other things they could do to be involved — read during the ceremony, make a special toast, wear flowers, introduce you at the reception or announce your first dance….or you could do this more quietly by writing them a letter about how much their support means to you and your new husband. GL!
@Mrs. Onion: Thank you for the suggestions! It helps a lot. I have also been given the idea of having my sister act as a hostess. She would make sure everything is running smoothly that day and make sure the guest book is taken care of. And we want to do the combining of the sands at the ceremony, and felt she could introduce that as well.
The “even” thing is not an issue to me, but it is to him, because he doesn’t really have many friends, and already feels bad about that, and he wants to have it even so he feels better.
i think all these comments are ridiculous. what harm is it to ask and include your immedicate Family??? Sister, sister in law, brother , brother in law family regardless if you are close or not.
THEY ARE YOUR IMMEDIATED FAMILY. Why would you want to hurt a sister/brother/spouses which will ultimately cause a rift in the family. And Believ me IT does!!!!!
It is not worth it in the end. Stop being so SELFISH “The day is not just about you”.. It is the marrying of two families and all siblings should be invited into the wedding party to KEEP THE PEACE for GOD SAKE…… If they decline then let them decline but at least you did the right thing by asking the brother/sister and husbands to be part of your special day. IT IS JUST THE RIGHT THING TO DO IN ORDER TO KEEP PEACE!!!!!
My fiance has just had a falling out with a groomsman and I really want him to ask my brother in law. Im not sure on how to tell him without it seeming pushy. But it is really important to me that my BIL be involved somehow with the wedding. I just don’t know what job to give him for the day.
My brother (and only sibling) was recently married, and I was not included in the ceremony. The bride’s only sister was a bridesmaid. There were very few people in the audience, and I felt very left out because half of the attendees were in the wedding party. Also, the wedding party and some friends were invited to spend a week long vacation together before the ceremony, and I was never invited to join in. I feel like there was not much of an effort to include me, but I did not want to make my brother worry, so I did not tell anyone how much it hurt my feelings. It is difficult to understand how he did not think to include me in any part of this important day in his life. I now question how he views our relationship. I would recommend that anyone who has only one sibling include that sibling in some way.
| Visit our sister sites | Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Fertile Thoughts Infertility Support |
Miss Onion, NYC/Burlington, VT
Age and Occupation: 27, PR & Marketing and Jazz Singer
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 28, Data Analyst
Engagement Date: April 2, 2006
Wedding Date: September 2007
Blogging Since: July 11, 2007
Venue: Restaurant in Burlington
About Me: I didn't think I'd be "that girl," but I am having so much fun planning our wedding (mostly by myself). I'm a PR and Marketing Director for a major jazz festival and camp by day, and by night, a romantic jazz singer and bride-to-be! I hope all my research can help other brides in their planning.
| Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |
| 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 |
| 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 |
| 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 |
| 29 | 30 |
Latest Gallery Pics