- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee Blog
I know I have so much to be thankful for. For example, God has blessed with me with sacrificial friends - girls who went out of their way just to be there for me. One touching thing was when I found out that my girlfriend had broken up with her boyfriend the day before our wedding. She didn’t want to tell me because she didn’t want to ruin the wedding mood, so she acted sooo happy for me on the wedding day and didn’t tell me until I got back from my honeymoon! I was so amazed at her selflessness!
And of course, I had the best bridesmaids a girl could ask for. One of my bridesmaids had been asked to be a bridesmaid FOUR TIMES within the span of 6 months! I was her 3rd wedding, but she acted just as excited and happy for me, as if I were the only wedding she was a part of. I had so much love and support from my girlfriends.
But now that all is said and done, I can’t help but feel a bit hurt when I think about the invited guests who didn’t come to the wedding. After all the guest list cutting and MONTHS of working to make a wedding and reception happen, it just feels like some people didn’t understand that this was our one and only wedding. I know it sounds a bit whiny, but I’m wondering if any others out there felt the same way.
I felt this way particularly with friends from way back in the day, who canceled at the last minute or gave some lame excuse. After 10 months of planning, crazy organizing, and sending out Save the Dates, I was disappointed when I didn’t see someone who I thought I’d see after many years. I especially felt terrible knowing that there were empty seats (and paid for meals!) that could have gone to others cut from the guest list.
Did you, or do any of you ex-Brides feel this way?
i’m kind of afraid of the same thing happening to me as well. i’m not married yet, but my church had 5 weddings last year (the last 3 were all in 6 weeks~!). i found out that some of our friends, kind of skipped out on the reception at the last minute..i guess it all seemed the same to them after attending so many. but i was really upset when some showed up at the reception, and when the bride and groom were late, they just left. so there were empty seats. that upset me a lot and i was wondering if the same thing would happen to me..
Yes, I know how you feel. I tried to be understanding of those who had work conflicts or had trouble traveling. But I do get particularly upset when I think about my friend who RSVP’ed and didn’t show, and I still haven’t really heard from, 8 months later! I only got a “Happy Holidays” mass text message she sent.
I only had one friend that didn’t make it to the reception (he went to the ceremony, though, which I found odd…I think he got drunk in between, though), and then another couple that rejected our invitation. Which honestly confused me, and I have no idea how to handle my feelings about it, even though it’s been 4 months since I got the news/2 and a half months since the wedding. I still have an email in my inbox at home from the one friend that she sent the week before the wedding wishing us the best and hoping we would have a great wedding day! (???) I never responded…I didn’t know how. It hurts so much when I think about it now, I’m tearing up.
I wish I could let the hurt go, but it’s hard…
I can definitely relate. I’m supersensitive (probably unreasonably so), so these types of things bother me way more than they should. A cousin posted in the guestbook on our website, “Congrats! Can’t wait to see pictures!”. Apparently, they already decided they’re not attending. I know it’s unreasonable to expect everyone to come (although it’s unacceptable for someone to RSVP and be a no-show unless it’s an emergency), but it still stings a little bit.
That’s so frustrating! My FI was a groomsman in a wedding last year where the couple had invited another groomsmen’s entire family. They RSVP’d that they would come and then didn’t show up. A whole family of possibly 10 people!!!! No card, no gift, nothing… And the reason they weren’t there was completely ridiculous- they obviously do not understand how much time, money & hard-work is invovled!
My FI is close with this family as well and we discussed inviting them and I had him really consider if it was worth it if they weren’t understanding enough to recognize how this affects the bride/groom.
To clarify, we had many people that weren’t able to make it to the wedding that we would have loved to have seen…family members, old friends of the family, etc…that were unable to make it due to conflicts that totally made sense and we completely understood.
However, the one couple that rejected our invite live in our town, wouldn’t have had to travel to get to the wedding, and didn’t say anything about a trip they’d planned or any issues with family members being sick or anything that I would have expected would be reasons they would have for not being able to attend. It was shocking to my system. Felt like I’d been punched in the stomach. They’re good friends that I’ve spent loads of time with and whom I hadn’t seen in a long while (due to the engagement, her having a baby, job changes, etc…), so I was really looking forward to seeing them at the wedding finally! That’s what I meant…we didn’t just have one couple decline our invite…that would have been crazy! 
There were 4 or 5 people that gave me lame excuses or just didn’t show up at all and if you would have asked me before if they would be there, I would have bet a million dollars they would.
Did it bother me? A bit, but I realized later that they just didn’t value our relationship as much as I did.
Yeah, I definitely felt it. The worst was people who just checked the No box without saying anything. If you check no and say “I’m really sorry I won’t be able to come b/c XXX but I wish I could be there and hope you have a great day!!” then I still like you and am sad you can’t come. But if you can’t even be troubled to do anything other than check the little box?? Come on, make an effort!!
I was also disappointed that several of our friends just decided to go back to the house (1 minute walk away) and go to sleep? Talk to each other there? fairly early in the night.
But the vast majority of people we really cared about coming came and stayed and seemed to have a great time, so you just have to focus on the good stuff!
Some people just do not know how to behave. It is sad. How can you RSVP and not show up!! nightmare.
i had a (male, older) friend who i had lost touch with come out of the woodwork after i got engaged, insisted “you’d better invite me to your wedding!”, RSVPed immediately, made a big deal about not being able to find a date (we did not invite him with a +guest either), and then didn’t show up to the wedding. didn’t send a gift. didn’t even contact me after the wedding… and now we’ve lost touch again. there goes $100 down the drain for his plate.
our other no-show was a girl who had gone to school with my DH and i suspect had a crush on him. she also RSVPed as a yes, then never showed and never contacted us again. what was even more mind-boggling was that all of her close friends were there and had a great time.
I think this is one of the side effects of getting married in your early 20’s– many of your friends will still be inexperienced and — hopefully unintentionally– insensitive about RSVP’ing and the obligation to show up if you’ve said you will.
Alas, until they go through it themselves and/or wise up with age, some people will think of every social occasion as a kegger– “Show up, don’t show up, throw up, whatever!”
Don’t take any of it personally and realize how bad they will feel looking back on their behavior once they wise up!
I scrimped on fancy details so that no one had to be cut from the list. That way if people didn’t show I didn’t have to feel upset at them.
Sometimes things come up, sometimes people just don’t feel well. Would you rather have them attending when they really didn’t want to be there. As much as we loved our own weddings it doesn’t mean that they are the central event for everyone else in our lives.
I can understand why people would decline to attend a wedding awithout a viable excuse. Many people don’t like weddings, are strapped enough financially that shelling out $50 for a wedding present is a stretch or siply do not like large crowds. However it is simply the height of rudeness to except an invitation to a wedding and not attend. This is not your average, “stop by because we’re having a party” get together. This is a formal invitation and an exceptance means that the host shell out from $50 to $100 and up for their meal and that doesn’t even include the other costs involved. Even without the costs, this is a special day and it is a major snub to accept and not show up or cancel at the last minute. A cancelation should only occur in case of death or sickness or some other major issue it is not a “oh, I just didn’t feel like going out” kind excusable event.
I’m a destination bride and I’m afraid that this will happen to me. Right now everyone is saying yes they will come, but I’m afraid that when it gets down to it, the excuses will come out and nobody will make it (I’m thinking mainly because of expenses). It will make me sad, but it also makes me realize that the only people that I really want at my wedding is my family and his family. Everyone else is just icing on the cake.
on the other side of the coin - maybe some people just can’t afford to go and are embarrassed to say so. that was the case for me with a wedding in holland, although i sucked it up and told my friend the truth. i think she was understanding about it. we’ll see what happens with guests at my own wedding.
For me there is no excuse whatsoever (except emergency, death, etc.) for someone to RSVP Yes and then not show up. I’d be livid. That’s major wasted money.
As far as other people who RSVP no…it doesn’t really bother me that much. A lot of the time you don’t know what may/may not be going on in their lives. Sometimes going to people’s weddings can be REALLY expensive. We were invited to six weddings this year, all out of state, so needless to say it is all the people we knew “way back when” but aren’t really friends with anymore that are the lowest on our travel priority list.
I also think it’s a symptom of the times…with giant weddings and feeling the need to invite every person we or our parents may have ever been friends with it’s inevitable that these people won’t come b/c we really aren’t all that important in their lives. I think trying to keep a guest list to the people that truly matter and are involved in our lives is helpful.
Finally, the best advice I received when starting to wedding plan was “no one cares about your wedding but you.” Sure, that’s probably not true, I’m sure my friends and family care a lot, but having the attitude that this is just another day for everyone else, not a lifetime monumental event, has saved me from not getting my feelings hurt and not talking too much about weddings with everyone.
I know how you feel; I had a cousin who was my “best cousin” growing up, and despite me sending out save-the-dates 6 months before, said she had to go camping. Doesn’t that sound like a strange excuse? I was pretty bummed. Her two sisters didn’t show up either which really made me wonder if they thought I was as special as I thought they were. It kind of messes with you, but after a while I realize that not eveyone shows up to the family reunion either, so I let it go. They missed on heck of a good time though.
Weird - you have perfect timing b/c I was feeling this way last night too. I felt so sad and alone after hearing that certain people couldn’t come…even though I’ve told them a year in advance about the wedding. It just seems like people aren’t making any effort to attend something that they knew was super-important to me. I’m hoping my RSVP’s will take a turn for the better soon.
We only had one couple that RSVPed and didn’t show up. But still, it hurt my feelings. We had a small wedding and had to leave out a bunch of people wo were important to us. I thought they at least would have called afterward, but we never heard from them until a couple of weeks ago, when they got engaged (a year and a half after our wedding).
A mutual friend told us what happened - they couldn’t find the directions the day of the wedding and were embarressed.
Oh well.
Ugh, absolutely. I was in a high school friend’s wedding and drove hours upon hours for shower, bach. party, rehearsal and wedding, and paid for the hair, makeup (both “required”), expensive dress and all. I didn’t ask her to be in my wedding, and after RSVP’ing yes for her and her husband, she left a vm with a flimsy excuse that they couldn’t make it. Talk about irritating and hurtful. My husband’s family also had a table full that didn’t show up for the reception. ARGH! We want to send them a bill.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Mrs. Caramel, Los Angeles Age and Occupation: 24, Art Gallery/Museums Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Engineer Engagement Date: January 8, 2007 Wedding Date: October 6, 2007 Venue: a beautiful church and hotel reception About Me: I love dancing, singing, eating out, eating in, surfing on the net, and brainstorming fantastic ideas. I also love cats, coffee, and know every quote written on Sex & the City. I'm known to laugh really loud and have really crazy hand gestures while I talk. My fiance writes songs and I take pictures. What else? We're just a crazy young couple in love, trying to make a fabulous wedding!
| Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 29 | 30 | 31 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |
| 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 |
| 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 |
| 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 |
| 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 |
Latest Gallery Pics