Ms. Dahlia, Detroit/Cleveland
Age and Occupation: 24, PhD Student
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, IT System Administrator
Engagement Date: December 31, 2006
Wedding Date: May 2008
Blogging Since: September 19, 2007
Venue: United Methodist Cathedral & historic downtown hotel in Cleveland
About Me: I enjoy cooking, dancing and swimming. I am a geek and apply game theory to my everyday life. Winter is my favorite time of year, especially when spent curled up with good coffee and a book by Madeleine L'Engle.
Calling It Quits Over A Name?
January 18th, 2008 @ 4:14 pm by Ms. Dahlia
Now, I’ve blogged before about how I’m not changing my name - and this decision is one that Mr. Dahlia 100% completely supports.(What I have not blogged about extensively is that I actually do follow celebrity gossip).
I know that others have different opinions about name changing, but this, for me, is extreme. According to E! Online’s Marc Malkin, Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds have called it quits over her refusal to change her name.
Murphy and Edmonds in presumably happier times.
According to a source, ““He was insisting she change her name. It was a huge issue. They were arguing about it before they left for the wedding.”
I know from discussion on Weddingbee and elsewhere that name changing can be extremely contentious, and that grooms often feel very strongly about this.
How does you groom feel about you changing or keeping your name? Did you consider his feelings when making your decision?
34 Responses to “Calling It Quits Over A Name?”
my fiance and i are taking each others names! He’ll take my name as his middle name (Smith)and I’ll take his as my last name (Jones) so together we’ll be mr. and mrs. smith jones.
my FI has been very supportive. his mother? not so much. Oh well - can’t win them all! 
I’m changing my name, mostly out of tradition, and changing my maiden last name to my middle name. I feel like I’m getting the best of both worlds that way (and I dont have a middle name anyway). Mr Pengy is really happy that I’m doing it this way…he even already bought me a jewelry box with my new married monogram on it, and we’re not married (yeah I know its a jinx…but its cute) So I know he’s pretty excited.
On an unrelated note, screw Eddie Murphy. You mess with a Spice Girl, you mess with me.
i’m changing it - both our last names are unusual and german, and i don’t feel any strong affiliation with my own, so it’s no big deal. i don’t want our kids to have his last name and always have to deal with people wondering why our last names are different. i’m also looking forward to making that symbolic statement about joining his family, just because that’s part of the tradition in which i grew up.
of course, i say it’s all well and good, but watch - when it comes time to actually do it, i’m going to get worked up!
I changed my name (to MyFirst MyLast HisLast), but my Mr. didn’t care either way.
I saw this on E! I say, good for her. The only person who can change your name is you. Ultimatums aren’t a good way to make big life decisions, and I actually think less of Eddie Murphy for doing that.
Pengy! I’m totally with you on the Spice Girl thing! Especially Scary Spice. Who messes with Scary Spice, of all the Spices? Seriously.
Word, smartl
I’m surprised she hasn’t gone Amazon Woman on him and stuff. Although I hope she is getting a hefty chunk of money or something for child support…not that she needs it.
Spice up your life!
I am changing my name.
My comment is for the Eddie Murphy/Tracey Edmonds thing…maybe he is irate because it is her ex-husband’s last name (Kenny “Babyface” Edmonds) that she won’t get rid of. It is not her maiden name.
Hmmm….The article says she used to married to Kennith “Babyface” Edmond for 13 years and is keeping “Edmond” so I wonder if Eddie Murphy would have insisted she change her name if it was her maiden name instead of her ex-husband’s.
maybe she doesn’t want to change her last name b/c her kids are named “edmonds?”
Honestly… it is her freakin’ choice — maybe her kids are named Edmonds. I get that. I do think it’s pretty sad that they got all the way down the aisle before like deciding what would happen!
Whenever I hear about a guy who’s insistent on this issue, it sounds like kind of a red flag to me. I understand unity, but no one is asking HIM to change HIS name
I’m changing my middle name to his last name but keeping my maiden name. Orginally I really wanted to change my name but since we work in the same field academicaly I wanted to maintain a seperate professional identity. Not to mention I’ve already published under my last name. I do plan on using his last name socially. He’s been very supportive.
FI preferred that I change my name, and it took me a little bit to come around (though I knew I would) just because my name has been my name as long as I’ve been alive. However, I’m not very attached to my last name as it is (AND it’s ALREADY hyphenated!) and can’t wait to simplify. I’m ditching the whole last name, so I’ll just be Kira MiddleName HisLastName.
I’m with Penguin. I’m changing my name, mostly out of tradition, but also because I want to have the same last name as my children. I am going to keep my maiden name, but as another middle name. It might seem like a lot, but I can’t completely get rid of my last name - it’s been a part of me for 26 years
I will be changing my name. I’m very traditional when it comes to this and, even though it will be a bit of pain at work for a few months after the wedding, I’m sure my clients will get used to the change.
I do like the idea of changing your middle name to include your maiden name. Not sure if that’s for me, though.
I am going to use both names, although I am conflicted as to how. I like MyFirstName MyLastName HisLastName, but I am also attached to my middle name - that’s a lot of names! Professionally I have had the same name for quite a while, and as I do a lot of consulting it is important that people be able to find me. I had a friend who hyphenated for about two years and then changed to HisLastName. It seemed that was a good length of time - everybody in our field who mattered, regardless of location, seemed to have caught on that she was married by then, and was familiar with HisLastName.
He assumed that I would not change my name - partly because of the professional issue and partly because my sister adamantly did not change her name when she married. He says it wouldn’t matter to him, but I can tell that he is pleased at the idea of me being Mrs. HisLastName. Although he also thinks it is cute when we check into hotels on my reservations and they call him Mr. MyLastName.
I’ll be using my last name legally and professionally, but will use FI’s last name socially. My parents happen to have the same last names (not related) but my mom wouldn’t have changed her’s anyway because it’s not part of Chinese tradition. My aunt and my cousins don’t have the same last names and it’s not weird at all. She uses the same last name socially but her legal documents are all in her maiden name. Lots of women in the world do not have the tradition of changing last names.
I’m changing my last name (not keeping any part of my current last name) and really excited about it too.
No one ever spells my last name right. They guess at it, spell it the way they think it sounds, add letters to it, and murder it when they actually say it.
And… the day we received a piece of mail at our house that said “Mr. & Mrs July2008Bride” he handed it to me with a big smile on his face and said “I guess you’re gonna have to get use to this” I never even opened the letter (junk mail) I put it away in my scrap book.
my bf prefers that i take on his last name when we marry and i’m fine with that. i’m not attached to my last name as is and i know i’ll still be me after the legal papers have been filled so it’s honestly no big deal for me. though i will miss being in the front of the alphabet. lol
Erin, that’s a cool idea! Mr. Donut really likes my last name, and has joked about changing his last name to mine! He doesn’t have a middle name, so this is a really awesome idea!
I’ll be hyphenating my last name. I’ve had it for a while and I’m kinda attached to it. Plus I like the way it sounds with my given middle name, which is the one I go by. (Ladies, don’t do this to your children. Give them the name you mean to call them as a first name. It will save them a lot of annoyance in the future.)
Oddly, since my middle name is an old family last name, I will be known by 3 last names.
I’m sure Eddie was upset because it is her ex husband’s last name.
My name is hyphenated. My (step)dad wasn’t legally allowed to adopt me because my Bio dad (sp**m donor) wouldn’t sign the papers. When I turned 18 I legally changed my name to my dad’s. I don’t think I’ll change it again.
Also for the past 3 generations its been all girls! All the men have married in. My dad calls my great grandma’s house Amazon island.
Well I changed my name and I am glad I did. I do miss my old name.
But I heard…Tracey didnt want to change her name because her kids lad the last name of Edmonds.
I heard the same as Mrs. Butterscotch… Tracey decided not to change her last name because she wanted to keep the same last names her kids have.. I can support that, and I find it absolutely ridiculous that these two couldn’t come to an agreement or find common ground.. isn’t that a part of what marriage is about? But from what I understand, Eddie Murphy is pretty controlling like that… Just an opinion
I’m hyphenating my name… as a compromise betweeen two traditions =P
My FI’s heritage is German, but he’s 100% All-American. When I mentioned to him that I was going to hyphenate my name years ago, he agreed (I think he was just shrugging it off).
Now that we’re finally engaged, I’ve told him again and he seems really bummed! His parents aren’t too happy about it, either (but are really great and supportive about everything else), but are happy that our kid(s) will have his family’s name.
The reason it’s a compromise is because Vietnamese women generally do not take their husbands’ last names. My mom didn’t and neither did any other “traditional” Viet ladies. It’s a little bit different with 1st generation, though, because women my age have been taking their husbands’ names. It’s just how we were brought up.
So my new name will be FirstName MiddleName MyLastName-HisLastName. It will be a VERY long name (my last name is 6 letters long, his is 9). My maiden name is also the most common Vietnamese name EVAR. Plus I’m going to be an elementary school teacher, so I’ll probably go by “Mrs. N-H” in the classroom. I won’t mind if people call me “Mrs. H” in social situations (or any situation, really). I just want to hold on to some part of my heritage and semi-carry on the name because I’m the only child in my family.
Wow. That was long.
I will be changing to my FI’s last name. I’m going to drop my last name completely (to keep my middle name as is); although I’m kind of sad about this it is definitely something I want to do and my decision. FI was pleased when I told him of my decision, but he was very cute because he didn’t try to sway me in any direction. I’m a pretty traditional gal anyway, and FI told me he was honored I would be taking his name. Less than 2 months!
I plan to take my bf’s last name. I grew up having different last name than my Mom and I hated that kids, teachers etc kept asking me why we have different names. I don’t particularly like my last name either and I am not close to my father at all, so it all works out fine. It was very important to him that we have same last name ( it is one of the few things that he actually asked for .
As for Eddie Murphy’s situation, I honestly think those sort of things, like name change, kids ( to have or not to have, how many etc) should be discussed BEFORE you get married. In fact before you even get engaged.
[…] Miss Dahlia at WeddingBee tipped me off to this article on E! Planet Gossip. Looks like Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds are calling it quits… reportedly over an issue that most brides-to-be are thinking about. […]
My guy is okay with me NOT changing my name. He makes fun of me and even made part of our wedding website about it. He thinks if I won’t take his name that he should get suggestions from our wedding guests for alternative names for me instead. Some of them are hilarious! He knows that I like my name the way it is and he is okay with it.
Any guy that would place you having his last name in front of being with you, is not a guy you should be marrying in the first place.
My fiance and have been debating this since we got engaged a year ago. I don’t want to change my last name. My name is easy to pronounce, easy to spell, and I already have publications (I’m a scientist) with my current name. His name is ALWAYS mispronounced (the first part is roten, as in roat-ten, but every always pronounces is rotten), plus then we would both be Dr. LastName which I envision could be confusing for some people. He keeps arguing that if I don’t take his name, he finds it insulting (why, I don’t know — clearly I’m marrying him and into his family, so what does my rejection of his last name have to do with insulting his family?) and that nobody will associate my children as mine (please, I would hardly be the first person with a different last name as my children).
I’ve offered up hyphenation but it’s apparently “not good” enough for him. While it is certainly not a big enough issue that we will wind up divorced (at least I hope not!), it IS a big source of stress for me, because I don’t feel like I’m going to wind up being forced into something I don’t want to do, because I’m afraid that deep down I would always resent him for it!
I don’t see why it is such a big deal. Maybe I’m refusing to change it out of spite and had he said he didn’t care either way, I would have been more likely to change my mind.
I took his last name. I’m glad I did. I don’t miss my maiden name.
Even Eva Longoria-Parker changed her name, and she’s got quite a resume under just Longoria. I think people in this world are smart enough to figure out that your name changed because you got married. I doubt her career will suffer for it, even if she winds up changing it to just Parker.
well, I took my husband’s last name because I honestly like the unique quality of his name. but then, being a financial nerd and all, i do note that my last name being “forgotten” would benefit my children’s financial information in the future.
i think eddie took issue with it because it’s her ex husband’s name. i doubt the issue would be the same if it were her maiden name. but i can understand why she would want to keep it - so she could share the same name with her children.
i had a coworker once who had a bad divorce, her husband really wasn’t that great, and she said to me, if it weren’t for her kids, she’d change her name back to her maiden name, but she wanted to share the same last name as her kids. in a way i think it’s very practical. and really it shows the connectedness. even though it’s more common now for moms to keep their names and have different names from their kids. i think i’d want the same last name as my children also.
you know, bill clinton changed his last name to clinton so that people would know his little brother was his brother in high school. clinton is actually the last name of his stepfather who was the father of his little brother roger. i guess roger got picked on and bill wanted to show solidarity with him - so he changed his last name to clinton.
despite the fact that i haven’t legally changed my name yet, i do intend to. but i’m lazy. and it’s time i don’t really have right now to change it. heh. but even though i’m not legally his name, i still respond to it and i’ve used it - although usually in conjunction with my own last name. but i have a short last name and his is short also, and together, they flow very nicely.
I used to argue with my ex over this. I don’t like my last name that much, but I’m keeping it, because it’s mine. My fiance will keep his. I don’t see the big deal. If we ever have a child, its last name will probably be hypenated. Seems to work fine in hispanic culture, right?
As far as the Eddie Murphy situation goes, I seriously doubt they broke up over that. Rumors are that he has a crazy temper and scared her by acting like a crazy mad man on their honeymoon and she just ran for the hills. Who knows if that’s true but that sounds like a more likely scenario than the name change argument.
As far as changing your name goes, I understand it is a very personal decision. I understand there are a lot women out there who feel strongly that they created a life and professional success with their maiden name and want to keep it. I can understand that.
There are a lot of cool options out there if you want to make a change but are looking for something a bit non-traditional and unique one. See my website for details
For me, though, I thought it would be romantic to change my name; I like that my hubby and I are our own little family.
I’m glad to hear that so many hubby-to-be’s are being supportive.
