Do Me A Favor… Be Honest

Do Me A Favor… Be Honest

January 21st, 2008 @ 2:33 pm by Mrs. Flamingo
Share

I came across a brilliant post written by Manolo for the brides about giving favors and the good and not so good choices. It was extremely well written and straight to the point. But there was just one part of the post that hit a soft spot:

Just do me one favor, if you’ll pardon the pun: if you decide not to give out favors, for the love of all that’s holy do not put out some sort of notice that you decided rather than spending the money on your guests, you’ve given it to charity for them instead. For one thing, people should be allowed to choose their own charities. I don’t care who you give it to, you’re going to at least annoy and possibly offend someone. More than that, though, those notices tell your guests that it wasn’t spending the money you minded, but spending the money on them which is an incredibly rude thing to say. Go ahead and give to the charity of your choice. Just don’t try to tell me that’s my party favor, because it isn’t.

After reading this… I started to question myself. Let me give you a little history. As favors for our guests, I was planning on giving a donation to the Quebec Breast Cancer Association. This is really important to me because 5 years ago my grandmother passed away of breast cancer. Also, my mom was diagnosed with the cancer several years back and she can now call herself a survivor. I thought a donation to a known charity with some significance would be nice, instead of offering the not so useful favor.

I still wanted to highlight the whole breast cancer thing because it is important to me, but at the same time we did not want our guests leave empty handed so Mr. Flamingo and I thought it would be nice to offer a little something. We thought that maybe some truffles could be a neat idea, but then again, we need to buy the chocolate and the packaging, so the price would go up rather quickly. Then there was the option of a bottle of imported sparkling water which could be a good choice. Someone also suggested pink m & m’s but they only come out in October which is breast cancer awareness month, and the ones left in the store will be stale by my wedding. Of course there will be pink and red ones for valentine… but that defeats the purpose since there is no donation given.

I personally wouldn’t mind going to a wedding and having a donation to a charity as a favor. I find it to be a really neat idea, both ‘green’ and for a good cause. But is that just me? Am I totally out of the loop?

What do you think readers and bees? How would you feel to receive a donation as a favor. Please be honest. I don’t want my guests to be offended! Thanks a million.

{Images courtesy of : Marthastewartcrafts.com}

Tags: favors, montreal |

Share |

Latest Gallery Pics

Hot Pink and White with Zebra 36" Lighted Spandex Ostrich Feather Centerpiece

93 Responses to “Do Me A Favor… Be Honest”

1 2 3 4 5 Last

Member

amysue (message) 1,492 posts, Bumble bee

you know - i throw away most inedible favors i get. i went to a wedding where they put up cards notifying us that they’d donated to a charity in our name, and i thought that was awesome. then again, it was a charity that i supported, so i can see how somebody could be offended if the money was given to a group the person had a problem with. i can’t see that being the case with breast cancer research.

anyway, i didn’t feel cheated or offended at all.

1/21/08 @ 2:37 pm (reply)

Guest

wsukarebear

It’s kind of a semantics argument…do I care if someone notifies me that they’ve made a donation in lieu of a favor? Heck no–it’s a great cause and probably something the bride and groom care about. It almost sounds like that poster wouldn’t mind as long as you didn’t “say” it was a favor. But I can’t believe anyone cares that much!

One of the bees posted a while back about a board where guests choose where they would like money donated–it was really cute! Then you make the donation after the wedding in proportional allotments–at least I think that was the idea.

Continue with your plans. I highly doubt you’ll offend a guest by making a charitable donation to breast cancer research…and if so, does it REALLY bother you? I don’t think it should.

1/21/08 @ 2:42 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Dahlia (message) 413 posts, Helper bee

I’ve thought about it, and participated in other discussions about this. I’ve also given to charity as a gift before (but I’ve asked the recipient which charity they would prefer I make a donation to.)

I could see myself being bothered with the whole giving to charity “favor” idea. First, because donating to charity is something that is deeply personal and private for me- I don’t give because I want others to know about it. Second, because it is possible that the chosen charity would be one that others might be offended by. (NARAL and Planned Parenthood come to mind.)

Mr. D, on the other hand, really wants charity giving to be a large part of our wedding- and we’ve registered with Heifer International. However, I felt conflicted about having both traditional registries and one for a charity, so we have not advertised our HI charity.

We will be giving out traditional favors. But we will be donating a sizable amount of the cash gifts which we receive.

Why not just make the donation to charity and scrap favors all together?

1/21/08 @ 2:43 pm (reply)

Member

rebecca (message) 1,315 posts, Bumble bee

honestly, i’ve heard so many different views on favors, i have no idea what to do! like amysue said, people throw away inedible favors, but edible favors can be considered not so sentimental — and now people are getting offended by a favor!

i was going to go the charity route after okaying it with my mom and my FMIL (donating to the shelter where my FI and I adopted our dog from), but now i’m having second thoughts!

1/21/08 @ 2:43 pm (reply)

Member

tberry (message) 488 posts, Helper bee

I have to say that I agree with Manolo. If you are going to do the charity favor a token favor (choclates, candy etc.) in addition to the charity is necessary. It is easy to offend somone. I alsa don’t suggest that you say the donation is given in the guest’s name. I would be offended if my name was put on a doantion for a charity I was against. (not because of the cause per se but many charities are so poorly run that the majority of the donations end up funding the admisnitration and not the good works or research that it was meant to). I would make the donation in the name of the person or persons that inspired the charity. For instance your mom’s name or you could put it as a generic name, such as the “Family & Friends of the Flamingos”

1/21/08 @ 2:44 pm (reply)

Member

vee (message) 221 posts, Helper bee

i don’t really understand people who are “offended” by a donation in lieu of a party favor. it’s such a wonderful idea to give to charity and really, no one needs another useless wedding favor. the guests don’t get to “choose” the charity but who’s going to think that donating to breast cancer awareness or an organization for kids with cancer, etc. is offensive?

in short, i think it’s a great idea and will probably do it myself too!

1/21/08 @ 2:45 pm (reply)

Guest

Tracy Torre-Walsh

I don’t think charitable donations are at all offensive or annoying.
By choosing a charity that’s meaningful to you, it offers your guests an opportunity to know of a good cause that you care about.

For example, for my wedding in June, on the back of my menu cards (alternating sides on every other place setting), I made donations to my late grandfather’s foundation and my late cousin’s foundation–and I explained what the charities did and why we picked them (I’m a law student and my husband is a software developer).

Many guests commented how nice it was to learn a little bit more about my family and that it was a generous way to remember two important people.

“In Lieu of Traditional Wedding Favors,
A Donation Has Been Made To:

The Justice Porfirio V. Sison Foundation
Giving Scholarships to Law Students
Who Promote Social Justice

The Miguel C. Sison Foundation
Giving Computers to Underprivileged Children
Who Deserve Education

In Honor of Tracy’s Grandfather and Cousin,
We Celebrate Law and Technology–A Perfect Pair”

1/21/08 @ 2:45 pm (reply)

Hostess

suzanno (message) 2,683 posts, Sugar bee

You can actually get pink m&ms all year round (or any other color, or mixes of colors, and with custom stuff written on them) from http://www.mymms.com. So if you want, you could get the two pink color mix, with your names or the date… You are limited to two lines of text at eight letters per line. I have ordered these for various fund raiser dinners, and they are generally a big hit.

1/21/08 @ 2:46 pm (reply)

Guest

deanna

I really like the pink m&m’s idea. I believe you can get pink all year long at http://www.mymms.com/customprint/. Check it out!

1/21/08 @ 2:46 pm (reply)

10.

Guest

Tea

i can see how some people may get offended depending on their religious or political leanings but considering that your charity of choice isn’t rooted in a potentially controversal charity, i say go ahead with your idea. you can also order pink m&m’s from m&ms.com i believe if that’s something you’d like to do in addition to your planned contribution.

i wouldn’t feel cheated either way. i don’t usually keep the favors anyway so there’s no love lost there.

1/21/08 @ 2:46 pm (reply)

11.

Guest

deanna

ha ha I just posted the same thing, suzanno!

1/21/08 @ 2:46 pm (reply)

12.

Guest

liv

I wouldn’t feel offended at all. In fact, that’s what we’re doing (haven’t picked which charity yet, though). I personally think most favors are pretty stupid and wasteful. I think edible favors are nice, but since we’re having a “green” wedding I am generally against candy (really bad for you and full of chemicals and takes lots of resources to produce) and individually wrapped chocolates (so much paper plastic to package) and things like that.

The last wedding I went to, the couple put a notice on each table saying that a donation was given in our name to a depression research charity. I thought it was awesome. The only thing I would consider odd would be something incredibly political like a particular election campaign or something very pro/anti the war.

I’d go for it. But maybe it depends on your crowd. I can’t imagine any of our wedding guests finding it annoying/rude, but that’s probably why they are our friends.

1/21/08 @ 2:48 pm (reply)

13.

Member

stargazerlily (message) 942 posts, Busy bee

My opinion is that its YOUR wedding day and if this particular charity is important to YOU than its totally acceptable to give to it in lieu of favors. All of the favors that I’ve received (and to be honest, the ones I plan to give) are merely trivial. Granted, yes, I’m handcrafting mine with love, but do people care that much about receiving some chocolate/coasters/winestopper/bauble? No. Most people spend less than $5 per favor on their guests…but added all together, that can be a huge chunk of change that can really help make a difference for a charitable cause. I think if a particular charity is truly meaningful to you, then you should give, with no regrets, in lieu of favors.

And honestly, the person who wrote that comment is rude and selfish to say something that basically boils down to “I’d rather you spend money on me then send it to a good cause.” Yikes. I dont care what the cause is, because chances are you as the bride and groom have picked it because its important to you. I’d like to think that yes, your wedding is to entertain your guests, but in the end, is really about YOU, your commitments, and your beliefs.

Go for it Miss F!

1/21/08 @ 2:49 pm (reply)

14.

Member

KermitClin (message) 85 posts, Worker bee

I think if you approach it delicately and give a short explaination of your reason for choosing the charity that you did. As a guest I’d much rather see the charity has a meaning to the couple instead of just something randomly chosen to give to.
I can see Manolo’s point about not sharing the donation so not to offend guests, however it can also be beneficial to share the cause as well. I heard about some local (Columbus, OH) brides who shared their donations made in guests’ honor and it spurred more giving from guests through random donations and also engaged couples who did donations at their weddings. So in the end, the charity received much more money than it would have if the couple had stayed silent about their donation.

1/21/08 @ 2:50 pm (reply)

15.

Guest

Maple

I wouldn’t at all feel offended if a donation was made to a Breast Cancer Association - that’s a wonderful idea. Call it a favor/don’t call it a favor - it’s a little over the top if this is something people are complaining about, IMO.

If someone donated to a more controversial association, in my name, I might feel odd/offended.

1/21/08 @ 2:52 pm (reply)

16.

Guest

kris

who cares about favors! no matter what I usually give/throw away most favors I receive at wedding, u know what you will NEVER EVER be able to please anyone so give ti charity if u want, I think it’s a great idea

1/21/08 @ 2:53 pm (reply)

17.

Bee

Miss Flamingo (message) 1,366 posts, Bumble bee

Thanks everyone with your honest comments. When I told my mom about the idea… she got all teary eyed. She tought it was a great idea to give a donation… but then again she had never heard of charity donations as favor so she might not know the complexity.

My issue with mms is that I wanted to purchase one which is directly linked to breast cancer. Buying the typical pink would be useless since part of the proceeds are not given to research.

Also, I think that Breast Cancer is something that affects everyone man, woman or child. You are bound to know someone who has or has had breast cancer… therefore I personally don’t think my family would be offened… yet I do not know. I was gonna make a speech about the reasoning behind the idea….

but what… should i just give a donation to the cause, and on a card with a ribbon write a little message… or should I opt to buy something else so people dont leave empty handed?

1/21/08 @ 2:54 pm (reply)

18.

Guest

honestly, i think the fact that anyone is making you second guess an idea for a thoughtful gift (which is NOT a requirement) is a bit insane. since when have weddings gotten so out of control that many people think they are required to give their guests a gift (besides an expensive dinner and beautiful evening), but are now concerned that they are offending someone by this gift?
your charity is the breast cancer foundation and it is in memory of someone you cared about, which i think its absolutely wonderful and admirable! go with your gut and dont overthink this.
if you would like to do something extra with chocolates, that is sweet too, but know that your guests are there because they love and care about you, not because they want to judge you, or require anything extra!
good luck!
i love your ideas!

1/21/08 @ 2:58 pm (reply)

19.

Member

psu01 (message) 123 posts, Blushing bee

If you can swing it and want to make both camps happy, I’d say make a donation & buy the candy in bulk and make little favors for your guests (just a handful of candy wrapped up in tulle with a ribbon). I did a quick search on pink candy and found this site: http://www.candywarehouse.com/pinkcandy.html

1/21/08 @ 2:59 pm (reply)

20.

Member

AOEBuckeye (message) 310 posts, Helper bee

I think it is a wonderful choice for you if you explain the significance beyond your choice to your guests. Maybe on small cards with your mom overcoming breast cancer and in memory of your grandma? And if you feel bothered by manolo’s comment, I’ve seen before small cards explaining the donation attached to those wrist bands (you know like the lance armstrong yellow ones, but they have them for breast cancer, dummy me the name escapes me now). They’re a dollar a piece, and they used to sell them online for a bulk price.

1/21/08 @ 3:04 pm (reply)

1 2 3 4 5 Last