Weddingbee

Miss Petunia, you have my support. I hate all unsolicited comments about my body, and it’s equally offensive if someone’s commenting on your thinness (vs. someone else’s being overweight).

On the other hand, I hope you get whatever help you need to make some positive changes to your life - whether it’s a change in diet or a new relaxation technique. Here’s wishing you good health, and take care.

I’ve fluctuated my entire life and family has always been the first to point out to me when I’ve gained. It’s extremely tough, especially when they mention it around your wedding and you know you have that dress that you want to look amazing in.

Either way you go, trying to get your weight up, or down, it’s a really tough situation and people don’t know how much they can affect the way you think about yourself.

Good luck with your medicine decision…I also suffer from migraines (but not as frequently) so I can understand the difficulty with that decision.

oh man, good luck. i cope by calling people out for comments like that. easier said than done, i know, but recognizing that others are projecting their insecurities onto me helps me deal with the frustration.

I just have to say that your dress and your veil are GORGEOUS! You look so feminin!

No one is ever going to be happy with your weight. I’m a size 4 in my wedding dress but a size 0 in regular clothes. Yet everytime my Chinese relatives see me, they tell me I’ve gained weight! Now I’m not worried about my weight at all since I eat very healthy meals but those comments can make the most confident person feel insecure about their size.

However, if you are losing an extreme amount of weight, you definitely should try to take it easy and take care of yourself! Don’t judge how healthy you are by your weight. Step back and look at yourself in 3rd person. Are you eating healthy? Are you sleeping enough? Are you stressed too much?

Miss Petunia, I totally know how you feel! I’m a double zero, but I can’t help it! I’m five feet tall, how much do people expect me to weigh? I can down half a large pizza and I’m still asked if I’m anorexic and I’m told that I need to eat more. Obviously this is by strangers who’ve never eaten with me. I agree that people think its fine to tell you whatever is on their mind simply because your weight issue is on the light end of the spectrum. I don’t approve of weight comments on either end of the spectrum. I’m also a stress non-eater, but that peanut butter trick can really work!!

I just wanted to add that I also lost 20ib (I’m already barely 100ib) last summer after a series of stressful events at work and a case of the flu. Its hard to deal with all the comments and the other half of the people who tell you you should be happy about it!!! I’m wasting away how is this good. I started packed granola bars and diet drinks (the ones that are supposed to be meal supplements.. I gave that up because they’re not very yummy) and eating them between meals. Pretty much every time I sat down and left snacks out on my desk. It definitely helped but I still struggle with it and would love to gain some wait before my wedding. Best of luck!

I am in the exact same boat as you are! This is why I love blogs. It is so great to know they are other people out there with similar situations as you. I starting taking medication for my migraines about 6 months before my weddings (which I am assuming is the same medication as you are taking) and I lost a lot of weight. Between the stress and the medication I was down to weighing about 100 pounds at my wedding in Sept. of 07. It gets so frustrating. People look at me and assume that I do not eat and that I have a eating disorder and at the wedding everyone was like you are so skinny. But people don’t understand. It isn’t that I am choosing to be this thin. If I don’t take this medication I have debilitating headaches. So I completely hear your pain Hang in there….stay healthy and don’t be afraid to have a few milkshakes every now and again

I feel for you. I say this will asincerity even though I am of the wedding dress size 10 mold. I am also petite (under 5 feet) chesty and not one those small boned petite women, the large bone (I have bony wrists and I can’t wrap my fingers around them big boned). this being said I lived with a women and went through the wedding planning process with her who was of the 00 varietya dn had to struggle to maintain 100lbs on a 5′4″ body. She was not anorexic, bulimic or any of those other diseases and she has always had issues keeping a healthy body weight. It has interfiered with her trying to get pregnant and she gets all sorts of comments regarding her weight. To my horrow my own mother asked me if she was anorexic right after she met her for the first time, thank god it wasn’t to her face.

All said, I find it amazing that people actually comment on peoples weight! How rude! I don’t care what size a person is it is no one elses’s business except concerned loved ones and thier doctor!

Living with somone who has the oposite type of weight issue that I have is very eye opening. In fact the most important thing for both of us was that we just wanted to be healthy and have plenty of energy.

I understand you completely. I’m already a shy and uncomfortable person as it is, and when people comment about my weight or about their own weight, I get even more nervous. People need to be more sensitive in either direction. I’m considered small, but my doctor thinks I’m “overweight” in that I’m literally a sack of skin, bone, and fat and it’s horribly unhealthy. I can’t tell anyone at all about exercising or dieting because they think I’m a either sick or trying to get people to tell me I’m thin, but I really AM doing it on the advice of my doctor!

I agree, weight is like money, just don’t talk about it and trust that unless the person is asking you specifically about it, there is nothing you can enlighten them on about their own situation.

I commend you for having the guts to write such a well written post about such a sensitive issue. I have many posts in “draft” about weight sensitive issues that I just cant seem to craft into something that doesnt seem like “asking for compliments” or just plain whining.

I dont have much to add to the conversation other than because I’ve been on Television, I’ve gotten a lot of public scrutiny on being “overweight”, through E mail and comments on YouTube. I’ve built up a thick skin to it…theres really no other way to deal with it than to ignore it. I dont read/answer e mail in regards to my show. Not even the nice ones. Its the only way to stay sane. The comments will never stop, people will ALWAYS feel the need to comment on your weight. You just have to learn to shrug them off.

I totally understand how you feel. I’m naturally on the thin side, I’ve been this way all my life. And being not very short (I’m 5′5″) it sure doesn’t help. A big reason for me is actually due to I’m just “small boned/small frame”. But I’ve always had people making comments as if there is something WRONG w/me. And even at the wedding, I actually had a guest who said something insensitive to me right then and there about how I looked in my dress. How do I deal w/it? Most of the time I’m able to just turn a deaf ear on them. It’s one of those things in life that I’ve trained myself to be “numb” to. I guess how else can I deal w/it? But yes, I too, have always thought it’s strange people are so much more sensitive w/others who are on the heavier end of spectrum. Imagine making a comment “What are you? Size #? You’re so big! What’s the matter w/you?” to someone’s face. You’d get so much flame! But for some reason it’s ok to make comments to someone who is on the lighter end of scale. It’s really unfortunate that there’s this double standard out there. I’m really sorry you have to deal w/these rude and insensitive comments too.

Once while in (a long) line at a supermarket, an older lady turned to me and asked loudly what size I was. To quote her, “what are you — a 0, double 0, or triple 0?!” This was my 2nd year in college. While this was many years ago, I still look pretty thin and still receive such remarks from family and strangers alike. The ironic thing is, I actually way more than I look. I’m about 115lbs, take a few here and there as my fluctuates down all the time, and I’m 5′2″. But the varying comments I get often is that I look “anoxeric”, “skinny as a stick”, “skeletal”, just to name a few. Once I was even asked if I was bulimic and throw up my foods after I eat. The comments can be quite rude and hurtful. I can eat like a horse and pretty much do throughout the day. I have tried taking pills to help me but just can’t seem to maintain weight on me. But people I speak to can’t seem to grasp that. They just at me funny when I say I can out-eat any guy. It’s seriously not funny to get asked the questions that we thin people get.

I feel like I got the worst of both worlds- I am petite AND I have a little ‘cushion’ in certain areas (like the wagon I’m draggin’). It’s been hard not to fit into women’s clothing on top (too petite) and then feel huge when I look for clothing from the torso down. I have left stores crying because sales clerks have made jokes about me not fitting into 00P blouses. In the wedding process though, I did somthing completely different- I had fun poking fun at myself in the dresses. When I looked like a hobbit in some of the dresses, I just laughed it off. When I found out that empire waists make me look twelve, I laughed. When I found ‘the dress,’ I knew it was all worth it, because it looked amazing on my unique body. My curves and petite upper body were both vidicated. I have no plans to loose weight before the wedding; instead I plan to exercise and eat well…and continue loving my body- quirks and all.

It really irks me how people fail to realize that weight is not always under your own control.
I can empathize with you on the drastic weight loss as a result of medication; however, mine goes the other way. When I was on chemotherapy, I gained 45 pounds. Yes, most people lose weight, but I ballooned up, despite NOT eating and perpetually vomiting. It’s just how my body reacted. Everyone seemed to feel the need to comment on how fat I had gotten, and several thought my chemotherapy was a bad excuse, because you’re apparently only allowed to lose weight, not gain it.
I’m no longer on chemo, but I still haven’t been able to lose the weight. I’m a size 12/14 street size, so when I was dress shopping, I, of course, fit into nothing. I live in a very wealthy, very THIN area, and a few of the dress shops in this local snickered when I lost in. One went so far to comment behind my back, but loud enough to hear, how it is so sad when people “let themselves’ go like that.” Everyone kept commenting that of course I would lose weight before the wedding and diet.
Weight loss and gain is the most frustrating when it is completely beyond your control. Nobody has the right to say anything in any situation, but when you really and truly know that it is not your fault and you have no responsibility behind it and cannot control the situation, I think it hurts the most.
I’ve learned that truthfully, you just have to learn to ignore everyone. It’s tough, I know, but nobody else knows the battle you are going through, and it’s not worth trying to explain it. Unfortunately, not everyone was blessed with tact and manners. When people comment to me about my weight, I just smile and say that I’m happy with the way I am. It may not be true, but it at least serves the purpose of shutting them up.

Thank you for posting this! It takes a ton of guts to write something so personal.

Wow–I’ve been on both spectrums. I used to weigh over 200 pounds at 5′1 (size 16). I heard all the time, “You’ve got such a pretty face..what a shame”.
I had gastric bypass not even a year ago and I weigh 117 now (size 2/4) . What do I hear now? “You look too thin. You look sick”.

i’ve never been able to fit into most clothing, and had to have it all altered. even my boyfriend (hopefully fiance eventually) insits that i gain weight. he goes so far as to add extra food to my plate, insist on snacks, etc. i think this can lead to a very unhealthy relationship with food (i’ve always had an “oh yeah? you think i’m too thin? look how thin i CAN be, hah.” mentality). i eventually got so fed up with the comments that i’ve taken to answering the “oh my, you are so thin, are you anorexic or something” with “yes, in fact, does that bother you” not because it is true, but to give them a little perspective on what they are saying. hold your head high, you’re doing your best to be healthy, and after all you’re only human, so to be happy with yourself (or working towards it in the best way possible!!) is what really counts in the long run.

BUT that peanut butter trick is a really good one =) just saying.

I am 5′7″ and weigh 111 lbs on a good day. I’ve never weighed a pound more, it’s just natural for me. Some of the comments I get are just stupid… just don’t let it get to you!

I have been on Topamax for over a year and I am still losing weight. It has slowly gotten better. I also got the rebound headaches while on Topamax. In the beginning it was great, I would get them less frequent but when I would got a headache they were very severe. I spoke to my neurologist about this and he put me on the combination of Topamax and Nadolol (beta-blocker). It has done wonders. I have been taking both for over 3 months and I have only gotten one migraine. Something to consider talking to your doctor about.

I completely empathize as well. I was asked if I was anorexic a few times in high school as well, but I had one friend who actually had an “intervention” arranged - even though she ate tons! Some people are just skinny.

The one moment that has really stuck in my head though is when I heard another professor tell one of my professors that “Wow, you’ve lost a lot of weight! You look great!” My professor’s answer: “I have cancer; it’s because of the chemotherapy.” Sometimes we all do need to take a step back to realize that there are ALWAYS circumstances of which we are unaware, and not judge just on face value.

That said, best of luck with your health and your headaches!! And with getting far fewer rude comments

Miss Petunia, thank you for this post. Weight (and appearance for that matter) are so scrutinized when you’re a bride. On your wedding day and in the months leading up to it, you should always feel the most beautiful, the most special, because you are.

Regarding your health, I’m so sorry you’re going through this hell. I wish you all the best in the coming months, to your wedding and beyond.

I know your budget must already be strained, but for the things Western medicine struggles to deal with effectively, acupuncture might be something to consider. I, too, have lost a bit of weight unintentionally due to a ton of factors. I started acupuncture to bring some balance into my life, and it’s been a phenomenal change. I was always a skeptic, but from what I’m learning and experiencing, I’m sure migraines are something that can be “treated” through acupuncture.

Also, the drastic weight loss might be the perfect reason to reevaluate the meds NOW rather than later. Are there other meds you could try, have tried?? I know this must be the last time you want to change up things even more, but if the doctors are worried your body is going into starvation mode, something’s gotta give. Are your doctors offering you any other advice?

Oh honey, I’m so sorry. This isn’t a pity party, but just well wishes for your health and well-being. Hang in there!

It is amazing to me to read all these posts. After actually being anorexic, I now weight 120 lbs at 5′6″ (generally size 4 - 6). I take yoga classes, ride my bicycle, and am generally pretty happy with myself, physically. But I remain pretty sensitive about both food and my weight - for me it is a really good day when I don’t think about either. So crazy insensitive comments really don’t help! Also, I am hypoglycemic - so don’t eat much sugar or drink much alcohol - but do sort of eat all day - small meals but lots of snacks - things like yogurt and cheese. My boss likes to start the staff meeting by pushing the donuts to my end of the table and saying “For goodness sake, have one skinny girl.” My coworkers (who drink sugared sodas and eat candy bars all day) talk a lot about “how much I eat - and she’s soooo skinny.” Because I usually don’t eat huge meals, my FI used to comment in amazement whenever he thought I was eating more than usual. I think that most people are just insensitive - and they do think that its somehow okay to talk directly to you about ” how skinny you are,” when they might think twice about commenting on the weight of someone heavier (because I suppose they think it is some kind of compliment). Luckily my FI now understands my issues, and does a good job off being more sensitive - but you don’t want to get into that with everybody who makes a rude comment.

On the issue of migraines, I have had them for years. I am having a few more lately… no stress involved with wedding planning! But I have found that the combination of yoga and acupuncture have done a lot for me as far as reducing the frequency and severity. I have a sort of relaxation technique from yoga that also seems to help my medication work much faster.

I do hope that you can find some balance of medication and stress reduction that is a little easier on your body. Please keep all us stressed out, migraine-suffering brides posted on how it is going.

I understand! I am opposite though I am a full figured bride. I have lose SOME weight and plan to lose a bit more. In the end I will be around a 14 on my big day. I was doing some nutty things to get into a size 8 Allure gown I had ordered. I realized that it was crazy. I was letting comments by vendors( mainly sales women in bridal shops) get to me. My friends & family all want me to lose. I finally went to a shop that carried my current size. Found THE dress and realized how crazy it was to let others make me feel bad about myself. I started looking at plus size model pics to help me realize that I am lovely at my size and you are too! My Allure dress is up for sale on EBAY and I have decided to embrace myself and be the most elegant and pretty bride I can be. If you embrace and love yourself I think others can sense it. I realized I was giving off a insecure vibe and others were feeding off it. I changed my attitude and all that negativity has stopped. My wedding believe it or not finally helped me accept myself whether I was up or down on the scale. i say embrace your thinness and make it work!