Wedding Blog
I am sure that others have felt the same awkwardness in similar situations, but sometimes I feel that I am particularly awkward and hesitant when it comes to one simple question: a hug or a handshake?
You know how it is….. you run into someone that you haven’t seen in a while, maybe someone you’re not particularly close to anymore…. you’re caught off guard by running into them, and all of a sudden, you think, am I supposed to hug them? Do I stand here uncomfortably with my arms crossed and see if they initiate a hug? Do I just wave like a dork?
There are friends who I see often and immediately give a big bear-hug to every time I see them. I always give my parents a kiss on the cheek and a half-hug when I see them. Cousins, aunts, uncles, former roommates….. hug, hug, hug, hug. But when it comes to my wedding day, there will be a range of people making their way through the receiving line. There will be guests who are closer to Mr. Cupcake than they are to me, or some of his extended family members who I’ve only met a few times, or co-workers’ spouses that I’ve made small-talk with here and there; I get strangely terrified at the thought of the awkwardness that could ensue. After all, there is nothing worse then reaching out for a handshake only to realize that the HSR (HandShake Recipient) is going in for the hug, making for a painfully uncomfortable back-patting debacle.
Will people feel shunned if I hug their significant other and go in for the handshake with them? Do I hug people I barely know? How do you classify your guests as “hug-worthy” vs. “handshake material”?
Does anyone else out there worry about this silly stuff like I do? Anyone????
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I think a wedding is one of those times where you’ll be so happy and carefree that you’ll end up hugging everyone in sight, or at least I will! I think on special occasions, and especially weddings, “handshake” guests will probably become “hug” guests, in particular female guests.
I love this question! I’m looking forward to reading comments from other people about this too.
I think you are for the most part off the hook. Just stick out both hands to hold both of theirs and/or lean in for a cheek kiss because most people are conscious that you spent hours getting dressed for the day and don’t want to muss you before you even get to the reception and the pictures. Also it is much more personal than a hand shake yet not so personal as a hug. By all means hug the people you normally would but still personalize those who may be awkward for you.
Being very short (under 5 ft) people tend to be a bit uncomfortable hugging me when I’m all dolled up because it inevitabley leaves me with my face in the middle of their chest or even lower. ThI have learned to compensat by using the 4 hand hold. Plus it helps when you don’t want to get to close to someone who is wearing beads that may snag and pull your dress or sweater.
It could be worse…after years of living in latin america I became very accustomed to kissing everyone (even people you meet for the first time) on the cheek (in the country I was in it was only once on one cheek, but in others it’s two kisses, while others it’s 3 kisses back and forth). I had to physically train myself not to lean in for a cheek kiss after coming back to the U.S. There were some akward moments…
Good post. I always feel awkward with the handshake - I feel like it’s guy territory - and I’m a girl. So I ALWAYS feel the handshake is awkward! I’m a hugger - even if I’ve just met the person 
I guess a business situation is the only time I really ‘handshake’ - which even still always feels weird to me. I probably have the worst handshake ever! I hope people don’t size me up by that
I’m not big on random hugging, so I was worried about this too. When you are in your receiving line people are good about queing you as to what they intend to do. There is usually a moment of congratulatory talk before the handshake or hug that lets you know where they are headed. There are some that will hug one of you and not the other depending on the relationship. Men tend to not hug the bride unless they are related (or drunk) afterall you are another man’s wife now There will be a lot of half hugs from the side because it is easier. It will flow a lot smoother than you think.
I’m not a huge hugger, but I was doing a lot of hugging on my weddin day. Real hugs for my friends, and the “half hug” for people I didn’t really know that well. You know, where you either shake their hand and put your other arm around their shoulder, or where you just put both hands on their shoulders so you can lean in and still keep some distance between you. The only people I shook hands with were our vendors, and some of the male relatives/SO’s I didn’t know at all.
I say hug everybody! I bet you will be in such a great mood that you will be happy to dole out the love. They might stick their hand out first if they see you hugging everyone and they aren’t in the mood for a squeeze.
I was traveling through the receiving line at my FI’s cousin’s wedding. When I got to the groom (FI’s cousin) I leaned in to give him a big congratulatory hug, but he was going for the handshake. The result? His hand trapped between the twins and an awkward chuckle!
I say try to read the guests and see what they’re going to do. At worst, you’ll end up hugging someone who isn’t expecting it and you can always turn a handshake into the four hand hold.
I agree with the comments on reading guests. I’m not a big hugger, but I ended up giving so many hugs on my wedding day.
One friend’s SO, who I had never met before, insisted on doing the “kiss kiss” on my cheeks. Ugh, I don’t know, it was just too weird!
I say do whatever you feel comfortable doing. If I am a guest’s guest, I don’t expect to hug the bride and groom. If anything, it’s awkward enough that you don’t know the parents or either the bride or groom. It’s totally acceptable to hug your friend and then shake their guest’s hand.
Great post! I’m sure many other people (including myself) have wondered about this before. I always just go for the hug- handshakes are a bit too awkward for me.
Oh, I so wish I had an answer to this. We didn’t do a receiving line, we ended up just visiting tables…but while we were all waiting for the clambake presentation, i did receive lots of hugs. One issue for me as a tall gal, is that I look like I am trying to devour anyone shorter than me. Especially when I still had my veil on!!
Haha, this makes me glad that I’m Jewish so we won’t be doing a receiving line. Instead, we’ll walk around to the tables, and everyone else will be seated, which makes the hugs quite a bit more difficult.
We have a lot of people invited to the wedding who are close college friends of my parents that my parents still see frequently, but I don’t know (every year since graduating college, they have done several kid-free excursions) — so they’re invited from my side, but I only know stories about them, not who they are. They all feel like they know me through pictures, so I’m sure they’ll go in for the hug, but I won’t even be able to tell who is who namewise. That could be a bit tricky!
We didn’t do a receiving line at our wedding, but I just hugged eeeeveryone!
At our Chinese banquet where I didn’t know at least 50% of the guests (as in, had never met, and no one even pointed out if they were related or how they knew anyone, so I had absolutely zero to go on) I shook hands with people who I had never seen before, and hugged anyone whose name/relation I knew. So even though I wasn’t close to a lot of those people they got the “I’ve met you before!” hug as opposed to the “so nice of you to come, total stranger!” handshake.
I think the “four hand hold” is a good option to stop unwanted hugs, but you’ll probably be so happy you won’t mind getting squeezed by all and sundry.
BaghdadBride, you made me chuckle b/c I’ve had those awkward moments whenever I first get back from Italy– going in to two-cheek-kiss some poor unsuspecting fellow American!
For my wedding, I’m gonna be so full of love, everyone is getting some! 
I think you should just go with it, and don’t worry about being too affectionate.
Normally, I am a big hugger and a cheek-kisser. But one cheek only. I relate to Baghdad Bride a bit, too, but from the other side. A lot of Frenchies are at my firm and I always get thrown off by the double-cheek-kiss. At least I know they are all doubles - it’s worse when there are people from different parts of France and you never know who is a single, a double or UGH a triple!
I would expect that in the receiving line there would be more handshakes or cheek kisses than hugs simply because it’s a whole line and all that hair/clothes messing that was mentioned by others.
And then let the hugging begin. I am a hugger. My fiance’s family… mmmm… I don’t really know if they’re huggers but I jump right into it. I’m an average height 5′ 5″ but most of his family are teeny Chinese folks and it’s true that sometimes I think they are entirely overwhelmed with the hugs… but that’s what they’re going to get with me in the family.
Do be aware that if your dress has beads and sequins and stuff you might get stuck on someone’s lacy, meshy or equally beaded top.
I’ve always been a hugger. In fact, in Junior High, my friend and I used to have contests to see who could get the most hugs in a day. I’d ask random strangers for a hug (but never force a hug on anyone). I got away from hugging random strangers *wink* until I went back to Al-Anon- a very huggy bunch!
Obviously I’m quite comfortable with hugs and I imagine I’ll hug everyone at my wedding. It would seem weird to invite someone to celebrate and share in such an important personal ceremony and be too uncomfortable to hug them!
I hug all the time, even if it’s my first time meeting someone. Sometimes I wonder if people think I’m nuts but then I shrug it off. The world could use a few more huggers.
Hahaha. Love the post. I’m personally of the “give people their space” school and so is Mr. Lovebug…but when it comes to receiving, I love when someone’s all happy and boisterous and huggy. Their energy is contagious, yanno? But only if it suits them. If it seems like they’re doing it to be, just, warm? — then it feels forced, and I no like.
i have the same question! thank goodness we’re having a more casual cocktail reception and small guest list… better excuse to cut out the receiving line altogether!
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Mrs. Cupcake, Philadelphia
Age and Occupation: 27, Graphic Designer
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Construction Project Manager
Engagement Date: February 10, 2007
Wedding Date: September, 2008
Blogging Since: December 7, 2007
Venue: The Desmond Hotel in Malvern, PA
About Me: Mr. Cupcake and I hit it off at a Halloween party and immediately began a long-distance relationship. After two years, he moved to my neck of the woods, and a year and a half after that, he proposed at the “place we fell in love.” I am a true perfectionist who enjoys designing and creating more work for myself, so wedding planning is my perfect outlet. Mr. Cupcake and I are both old souls, and we hope to weave that aspect of our personalities into our wedding day.
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