Meet The Parents
January 24th, 2008 @ 2:09 pm by Mrs. Canary
Mr. Canary and I have been engaged for almost a year. (I can’t believe it!) Time has flown so quickly and now we’re getting ready to move into our new home (finally!) and finish planning the wedding. But one big thing that hasn’t happened? Our parents have yet to meet. We had initially planned a meeting of our families for the summer of 2007, but both our fathers travel frequently for work, so with the scheduling conflicts, our parents will not meet for the first time until tomorrow night!
We have a great individual relationship with each set of parents– I met Mr. Canary’s parents at the very beginning of our relationship and have since exchanged birthday/holiday gifts, frequent emails and visited often with the future-in-laws, whereas Mr. Canary currently lives with me at my parents’ house and sees Mama and Papa Canary every day.
I am a bit anxious and I think the parents are a little nervous too, but Mr. Canary denies that anyone’s nervous. The good thing about this first meeting is that it will occur at a party. Every year Papa Canary hosts a large Lunar New Year party at a restaurant, and so it will also be a big social event without the pressures of say an intimate dinner. The future in-laws are here for the party and staying through the weekend.
I think my parents’ biggest fear is the language “barrier” although both of them speak and communicate in English just fine. But as immigrants, they always have some paranoia about their language skills and meeting people for the first time. There are also cultural differences, not that there are many, but something that’s offensive in American culture may not be so offensive in Chinese culture, i.e. the types of questions you ask. A lot of my relatives like to get down to the nitty gritty with questions like, How old are you? How much did XYZ cost? How much do you weigh? Most of which I’m pretty immune to by now, but if I were a stranger, would find highly offensive!
In the end, I think Mr. Canary’s right. I shouldn’t be worried, because no matter what, both sets of parents will try their best in our interest to make it fun and relaxed as possible… but I can’t help but have a few jitters!
How did you introduce your parents and in-laws? Was it awkward? Any tips or advice?
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12 Responses to “Meet The Parents”
When I had to do this, it was two families instead of two sets of parents- Both of us have huge families that we are very involved with. What I did was sit down and work out which people from which family would get along the best, then invited a small group of them to brunch. Afterward, each set went back and gossiped with the rest of the family with good tales to tell, so when the two families got together, the preconceived biases were already in place, and they were good!
My Dad’s flying to NZ for the wedding so will meet FI’s parents at the rehearsal!
I’m almost 100% sure that the first time my mom met T’s Step Dad (and his entire family & friends!) was at his Mom’s funeral. Yes this was a little awkward.
My family had gone through losing my dad to cancer 3 years prior. T’s mom passed away from cancer 7 months into our relationship. Our families were awkwardly bonding by this tragedy we had both been through. Of course my Mom wanted to attend the funeral and show her support (as did my grandfather) - that’s just who she is - the most caring person I know!
We (Mom & I) also drove down to visit his family Christmas day that year (5 months later). Again - a little weird - but it was nice. At that point T and I were newly engaged.
Don’t think the families crossed paths’ again until the wedding 4 months later!
Aww, I’m sure it’s going to great! Our parents met for the first time at our engagement and I was so nervous. We went out for a fancy dinner and I spilled water all over the table, which is classic me 
But everything went really well because I think our parents knew how happy we were and were so happy for us.
I’m so nervous our families went meet till the day before the WEDDING!! talk about nuts crazy. im sure it will be fine though, i hope
opps, change the sixth word to wont lol
My parents are divorced so it was a little more complicated. My mom & step-dad came down (we live 4 hours from my family and around the corner from his) for a short weekend to visit with my little bro. The next night we all went out to dinner with my FI’s parents. It was totally awkward since I think my parents were very nervous. His parents have done this several times before and this is a first for mine. They have always know the parents of thier kids SOs before they started dating.
With my dad it was a completley different story. He and my older bro came down on the spur of the moment to join our last clamming trip of the year at the shore house. (FMIL mom does not clam) It’s hard to be awkward when you are drinking beer and chest deep in the bay. There they were feeling around with thier feet in the muck for clams and it was very relaxed. They all came back to our place near Philly to eat the clams for the clambake and met FMIL over bear and clams. That was really easy.
We had been together a little more than a year at this point and my FI almost proposed right there in the bay as soon as the Dads met. He held off, later saying it wasn’t very romantic.
My FI’s mom and my parents just met this past weekend and I had the exact same worries as my parents are from Taiwan. It turned out fabulous - they exchanged gifts and FI’s mom spoke slowly and clearly (as she always does since she’s an elementary school teacher) which I think really put my parents at ease. There were times when my parents’ responses seemed “unnatural” by American social standards, but I think FI’s mom was very understanding and had a great time talking to my parents (especially my mom).
The only thing, was that FI’s mom thought she didn’t bring enough presents (my parents brought a couple different things, which was totally normal because of our gift-giving culture).
So I’m sure everything will be just fine and better than you could ever imagine - good luck!
Our parents will meet this coming Sunday when we have our tasting for the caterer… we’ve been together for over 2 years and engaged for over 1, so it’s been a long time coming, but like you said, scheduling is sometimes hard… my fingers are crossed it goes well!!!
our parents met by accident! i was at a music festival with my 11 year old sister and parents and we ran into my guy’s sister, husband, and kids. after hanging out with them a bit we left and i ran into his parents! two minutes later my sister was feeling ill so i rushed off with her to find a bathroom and left the parents alone! they seemed to be doing okay when i got back
like lauren, my parents met by accident too. it was rather unexpected… we were eating at a noodle restaurant and then i noticed the future in-laws walking through the door. i was so nervous! it was a brief encounter though, cuz we didn’t want our parents to reaaallyyy get to know each other till we were engaged. (didn’t want them to kill each other prior to the wedding). so after the engagement, they came over for a full sit down dinner and it went pretty well.
mm.. advice. my FI is a pretty good conversation starter like, “oh, mom did you know that so so and plays violin” … interjecting comments about me or my sis that his parents may not know about, or making comments about my parents like “did you know they just went to china last summer”.. stuff like that, to bridge conversation and interests. he’s more extroverted than i am so it comes naturally, but overall it really helps ease the quietness and awkwardness when the parents dont have anything to say to another.
good luck!
Mrs. Canary, New York
Age and Occupation: 24, Marketing
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 25, Journalist/Editor
Engagement Date: February 16, 2007
Wedding Date: July, 2008
Blogging Since: October 19, 2007
Venue: Pier Sixty, Chelsea Piers
About Me: I'm a born and raised New Yorker who loves all things crafty and artsy, food (cheese and dessert!), magazines, and shoes. I'm a power shopper always on the lookout for good deals or great quality-- sometimes I'm lucky and I find both! I love to dance and "shake what my momma gave me" but can also really enjoy a quiet night in with Mr. Canary and a good episode of Seinfeld or curl up with a good book.
i know this sounds crazy, but our families met at the same dinner where my fi asked me to marry him. everyone was in on it and i thought that that was the surprise - our famiies meeting for the first time since I didn’t know his parents were in town. anyway, towards the end of dinner, he asked me in front of everyone. it was great! we knew our families would get along very well too.