Does Marital Bliss Last?

Does Marital Bliss Last?

January 25th, 2008 @ 3:00 pm by Mrs. Violet

A friend of mine went through two failed marriages. Needless to say, she has a pretty negative outlook on marriage. She said that when she got married, she became more demanding of her husband and he in turn became less interested. In her own words, “Now that he’s got her, he need not be as good to her as he used to be when they were only dating.”

I was pretty shocked to hear this. On the contrary, I’ve become less demanding and try my best to be nicer to Mr. Violet(yes, I can be mean sometimes); while Mr. Violet has been filling his husband role quite well. In fact, all the extra things that he has done to date amazes me. He helps me clean the house. He bakes for me. He surprised me with an MP3 player last night just because he felt I needed a new one; and I did. (He called it an early Valentine’s Day gift.) He gets excited to see me when I come home. He always wants to take me out or hang out together. When I do get mad at him about something, he tries harder to understand why. I was planning a trip to Aruba with my sister come April, and Mr. Violet helped me book the flights & hotels. He even gave up his Amex reward points for our flights so that we can fly for free.

My friend says jokingly, “I wonder how he’s going to be 25 years from now” and I reply, “I wonder too,” but if I had to make a bet, I’d bet he’ll be as good to me as he’s always been.”

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16 Responses to “Does Marital Bliss Last?”

Member

sassygirl (message) 110 posts, Blushing bee

Wow, sounds great! How long have you guys been living together though? Because eventually you will both want some space/time away from each other and he may not always want to hang out.

1/25/08 @ 3:10 pm (reply)

Bee

Mrs. Violet (message) 255 posts, Helper bee

Hey sassygirl - We’ve been together for 8+years, living together for 3+years. We already made plans to go on vacation without each other.. he’s going with friends to watch a baseball game in Florida and I’m going away to Aruba with my sister… so I think we’re pretty well balanced.

1/25/08 @ 3:13 pm (reply)

Guest

Susan Eva

I think it is all about expectations. Yours might be lower than your friend’s. For example, she might not see him contributing to cleaning the house as an “extra”. It is important to not take what your partner does for granted, so it is nice that you are recognizing his efforts.

1/25/08 @ 3:18 pm (reply)

Guest

wsukarebear

I really like what you have to say about your husband! I agree about mine as well–he’s so thoughtful and considerate and I can’t imagine him being *much* different in our future (we’ve been together for six years, married for six months). Our relationship has always been about being together, but also about spending time with friends and apart from one another, knowing that we’ll be returning to each other at the end of the day/night.

I have two different friends who are divorcing their husbands after three(ish) years of marriage. One is really happy with her life (but I see mulitple marriages in her future) and the other is more bitter. It’s sad to me that they’ve been burned, but luckily they haven’t projected that negativity on me or my marriage.

1/25/08 @ 3:29 pm (reply)

Guest

wsukarebear

I really like what you have to say about your husband!

I agree about mine as well–he’s so thoughtful and considerate and I can’t imagine him being *much* different in our future (we’ve been together for six years, married for six months). Our relationship has always been about being together, but also about spending time with friends and apart from one another, knowing that we’ll be returning to each other at the end of the day/night.

All the cliche (nonetheless true) things people say about marriage are true–you have to be up front about money, divorce, duties at home, children (future or not), etc. and you need to compromise. If you come into the marriage with unrealistic and undiscussed expectations, don’t you think one is setting themselves up for disappointment?

Maybe not…I just think communication is so huge in a relationship. Then, if you are disappointed hopefully talking it out can help (yeah, I’m that wifey: “we need to talk about this!!!”).

1/25/08 @ 3:33 pm (reply)

Guest

wsukarebear

I am not having luck with posting today…thank gosh it’s the weekend and thank gosh I’m going out of town! Comment 5 is my “good” comment.

1/25/08 @ 3:34 pm (reply)

Bee

Mrs. Violet (message) 255 posts, Helper bee

wsukarebear - I hear ya with the “we need to talk” speech. I’m all about communicating too. I know he won’t always be surprising me every month, but I believe he’ll always be good to me as long as I’m good to him.

1/25/08 @ 3:47 pm (reply)

Member

Nopinkertons (message) 110 posts, Blushing bee

It’s kind of a weird way to put it–SHE became more demanding, but HE’s the one not treating her as well once he “got” her. You could as easily say the same thing about her. I think a lot of guys think women are all sweet until they marry them, then they turn into shrews (these guys are usually not married! :-). I’m not saying this is the case with your friend, just that this is a both-sides point of view.

Oddly enough, I don’t have any friends who are divorced. And I’m old–38–so you’d think I’d have a few, given the oft-cited 50% divorce rate. My married friends all seem to be making it work, and work happily, many of them after ten or fifteen years and more than one kid. It gives me great hope for the future.

1/25/08 @ 4:17 pm (reply)

Member

anna (message) 59 posts, Worker bee

who - male or female - would stick around if their spouse did a 180 after the wedding? it’s so annoying when people don’t take responsibility for their actions.

1/25/08 @ 4:40 pm (reply)

10.

Guest

Kathy

I think, dear, you have married a man with a “generous heart”. I’ve been married over 25 years, and my “generous heart” still whispers “I love you, baby” when he leaves for work. (I’m sleeping, but most of the time I hear him) He turns up the thermostat in the bathroom and closes the door so its nice and warm when I get up to shower. He thanks me for dinner as he’s putting his dirty plate in the sink. He still holds the door. For everyone entering–where-ever. Yes, we have had our ups and downs, but the love, and respect is always there. We don’t tell each other what to do, yet we trust that the other will do the right thing. For Us. Here’s to your first 25 years!!!

1/25/08 @ 7:33 pm (reply)

11.

Guest

So cute, Mrs. Violet. You and your husband seem to have a great relationship.

That’s kinda irritating that your friend projected her marriage insecurities onto you, albeit jokingly. I’m glad you are perfectly happy and confident in your own marriage, nonetheless.

I only hope that in the future, I will feel the same way about my husband as you do!

1/25/08 @ 7:45 pm (reply)

12.

Bee

Mrs. Violet (message) 255 posts, Helper bee

Kathy - I can only imagine how married life will be in 25 years and you are a living example! Thank you for the inspiration.

L - As for my friend, she’s not my age. She’s many years ahead of me and I don’t think she is trying to push her negativity onto me, but just giving me her point of view through her eyes. Thanks for your warm wishes=)

1/25/08 @ 7:53 pm (reply)

13.

Guest

sphbride

Ah, I only wish my fiance is like that before the marriage. LOL (bitterly).

1/26/08 @ 3:15 am (reply)

14.

Guest

Colleen

I’m a newlywed, but I’ve heard the secret to a happy marriage is “choose wisely and be kind.” :o)

1/26/08 @ 1:15 pm (reply)

15.

Guest

Ask Wifey

Hmm, she got more demanding and go figure, he didn’t like it. I think too often spouses take each other forgranted. Treat him like you want to be treated, and go from there. Say please, thank-you and I love you often!

It sounds like you are on the right track with your husband - smiles! Stay on that positive path!

1/27/08 @ 5:30 pm (reply)

16.

Guest

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[...] Does Marital Bliss Last? by Mrs. Violet (my answer: bliss comes and goes, love stays) [...]

1/28/08 @ 9:31 am (reply)