Wedding Blog
Happy engagement anniversary to the Penguins! Yes, one year ago today, on a stormy winter day, we got engaged on the Central Coast of California. Yippee Hooray!
It’s been a whirlwind of a year ever since, full of big decisions and LOTS of indecision, but one thing is certain: OUR ENGAGEMENT IS TOO LONG. We were hasty to set a date - June 2008 - 16 months after our engagement. What the hell were we thinking? Everything about a long engagement is agony. Having to utter the word “Fiance” for 16 months straight makes me really uncomfortable. It feels like one of those snobby words that people like to use when they’re holding their goblet of Chimay Blue with their pinky sticking out. Have we no common redneck word for “Fiance”? Husband-to-be works in a pinch, but there are so many damn syllables in there that people have long stopped paying attention when I introduce Mr. Pengy as my “husband-to-be.” I’m over it. Lets just be married already.
I’ve second guessed every decision we’ve made about the wedding. Mostly because I have PLENTY of time to. I fired our photographer, hired a new photographer, reprinted our invitations 3 times, changed my mind on centerpieces about 16 times, bought countless numbers of glass pieces that I may or may not use for our reception, and started about 18 DIY projects that probably won’t make their way into our wedding.
Restraint, how I mock thee.
I sometimes wonder what our wedding would have been like if we had set our wedding date for eight months after our engagement. Wonderful, I’m sure. Although I relish in the planning process, I often think about all this creative power that I’m using/wasting on planning this one big day. I eat, sleep, and breathe our wedding. I refuse to think of anything else until I’m sitting in the sand, drink in hand, on our Honeymoon.
I’ve got 2.3 billion decisions to be second guessed and four more months to go.
How long is/was your engagment? Would you have done a lot different in a shorter amount of time?
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15 months, and I feel your pain. It’s a blessing and a curse to have a long engagement.
I know EXACTLY how you feel! I HATE having a long engagement! We are getting married in June also and by that time we will have been engaged for 27 months! way way way too long. We had to wait so long because we were both still in school when he proposed…. For a while after we got engaged I just called my FI my boyfriend because saying he was my fiance sounded stuck-up to me, like I was trying to prove how much more special and serious our relationship was or something. And no one really took our engagement seriously. Its only been recently that people have started making comments like, “are you excited?” “have you gotten much planning done?”… I really just hate all this waiting and…even though its not very long…4 months still seems like FOREVER!
22 months. We’re 6 months in and haven’t done any planning so far. FI has been long-distance but is moving back in about 6 weeks, which part of our reason for delaying the ceremony. So far, it’s been perfect for us. It has been frustrating not to be able to make any actually plans, though.
over a year and a half (19 months), and i’m right there with you - it’s waaay too long. i would have eloped the next day if if it had been completely up to me, but circumstances got in the way and our year engagement turned into 19 freakin’ months! the only positive - we’re on a super tight budget, so it’s given us a lot more room to shop around for the best deals on all of our vendors and supplies. only 5 months to go now!
One year minus one day….I think it will be just about right…we have a little less than 5 months to go.
a little shy of 24 months here, so i understand. we were engaged 3.31.07 and the big day isn’t until 3.14.09 but it is nice to sort of take your time and really plan things out vs. feeling rushed. we are a little over 13 months out….just thirteen more to go. i know this will go fast.
Hi Pengy,
24 months here and yes, I’ve second guessed EVERYTHING too and ended up being a two dress bride! GAH!
I’m in a planning lull and haven’t done anything in months and need to get my butt in gear again! However, we were able to save a good chunk of money over the last year and a half. 6 more months to go and I CANNOT WAIT!
Hahaha. I always feel a bit bougie saying “fiance”, too. But I guess I’m weird in that I would have wanted a longer engagement (ours is a little over a year). We were only dating for a year when he proposed. I guess I just wouldn’t mind more time? Sometimes it feels a tiny bit soon.
I totally understand about second guessing though. It’s like when you’re ready to go out, and you’re just standing around bored, so you end up changing outfits eight times.
Only, with slightly higher stakes.
Congratulations on yer anniversary!
Ours will be a 9 month engagement. People kept telling us its not long enough. I say if you can bake a baby, you can plan a wedding. It puts things into perspective. Its a party. Its one day. I’m looking forward to our 50th anniversary. We will be just as married at the end of the day. With or Without my beloved photobooth.
Nine months. Which is, as far as I can tell, exactly enough time and no more. If my mom hadn’t been through this just four years ago with my sister, and I didn’t have lots of great advice IMMEDIATELY after the engagement from both of them, I would never have figured anything out in time. We had multiple people try to book our venue and photographer just days after we gave them our deposits. I started looking at invitations in December and now have to mail STDs in the next two weeks. I started looking at dresses about the same time and luckily ordered mine Friday - the ship date is 4/25 - comfortable for our 7/12 date, but thank heavens I found a dress so easily. Of course, things are complicated by the fact that we live in a relatively small town (almost three hours from Nordstrom!!!) I think I would have given myself a year if I had known what I was getting into.
By the time we get married, FH and I will have been engaged for 23 months and 2 weeks or so… we wanted time to save up/space out payments and now I’m pulling my hair out because I just want to be married already!!!!! *sigh* and of course, no I’m starting to second guess EVERYTHING I have bought (OK, only really my gown/veil/tiara) so far =(
I also feel your pain! Our engagement will be 21 months long. We’re just 5 months into our engagement and I’ve already booked the venues, caterer, DJ, photographer, and I’ve found my dream dress! I thought that wedding planning would take so much of my time that I didn’t want to do it while I am still in school (graduating with my MSW in May!) Looking back, I realize that I definitely could have handled school and wedding planning. Like you, I’ve been changing my mind like crazy over the small details - flowers, colors, style, favors, etc! I just keep telling myself that by the time I make those final decisions I will know that I *truly* want. Hang in there and good luck!
Our one year proposal anniversary was yesterday — we celebrated by picking our our engagement rings and meeting with our travel agent to finalize our honeymoon plans. We’re getting married in May — and it is way too long. Unfortunately, we didn’t have any other options based around my fiance’s medical school requirements — the only way we could guarantee he would have time off was to plan it after his graduation, so we’re getting married exactly one week after he graduates. I wish we could have done a shorter engagement (I think 1 year would be perfect), but the only way to do that would have been for him to wait to propose until May, and he was just ready to go ahead and do it.
Our engagement will be 21 months. I have absolutely everything I could possibly book booked and now I am just hanging out… waiting… Every time there is a sunny Saturday I think “today could have been the day!” We picked it because we had a lot up in the air when we got engaged (Mr. P’s company being sold, chance of moving, both applying to grad schools, blah blah) and now that everything went very smoothly I’m just killing time. I keep checking ticket prices to Vegas. If we go there for fun before September, I’m going to get him drunk and drag him to a chapel (just kidding… kinda).
Happy Anniversary! You are just that much closer… 
I totally feel you! We got engaged last March and we’re getting married in June— it feels like we’ve been engaged forever!!! It’s especially bad because I’m the type to overanalyze and second guess everything, so I’ve had way too much time on my hands. It’s coming up soon though!
Happy anniversary
Our engagement will be a little over 14 months, which is the perfect amount of time for us. It gives us more time to save up money (we’re paying for most of it ourselves), take our time researching vendors and venues, and allow me to focus on school (I’m finishing the last two semesters of my credential program). I guess we could’ve moved up the date by a couple of months, but I’d rather have a March wedding than a January or February one.
We dated for over 9 years before we got engaged, so maybe that’s why 14 months doesn’t seem so long.
Our engagement was 6 months. Because of a bunch of scheduling issues it was either June 07, a winter wedding, or a year and a half engagement. I always wanted a summer wedding, and ended up choosing the 6 month engagement over a year and a half one. I was somewhat worried that it would be too short but it ended up being just right for us. We are notoriously bad at making decisions… (example: today we spent 3 hours at Best Buy debating whether to buy a new computer since we have $400 in gift cards. We left because we needed more time to think about it. LOL) Because we were a bit crunched for time, we were forced to choose things. And you know what… everything turned out great!
When it comes down to the end though, you will probably be less stressed than we were… in any case I’m sure it will be a great wedding. Happy engagement anniversary
ours is going to be 10 months. i don’t understand why people keep saying “why so short?” why not?? i agree with suzanno — just enough time to still be able to find awesome vendors yet not so long that i drive myself nuts.
Miss Penguin, I could’ve written the same post. Sub 15 months for 16, and venue firing for photographer.
In the end, it’ll be fine, but I’ve wished so many times we’d gone for a shorter engagement - enough time to get things done, but no time to rethink every single detail!
33 months!
I totally get it.. our engagement is WAY too long…we’ve been unofficially engaged for about a year now and have about 8 months to the wedding and *officially* engaged (think parental approval, being in the same city - since fed-exing a ring was not an option!) for about 5 months… my parents were “against” a long engagement and apparently 20 months is not “too short”..
And to top it off! We’re doing long distance.. and I mean LOOOOONG Distance (think crossing several oceans to be togetherd)..so i wish we had gotten married the day he proposed!!
I think 10 months is the perfect length.. anything over a year is too long. 
18 weeks - just about PERFECT :)! Though I wish I was reading Weddingbee back then - I definitely would have taken full advantage of the ideas and prob done a couple things differently.
I kinda skipped the whole ‘fiance’ word and went straight to referring to him as my husband. It just started slipping out ooopps! The reason I don’t like the word ‘fiance’ is because every time I said it, I felt like it was a big announcement. Like people were expected and obligated to then ask questions about the wedding - which so isn’t true. So I just didn’t use it
Yup, “fiance” is an ugh word and the other choices are just as bad– “betrothed” anyone?
We were engaged for 39 months before our “legal” wedding and another three before the bigger celebration. HOWEVER, we didn’t start planning until about 6 months out– and even then we did a lot of things casually and at the last minute, which worked for us but I realize is not for everyone.
Hang in there, Pengy (and everyone else). Remember that no one but you will know about other choices you might have made about colors, music, food, etc. If the projects are becoming a chore, I say ditch them and go sit in the sunshine with a glass of wine. The best thing you can do to make your wedding memorable is to be happy and relaxed when the day arrives.
1 year and 7 months! I hear ya but also happy we have had this whole time to save!!
6 months for us. Our wedding date is July 12 and I feel pretty good for what we’ve accomplished. I thought getting a church would be the hardest part and we ended up with 3!!! I am just remembering to enjoy each step =)
hehehe We got engaged January 14, 2007 and we’re getting married May 10th, 2008! So about 3 1/2 months to go! I’d say that it was really long… and now I’m wishing I was already married, but we waited until i graduated because of finances. August would have been hard bc of us both being in school… December would have been impossible (I took 21 hours this past fall to graduate, by the time the 15th came around I was sick and stressed!)… and then march is in the middle of the semester for him… so May 10th it was. School is out the first week and one of my bridesmaids graduates the 3rd… so yeah.
BUT, the bright side of a long engagement is how much money I’ve saved. I bought my dress from david’s bridal during a sale (the kind that they take off $50 for every so hundred the dress is, so my dress was 150$ cheaper!) and I bought it a year ago and just not took it in for alterations. This enabled us to pay off the dress entirely before having to pay more money. We’re having a local caterer do the cake, my cousin is a professional pianist… and my aunt is a florist… a good friend is doing the photography for only $200… so yeah, I’ve been able to hit a lot of sales or discounts along the way, but aside from all that, it sucks!
our engagement will be 20 months long. although we are only 3 months into planning, i’m definitely trying to tell myself to ENJOY this time. there will never ever be a time in our lives where we’ll get to call each other “fiance” and be in the “engagement” stage of our relationship. i am sure it will fly by fast.
then again…i’m still new to the whole game. we shall see!
We have a 2 year engagement and I LOVE it!!! The first year was bliss–I didn’t plan one thing, didn’t look at one dress, didn’t worry about a thing. Years ago somebody told me that you should always have a long engagement so that you can enjoy being engaged–anything less than 1 year is consumed with planning with very little time out for anything else. I wasn’t sure if I agreed with her but now that we are 6 months away from the wedding and have started planning I wouldn’t change a thing. I loved being engaged with nothing to do/plan/worry/decide/stress. You are only engaged once (hopefully so enjoy it!!
ours will be a 9month engagement..and i wish it would go by faster~!! i can’t stop changing my mind either~!
Ours was 15 months and I felt that same as Miss Penguin. I couldn’t turn the wedding off, but was so tired of it by the time the wedding rolled around! I wish it had been shorter, but my sister’s wedding was 9 months before mine so I had to wait (all our family had to travel for both). I really tried to stop second-guessing myself, but it’s so hard when you have been thinking about it for so long!
Me too!! We got engaged last Feb and are also planning a June wedding; the 18 month engagement has been AGONY!!!!! We’ve been dating for SEVEN years, are at a stable point in our careers, etc so there was no reason — between the two of us — to wait this long. We did it because our closest friends and family members pushed us for a summer wedding, and determined 5-7 months just wansn’t long enough to plan a wedding. We should have ignored them all and done what we wanted!!!
The singular advantage to a long engagement? More time to save $$$.
11 months, absolutely the perfect amount of time for us!!
10 months for me. i get where you are coming from though. the thought of a longer engagement didnt sit well me and my intended (lol, yes, i use this word in conversation as well). We’ve been together 4.5 years and have been long distance for the last 4 months.
WE ARE SOOO READY to be married!
date is 11/01/08 and i am stressed trying to nail down a freaking reception venue with barely any cash.
i couldn’t imagine stringing this stress out for any longer period of time.
madness!
My husband and I are about to have our “one-year-since-we-got-engaged anniversary” and we’ve been married almost five months now. I couldn’t imagine STILL planning the wedding, so I don’t know how you’re doing it!
We had 7 months almost to the day to plan, and my mom thought I was crazy to try to pull it off, but we did. She still tells me that were only able to make it happen because she’s retired and helping me plan (and thus making me cry occasionally) became her new full-time job!
Like Helene, we had about a six-month engagement. It’s MORE than enough time to plan the simple wedding we want. My parents, at first, wanted to know “why so soon?” Soon?!
What they didn’t know is that we’d wanted to get married for a year and a half before that! So six more months of waiting is already another lifetime!!!
Hate to say it, but you’ll still be pondering your wedding a year after the event. It never stops.
girl the same as you. i came close to hiring all these vendors and always say this is the one. then i say 1 more interview doesn’t hurt and next thing you know i’m hiring that last interviewee. what an embarrassing time for me. and my diys battle is like mad crazy right now. i’m trying to impliment all my ideas omg… i feel like it’s never ending. i just have a cut off time i need to adhere to and that’s why it feels like madness. other than that i’m so glad we’re almost there. 2 more months.
Slightly belated response, but oh my god do I feel you on this one. I think ours is about 14 months and I’m just like “Let’s just be married already!” Today, we are five months out and I can only hope that the next 152 days go quickly. I feel like the more time I have, the more I am tempted to change my mind about silly little things like flowers and decor. It’s driving me crazy.
hahaha… Miss Penguin!! Hanging there!!! But seriously, Im sick of having such a long engagement (when did I get engaged?? I don’t remember anymore… hahaha). Luckily, I have less than 45 days to go.
Really, I hear you! Sometimes, I’m glad that we have such a long time to plan, so we can do little by little each day. But then again, I get mad for spending almost 2 years to plan one single day…. wasting all my time and energy! Wondering if anyone will notice our efforts and details??
hi ms. penguin! did you get the photographer i recommended?
I told my boyfriend that if I didn’t get 6 months to plan I would kill him. We had sort of picked out the date before he popped the question. He wanted the shortest engagement possible, but had no clue what was involved in planning a wedding. So I got my wish and he proposed almost exactly 6 months before. So now we are 4 months away to May and I have a lot of stuff done, but it would have been nice to have more time.
Christine - I DID AND IM IN LOVEEEEE WITH HER!!! I’m so glad I mentioned my dilemma to you Thanks SO MUCH!
Mine was about 10 months and that was just approaching too long for me. The last two months was toughest — I couldn’t wait for life to return back to normal. Now, if I can only kick this weddingbee addiction, j/k ;-P
Oh wow.
After having read the agonizing comments of all of your readers, I’m getting the feeling that there is a definite downside to having a long engagement time. My BF and I had casually discussed a long engagement and in the back of my mind, I was hoping that those few extra months would allow me to take on all of the crazy but beautiful DIY projects that weddingbee has devilishly convinced me that I am 100% capable of. But now I can completely see all of your p.o.v.s now. Who are we kidding? Could I really wait 2 years before being able to shout to the world that this man is my HUSBAND?! (Okay, maybe not shouting. We NYers have a bad rep for doing crazy things to begin with) I am definitely rethinking the eternal engagement now - thanks for your insightful post!
p.s. Happy anniversary, Penguins! (and many, many more to come!)
I totally feel you. Our engagement period ended up being 2 and a half years!!! (30 months I think?). Engaged in 2006. To be married in 2009. But he proposed to me while I was still in school - had to graduate, take the bar exam, find a job… we also live in different cities so we are working that out. I am booking my vendors now but it feels like its too early since my wedding is still a year and a half away. I already bought my dress and am on the verge of booking a photographer… want to make invitations but I think its too early for that.
congratulations on your anniversary mr & miss penguin! our best wishes to your upcoming marriage!!
we got engaged in jan 2007 and set the date for aug 2007 after impulsively purchasing a home in feb. although we originally planned for a long engagement (to save up for the wedding), our plans changed since i didn’t want to live with him until we were married.
the six month window was very short and planning felt like a whirlwind — i really didn’t have much time to research/decide and i wasn’t one of those girls who dreamed about my wedding — let alone getting married. thankfully the Lord blessed us with a lovely, beautiful, intimate “destination” wedding in maui with close friends and family. it was close to perfect. and we later had a post-wedding celebration (chinese banquet style) last november so our friends and extended family can celebrate with us.
there were times when i wished i had more time to research and think things through but overall, we’re pleased with both celebrations. we also try to remember that it’s just for one day and the more important areas are the days after.
wishing you all the best!
2 1/2 years!!! That is 30 Very long months!! We are waiting for the degrees to be in our hands before walking that great isle. We too have changed just about everything. There is such a thing as too much time to plan. I have even bought a second dress. Ugh, I can not wait until Jan. 3rd!
just under 5 months and I wouldn’t have it any other way. The way I look at it, you’re always going to fill the time you have with planning, more planning, decisions, indecision etc. Not that I didn’t have fun planning, but if I’d had longer, I would just have taken longer to do everything. I put my fiance in charge of our 6-week honeymoon in southeast asia and he did a fabulous job!
The only downside was that a few vendors we contacted refused to deal with us because of the short timelines. Others (especially dress shops) wanted to charge rush fees. In the end, I didn’t pay any extra fees - and learned to ignore the dirty looks when I told people how much time I had left to plan.
I found a sample dress and had it altered in under 2 weeks. We choose a grand library in a mountain hotel for our ceremony, and an art gallery for our reception. We had no problem finding dates, and ended up getting married on the May long weekend.
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Mrs. Penguin, Northern California
Age and Occupation: 27, Weddingbee Editor in Chief
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, Doctor of Physical Therapy
Engagement Date: January 29, 2007
Wedding Date: June 7, 2008
Blogging Since: September 14, 2007
Venue: Winery in the Gold Country
About Me: I love the Spice Girls, dogs with underbites, bean burritos, making messes, high fives, avoiding showers, crossword puzzles, blogs, weddings, and blogs about weddings!
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