Wedding Blog
“Is it bad?”, I asked, looking fearfully into his deep brown eyes.He grabbed my hands and nodded regretfully. “I’m afraid so.” I took a deep breath and wondered aloud if there was any cure, any way to rid myself of ORS, which I’d been plagued with all my life.
Mr. Jasmine smiled warmly and put his hands around my face. “Luckily, there is a cure……calm the eff down!” I burst out laughing and realized right away that I had to put a stop to my ORS, which I call Over-Researching Syndrome.
Yes bees, I have to confess that I’m an over-researcher. Google and I are soul mates. Yelp, Epinions, Cnet and Consumer Reports are my best friends. Every day, I lovingly put them to the test: Yelp, find me the best red velvet cupcakes in Lincoln Park! Google, find me the best hair salon near the UCLA campus. Cnet, find me the best laser printer under $300 (a thankless task that I’m still undertaking). I research everything, from what I might want to have for lunch that day, what stockings are most likely to run, whether that new movie out is really worth my $8.
So you can only imagine how my ORS is affecting wedding planning. No vendor has been hired and no wedding decision has been made without hours and hours of wedding research. I’ve spent far too much time weeding through Knot bios, vendor reviews, blogs, websites, magazines, and books. And even when I’ve decided something, I continually second guess my choice. Did I choose “correctly”? Did I choose the “best”? Do I need to get up at 3 AM to research what potential venue I should have gone with instead (true story, sadly)?
There are some definite benefits to ORS: I rarely, if ever, make hasty decisions. And I’m proud of how much I know about the pros/cons of so many things.
But there are some definite downsides in that I’m ridiculously indecisive and incapable of making even simple decisions without calculating pros/cons in my head (what do I want for lunch? a caesar salad? hmm, it’s cold outside so do i really want something cold? plus, the dressing is fatty. but the bread that comes with it is delicous. maybe tomato soup? it’s nice and warm, but not filling. will i get hungry later? omg, what do i choose?)
Mr. Jasmine has helped me realize that the vast majority of decisions we make on a daily basis, including wedding decisions, have few negative consequences and ramifications. The only thing we can do is make decisions using the information we have and hope for the best. I saw a card in a bookstore the other day that said, “everything will be okay in the end. if it’s not okay, it’s not the end.” So true about life, but about wedding decisions in general. It’s so hard not to get caught up in making the “right” wedding decisions, when there’s really no such thing. Let’s all promise to be nicer to ourselves and stand by our decisions! And if those decisions turn out to be “wrong”, well that will work itself out too.
Are there any other over-researchers out there? How have you made peace?
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Share this post: A Case Of ORS
::raises hand:: We can start a support group. 
My binder and Google notebook are proof enough that I have ORS!!! I let go of the little things like the box for the favors… but focus on things that mean a lot to me like the stationery (I researched about a gazillion designers). There are no wrong decisions… just experiences.
oooooooomg i totally suffer from ORS. my wedding is over a year away and i’ve already gotten an excel spreadsheet together with lists of photogs/videographers/venues/hair and makeup pictures…etc. i’ve even bought my dress already. and i’m gettin those nagging..”what if i fall in love with another dress” feeling… sadly i have not discovered a cure to this sickness
My name is griffen, and I have ORS. *sigh*
Last night I slept horribly and had crazy dreams after booking our DJ. I can relate!
Um can you post when you find a good laser printer under $300 too? LOL!
“The Paradox of Choice” by Barry Schwartz is about this exact kind of thing - having so many options that you feel paralyzed or overwhelmed, and how it’s so easy to second guess yourself. You’re what he calls a “maximizer” - someone who’s always looking for the best possible option, and will stress out about finding it. It’s a really enlightening book, especially re: wedding planning.
Also good on this subject is “Blink” by Malcom Gladwell. About how making quick, instinctual decisions is sometimes better.
my name is tea and i have ORS. let’s just say that i spent 3 months researching both a new cell phone and digital camera [and my friends make a habit of just picking what i choose because they know it's good].
and…you should see my wedding binder. and i’m not even engaged. it cracks me up. but right now since i have infinite time to research everything [and i mean everything] i know i’ll have a lot more time later to actually do everything i planned. even if life happens to get in the way.
though to combact ORS, typically once i made my pick that’s it. i’m done. i don’t look at anything else. its such a release to finally make a decision. good luck!
The best way to make peace with my over researching? Can I get back to you (after some research)?
I’m an over researcher and also have trouble making decisions with so many good options! In fact, my career is research!
*sigh* And I join the group… It’s a sickness, really… from pillows to coffeemakers to movies… I have even found myself pondering which HANDSOAP I should buy!
OOOH yes I can relate. I am driving my easy- going fiancee crazy. I just want to make sure I get the very best for the lowest price. . .
Hi, My name is brendalynn & I have ORS.
I’m definitely going to have to check out the books that Miss Lovebug mentioned–I’m still looking for a cure! Although, the reality is I’ll probably bookmark them, check out their reviews, and wander off into other related books… (hey, I gotta see all of the options out there, right?)
(or, maybe we’re never cured? I may need to take it one day at a time….)
I wish I had the ORS, I hate to research (except cute stuff on Etsy) My husband has the ORS-BAD! I really need new camera gear so I have put my husband with the ORS on the job! I tend to trust referrals from friends for most services that I need in life (from accouting to car repair) I just ask my friends who they use and go with it!
Yes, I think I too have the ORS… 
Sometimes, I can make quick decisions, and I’m happy with them. So why do other decisions, like say, centerpieces, stress me so much? I picked out my dress easier!
I think there’s wisdom in your fiancee’s words (mine says the same thing to me!) - but it’s hard when you’ve got a million different choices, pics, reviews, opinions at your fingertips!
hi, my name is Mia, “hi mia.” I have ORS. I have also not found venues because of ORS, I just bought a second dress last night because i second guessed my purchase. My Fiancee is going crazy. My bridesmaids have no clue what to do because i keep rethinking and redoing my plans. I hope i will be cured soon!
i definitely have ORS! It doesn’t help that my current job rewards my ORS tendencies (lots of googling involved). I have even spent hours researching into the middle of the night for my newly engaged friend’s weddings. Help!
count me in. i think it’s part of my obsessive-compulsive personality (which is NOT the same as OCD).
Oh my goodness, don’t even get me started!! Oddly, it hasn’t been too bad related to the wedding itself — eh, it’s one day, it’s a big party, whatever… But the REGISTRY is KILLING me! You mean, I have to make all these huge lifestyle choices all at once?!? Argh!
[raises hand] that is me. It drives me absolutely nuts. I over research thing to death adn I am so utterly indecisive after all the research I do. I am glad I am not the only one. Dh thinks I am crazy and neurotic but he married me anyways
OMG, that’s me! It is a family joke. I over think way too much! And to make it worse? I have an awful case of the curiosities. Everything fascinates me…When you combine the two? Then you come up with an exasperated fiance! It took me SEVEN months to pick an engagement ring setting.
From one obsessive researcher to another: Does this solve your printer problem? http://www.staples.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/StaplesProductDisplay?&langId=-1&storeId=10001&catalogId=10051&productId=125356&cmArea=SEARCH
There’s a $70 rebate, so the price is amazing.
I’m so happy I have company in my crazy researching neuroses
Lovebug: Thank you for the book suggestions! I would love to know more, so I’ll definitely read up and report back.
C-girl: That is a great price! Thank you so much for the link. It does pay sometimes to be an obsessive researcher
ORS? sounds more like OCD..lol
Strangely enough, I just went to cnn.com and this “news” article from Oprah talks about what to do when you’re overwhelmed with choices and have trouble deciding. It’s strange that this shows up as a “news” headline, but that’s a whole separate issue with CNN.
http://www2.oprah.com/health/omag/health_omag_200101_reinven.jhtml?promocode=CNNmoodDL
Lovebug: Blink was awesome. It appeals to the data-loving ORS in many of us. “Great,” I thought. “Here’s a huge number of studies that show that I need to listen to my gut.” It actually helped overcome decision paralysis.
Oh, I can join too! This disorder can come in handy though..I make a living out of research!
Definitely another ORS sufferer here! I go around saying I have OCD generally, but ORS is much more accurate . . . especially on the wedding planning front. Oddly, the one area of my life where I did not do this was buying my last car (first one that was new and not used). I knew I wanted another Toyota Corolla b/c I was so happy with the last one, even though it was used!
I really liked the Barry Schwartz book (”The Paradox of Choice”) that Miss Lovebug mentioned, and found it had a lot of concrete suggestions for how to get from being a maximizer — someone who thinks there is one “perfect” solution out there — to a satisficer — some who can be happy with an outcome or product that is GOOD. Meets the requirements and you like it! One of those suggestions is to rely on recommendations from friends and others you trust, as OneLovePhoto mentioned doing.
I’m glad that so far, at least, I’ve been able to be happy about the big decisions we’ve made so far (venue, caterer, band, photographer) and have not been second-guessing them . . . . I think it just got to the point where even I just wanted to just get something crossed off! (Maybe so I could begin to focus on the next thing to over-research.)
The post and comments made me laugh because I can relate so much. I opened a new window for every link posted so I wouldn’t forget to check them by the end of the comments. I also religiously read Weddingbee despite not being engaged (like Tea) >.<
Not to feed the obsession, but http://www.consumersearch.com/ is a great website. They compile research done by a bunch of sites and give a summary of what they say. It really saves time for researching new products (although they don’t have everything…and weddings really aren’t their specialty).
*sigh* This is me! In fact, just last evening my SO called me a compulsive researcher. We’re in the early processes of building out first home, so you can imagine the ramifications of ORS on that project. I spent the night tossing and turning debating about sinks and room dimensions. I’m probably going to have to send out plans back to the architect for the millionth time just so that I can get a sense of how things would change if we moved one of the walls 2 feet instead of 4.
ORS is both a blessing and a curse.
I can’t rest until I know I’ve researched every possible option and accounted for all the pros and cons of each one.
Guilty as charged.
Before the wedding, it was vacations. I could not book any hotel with out weeks of research. I literally would go back through at least four years of tripadvisor reviews.
Then with the wedding, it was obsessive spreadsheets of any and all vendors from the knot. Every review anyone posted was catalogued, with a link to her bio in case I needed to see pictures.
So you can imagine how hard planning the honeymoon was..
Oh, I am so a maximizer, Lovebug and a serious ORS sufferer. I have no clue how much time I spent researching every wedding decision I made, but it wouldn’t be pretty. I do it with vacations, electronics, makeup, hair products, EVERYTHING.
Nice to see how many other ORS-ers there are on the bee, lol. Or maybe we are drawn to the bee BECAUSE a lot of us are ORS-ers and we NEED the information provided by the other bees. I think our sample is skewed here.
I feel better. I’m glad I’m not the only one in this club. Reading some of these comments was like reading my own mind (wha?). The wedding really magnified my ORS. We’re planning our honeymoon now and I’m sort of ORSing on researching Italy. oh well, whatever. It’s like this extra organ or limb that has no purpose post-wedding, like an appendix or something.
omg!…..this is sooooooooo me!….but i don’t know if knowing that i’m not the only one makes me feel any better….is there a support group?….lol….
Dude, I totally have Chronic ORS! Hi my name is Kate and I’m a Google-aholic! I’m with ya!
I am a total research fanatic… my friends call me The Maven (the description in The Tipping Point is practically a portrait of me) but my obsessive sale researching/coupon searching scored me a Marc Jacobs bag from Neiman’s for $220, marked down from $1400, so I take it in stride.
I”m a total ORS as well as my new hubby! Me being a scientist and then market researcher and him being an engineer doesn’t help matters!
This did not bode well for wedding planning, but it did get done! This is also part of the reason I hired a planner to kick my butt into gear when needed, since I have problems sometimes just figuring out what to eat for dinner! (No joke–sometimes it will take me 15 mn to chose between two options at home!)
What I did find/determine is that with the things that really meant something, the answers usually jumped out at me or came pretty quickly. For the rest of the items, I really didn’t care and just tried to do enough research that I wouldn’t regret it later.
I did have a few regrets after the big day, but all-in-all, I think I did ok!
I’m sure evrything will turn out fine for you!
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Mrs. Jasmine, Chicago/LA
Age and Occupation: 25, Attorney
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Attorney
Engagement Date: March 24, 2007
Wedding Date: June 7, 2008
Blogging Since: September 20, 2007
Venue: Hotel on the westside of Los Angeles
About Me: I'm a happy-go-lucky, imaginative spirit trapped in the body of a lawyer. I love reading, shopping, dining out, and exploring my beloved adopted city of Chicago with my fiance. We're planning the wedding of our dreams in my hometown of Los Angeles and we're excited to incorporate our cherished Indian/Pakistani customs and traditions.
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