Mrs. Snow Pea, New York
Age and Occupation: 26, Architectural Engineer and student
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Web Designer
Engagement Date: July 4, 2005
Wedding Date: August 18, 2007
About Me: I am a DIY gal. From cooking, home improvements to wedding. Mr. Snow Pea and I met in college, and since then we've been like peas and carrots! Love cooking, traveling, and fishing.
Another Wedding? Ugh.
January 30th, 2008 @ 3:06 pm by Mrs. Snow Pea
I have a confession…I am a horrible wedding guest! You would be amazed considering the detail and effort I put into my own wedding. I am about the most bubbly person when it comes to being excited for someone else’s engagement, baby or wedding. But when it comes to attending the actual wedding event, I am just like every other guest that every bride including myself has complained about.
I mail in the RVSP late. I don’t buy a gift until the last minute when there’s nothing but hand towels and a pizza cutter left. I don’t remember the date and continue to ask the bride-to-be when the wedding is because I have her STD shoved in my kitchen junk drawer. Mr. Snow Pea and I are like a scene from Four Weddings and a Funeral where we wake up late, hurry to get ready, throw any old dress on, buy a wedding card from CVS and cuss the whole time!
I love weddings! I dreamed of my own since I was a little girl, but why is the thought of attending other weddings and showers so daunting? Do you feel this way? Are you a wedding lover but a “bad” wedding guest like me?
36 Responses to “Another Wedding? Ugh.”
if you hate weddings so much then why go? A lot of brides are on budgets and I’m sure they would rather have people that really want to be there actually be there, not someone that is miserable and feeling forced to go. Just stay home….
i’m the total opposite. i love going to weddings… more so after i got married. i realized that it’s so much more fun going to a wedding that’s not your own. =)
i disagree. i love going to weddings. yes - there are some that are a bit out of the way… ie. in another state during a major holiday wknd… but i know that the bride/groom didn’t invite me “just because”. they invited me b/c i have been part of their lives and would like to see me there to witness their big moment. so i agree with katie - don’t like weddings… then don’t go!
wow kinda harsh. i don’t think Mrs. Snow Pea means that she hates going to weddings… she’s just a bad guest which is something i’m definitely very guilty of!
i still have Mrs. Snow Pea’s wedding gift, i still haven’t mailed in miss lovebird’s rsvp… but that doesn’t diminish my happiness for them, or my appreciation for them inviting me.
sometimes it’s hard to always be the perfect guest. you can love weddings and your friends but still be a bad guest.
Perhaps the post didn’t come off the way I wanted it sound. What I am saying is that for someone who LOVES wedding so much, we seem to have a hard time getting our act together when it comes to attending. We do enjoy the weddings we attend esp now that we’re married.
Katie, the post was meant to be a light hearted post for some afternoon chuckling. I paid for my wedding out of pocket with no help, so I don’t need a cascade of disparaging comments. It’s very hurtful. I could ask you the same question - if you can’t appreciate what I have to write. Don’t reply…
I hate to say it but I’m disappointed in your comment about sending the RSVP in late.
I can relate, Mrs. Snow Pea! I absolutely love going to weddings, but for some reason I always put off mailing the RSVP and I am so indecisive about what I’d like to buy the couple that I usually just get the “leftovers” from the registry as well! Alas.
Whenever I get an invitation, I open it immediately and fill out the RSVP asap! Otherwise for some reason I procrastinate and procrastinate. Must be the college student in me 
Me too. Sending in a RSVP in on time is the least a wedding guest can do knowing how important a final count is and how stressed brides are so close to their wedding.
I am a late RSVPer too. I think, unless you’ve planned your own wedding, you don’t understand how much trouble that causes for the couple– I sort of saw weddings as just another party I could drop into, or not. I promise not to do it from now on!
I’m so with you, Mrs. Snow Pea! I’m always excited to attend weddings, but I can be a bad guest too - I’m awful about rsvp’ing (I really shouldn’t have had friends’ examples to refer to when I was composing the text for my own, right?), I often give cash or a gift card instead of something from the registry, if I manage a gift at all, I’m usually hung over from the pre-wedding celebration the night before, AND I’ve been one of those obnoxious tipsy guests at the beginning of the reception because we had two hours after the ceremony and what else were we supposed to do?! Now that I’m planning my own wedding, I’m a little afraid that my bad wedding guest karma will come back to bite me in the a**, but clearly that didn’t happen in your case, so I have hope.
Mrs. SP, I totally hear you. Ha ha- funny post! I was even late to my own shower, although that wasn’t precisely my own fault.
Still- I’m so glad I didn’t invite you to my wedding.
TOTALLY KIDDING. I love Snow Pea, who actually sends me things on time- x-mas cards, wedding gifts…. She’s awesome.
Don’t worry Sarah, it makes for more memorable moments! If you read my ceremony recap, several groups of our close friends got to the church late and the security guard snuck them in. Later they told me all about it over drinks and it was just a lot of fun for everyone so I’m glad! It didn’t disturb us one bit.
Well… I’m not fond of getting all done up, nor am I a fan of tradition–so the idea of going to weddings is often arduous to me. However, I usually have a great time once I am there! You know, it is so hard to manage my time efficiently and I am awfully tired on the weekends–I work 11 hours days, I get up at 5am to go to the gym 4 days a week, I try to keep the house neat & tidy, I try to be a good friend and daughter/sister and make sure I see people regularly–sound familiar anyone? It’s the idea of going shopping for a gift and a dress and getting done up and then having the energy that zaps the enthusiasm–while I am glad to be there for a loved one, it is nonetheless exhausting and time consuming. And for most of us, time is a hot commodity! Maybe that’s why you are less than enthused Miss SnowPea?
Aww thanks Kiwi,
That’s right! I did send you a wedding card on time! Yessss 1 for snowpea
misschickie,
That’s a good point. Working and going to school full time all week does take its toll. I do all the cleaning and cooking as well. Then you have 2 itty bitty days on the weekend. That’s probably what it is, but otherwise, once I’m there it’s a big party and we have a blast.
I am totally with you Mrs Snow Pea! I am a terrible guest though I planned my own wedding down to the letter. Its not that I am not happy for my friends, in fact I am usually overjoyed for them, its just I am slow about RSVPing, late at buying gifts, and I almost always show up late! Since my own wedding I missed 2 church ceremonies and one we skated in late and had to squeeze into the last row quickly so not to miss the vows. In my own defense I will say this, I didnt care about any of the above offenses I mentioned at my own wedding. I was just so excited about getting married that nothing anyone did could ruin my day. But yeah Im a bad guest too.
I think we all forget that our weddings are the most important days of OUR lives … not everyone elses. Yes, our friends are happy for us, but our wedding day is just one day in their otherwise busy lives.
It’s only when we’re guests ourselves that we remember all this again, and how, despite our previously mentioned happiness, we get the odd “Oh crap, I forgot to get a card/ran out of stamps/have to go to Crate & Barrel” moment.
Totally over-generalising here, but you get the point
I know what I thought of my friends and family who couldn’t be bothered to send the RSVP and made me track them down. I WILL NOT be the cause of that kind on stress. on another person… you know “do unto others”.
I also remember how touched I was by people who were extra considerate.
I would hope that we would all remember what it is/was like to be the bride/hostess and be the guest we would want to have at our wedding/party.
Manners People!
It might have been your title, “Another Wedding? Ugh” that confused people :-). I love weddings, too, but I do sometimes drag my feet on the the tasks involved in being a good guest. I think for me it’s a general scatterbrianiness: I’ve noticed in recent years, but especially since I began planning my own wedding, that I lose track of weeks, even months at a time. I might think, “Oh, I have a month to send this back!” and then I keep thinking it, even six weeks later…..My birthday was on Monday, and every time a friend or relative called me, I said, “How nice to hear from you! What’s the occasion?” This happened more than once over the course of the day. Yeah: I’m a little out of it :-).
I feel the same way too, Mrs. Snow Pea, regarding the “getting ready” pert of attending weddings!
Mr. Pants was the best man in a wedding last year, and even though we were staying a 5 minute walk from the venue, we still managed to: wake up late, argue over who got to shower first (he leaves puddles!), lose the bow tie for his tux under the bed, rip my dress, paw through the luggage three times to find the dang card only to realize I had put on the dresser do we wouldn’t forget, etc etc.
Did I mention that it was also hotter than sin outside, and the air conditioning our B and B room was wheezing with the effort of keeping us cool? There was a lot of swearing going on that morning.
Ha!
I’m such a bad wedding guest, too! I had no idea you were supposed to write a note on the response card, until, oh I read about it here. I recently had to buy a couple a $100 cutting board b/c it was the only thing left on the registry (the DAY of the wedding). that cutting board better be edged in GOLD.
Nopinkertons, we began our honeymoon on my birthday, and when people kept congratulating me and then saying Happy Birthday, I was like, what?? Why? It’s not until.. oooh. Huh. Whoops.
i thought your post was great! i am horrible with rsvping and gift getting as well…luckily for us we usually split an expensive gift with other couples so all we have to do is sign the card and pay our friends back the day of!
I’ll confess, sometimes I’m not the ideal wedding guest either. I *do* always RSVP promptly, but have been known to wait until right before the wedding to buy a gift at which point I have to buy a gazillion $2 kitchen gadgets that all add up to a respectable $$ amount.
i totally get where you are coming from mrs. snow pea! and i wouldn’t worry about those other comments.
because of some circumstances beyond my control, i currently work 60-90 hrs a week, am planning my own wedding and getting my grad degree part time as well. i never have intentions to send my rsvp cards late or arrive at a wedding late (looking like crap might i add) but sh*t happens. lol
if anything, it sounds like you need some downtime for yourself so that you’re not drained from all your activities! =)
I heart weddings - esp. after my own wedding, I love the details that go into them!!! I buy the gifts as soon as possible, wrap them up pretty, buy a pretty card, and write a loving message!
Although- since I love the great invitations, I sometimes keep the RSVP with the invitation to keep the ’set’ and rsvp by email/by word of mouth…does this make me bad?? I do remember how much I loved getting RSVPs in the mail…
I can totally see your point about not wanting to go to weddings.. although I DO love weddings, but I would only love them if I were very close to the people getting married. If I tagged along as someone’s date, everything would seem so cheesy & cliche. It’s only fun watching your own friends do embarassing & memorable things.
I STILL have not gotten wedding presents for some friends.. =( it’s been over the grace period for SURE. ahhhh… what to do… Maybe repay them with unconditional love? haha
Planning our registry has made me realize what an AWFUL wedding gift giver I’ve been in the past! I never bought things off the registry, thinking my “creative” gifts were so much better. And now, with experience, I strongly suspect the couples would just have preferred a nice new set of towels!! 
(And I’ve been late with RSVPs too, shh…..)
I do all those things too….always always late….I have also found that I never look forward to weddings anymore! I used to love going. Now I am sick of everything wedding related and am ready to move on to the next step in life. It could be the fact that I have gone to like, 7 weddings all relatively within the same time, and then started planning my own….I am happy for everyone, I get them excellent gifts, but I am just tired of the same old thing I guess….terrible, I know!
lol…I actually used to be such a stickler for getting the RSVP out on time…and then the very first wedding invite we received after our wedding I TOTALLY blanked on the RSVP until three days before the wedding!
Sorry if I’m gonna feel the hate too, but I’m with Snowpea on this one. I usually end up calling my RSVP in on the due date (which also technically, is rsvping by the due date, but you know, in a crappy kind of way) but I dont know why it is so hard to get that card in the mail. We actually dont have an outgoing mailbox so thats my half assed excuse.
Sigh. I know people feel like they have to invite us to their weddings because we are somehow connected to them outside of a close friendship, but can we all step back and remember that travel/lodging for a wedding sometimes costs well over $500? Even if the wedding is only an hour away from your home?
I think we should take a step back as brides and take a step back in as guests and realize how financially hard it is to attend 2-3-4-5-6-7-8 weddings a year. It can wear on you. Especially if they were not YOUR friend, but your husband/FI’s friend. Because you go in support of your Hub/FI who is supporting their friend (and go to your friends weddings to support you). You may not have known the bride and groom that well, even if your FI did. Sorry, dont know how to say this in a nicer way, but sometimes I’m flat out just not that excited to be going. But my FI is, and I do it for him.
I think Lou summed it up best - Weddings are the most important day of OUR lives, not everyone elses.
I’m not crazy about weddings and in the past I have been the kind of bad guest you describe. Quite simply, I had no real concept of just how much effort goes into a wedding. But now that I know, I have vowed to reform.
I didn’t intend my post to be a “disparaging comment” all i meant to say was… if you don’t want to go then don’t go.
we paid for our entire wedding also and i know there were people there that didn’t want to be there because of “the pain in the a$$ factor” (they were invited because of family obligations) and i would have rather invited more of my friends.
I think you’re just selfish for only caring about your own wedding.
I just want to end this post on a high note: way to bee snowpea! You are not a bad guest, just a normal person. I agree with several of the comments made like Miss Chickie’s. A wedding is a grand affair and sometimes not everyone is feeling “grand,” although the champagne usually helps cheer anyone up.
