Wedding Blog
OK — so that sounds crazy. My maternal grandmother was a major presence in my life. In an earlier post about our ceremony music I wrote a bit about how I was lucky enough to discover some family music when she passed away. But the story I haven’t told is very personal and you might think I’m nuts.
My maternal grandmother is the only grandparent I ever knew — the rest had passed before I was born. She moved to our town when my older brother was born and we saw her pretty much every day growing up. Anyway, losing her was very difficult for me. At her funeral I sang a hymn and while I was singing a monarch butterfly flew around me three times (try singing and crying — it was really overwhelming), then flew over to her coffin, hung out for a few noticeable moments and then flew straight up over the tree. My mom and I tease that she was taking a head count to see who showed up!
Since then, I’ve seen a monarch butterfly on a few occasions, all meaningful. On my first trip to Vermont with Mr. Onion when we began dating, while shopping for a dress for my mom to wear to the wedding, and at my bridal shower. So I was really hoping that I’d “see her” on my wedding day. I had her with me in a few ways — I wore a broach of hers in my hair and my “something blue” was earrings that were a gift from her.
But I never saw her. One of my bridesmaids knew the story of my grandma and the monarch butterfly and the day after the wedding, when I mentioned I was a little sad I never saw a monarch on our wedding day, she said, “She was there.” She told me that our photographer Daria’s husband Andy had seen a monarch in the garden at the inn earlier. Upon hearing the story Daria ran to tell Andy and sure enough — when we got our proofs back there she was!
Anyone else get a special sign on their wedding day that a loved one who had passed away was with them in spirit? Or did you carry them with you somehow - a locket, a piece of their jewelry, a handkerchief?
All Photos: Daria Bishop Photography
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Share this post: Butterfly = My Grandma
Wow, that almost made me cry…and that’s no easy thing. What a beautiful and touching story. I’m so glad that she was with you on that day, and that you have a beautiful photograph to always remember it.
That’s such a lovely story. I also wore a piece of my grandmother’s jewelry on my wedding day. I’ve worn another piece of hers– her string of pearls– for all three of my graduations, and I’ll pass them down to my daughter someday.
My mom died when I was 22 from cancer, and my birth mother died from cancer a couple years later (who I met for the first time just after my mom died). The roses in my bouquet were two colors, pink for my birth mom and ivory (actually vendela, that have a hint of pink) for my mom.
I also wore my mom’s wedding ring on my right hand for the day. I asked my dad about it the night before in a quiet moment alone with him, and showed him that I’d had it cleaned. He said, with tears in his eyes, that it looked even more beautiful than he remembered and that he would be honored if I wore it in memory of my mom.
Also, on the wedding day, my matron of honor said she saw a butterfly hovering over my head during almost the entir ceremony, and that just before I walked down the aisle it hovered over the bouquet we had placed at the front in memory of all our loved ones who had died. It gave me a lot of comfort hearing that, and the butterfly as a symbol is very important to me in my life.
It was a very special day, and I am so happy I honored the memory of my mom and birth mom in the ways I did.
I feel the same way about ladybugs. One was crawling on me during my Grandmother’s funeral and since then, there are ladybugs present at most family gatherings and special moments so I know exactly what you are talking about! My Grandmother and I were very close and I’m sad she won’t be there for my wedding, but I hope to see a ladybug there!!!
Omg this post made me tear up…I can’t read these things at work! LOL!
Thanks for sharing!
My grandmother was also a huge part of my life too. She lived with my sister and I and raised us with my mom! She was a 2nd mother! Losing her was and still is very emotional for me especially with my wedding day approaching!
I plan on carrying her handkerchief on my wedding day. I will also wear some of her jewelry as well. I always feel her around me though especially during big events!
what a touching story…that was so sweet! thanks for sharing!
omg~ :::tear::: wonderful story onion and how special to now have that picture as proof.
Reminds me of the Nicholas Sparks book, “The Wedding”
I definitely plan on doing something at the wedding in loving memory of those no longer with us.
Beautiful story, Mrs. Onion. I’m glad your photographer was able to get a picture of the butterfly.
That is such a beautiful story– thank you for sharing it.
Ladybugs…
My guy’s maternal grandmother died of cancer before we met, and when she passed, an unusually large swarm of ladybugs was at the window of her room. One by one they flew away until there was only one left. Ladybugs became a way for us to recongize her and remember her. One of my few requests at of our weddnig photographer’s was to find and photograph a lady bug. I knew it would be there, but I was so sure I would see it. I didn’t tell my guy until the pictures came in. It was the best gift I could have ever given him and his family.
I have a similar experience, also with monarch butterflies, after my mom’s death 10 years ago. At many major times of crisis, at important moments good or bad, there has been a butterfly - dozens of them over the years - and I started to take notice and make the connection. There are plenty of examples, like one that flew in the house the day I was having my home inspection, but one of the most important ones was the morning my dad had a heart attack. When I was driving two hours to my hometown in the pre-dawn hours, I came up behind a car on a twisty, no-pass, one-lane road that was just sort of taking its time like it was out for a Sunday drive. I was frustrated because I was in a hurry and just wanted to get there as fast as I could. Then I stopped swearing for long enough to notice the car had a large decal of a butterfly on its rear windshield. Another time, when I was really upset, I had stopped at a little consignment shop. This little wind-up duck just fell off a shelf and onto my backpack/purse. It didn’t fall in but when I took the bag off my back to retrieve it, it was hanging there by a wire, which was attached to a butterfly. (So when wound up it looks like it’s following the butterfly.) Of course I bought it! One of the best times was at my first kiss with FI. Had it been warmer, it would not have surprised me to see a monarch, but it was Oct. 30 at an oceanfront state park on a little island in New England, and there wasn’t another one anywhere to be seen. So, no, I definitely don’t think you’re nuts!!
Great post. Totally not crazy at all, and how amazing that your already awesome photographer and her husband snagged that shot!
rainbows.
My grandmother loved them. Just after my grandmother passed, my parents drove all the way from FL to NJ for her memorial service. On the way back, they saw rainbow, after rainbow, after rainbow.
when my sister got married a few months later, she and her husband drove away into a rainbow.
i did look for one on my weddingday, and I didn’t see any…but I know she was there.
I know exactly what you mean. I once read (don’t remember where) that butterflies and other small beautiful creatures are a way for a departed soul to share our life with us.
My Grandfather sang a song to my Grandmother while they were “courting” that he continued to sing throughout their marriage, to their kids and later to their grandkids. One of the last songs we played at our wedding was that song. Every last one of the kids and grandkids was singing the song while I danced with my Grandma. {You are My Sunshine [if anyone's interested]}
What a beautiful story and incredible memory that you can cherish forever!
Speaking of honoring loved ones who have passed - between the two of us my fiance and I have lost a large number of people who were very special to us. We wanted to do something kind of different. So, I’m going to collect pictures of everyone we want to include and to include on a huge canvas I will be painting with some kind of quote (not sure of that yet). We’re going to have it at the back of the church for the ceremony and then display it at the reception too.
OMG you totally made me tear up. I have had a similar closeness with my maternal grandmother as well. She helped raise both my brothers and I and immigrated here to the states with my parent. So she was a 3rd parent to me. I never had much of an opportunity to build the same relationship with any of my other grandparents as they either passed before I was born or early in my life.
I definitely plan on incorporating something in our wedding to honor her as well as my fiances paternal grandmother who passed suddenly a couple years ago.
so sweet!
This hits so close to home. I was very close to my grandmother. After she passed away here in the states her coffin was sent back to Vietnam for her burial service. During the ceremony in VN a butterfly appeared and believe it or not…the butterfly flew to each and every one of my grandmother’s children that were present (my father, uncles, aunts, etc.) (she had a whooping 13 children). I immediately received a phone call from my cousin that attended because i have been obsessed and in love with butterflies as a child. (literally over 100’s of butterfly paraphernalia in my childhood bed room) And so I knew it was her. Odd thing is…a year later my grandpa had passed and a dragonfly appeared circling around his headstone at the funeral in VN as well. (he is the Year of the Dragon in the lunar calender)
Aw, Mrs. Onion. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful story.
That was the best thing I’ve seen all day. It was lovely.
my maternal grandmother wasn’t super involved like some grandmothers are: she was very old fashioned, believing, for the most part, that children should be seen and not heard. At the same time, she insisted on hugs every morning when we were at her house, and she always let us know she loved us. She even told me that she and my grandfather pray for each of their grandchildren by name every morning. She was SUCH a classy lady, looked like she can right out of old hollywood. When she passed away, I inherited an Oscar de laRenta blazer, some beautiful jewelry, Italian leather purses and pumps, all this SUPER snazzy stuff. But I remember other things about her too, like her love for birds, especially cardinals. She would decorate her house with cardinals at Christmastime, and they just always reminded every in the family of her, even when she was living.
After she passed away, about 5 years ago, when my mom or I would see a cardinal, we’d get a little sappy and think of her and have a “i need a good cry” moment. Since then, we’d wear her jewelry, the house was full of her things, we’d have cardinal Christmas ornaments.
I wear her wedding band; we’re the exact same size ring, 4 1/4. I even found the engraving inside, written so small no one had seen it.
On the day of the wedding, we took pictures outside early in the morning, before the ceremony. As we entered the church, a cardinal flew right across the enterance of the church, right in front of my husband, and my mother. We all knew exactly what it meant, and it was one of the best memories of the wedding. It felt SO perfect walking into my beloved church after seeing that sign.
I’m so happy someone else had such a similar and heartwarming experience!!
What a beautiful story!!
I’m the same way with LADYBUGS. 
My maternal grandmother passed away when I was 14 after a 7 year battle with breast cancer and osteoporosis. She was a beautiful woman, and I inherited her craftiness!! She also LOVED ladybugs. You would almost always find a little ladybug somewhere on every craft she did. Once she passed away, I also “inherited” her love for ladybugs. Thru the years, ladybugs always have a way of showing up on special occasions. It gives me such great comfort when I see them!
I too had a similar experience. My father passed in May of last year; my wedding was in September. After my father passed, I would frequently see a monarch butterfly at the cemetery. I don’t know why, but I just “knew” that it was him.
On my wedding day, as I sat in the lead car with my mother on our way to the churc, I looked out the window and there was a monarch butterfly flying alongside the car! I definitely choked up and managed a smile before it left.
What lovely stories everyone. Thank you for sharing. My mom recently passed away unexpectedly in November, and I hope to see her at my wedding in small and large ways. It will be so sad not to have her there in body.
I have thought of a few special ways to keep her with me on that day. She and I were going to make my veil together, and since she died my friends are going to help me. We’re decorating the edging with swarovski crystals. I am going to attach one in her favorite color right near my heart. I’m also having a bouquet made up for her that is a smaller version of mine. I will bring this to her grave site the following day, so she can have a piece of the wedding there. Her wedding ring is a size too big for me but I would love to wear that on my right hand… we’ll see.
Thank you all so much for sharing your similar experiences! I’m glad to know that so many of you had loved once “with you” one way or another on your wedding day.
I do not have an upcoming wedding but my mom unexpectedly passed away nine days after our twelfth wedding anniversary (June 1). We buried our mother on Monday, June 16, 2008. A few days after the funeral, a cousin told us about a “swarm” of doves/pigeons flying in formation over the house while we had a ceremony inside. Traditionally, we bring the body home, have the viewing and a short service there and then move to the church. Since we started relating the story, several relatives and friends noted the sighting. My sister and her husband recounted how our mother used to feed the doves/pigeons that visited our yard. I choose to believe that this was their farewell “show” to her and that she is in a safe place. Thank you for sharing your story.
christina — i’m so sorry to hear about your loss, but i’m glad you found comfort in the birds that many people saw that day! thanks for sharing.
[...] the woman on the right was my grandmother’s best friend for 30 years (you might remember from a previous post that my grammy passed a few years [...]
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Miss Onion, NYC/Burlington, VT
Age and Occupation: 27, PR & Marketing and Jazz Singer
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 28, Data Analyst
Engagement Date: April 2, 2006
Wedding Date: September 2007
Blogging Since: July 11, 2007
Venue: Restaurant in Burlington
About Me: I didn't think I'd be "that girl," but I am having so much fun planning our wedding (mostly by myself). I'm a PR and Marketing Director for a major jazz festival and camp by day, and by night, a romantic jazz singer and bride-to-be! I hope all my research can help other brides in their planning.
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