What’s The Secret To A Good Marriage?
February 2nd, 2008 @ 4:26 pm by Mrs. Eggplant
I love the Life and Soul article in this month’s “Real Simple” magazine. Real Simple readers answered the question, “What’s the Secret to a Good Marriage?” Here are some of my favorite answers:
My husband and I have a strict rule: Never argue with your clothes on. If we are out and about to fight, we know that we have to wait until we’re home and undressed. By then we’ve usually forgotten what the trouble was about.
Amy Hadsall
Cameron, North Carolina
Marry someone you love exactly as they are, and be sure they feel the same. That way, you’ll never expect more of each other than you are each happy to give. I didn’t realize this until my second marriage. Another secret? Don’t get married until you’re sure of who you are.
Lisa Noll
Martinsburg, West Virginia
Knowing the grass isn’t greener on the other side. My husband and I married a bit later than the average couple, and by then we had both had plenty of time to “sow our oats.” We truly love one another and never wonder “what if,” mainly because we’ve been there and done that. We know we want to be together, without question.
Amy Dodson
Richmond, Virginia
I once asked an elderly neighbor this very same question. He and his wife had been married more than 50 years. He replied, “Oh, my dear, it’s really very simple. My wife and I agreed long ago that I’d make all the big decisions and she’d make all the little decisions. And in all these years together, there just haven’t been any big decisions.”
Cecilia Saad
Washington, D.C.
Mr. Eggplant and I have a few casual rules that we try to maintain to keep our marriage healthy:
1. The winner of any argument is the one who can get the other to laugh first. I love this rule. Mr. Eggplant started it unofficially during one of our arguments by making funny faces at me while I was upset. I couldn’t stay mad! He has since kept the tradition going. At first, I hated that he would always get me to laugh because he wouldn’t take anything seriously! Now, I appreciate the fact that he eases the tension. And honestly, my reasons for being upset are usually pretty petty.
2. On weeknights, no technology is permitted until after dinner. No televisions, computers, or game consoles may be used until after we’ve eaten dinner together. This rule allows us to spend a few hours of quality time together every day.
What are your tips for maintaining a healthy relationship?
(Read the rest of the Real Simple article here.)
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15 Responses to “What’s The Secret To A Good Marriage?”
I would say that you’re never allowed to disrespect family. It’s one thing for me to complain about my Mom, but if he says anything I go for the throat.
He would say I’m not allowed to talk about our sex life with anyone else.
Well, we arent married yet, but one thing that keeps us going strong is our Thursday night Date Night. Sometimes we get all dressed up and go somewhere fancy, and on other nights we just grab a drink after a home cooked meal. Either way, we like to treat eachother like its a first date. Sometimes my fiance will grab my butt and I have to say “Um…would you have done that on the first date???? Because if you had I proabably wouldnt be here!”
Never say something you don’t mean. Stop and think why you are upset. Choose your words wisely!
I would hate it if FI tried to make me laugh while I was upset. My dad does that and makes me furious!
It’s not only women who bring up past arguments and injuries. My dad is a master at it, and I refuse to put up with it. My FI and I don’t do that, but I don’t know that it’s a rule we created so much as we are happy together because we each don’t do it.
I know I am very aware, too, that there are things you cannot unsay, and because I am careful about not saying things I don’t mean, even in anger, he is careful about it, too.
In general we are very good about talking things through rather than letting them stew.
That’s funny, your rule #1 came into play tonight. We were arguing at the grocery store (about what, I can’t remember…) and I cut him off and said “I’ll meet you in the flowers!!” and stormed off. Then he called my name and I turned around glaring at him and he said, “You’re my flower.” So then I had a moment trying to decide if I should be annoyed that he tried to fluff it over, or just enjoy it. I chose the latter and had to walk over to him for a little kiss and hug, and POOF the argument’s gone. Granted I don’t think this method should be used on every argument, but for the ones that don’t matter (and there are a bunch of those, aren’t there?) I think it’s great.
For me, there is no secret. Besides being civil and mature on all aspects of life, we try to learn more on how to improve our marriage and make each day a quality day.
1. Have a sense of humor!
2. Do nice things for the other person.
Laughing is contagious–so is kindness 
I love that RS article too, thanks for bringing it up on WB! We don’t really have any rules, but I would second misschickie on the importance of having a sense of humor. I also think that maintaining some separate interests and separate “space” in general helps strengthen the relationship.
Mrs. Eggplant, I sent you a PM about the sizes of your invitation pieces a day or two ago - did you get my question?
Marraige is hard. Even good marraiges have their rough times. I think the secret to a good marraige is making sure you are marrying the right person before you get married. Sounds cliche but I think alot of people over look things while they are dating/engaged and expect things to change after they get married.
Here’s a secret…things probably aren’t going to change. For example, one of the top three divorce issues is money. So, if you are with someone who can’t manage money, chances are you will be fighting over this when you are married.
So, you have the right person, how do you keep it going for the rest of your life? Learn to understand what makes your spouse happy, what fills their “love tank” and keep doing that over and over even though you’d rather be doing something else and hopefully you picked the right person before and they will reciprocate!
Miss Eggplant: I love your rule #2! I think I’ll try it out.
also a fan of the no technology before dinner rule. Def. going to try that one.
We aren’t married yet, but we’ve already agreed on no unnecessary technology in the bedroom. An alarm clock and maybe cell phones charging at night. No TV, no laptops.
[...] over at Weddingbee. She gives some tips about keeping your marriage fresh in her post “What’s the Secret to a Good Marriage.” There are a lot of interesting comments also. One of the recurring threads was eliminate [...]
Putting the other person above yourself.
Your photo is on the WPJA site! Your photographer won 10th place in the “bride getting ready” category. http://www.wpja.com/
Such a great photo!
A nice way to love and get loved. Keep Goin!!!!
Mrs. Eggplant, San Francisco
Age and Occupation: 28, Human Resources
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Associate Marketing Manager
Engagement Date: January 19, 2007
Wedding Date: October 20, 2007
Blogging Since: May 31, 2007
Venue: Ceremony at a cement and stained glass cathedral and reception at a boutique hotel ballroom
About Me: I'm a shopping junkie who lives to discover great deals and a craft addict that loves to scrapbook and knit. My profile picture was taken on the day I got engaged which is why my smile is so huge!
This is one that pushed me from “immature dating” to “lets have a relationship and get married some day.” I vowed to never bring up past arguments. Women do this ALL the time and it is really no use! I simply said to myself - when we argue, we will settle the matter once and for all. Both parties have to agree that the argument is over one all is said and done and MOVE ON. If you bring up “past schtuff” you are being dishonest about whether it was settled and it is NOT FAIR to the current issue at hand. Men hate it when women use old ammo…