Mrs. Canary, New York
Age and Occupation: 24, Marketing
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 25, Journalist/Editor
Engagement Date: February 16, 2007
Wedding Date: July, 2008
Blogging Since: October 19, 2007
Venue: Pier Sixty, Chelsea Piers
About Me: I'm a born and raised New Yorker who loves all things crafty and artsy, food (cheese and dessert!), magazines, and shoes. I'm a power shopper always on the lookout for good deals or great quality-- sometimes I'm lucky and I find both! I love to dance and "shake what my momma gave me" but can also really enjoy a quiet night in with Mr. Canary and a good episode of Seinfeld or curl up with a good book.
Family Ties
February 5th, 2008 @ 1:08 pm by Mrs. Canary
I come from a very large extended family. I was one of the first grandkids and was actually born when some of my aunts and uncles were still teenagers. Growing up, my extended family was a huge part of my life. I lived in an apartment building where my grandmother was only four floors away. She would take me to school while my parents both worked. I would spend my afternoons playing with my brother and usually an aunt or uncle, who all lived in close proximity. They all treated us kids as if we were their own. Needless to say, I am very close to all my aunts and uncles, as well as my cousins, who I treat as if they were my own siblings.
With the coming Lunar New Year this week, I’ve had a chance to reflect on the past year and how much Mr. Canary has become a part of my family. For one, he lives with me at Chez Parents. I even went away for a few weeks on a trip with Mama Canary and he stayed on and hung out with Papa Canary and my younger brother… and survived!
When my younger cousins visit, I make it a point to take them to a lot of cultural activities so that they can really experience New York, which usually means arranging meals, tickets, and subway rides for four kids under the age of 15. Mr. Canary is always along for the ride without any complaints and always engages the kids with good questions and conversation. We probably have a large family birthday every few months where everyone mostly speaks Chinese and forgets to translate into English, but Mr. Canary attends anyway and actively participates as much as possible. He remembers everyone’s names and their titles (very important in Chinese culture to address someone by their title, i.e. first aunt, third uncle) and is familiar with Chinese etiquette (how to pour tea and to whom first).
Most importantly, Mr. Canary never makes me choose. He knows how much I love my family and how a lot of the times I am obligated to do things to help out, regardless of whatever personal plans I have for the day. Mr. Canary is very understanding and never makes me feel guilty for dragging him along to family activities or running an errand for my family before we can go out and spend the day on our own. He thinks of my family as much as I think of them. If we’re out shopping and we see something Mama Canary might like, he says “Call her and see if she wants one!”
I know I shouldn’t be surprised, but I guess I feel blessed and grateful that I have someone who loves my family as much as they love me. Marrying someone who really embraces my family makes me feel like I’m expanding my family instead of marrying into another.
How is your significant other’s relationship with your family?
12 Responses to “Family Ties”
im in the same boat as you, except FH is korean. i have a similar family, very huge while fH has a smaller family. every sunday we have dinner at my grandmas and for 7 years without fail, he has made every single one. he gets along with my cousins and they even call each other on the cell phones - without me! my mom calls him all the time and he is included on our cousin mass email list. When we got engaged, i started going over to his side more often…its tough juggling two families! but its been great bc now i can expand my family even further. we invited 402 people to our wedding and i cant wait to have them all in the same room!
I also have a large extended family and mr beanchar comes from what he describes as a “pole”– ie. a family tree with no branches. He and his sister are a veritable baby boom in his family, as he is the descendant of only children going back many generations (parents, grandparents, greats, etc.).
At first, it was hard for him to grasp the concept of “third cousin twice-removed”, not to mention learning everyone’s names, but now he fits right in and loves having lots of family.
I am amazed that you all live under one rook so harmoniously! Do you and Mr Canary share a bedroom (beanchar’s nosy and prurient interest peaked)?
amazing, he’s the “IT guy”. they look forward to seeing him more than me.
Haha, Beanchar! We have separate bedrooms. I have nice, but very traditional parents. We’re only going to be at my parents’ for another month or so… we’ve just been waiting for our apartment to be ready to move.
JW: I can’t wait to have everyone together too! It’s going to be one big party.
I have mostly boys in my family and my fiance gets along with all of them more than I do. He calls them after a sports games. Whenever we visit my family, he can play video games with my brothers and cousins all day or play basketball while I hang out in my room or watch tv. The other thing is that my family does not show affection with lots of hugs or kisses, but when my fiance shows up he hugs everyone. He even went to my cousins wedding by himself while I was studying abroad! It’s been ten years now. So he’s definitely part of the family already.
I have a very large (and loud) extended family, and FI is doing his best to adjust. All holidays are spent with 20-30 cousins/aunts/uncles, where as his Christmas was just his parents, his brother and his grandmother. No games, no drinking, just a quiet eveing at a restaurant. It’s definitely a change, but he’s doing really well with it.
I think the biggest thing for him to get used to was that I *like* hanging out with my parents/family. We have fun. I have more of a friend relationship with them now, where as he still sees his parents as only “mom and dad” But he really likes my parents, and now that he’s become closer to them, he’s starting to feel more comfortable. The big test will be coming up next month, when we close on the sale of my condo. We’re still waiting for our new construction to be completed, so in the meantime we’ll be moving into my parents house. That’s going to be fun 
i come from a very similar situation. i was essentially raised by my extended family of grandparents and aunts and at one point, we had 8 of our family members living with my own family unit of 4 under one roof! even though they have all since scattered, my family, specifically my mom’s, is very important to me and we all keep in close communication. this is a very new situation for my FH b/c he comes from a family who doesn’t have much contact with extended relatives. so he’s always a little flustered meeting all my assorted aunts, uncles, cousins who have all heard so much about him =).
i think it’ll probably take him a little getting used to. there’s also a bit of a cultural/language difference, me being cantonese and him being (mandarin-speaking) taiwanese. but my family pretty much already considers him one of us so i think it’s up to him to get used to the differences. i can’t wait to get him under one roof with all of us there. it’ll be a pretty interesting experience =).
That was a beautiful post Miss C. Though we all come on here for help planning our weddings, it is nice for a reminder as to why we are doing all of this planning. Thank you.
Awww Canary..that’s awesome..I have a tight-knit family too…however my parents allowing my fiance (if I had one) to live in the same house (even if it was in a another bedroom) OUT OF THE QUESTION…I applaud your parents being more open and trusting…;-) I also love how he (he’s Cauasian, right? I can’t remember) is so accepting of the Chinese culture and understands they way we are..well you know what I mean…;-)
Hey…hey…so is this your last year of getting lay-see? 
Thanks enmoore66! Your comment made my day.
Missy Jenn: Yes, Mr. C is Caucasian, so he really has done more than enough to be a part of my family. This is sadly my last year of lay-see… I warned all the kids that my lay-sees are going to be in single dollar increments next year. HA!
my family love him! they hit it off the first time they met him. our families are important to us, so knowing that our families love us and support us is a huge plus for us.
[…] I’ve noted in a previous post, my extended family is very close, but particularly in this case, my uncle was my mother’s only […]
